SAHM I am (7 page)

Hope I’m not stepping on any toes…

Brenna

Of course you can invite Phyllis! It’s not like this is some secret club or anything. We’d love to have her.

I actually won’t be there tonight—we have a soccer game for Tyler, and Cassia was invited to a cookout with a little friend from the kindergarten Sunday school class. Then we get to take all four kids to Denver for an overnight with Shane’s parents, because Shane took a vacation day tomorrow. So tonight, it’s just me and my sweetie…no cyber-friends allowed! :)

Jocelyn

Whoa, Jocelyn, sounds exciting! I’m jealous—wish Tristan and I got a little more alone time.

As for Phyllis—sure, Brenna, bring her along. I was wanting to get to know her anyway. Don’t think Dulcie would mind, either. Speaking of Dulcie, I wonder what she’s up to today?

Z

Funny that Rosalyn should mention apples…

We went to my parents’ house today for a cookout—my brother Kevin was there with his family (my other brother Scott and his wife live in Connecticut), and Marianne and Brandon came along, too, with Helene, since all their family lives too far away to come for a three-day weekend. My parents live on a small acreage on the outskirts of Omaha, and in their backyard are three dwarf apple trees.

Kevin was playing catch with his two younger kids (Emma, 8, and Treyton, 6). His oldest, Abigail, thinks it’s beneath her dignity as an 11-year-old, so she sat on a blanket watching the twins for me. Instead of a ball, Kevin was using apples, which are still small and a tad green here—hard enough to make great baseballs.

Of course, McKenzie wanted to play, too! But Treyton thought a 3-year-old, and a girl to boot, would ruin the game. However, Uncle Kevin is a sucker for his oldest niece, and said she could play. That miffed his son, and I could see that the game of catch was going to disintegrate in about ten seconds. So I hurried over to Tom, who was helping my dad get the grill started (dad refuses to buy a gas grill—says the char
coal adds flavor). I asked Tom if he would like to play catch with McKenzie.

It’s weird—at first, he said no. Why would a dad refuse to play catch with his daughter? He must have seen the look of displeasure in my eyes because he quickly changed his mind. We found a nice small apple that McKenzie could hold, but when she tried to throw it, she couldn’t get it to go far enough for Tom to catch. Her eyes got all shiny, like great big melted chocolate kisses, and her bottom lip edged out.

“I wanna play catch like Treyton and Emma.” The lip bobbled, and I could almost hear the tears making their way to the surface, like a pint-size geyser getting ready to erupt. Haley and Aidan and Marianne’s baby, Helene, had already cried enough that morning, I didn’t want to let another one get started.

So I scooped McKenzie up and twirled her around. “I’ll help you, okay? We’ll be a team—like the baseball teams on TV.”

She giggled. “Okay!” And at that moment, I congratulated myself—sometimes, even I can’t believe what a maternal genius I am. :)

I balanced her on my hip, and jogged back toward the edge of the lawn. We made a big show of flexing our arms and digging in our feet, like the pitchers on television. Tom just stood there, looking really uncomfortable, like he didn’t have a clue what he was doing. He watched Kevin toss an apple to his kids, and then turned back to us. He picked up the little green apple we’d chosen for McKenzie and tossed it our direction.

It fell about halfway between him and us. So we ran to pick it up and I helped McKenzie lob it back. I thought it was a good toss, but Tom couldn’t catch it. We backed up again and waited for him to throw the apple.

This time, he tried it overhand and it arched straight up in the air and landed at his feet. He laughed, but I noticed his face looked flushed. I hope he wasn’t embarrassed—do you suppose maybe he was? Now that I think about it, Kevin plays on his company’s softball team, and he’s pretty good. He even tried to give Tom some pointers, but Tom didn’t seem to be interested. Brandon offered to play instead, and let Tom go back and help my dad, but Tom blew him off. I felt he was being rude, and I also was starting to wonder if he was doing such a bad job because he hadn’t wanted to play in the first place.

So when he finally gave up the overhand and tossed it underhand to us, I picked the apple up and told McKenzie, “Here, sweetie, let’s show Daddy how to REALLY throw!”

I know he heard me, too, because he scowled, then put on a fake sort of grin, like he didn’t want anyone to know he was upset. I feel bad about it now….

It’s not technically my fault—and it’s not Marianne’s, either, but just as I let go of the apple, Helene screeched. And when Helene screeches, EVERYBODY pays attention. Tom turned his head just a little bit, to look at her.

And that’s when the apple struck him—right in his eye.

The poor guy grunted and doubled over, his hands over his face. McKenzie started sobbing that her daddy was hurted and going to die. That set the twins off, which set Helene off, and meanwhile Kevin had also doubled over—laughing—and Treyton and Emma were clamoring around Tom, wondering if he was bleeding or not. By the time McKenzie and I reached him, and Marianne and Kevin’s wife, Gemma, were quieting Helene and the twins, he shoved us all away and stomped into the house for some ice, my mother in hot pursuit. (She’d never miss a chance to do some mothering.) He wouldn’t even let me help him!

And now, he just left to go back to Kansas City—with the beginnings of a brilliant shiner. I tried to explain it was an accident. He says he believes me…but I wonder. It’s too bad, really—we’d had such a nice date on Saturday. And now, I think we’re back where we started. All because of an apple.

Dulcie

Dear Ms. Huckleberry:

This is Mike Gumble, manager of the Colorado Rockies. After hearing of your remarkable throwing abilities yesterday, we would like to extend an invitation to try out for our team. We have been discussing the idea of having a few good women on the team—it would be great PR, with all the controversy about gender equality in sports. Please reply at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

Mike Gumble

Dear “Mr. Gumble,”

Thank you for that…gracious offer, but I am not interested. AND IT ISN’T FUNNY, JOCELYN! SO GIVE ME SOME
SYMPATHY INSTEAD OF MOCKING MY PREDICAMENT!!! DON’T YOU HAVE ANY COMPASSION FOR MY POOR, BLACK-EYED HUSBAND?

Yours truly,

Dulcie Huckleberry

Oh, come on, Dulcie—Shane thought my e-mail was hysterical! :)

Seriously, I’m sorry Tom got a black eye. I hope he doesn’t stay mad at you for very long.

Dear Brenna, Zelia, Dulcie and Jocelyn,

Thank you so much for letting me be part of your chat group last night and including me in your e-mail alias. You have no idea how badly I am in need of friendship right now. Jonathan and I have been married only about eighteen months, and we moved about six months ago to Kellom, Wisconsin, where we pastor a small town church. It’s Jonathan’s first church, and he’s been very busy trying to get acclimated. Plus, Bennet was born a month after we moved, so I have been far too exhausted to socialize much.
I’ve met few women my age, and those I have become acquainted with seem to have little in common with me except for our children. As much as I love Julia and Bennet, I simply don’t want to spend all my free time talking about them. Chatting with you last night was the first opportunity I’ve had in a long time to step out of my roles as pastor’s wife or preschoolers’ mom, and simply be ME. Jonathan was teasing me last night about how I was sitting in front of the computer and suddenly bursting out laughing. But even he remarked that laughter was something he’d missed hearing from me. He thanks you, too. You’ve been quite a blessing to our little family, even though we’ve never actually met. I just wanted to say how grateful I am.

Love,

Phyllis

Phyllis, that’s the sweetest letter I’ve ever gotten! Hey, girls, why haven’t WE ever been so nice to each other? :) I think we need to keep Phyllis around, just to teach us some manners. In all seriousness, Phyllis, we enjoyed chatting with you, too. We’d be glad to be your friends.

Love,

Dulcie

A WHOLE BOXFUL OF ROMANCE NOVELS! There’s like sixty of them—and all with titles like
Sweet Surrender
and
Fires of Love.
And the covers—yikes! AND IT CAME FROM YOU, THOMAS ALEXANDER HUCKLEBERRY! FROM YOUR OFFICE IN KANSAS CITY! I want an explanation!

And I want it…now.

Becky

P.S. Heard from mom that Dulcie gave you a black eye—what happened, she find out that you copied that note?

Just calm down. I can explain. Okay, you know the secretary I borrowed that book from? Well, she was so excited about the idea of a
male
reading romance novels that she brought an entire box of her old ones from home and gave it to me at work! Didn’t even seal the box, so all the guys I’m working with saw what was inside. I got a razzing like I’ll never forget. They were grabbing the books and reading passages to me in high breathy voices, acting like a bunch of junior-highers. It was pathetic.

So what was I supposed to do? I didn’t dare try to explain what had really happened, because I’d never be able to show my face there again. And I couldn’t tell them that
Dulcie
wanted those books—talk about emasculating. So I told them that my sister reads those sort of novels, and that’s why Kelly gave me the box. But they wouldn’t stop giving me a hard time until I actually sealed up the box, addressed it and mailed it to you. Then, with the holiday and all, I must have forgotten to tell you about it. I’m really sorry! Send them to the library or thrift store or something.

Do you know how much I love you? You’re a great sister! I wake up every morning and thank God for giving me my little sis Becky…really!

Your big brother (who’s always been there for you),

Tom

P.S. And no, Dulcie did NOT give me a black eye because of the note. She thought it was cute, and we had a great date on Saturday. The shiner was a complete accident, and if I hadn’t been distracted by Helene the Banshee, it never would’ve happened. Maybe Dad never taught me how to throw a baseball or play catch, but I’m not THAT inept.

…when you will PAY, and dearly. No amount of brotherly schmoozing is going to make this one just go away. Do you
have any idea how embarrassing it was for me to have to drop that box off at the Goodwill? The guy working there smirked at me, like, “Yeah, I know what YOU spend your time doing!” As a stay-at-home mom, it’s hard enough to convince people that I don’t sit around all day watching soap operas and eating potato chips. I don’t need to reinforce the stereotype. Just you wait, Brother dearest…I love you, too, but your day is coming. :)

Becky