SAHM I am (4 page)

Okay, I’m new here, so maybe I’m missing something. Why on earth would you waste time with paper crowns and ridiculous songs when we work just as hard at home as our husbands do at their jobs? No offense, Rosalyn—you get an A for creativity. But it doesn’t make sense to me.

We live on a farm in Oklahoma with Darren’s parents. I’m the city girl, and we’ve only been married three years, so I’m still learning the ropes around here. But Darren’s mom and I drive the tractor sometimes, along with gardening, feeding chickens and taking care of the bucket calves’ bottle-feedings. That’s in addition to cleaning the house and cooking. Madeline is 7 and will be in second grade in a few weeks. She’s got a whole list of chores, too.

If we rolled out a red carpet, Darren’s boots would fill it up with mud and cow manure in no time. And when he comes in to wash up for supper, we’re all too hungry and tired to have a party about it. But Darren doesn’t mind. He knows we’re a team—we all work hard, and that means a lot more to him than theatrics every afternoon.

That’s my two cents.

Brenna Lindberg

Would someone PLEASE give that girl a standing ovation? Do I hear an “amen”? Preach it, sister!

Z

Come on, honey, please? You won’t return my phone calls, and I think you’re deleting my messages without reading them. I told you I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin the weekend. I just wanted to spend time with you. I didn’t know you already had so many plans made. You’re right—I shouldn’t have told your parents you were sick Friday. And I shouldn’t have called Marianne and Brandon to cancel the Sunday game night. When did that become a tradition, anyway? And I honestly had no idea you and Marianne spend every Saturday morning scrapbooking together. I’m not gone THAT many weekends, am I? I guess I was expecting to come home on Friday and find you and the girls waiting for me, and when it turned out you were all so busy, I lost my temper. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me?

I know my travel schedule isn’t ideal, but you have to admit it pays the bills and then some. I want you to know I really, really appreciate how supportive you are and how you hold down the fort while I’m gone. You are an awesome wife and mom. I don’t know how you do it, but I really admire you. And I’m crazy about you. I promise I’ll come home next weekend—and I’m giving you a whole week’s notice so maybe you can put me down in your PDA for at least an hour appointment. Can you fit me in?

Your very apologetic husband, who loves you with all his heart,

Tom

I agree with Brenna. Just because DH goes off to work doesn’t mean he needs a fan club when he comes home. It’s his choice to be gone so long—so what makes him think we’re going to be sitting around pining for him all week? He comes hopping back through the door, expecting us to drop whatever we’re doing, changing all our plans, just so he can “spend time” with us. If he wants “quality time,” I say let
him
get a stay-at-home job and stop whining. I’m certainly not going to crown him king of MY castle when he’s only there a few hours each week. He wants to be part of the family? Then he’d better wise up and learn that our lives don’t revolve around him and his work schedule!

And that, my friends, is MY .02

Dulcie

Tom,

Eat my PDA.

Dulcie

Hey Sis,

You know how you used to give me your opinion about my dating life? It made me mad at the time, having “little squirt” stick her nose into my personal business, but I never told you how much I ended up appreciating it. And now I need some marital advice. Don’t you dare tease me about it, either! Asking for help from my little sister is bad enough.

I’ve been on a programming gig in KC for the past five months. Nothing unusual—but instead of only 3 to 4 days at a time, I’m gone for the whole week and sometimes weekends. This client needed a system overhaul that should take about two years, and of course they want it in six months. Dulcie’s steamed—though I don’t see why. I TOLD her it was going to be a rough assignment. She should be glad it’s just KC and not New York or something.

Anyway, I screwed up this weekend. I’ll spare you the sordid details—you’ll get them in the attached e-mail. I sent it to her today as an apology, but for some reason it only made her angrier. Could you read it and tell me what on earth is so bad? I thought I groveled very nicely. And I was sincere, too. But obviously, SOMETHING about it is wrong. I was hoping you, being female and all, could show me the error of my ways—like you did when we were kids. *grin*

Thanks, Bec,

Tom

Dulcie, this is SO not what I meant! And, considering I got an A in my English comp classes in college, I think my grasp of the language is good enough that what I did mean should be clear enough without me repeating it. I don’t appreciate my messages being turned into some ax to grind just because you are mad at your husband about his work habits.

Sincerely,

Brenna Lindberg

Hey Bro,

You idiot! You were doing just great until this:

THAT’S what killed you! Sarcasm. Tsk, tsk. It’ll getcha every time. Even Jordan spotted that one right off. And he’s not the most perceptive male in the world—sweet, yes, but he has very little aptitude for “girl speak.” (And he’s reading
this over my shoulder and growling about it, so I may have to go and soothe his wounded feelings.) :)

Anyway, you asked for advice—here’s mine…short of getting a job in Omaha, which would be the ideal situation, of course. I bet it’s really hard for her to take care of everything all by herself when you’re gone. I know it would be exhausting for me. She needs to know she has your support, even long-distance. Start showing Dulcie how much you miss her and need her. Write her e-mails just to tell her how your day went, or that you love her. Ask her how you can help with the girls—maybe call them at bedtime and tell them good-night. Find out what Dulcie needs, and get it for her if at all possible. And romance her! I told you that when you were dating. Well, it doesn’t end at the altar. We girls need romancing until the day we go home to be with Jesus. (And that’s a good reminder for Jordan, too, who is STILL reading over my shoulder. Good grief, he needs to get a life!) :)

Listen, I have to go—Grace is being every inch the “terrible two” that she is, and I have to nurse Luke. I can’t believe he’s already a month old—it goes so fast!

With love,

Becky

P.S. Did you know Mom is actually DATING somebody? His name is Morris Hash, and he lives in Branson, and works with Mom at Shoji. I guess it’s been going on for a couple of months now. I’m glad for her—it wasn’t easy for her to be alone all those years. I just hope this Hash guy treats her better than Dad did. She’s bringing him to visit us in a week, so I’ll make sure to tell you what I think after I meet him.

Hi Dulcie,

Thanks for your e-mail—don’t worry about it. Darren is wonderful, but we have our problems, too. In fact, I was planning to write to you about something. I was reading the Loop archives and I noticed you mentioned you were adopted from Guatemala. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind sharing with me about that experience.

When I mentioned my 7-year-old daughter, Madeline, I left out that she’s the result of a very stupid choice I made as a 16-year-old, but one of the best blessings in my life. At first, I thought about giving her up for adoption, but my parents said they would help me raise her until I finished high school. After that, we were on our own. I worked part-time and took courses at the community college in Bartlesville. That’s where I met Darren. He was taking business classes to run the family farm with his dad. He didn’t mind that I had a daughter, and we got married three years ago. Now we live on the farm in a little house near his parents’ big house.

The problem is, we’ve been trying to get pregnant for two years, with no luck. Darren is afraid it might be his fault because obviously I’ve been pregnant already. But I wonder if maybe something happened to me because I was young when I had Madeline. Either way, we can’t afford infertility treatments, and I’m not sure we want to. I was interested in international adoption, but I don’t know anything about it.
I haven’t been brave enough to bring it up with Darren. Not sure how he would react to it.

If you don’t want to talk about your adoption, I understand. I’m not trying to be nosy.

Friends,

Brenna

Becky,

You probably won’t believe I’m saying this, but thank you for the advice. You’re likely right. From now on, I’ll be more involved, try to meet her needs, be a better support for her and the girls. I want to show her that I understand how hard it is for them when I’m gone and make sure she knows how much I need her. This better work. I love her and the girls with all my heart, and I really do miss them.

Thanks, sis!

Tom

Boy howdy, Frank said the funniest thing to Mama and Daddy today! They arrived last night for a visit, and Frank got to teasing them this morning. “Mama, Papa Stewart,” he says, “we
are honored to have you visit our home. It is a pleasure to see you again so soon after the wedding. But my Nica and I, we are newlyweds, and need time to wrap ourselves in our private world of love. Why do you not visit your other daughter—Rosalyn?” Then he dipped me for a theatrical kiss.

Daddy laughed and slapped Frank on the back. “You’ve never met Ros, have you?”

No joke! But there ya go. Now isn’t that TOO funny? :)

Veronica

Tactful Talkers,

I have noticed that there are some people in this world who cannot help but stick their feet in their mouths on occasion. Whether it is the store clerk who mutters inappropriate things within our children’s keen hearing, or the well-meaning friend or relation who unwittingly insults us, many individuals simply lack tact. This week, I’d like us to discuss how we can respond to such unexpected attacks and how we can teach our children to keep a guard on their tongues.

I always find it useful to return good for evil. I like to respond with a “I’m sure you didn’t mean that to come out in such a nasty, spiteful way, so even though I ought to be livid at your rudeness and insensitivity, I choose to forgive you and extend to you mercy—which, as we all know, means showing compassion and kindness to someone who is in no way deserving of it.”