SAHM I am (17 page)

Do you want me to come down to KC this weekend since you’re so busy? I really, REALLY need to have a chance to make things right with you. Please.

Also, I want you to know I sent Kelly and Michelle each a note and a new novel, as an apology for offending them. I
feel really bad about hurting them, and I know it probably has made things tense for you around the office.

Please forgive me,

Dulcie

Dulcie,

I know you feel bad and that you’re sorry. I forgive you—really. I’m sure Kelly and Michelle will, too. They’re really nice ladies. I also agree we need to talk. I’m not sure what to say, though. You know how rotten I am about dealing with conflict. I didn’t exactly have the best role models—dad got drunk and mom stressed out and did completely crazy things like auditioning for a part as a giant tulip in a local garden center commercial the year after dad left us. She got the role, which turned out to be more than she bargained for—she spent the next ten months as the nursery’s official mascot. I was in eighth grade, and my nickname became “Flower Child.” You can imagine what that did to my social life. Her psychologist says she deals with stress by lowering her inhibitions and doing nutty stuff. He calls it a “defense mechanism.” So that’s my lame excuse for not being better at this conflict-resolution thing. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, too. I was telling the truth when I said things are really hectic this week. Let me get past this weekend and then we’ll talk. I promise.

Love,

Tom

Dear Brenna,

I’m sorry to be such a grouch this week. And I didn’t even get back to you about your adoption talk with Darren. How did it go? I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. Boy, it seems like all we’ve done the past seven days is apologize to each other, huh? I’ve never been so glad to see Saturday come and go.

I’ll be praying that Darren lets God heal his hurt. I haven’t personally faced something like that, but I can imagine how painful it would be. My heart goes out to you both.

Love,

Dulcie

Dulcie,

I shouldn’t have dumped on you like that when you were having a rough week. The adoption talk didn’t go so well. Darren’s just not ready, I guess. He thinks that since I gave birth to Madeline, if we adopt, it would be like advertising to the whole world that he has “the problem.” I tried to explain to him that people might assume it’s secondary infertility, which is when a woman becomes infertile after being able to have a baby, but he didn’t seem to get it. So I suppose
we just keep waiting. I’m super disappointed, though—every time I see a baby on TV, I start crying. Christmas is going to be a blast, huh?

Thanks for being my friend.

Brenna

Dear Darcy,

Thanks for the card and the book. I accept your apology. I say dumb stuff, too. In fact, Bruce (my step-dad who almost runs the company) always tells people he was crazy to hire me in the first place, but if he fires me, he’d have to sleep on the couch because Mom wouldn’t even speak to him.

Something I’ve learned from reading romances is that the couple never finds true love and happiness with each other until they start appreciating and being nice to each other. Maybe that would help with you and Tom. Not that I’m in any place to give advice, since I haven’t exactly been a success in the romance department myself, but it seems like you’re taking Tom for granted. He is SO great.

I hope I’m not being too nosy by saying that. But I want Tom to be happy. I don’t want him to end up like my parents and most of my friends. He deserves better. And I guess you do, too.

Sincerely,

Michelle Ostler

P.S. I already had the book you sent. But it was a nice thought.

Well, ladies, I haven’t really been following the discussion, but I can tell you I had no problem being humbled this week. It was rather forced on me—by my own big mouth. But then, I learned a lot about what it means to be a servant, by watching my friends reach out to me and take care of me, even when I didn’t want it. And by seeing how one friend’s husband surrendered his own dignity and self-respect to do something for his wife that was very important to her. And learning how to have the humility to forgive myself and accept it when the person I love isn’t ready to forgive me yet.

And you know what? This servanthood and humility thing isn’t for wussy people. It takes a TON of courage.

Dulcie

Merry Christmas, Mommies!

I am writing from my sister’s home in Houston, where my children are getting to know their new cousins, who are quite amazing little ones. Ashley, the 9-year-old, is nearly fluent in Italian and will be spending the summer in Italy with her
grandparents to further her language study. Courtney, who is 6, already knows how to operate Frank’s smaller cameras and helps him set up for photo shoots. Stanley is only 4, but I’m sure he has some impressive talent, as well. My parents have done nothing but gush about them since we arrived.

I know everyone is going to be busy with their own families this week, but if you have an opportunity, I thought it would be nice to simply share your favorite Christmas memory with the loop. Mine is from last year, when Suzannah was given the opportunity to sing with an elite children’s choir for the White House Christmas celebration in Washington, D.C. I will never forget the moment when we actually got to meet the president! He shook our hands and said, “Mr. and Mrs. Ebberly, you must be proud to have such talented children.”

Of course, we would NEVER think of taking all the glory for ourselves, so I said in return, “Thank you, Mr. President, God has blessed us with wonderful children. We also feel blessed to have you leading our nation. Please know we are praying for you.”

He smiled and said, “That’s the best Christmas present you could give me. Thank you.”

It’s a moment I’ll never forget—MY children, praised even by the President of the United States! What more could a SAHM ask for?

Please share your favorite memory—even if it’s not as thrilling as mine. It’s not a contest, after all. :)

Wishing you every happiness of the season,

Rosalyn Ebberly

SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

My favorite memory from last year’s Christmas was the day Rosalyn finally stopped bragging about their D.C. trip. Let’s see, that was…March 14, I believe. It was nice to have the Christmas season last so long.

Jocelyn

Hey everyone!

I just found out that my best friend, Marianne, is PREGNANT! She’s currently not too happy about it—Helene, their only child at this point, just turned a year old earlier this month, and she’s a little spitfire. I don’t think Marianne and Brandon were quite ready for another one, but that’s what happens, I guess.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all the good news. Or…at least good news depending on who you are talking to. And right now, Marianne and Brandon aren’t talking to each other. Each is mad at the other for not being more upset about the pregnancy. But I doubt it will last long with them. It never does. They’re both so sweet-natured and easygoing that it takes more energy for them to be angry than it does to make up.

I think it’s great. I figured, as feisty as Helene is, it would take an “oops” like this for them to have any more kids. :) I hope it’s another girl. A boy would never be able to handle a big sister like Helene.

Have a holly, jolly Christmas, everyone!

Dulcie

Dulcie, why don’t you invite your friend to join SAHM I Am? It sounds like she could use a support group. :)

Connie

I would, but Marianne is adamantly opposed to the Internet. She’s the one who got a home economics degree in college just so that she’d be a better homemaker, wife and mother. She’d go back and live in the 1800s if she could. I’ve tried to talk her into getting e-mail, but she won’t hear of it. She does go to MOPS, though, so at least she has some support. But it’s not like the daily fellowship I get through the loop.

Dulcie

Ho, ho, ho, Sahmmies!

Greetings from merry ol’ England, where we just arrived at my in-laws for a long winter’s nap—I mean, beloved family Christmas celebration. (I’m mostly teasing. My in-laws are great. And I’m not just saying that in case any happen to be reading over my shoulder.) I think my favorite Christmas memory is going to be the one our family made on the plane over here—even though it’s technically a two-days-before-Christmas memory.

Here’s the background—about a month ago, Tristan (DH) decided that our kids should go to a private school in Baltimore. I was really angry at him because he didn’t even discuss it with me first. But, as it turns out, the children absolutely ADORE their new school, much to my chagrin. And they *are* behaving better—Seamus hasn’t tortured poor Griffith or Cosette in weeks. Irritated them, perhaps, but not tortured. I think I just wasn’t keeping them busy enough at home.

Tristan, though, finally saw the error of his ways and apologized for being so high-handed about it. I think God must have taken him to the woodshed for an old-fashioned thrashing because Tristan felt so bad for treating me that way that he was crying. He offered to pull them out of the school and let me continue home-schooling (though he did request that we try for more structure). But I figured it would be too much upheaval for them, and besides, they’re happy and settled. Why mess with it?

But I did tell him how lonely I’ve been feeling. I thought about getting a job, at least part-time. But I really don’t want to. I like being home. I just like being home with children better.

So we got to talking about all this on the flight to London and Tristan asked me if I’d be happier with another child in the house. I said yes. He said, “Why do we not have another one?”

I said, “We decided no more babies.”

He said, “Yes, but does that mean no more children?”

I just stared at him, like, “what are you talking about?”

“I’ve had quite a bit of time to think about this the past few weeks. Part of the reason for placing the children in school was to reconnect them with their British heritage. But I’ve found myself longing to acquaint them with their African heritage, as well.”

“You want an exchange student?”

He laughed a little—which always gives me butterflies in my stomach and shivers in my spine. Anyway…he says, “No. I was actually thinking about adoption.”

I about bolted out of my seat. I’d never even considered something like that. I figured adoption is what people do when they can’t have kids. But I was trying to be a good sport, so I nodded and pretended this was a perfectly normal thing for him to suggest. “From Zimbabwe?”

“No. Unfortunately, international adoptions are not allowed from Zimbabwe.”