Safer Outside (A Mature YA Romance) (The Outside Series) (14 page)

“Trust me, princess. You’re gonna love this as much as your whore mama does.” When he let go of my left arm to unzip his pants, I let my arm fall over the
side of the bed and out of his reach. It was also inches from where his gun was usually hidden.

“Mom will be home any minute. Don’t do this to her.” Running my hand along th
e seam of the mattress, I found the butt of the handgun. It was small but effective at close range. I’d only handled a gun a few times in a shooting range but I wasn’t afraid. Whatever happened next would be worth the risk. If nothing else, maybe this would finally be his third strike and enough to keep him in jail for a long time.

“We’ve got plenty of
time.” His belt hung from both his hips as he slid his zipper down. “And if she does come home, it’ll be a good lesson for her to keep her kids in check.”

I carefully pulled the ha
ndle of the gun from its hiding spot as Jesse’s pants dropped. I tried to look away but I still saw the grotesque site of his large penis breaking free of his boxers as they fell to the floor with his jeans.

F
irmly gripping the gun, my index finger felt for the trigger. Shooting with my left hand would be awkward but I would still do some damage. Hopefully enough damage to stop him rather than just piss him off enough to kill me instead of just raping me.

It
felt like slow motion as he leaned his massive body over me and positioned himself at my center. As soon as his hand reached for the side of my panties, I pulled the gun forward and aimed at his chest. He was surprised just long enough for me to pull the trigger.

Blood and spit sprayed everywhere as Jesse collapsed on top of me.
I thought I’d gone deaf when everything went silent. The blast was so loud I couldn’t hear anything but my own beating heart. At first, I panicked because I couldn’t breathe under Jesse’s weight but I quickly went into survival mode. Using the blood as a macabre lube, I managed to slip out from under Jesse and roll to the floor. I sat there in a huddled mess until the noises that sounded underwater became more clear. Eventually, my ears recovered enough for me to realize I was screaming. There were sirens in the distance and some banging outside but I couldn’t move. I wouldn’t have moved at all if Macy hadn’t wandered in. She pushed open the door that wasn’t fully closed and ran toward me.

That finally snapped me out of my stupor.
Crawling across the room on my knees, I picked her up and carried her down the hall. I was about to open the front door when it flew open and Logan burst through it. Instantly, I was in his arms. He held me as I cried against his shirt, clinging to him as if my life depended on it.

I barely noticed
several police officers follow him in but when a female cop took Macy from my arms, I looked up. That was about the same time I remembered I was covered in blood and wearing only my bra and panties. With a room full of police, I instinctively pressed myself further into Logan, letting his body shield mine from the strangers in the room.

“Ma’am, I’m gonna need you to step away from this gentleman and come sit with me over here.” A man was standing just a few feet away from us and gesturing to the sofa.

Logan pulled off the hoodie he was wearing and slipped it over my head in one quick motion. I pushed my arms through and slowly walked to the sofa, never taking my eyes off him. I was certain he would disappear as soon as I looked away. I couldn’t lose him again. Never again.

The officer asked me questions that I answered truthfully.
On auto-pilot, I told them everything that happened while I watched Logan from across the room. With each word I said, he became more tense. Every muscle in his body strained as he listened to my story.

Part of me wanted him to leave the room so he didn
’t have to know the gory details but I didn’t want to retell the story later so I watched him as I spoke and waited for him leave.

I was sure he would realize
I was too much trouble to deal with and walk out the door. I was terrified to see a look of disgust on his face but I couldn’t look away. Even when my mom rushed in and was told what had happened, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Logan. I didn’t want to miss one second with him. If my time with him was limited, I wouldn’t waste it by giving attention to anyone else.

M
om fell to her knees beside me. She had known it would come to this. This was what she was waiting for to finally be free of him. She just thought she would be the one to finally end it. In her mind, she believed she would always be there to take the hit for us.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” She cried against my thigh.
“I’m so sorry I let this happen.”

I put my hand on her head and held her against me.

“I know, Mom.” I tried to reassure her that everything was okay. “It wasn’t your fault.”

We both knew it
was but I didn’t need to say it. She knew it and she knew I knew it. That was enough. I wasn’t going to let Jesse Suarez take another second of my life away from me. From that moment, I would only look forward.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” T
he officers told her Jesse died before he was able to rape me but she could see I wasn’t 100%. I was near-naked and covered in blood. I was definitely not okay.

“I’m fine.” I saw Billy at the kitchen table with another officer. He was watching us while he moved a crayon around on some paper, not act
ually drawing but wanting us to think he was. “Go check on the kids.”

She gave me a long hug and kissed my temple.
“Thank you,” she whispered in my ear.

I just nodded
.

There were more questions and more statements.
I heard words like
investigation
and
custody
but I couldn’t focus on what they were saying. They let me stay with Mom and assured us all that I was not in trouble so that was good enough for me. I felt like a zombie, going through the motions but not actually alive. I imagined watching myself from outside my body. Looking at the bloody girl in the corner, sitting in shock over what she’d done. What I saw wasn’t pretty.

Once the officers were done with me,
they tried to take me to the hospital for an exam, I refused. There wasn’t any physical damage for a hospital to fix.

As soon as everyone started to clear away from me,
Logan was at my side. I wanted to explain to him about Riley but it seemed like a lifetime had passed instead of just a few hours. I leaned against his shoulder and let him hold me. When I felt a drop land on my nose that didn’t come from me, I looked up and saw tears running down his cheeks.

I reached up to brush away the streaks.

“I’m so sorry, love.” He choked back a sob and buried his face in my neck. “This is my fault.”

I squeezed him tightly. “This was absolutely not your fault. I’m just sorry you had to see me like this. And, I’m sorry about earlier—”

He shook his head against mine. “Don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it. I shouldn’t have left. I should have let you explain...but when I heard the baby call you mama and saw that guy hugging you, I just let everything I’d heard from Mandy run through my mind. It all made perfect sense for about...five minutes.” He pulled back and looked me in the eye. “Then I realized I was being an ass so I came back.”

“You did?”

He nodded and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “I saw you walking in the house with that guy so I parked outside and tried to call you. It kept going to voicemail.” He looked hurt as he thought back on it.

“I left my phone at Kim’s.”

“Well, it pissed me off again but I waited and when the guy left a few minutes later, I should have come to the door. But I didn’t. I just sat out there, trying to talk myself into going to the door.” He shook his head and another tear escaped from his eye. “If I hadn’t waited so long in my damn car, this wouldn’t have happened. You would have been safe.”

I took a
deep breath, trying to decide how to say what I needed to say.

“I’ve never been safe here.” I spoke softly but the room went quiet around me. “I’ve always known it would be him or me at some point
. As awful as this sounds, I’ve never felt more safe than I do right now. He’s finally gone. We can live. We’re finally free.”

Chapter Fourteen

Next Fresh Start

Billy and I missed school the following week. Everything was still too fresh to face outsiders. Logan brought Kim by the house to check on me afterschool on Wednesday but I’d been avoiding most other people. I did feel a small amount of guilt over Jesse’s death but not for the right reasons.

I wanted to feel bad for killing him. I tried to reason that if he was in prison, at least the kids could still visit him and have a father. But as I watched them laughing and playing with an electric keyboard, something Jesse would never let them do because it was too loud, I realized it had to be this way. The only way any of us could truly escape him was to know that he was dead and never coming back.

A social worker had been by to check on us and she tried to get me to talk about what happened. I know she was looking for sadness or remorse but I just didn’t have any. I only had relief. And hope. That was something I hadn’t dared give in to since we moved in with Jesse but now it seemed so natural. I had hopes for Billy to grow up healthy and strong. Hopes for Macy to keep her sweet smile and precocious attitude. And hopes for Mom to see she was worth something. That she could make a life for herself and her family without a man beating the shit out of her every day. And, of course, hopes for Logan and I. I didn’t know what would come next for us but he didn’t run and promised that he never would. Only time would tell on that front.

T
he memorial service was on December seventh and we were all back to our normal lives on December ninth. All of us except Mom. Apparently the near rape of her daughter and shooting death of her husband was a wakeup call for her. Go figure.

The first
customer that showed up at our door after the police cleared out was handed Jesse’s “work” bag with everything in it. She officially closed shop and gave notice to the landlord. 

She didn’t have much of a plan but I was so proud of her for making a positive change that I didn’t care. If we ended up in a women’s shelter for a few months, I would have been okay with that.

Marilyn offered to let us stay in the RV she kept parked on her property but Mom declined. Thankfully.

The unofficial plan was
to move in with my aunt for a few months until Mom could save up some of the social security payments she’d receive for herself and the kids. It wasn’t a lot of money but it would be enough for a small apartment. We would have gone to live with my grandparents but Mom was trying not to run home to them this time. That was a huge step for her. She even signed up for accounting classes that she’d always talked about taking.

Other than to respond to Billy when he asked a question about his dad, Mom never spoke of Jesse after he was gone. It was like she
’d moved on years before he died and didn’t even need to mourn. Some probably thought it was callous of her to be cheery so soon after her husband’s death but I understood it. She was a brand new woman with a new lease on life. A life she had previously given up on.

~**~

When I finally went back to school, I expected to be surrounded by kids that wanted all the gory details. I was pleasantly surprised to find most people either didn’t know or didn’t care about what happened. With the exception of my closest friends, no one even noticed I missed a week of school.

Kim was the first to see me as I approached my locker. “You’re here! I’m so glad you came back.”

“Of course, I came back.” I gave her a hug. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing important.”
She dragged me to my locker and waited while I sifted through my books. “Does Logan know you’re back?”

I shook my head and looked around the quad.
“I didn’t tell him because I wasn’t sure if Mom would be okay this morning. Have you seen him yet?”

“I saw him pull in with Randy a few minutes ago.”

Just as she said that, Logan appeared at the other end of the corridor. Surprise then relief was apparent on his face as he strode to me. I went straight into his arms. His strong embrace always felt like home.

Logan buried his
head in my neck and nuzzled. “God, I’ve missed you.”

I looked him in the eye and smiled. “I missed you too.”

Kim gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve got to run but I’ll see you at break.”

Logan nodded to her as she walked away then looked back to me. “Are you sure you’re ready to be back?”

“Yeah.” I slammed my locker shut and started walking toward geometry. “I was so ready to get out of there. My mom is driving me crazy with the packing and cleaning. She’s never been a clean freak but she’s been scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush. It’s a little creepy.”

Logan chuck
led. “I’m just happy you’re okay. And, you’ve got perfect timing.” He gave me a light kiss before continuing. “It’s my dad’s birthday and we’re going to dinner tonight. He asked me to invite your family. I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for it, but if you are, I hope you’ll all come.”

“All of us? Like my mom and the kids?” I gave him a skeptical look. “Does he realize my sister is two?”

“Yes, he knows.” Logan trailed his index finger across my forehead and pulled my hair away from my eyes. “He wants to meet your family and get to know you better.”

“Maybe his birthday isn’t the right time for this. We could wait until, I dunno,” I looked around, trying to find an excuse, “maybe
St. Patrick’s Day or Easter?”

“Nope.
Too far away.” Logan leaned into the spot under my ear that made me forget about everything except his lips on me. I was putty in his hands and he knew it. His hot breath tickled as he took advantage of my weakness. He whispered, “Tonight is perfect. We can pick them up or she can meet us there. What do you think?”

“Meet
there,” I mumbled, still lost in Logan’s trance.

He
laughed and kissed my forehead. “Perfect. Is seven too late for the kids?”

“Wait, what?” I realized what I’d just agreed to and immediately regretted it. “I just don’t know how she’ll be. Maybe you should spend some time with them first before you subject your dad to that drama.”

“Don’t be silly. Everything will be fine. We were thinking of a steakhouse but would they prefer something more casual? Maybe Red Robin or Olive Garden.”

Oh god.
I felt my stomach drop. I was having a mini panic attack just thinking about my mom and Logan’s dad at the same table. And the kids weren’t exactly used to eating in restaurants. It could go bad in so many ways.

“Um, well, it’s his birthday...”

“Olive Garden it is.” I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face but it was too sexy. “And just to make sure they get there, I’ll pick them up at six thirty. You better get inside before you’re tardy.” Logan gave me one last kiss then smacked my butt, gently shoving me through the classroom door.

~**~

I had to work until five thirty so Logan picked me up from the Jameson’s and we drove in near silence to my house. He had been there a few times but it still felt weird to allow him to make the trek. But after everything else, I was beyond worrying about my neighborhood.

Logan knew every ugly aspect of my home life and hadn’t run yet so I had to let my insecurities go. Either he loved me or he didn’t and my house wouldn’t change that. So, at six thirty on t
he dot, we pulled into my driveway and I prepared for one of the most stressful meals of my life.

As soon as we walked through front door,
Billy ran up to greet me. “Bethy, we’re going to Olive Garden, like on TV.”

I
mussed his silky hair. “I know, bud.  Did Mommy tell you to be on your best behavior and use your manners tonight?”

“Yes, I always do.” His indignant look was adorable.
“You need to tell Macy that.”

“You’re right. You always do.” I looked around. “Where’s Mommy?”

Macy came running down the hall and straight into my arms. “Mama, Mama.”

I really needed to work on that.
I picked her up and gave her a loud kiss on her cheek. “Hi, sweetie.  Do you remember Logan?”

Macy peeked at Logan from under her long lashes and barely nodded.

“Hi, Macy.” Logan tugged on the hem of her ruffled dress. It was a little much for Olive Garden but I guess Mom figured any occasion to dress up was worth ruffles. “That’s a very pretty dress.”

She turned her face into my shoulder and hid from him. “Don’t be shy,” I said. “Logan wants to be your friend.”

She peeked up at him again and gave another nod. Mom walked out at that moment. I almost didn’t recognize her. She was wearing a simple black sweater with dark jeans and a pair of my boots that made her look like the thirty-four-year-old she was.

Her wavy hair was
usually pulled back in a ponytail but she’d straightened it for dinner. It was shiny and flowed halfway down her back. She even put on makeup for the first time in years. Not too much but just enough to make her blue eyes sparkle and her skin glow. She looked beautiful. I’d forgotten how youthful she was when she got dressed up.

Logan seemed just as surprised by
her appearance. “You look very nice, Mrs. Suarez.”

“
Thanks, Logan, and please call me Angie.” She gave him a quick hug. “And thank you for the invitation. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone out.”

“I’m glad you’re able to make it.
My dad is looking forward to meeting you.”

“Mom, you
really do look great.” I couldn’t hide my relief that she was excited about dinner tonight. I was worried she wouldn’t want to go but it seemed like a step in the right direction toward getting my old mom back.

~**~

Will was waiting in the lobby when we walked into the restaurant. He patted Logan on the shoulder and gave me a half hug then got a look at Mom. He did a double take when he saw her walk in holding Billy’s hand and carrying Macy in her arms.

“Dad,” Logan said. “This is Angie Suarez, Liz’s mom. And this is her sister, Macy, and her brother, Billy. Angie, this is my dad, Will Cooper.”

“Angie, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He took her
hand and kissed it like they do in movies. Mom actually blushed. “Your daughter is a wonderful young lady and I can see where she gets her beauty.”

My jaw
dropped as I watched Will semi-flirt with my mother. She giggled and turned to me. “She is something special.”

“Happy b
irthday, Will,” I said. “We would have brought something if I’d known in advance.” I gave Logan a nudge in his ribs.

Logan ignored the jab.

“Not at all, sweetheart.” Will reached for my hand and held it in both of his. “You guys agreeing to come on short notice is all I want.” As he rubbed the top of my hand, he noticed the ring. Holding it up to his face, he took a closer look. After reading the declaration across the top, he lifted an eyebrow to Logan. “Nice ring, son.”

The smartass smiled. “I think so too.”

I wanted to sink into the floor but Will’s warm smile at me was reassuring. Awkward, but reassuring.

We were quickly seate
d at a round table. Logan at my left and Billy on my right. Mom strategically placed herself on the other side of Macy so she and I could help them eat. That also meant she was right next to Will.

The conversation was light for the first half of dinner. It wasn’t until Will asked how she was holding up that she panicked. Her carefree facade broke down and she started to pale. She looked from me to Logan for direction on how to respond.

Logan came to her rescue. “I told him how you just lost your husband, Angie. I hope you don’t mind.”

She visibly relaxed once she realized Will didn’t know everything. “Oh.
No, of course not, Logan. I’m doing well.” She wiped her mouth and turned toward Will. “It was a bad marriage that should have ended a long time ago. I’m feeling really good about our future.”

“That’s wonderful,” W
ill said, genuinely happy to see she wasn’t still mourning. “May I ask what you do?”

Shit. This was another landmine that made me want to puke just thinking about. Logan tugged a lock of hair to get my attention. “Breathe, love. It’s okay.”

I didn’t breathe until my mom smiled brightly and said, “Actually, I’m taking some business classes. I haven’t worked in a long time but I’m excited to get back into the workforce.”

If I had anything in my mouth, I would have spit it across the table. She just kept surprising me. I had no idea she could hold herself so well in respectable company.

“That’s commendable. What did you do before you were married?” Will refilled his glass of wine and topped off Mom’s too. I gave Logan a sideways glance. What was going on?

“Honestly, not much. I worked in a
dental office for a few years but I don’t have a lot of experience.” The way she looked down in her lap and fidgeted with her napkin made me feel sorry for not having more faith in her. She really was an amazing woman that had been to hell and back and was coming out stronger for it. I should have been making it easier for her.