Safer Outside (A Mature YA Romance) (The Outside Series) (9 page)

“I know.”

I pulled back and dragged him by the arm to the center of the sectional.

I cuddled into Logan while Kim ran through a list of movies on demand.
We settled on Abduction so we had an equal mix of hot guy and action to make everyone happy.

Logan wrapped a
n arm around me and stretched out so I lay completely against him. I felt a bit self-conscious but not enough to move and lose the contact.

My body settled perfectly against
the firm lines of his. Feeling completely possessed by him, I felt safe. His warm breath tickled my cheek as he whispered, “You seemed pretty excited to see Adam.”

I loved that he was trying to hide his jealous streak. “Yeah, he’s cool. His sister and I have been friends for a long time.”

“Oh.” His heart was beating rapidly against my back but his breathing was deep and controlled. “So, that’s it? Just an old friend?”

Since I’d promised to keep Adam’s secret to myself, I had to play it off. I turned back to give him a quick kiss. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I promise.”

“You better.” Logan lifted his palm to my cheek and held me in place, kissing me deeply. I didn’t realize I was making noises until a pillow hit me in the back of my head.

“We’re trying to watch a movie over here,” Austin grumped.

Adam grabbed the pillow and held it in his lap. “Ignore him. You guys are cute.”

Kim smiled and shook her head. If Adam was trying to stay in the closet, he needed to watch comments like that.

Chapter Nine

Kiss and Make Up

By Thursday afternoon, the guilt was eating at me so I decided to make an appearance at home. Logan was as difficult as ever about letting me take the bus home but since he had to work and d
idn’t know when I’d be leaving, he had no choice.

I didn’t tell Mom I was going home, just in case I changed my mind, so when I got to the driveway and her car was gone, I knew it was my own fault.

I called her from the curb and she promised she was on her way home so I braved it and walked inside. Jesse was on the couch with a beer in his hand.

“Well, we
ll, well. Did the princess decide to slum it?” He chugged the last of his beer then slammed the can down on the coffee table, flattening it instantly.

“Uh, hey, Jess.” I plastered on a smile and tried to move through the room as if I wasn’t terrified of being alone with him. It was only a matter of time.

“Don’t walk away from me.” He stood and followed me to my room. “Where the hell have you been?”

I was tempted to ask him the same thing but knew better. You don’t poke a
drunk bear that has you cornered in a bedroom.

“I was at Kim’s—”
Before I could finish, my phone buzzed. Normally, the sound of the vibration isn’t noticeable but I’d just placed it on the dresser so it bounced loudly on the wood.

As I reached for it, Jesse grabbed it from my hand. “Are you home yet, beautiful?” Jesse read the text out loud.
“Who the fuck is Logan?”

Shit, shit, shit!

“He’s just a friend from school.” I reached for my phone but he held it out of my reach.

“Sounds like he’s more than
a friend.” He stepped closer to me, backing me up against the dresser. “Are you fucking this guy?”

“No! He’s not like that.” Not that it was any of his business.

“Are you sure?” He stepped back and started thumbing out a text. “So, you won’t mind if I ask him myself?”

“What are you saying?” I tried to pull the phone from his hand but he jerked
it free, swinging his fist up just as I fell toward him. The phone connected with my right cheekbone. Hard. It hurt but I was more shocked than injured. I tried to hold back the tears pooling behind my lids but they slid down my cheeks anyway. Sometimes being a girl sucked.

“See what you made me do.” He seemed just as shocked as I was. “Go wipe that up. You’re bleeding all over the place.”

I didn’t realize it until he mentioned it but the wet streaks on my face weren’t just tears. Brushing the back of my hand over my face, I saw it was covered in blood.

I was
cleaning up in the bathroom when my phone rang. Few people called me so I assumed it was Logan. Whatever Jesse said must have prompted a call. I rushed back to my room to answer it but stopped short when Jesse threw it against the wall, putting a dent in the sheetrock and breaking the phone into several pieces.

“Jesse! I need that.”
Initially, I was worried about more tears falling, but not because I was sad about the destruction of my phone. I was pissed. He had no right to touch my property. I paid for that with my own money. “You can’t just break my stuff.”

“Don’t you tell me what I can or can’t
break. I own everything in this house, including you. You’d be wise to remember that,
beautiful
.”

I cringed. He could make even the sweetest words sound dirty.  “I need a phone. Will you at least help me replace it?”
Appealing to his sense of decency had never worked before but it was worth a shot.

“So you can sext with some punk from school. Fuck no!
You’re not talking to him anymore.”

Whatever.
It was like trying to reason with a two year old. Actually, it was easier to reason with Macy than with her dad. I went back to the bathroom and slammed the door.

I stayed in there until Mom came home. I didn’t want her to see me but I couldn’t avoid her forever. She gasped when she saw me then turned to Jesse. “What did you do?”

“I’m fine, Mom. It was an accident.” Sorta. And it wasn’t worth a fight. Few things were.

“It doesn’t look like an accident. It looks like you were punched in the face.” She gingerly tapped the skin around my eye. “Can you even see out of it?”

“It’s fine.” Making a big deal out of it would just upset Billy and he had enough emotion problems worrying about my mom’s well-being. He didn’t need to worry about me too.

“It’s
her own damn fault.” Jesse stormed in from the garage. “Did you know there’s some guy she’s been fucking around with at school?”

“I am not,” I said quietly.

“You have a boyfriend?” Mom seemed equally surprised and hurt. She thought of me as her best friend and expected me to confide all of my secrets to her. Sadly, I had no delusions about where her loyalty was.

“No, he’s just a friend.” I glanced at Jesse. “I won’t talk to him anymore.”

I was sure that wouldn’t be an issue because whatever Jesse texted back to him was probably enough to scare Logan away for good.
Why did he always have to come home?

As soon as Jesse disappeared into his room, I turned to Mom. “Can I use your phone?”

She actually hesitated for a minute but finally gave in and dug her phone from her purse. “Make it quick and delete the history.”

I gave her a kiss on her cheek and ran out the front door with her ancient flip phone in hand. I didn’t have Logan’s number memorized so I called Kim.

“Angie?” She answered on the first ring and sounded as frantic as I felt.

“It’s me. Jesse broke my phone.”

“That explains a lot.” I could just imagine her shaking her head.

“Why? What do you mean?”

“Logan almost broke down my door trying to get your address.” She took a deep breath. “Tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m okay but Jesse sent a text to Logan and I have no idea what he said. Then, he broke my phone so you won’t be able to call me. Can you let Logan know I’ll talk to him tomorrow at school?”

“Oh my god.
No wonder he was freaking out.” Kim laughed.

“
What did he say?”

“Apparently Jesse told him you weren’t interested in
rich assholes and you never wanted to talk to him again.”

“That bastard
.” Poor Logan. He’d been nothing but sweet to me and he thought I sent something like that to him. “Can you tell him it wasn’t from me? I feel awful.”

“Of course.”
She was quiet for a minute before asking, “Are you sure you’re okay? I can get Mom to pick you up. It’s not too late.”

Yes, it was.
“I’m fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I love you,” Kim said.

“I love you too.”

Billy and I did homework and read before
we both passed out in his bed before nine. I slept better than usual but was awoken to the normal sounds of a blowout.

“You can’t do that to her.” Mom was
screaming so it had to be bad.

“
Woman, don’t you fuckin’ tell me what I can and can’t do in my own damn house.” She stifled a cry and I buried my head under Billy’s pillow. He was curled into a ball at the foot of his bed.

“I won’t let you. Do whatever you want to m
e but you won’t touch her.” Mom’s voice changed. It was surprisingly calm but her words echoed eerily through the heater vents.

Macy started wailing and I crept out of bed, arranging the blankets around Billy as I moved. I could hear Mom begging he
r to be quiet. Something was wrong. More wrong than usual. Macy always knew to shut up when Mom was really upset but she just got louder.

Their bedroom door opened. “Go find Bethy, sweet pea,” Mom told Macy.

“Noooooo, Mama. Noooooo.” Macy was pounding on their door when I went out to get her. Just as I reached down to pick her up, the door flew open and Jesse was standing there with his rifle in his hand.

“What the fuck do you want? You think you can come and go aro
und here like you own the place? Well, you don’t. This is my house and you’ll abide by my fucking rules.”

I nodded, trying to back away with Macy but he grabbed my ar
m and yanked me roughly into the room. Macy and I landed on the bed beside Mom. She tried to push us behind her but my instincts were just as strong. I pushed her behind me and looked to Jesse.

“Please put that away. Whatever you want is fine. I’ll do it.” And I would. If he put the gun away, I’d do anything he asked. “Please, Jesse.”

“Don’t give me those little girl eyes, Beth. You ain’t no little girl anymore and I’m tired of treating you like one.” He spit tobacco juice into a mug on his dresser and looked back at me. “I’m not letting you whore around at school just because you’re looking for a sugar daddy.”

“I’m not,” I said, looking him straight in the eye. “I just want to finish school with my friends. It’s a really good school.”

“Don’t bullshit me, girl.” He swung the gun so it was level with Mom’s head. She pushed Macy into my arms. My terrified sister buried her face into my chest so she didn’t have to see what was happening. Whether he pulled the trigger or not, that kid would be traumatized for a very long time. “I don’t want to do this but you’re forcing my hand.”

“I’m sorry.” I had no idea what I needed to apologize for but it was the only way to possibly diffuse the situation. “I was wrong and I won’t do it again.”

“Yes, you will. You’re a slut just like your mama.” He took a step forward and pressed the end of the gun to the middle of Mom’s forehead.

The most heartbreaking moment of my life was watching my mother completely give up. She was at the end of her life and she was content to close her eyes and wait for it
all to be over. I hated her more in that moment than I ever had in my life.

Just as I turned away to shield
myself from what was about to happen, Billy walked into the hallway and looked at Mom. Thankfully, he ran down the hall and Jesse didn’t even notice he was awake. I prayed that Billy would leave the house and find a neighbor but I didn’t think he would. He loved his dad almost as much as he loved Mom.

When the only sounds were those coming from Macy’s heaving body in my lap, I dared a peek toward Jesse. He had the gun up on his shoulder and was pacing in front of the window.
Where was a sniper when you needed one?

“Babe
, please let them go. The kids need to get ready for school and the baby is hungry.” She was calm now. Back to her usual ‘life is just fine’ attitude.

“Fuck school. They don’t ever have to go back as far as I’m concerned. It’s just a bunch of bullshit hypocrites feeding them
lies.”

Okay, he was clearly off his meds. When Jesse got manic like this, there was only one person who could talk him down.

Mom used her soothing voice to get him to sit next to her on the bed. He didn’t put the gun down but I was able to change Macy’s diaper and give her a granola bar from Mom’s purse.

Just as I was thinking we’d be trapped in that room forever, Marilyn’s cheery voice filled the house. “Good morning, sugar. Give Granny a big hug.” I heard Billy mumbling but couldn’t make out any words.

Marilyn’s petite frame appeared in the doorway as if she was there for Thanksgiving dinner. “Good morning, baby.” She walked right up to Jesse and gave him a hug. She pulled the gun from his hand and handed it to Mom. “I just stopped by to take my handsome son to breakfast.”

This is what she did. She enabled
his crazy by feeding it a healthy dose of her own. “Come on, Jes. Get dressed and we’ll go to Denny’s.”

She reached for Macy and gestured for me to walk out in front of her while leaving Mom and Jesse in the room.
Alone.

“But, Mom—” I tried to turn back but Marilyn stopped me.

“Your mama is just fine. They just need a few minutes to talk.”

As much as I wanted to force my way in, I needed to let him settle down. Going back in there would have only started him up again.

Billy was sitting in front of a bowl of cereal with swollen eyes and a quivering lip. I fell to my knees at his side and gave him a hug. “You did good, buddy. Thanks for calling Granny.”

He nodded against my shoulder, trying to hold his sobs. “Is Mommy okay?”

“She will be. Your daddy is having a bad day.” I pulled back and brushed the dark hair away from his forehead. “I’m sure he’ll feel better by the time you get home from school.”

“Will you be home tonight?”
His big brown eyes glittered with hope. God, he was killing me.

“I have to work late so I might stay with Kim.”
I gave him a kiss on his forehead. “But, your daddy is better when I’m not here, right?”

Please let that be true...

“Sometimes,” he whispered.

Marilyn stepped to his other side. “How about you and your sister stay with Granny for the weekend?”
She bounced Macy on her hip. “We can make milkshakes and go to the park.”