Sacred Hart (26 page)

The lines in my palms were filled with white dust. The flour lingered in a small cloud above the work surface. The feel of the dough between my fingers made me grin. I leaned over, pinched a bit of flour, and sprinkled it over the countertop. I grabbed the rolling pin and flattened the dough into a thin layer. This was my first week back at work and it felt good. It felt good to use my hands, to make something again, to contribute. It was like I’d never left, and I fell back into my old routine easily.

“Hey, sweetheart, I need two cheeseburgers and an order of cheese fries.” Lou’s voice smiled, and as I looked up from the pastry I was working on, I was greeted with nothing less. “Are you making your fritters?” she asked as she placed the order ticket in front of the grill.

“I am. I’ve got a dozen already baking.”

She started to dump the fresh cut potatoes into the fryer basket, and I frowned. “I got this, Lou.”

She dropped the basket into the grease and started the timer. “I know. But it’s your first week back, and I don’t want you overdoing anything.” Her smile drew deep creases next to and under her eyes.

“It’s been over three months.” I wiped my hands on my white apron as I made my way to the grill. “I’m ready to work. I’m healthy. I’m me again.”

“It’s good to have you back.” Her smile threatened to fall, and she dropped her eyes from mine. Lou wasn’t sappy, so seeing her getting worked up hit me in the gut. She clapped her hands together and cleared her throat. “Save me a fritter. I missed those more than you, you know?”

I chuckled. “At least I know where I stand.”

Her laugh was throaty, and she shook her head. “Just make sure you have everything set up for Collin before you head home for the night.”

“I will.”

She didn’t wait around for my answer, and I wasn’t sure if she even heard me before the kitchen door swung shut behind her.

Yeah. It was good to be back.

The heat from the grill left a familiar burn along the skin of my arm as I threw the hamburger patties onto its surface. I waited a few minutes and then flipped them just as the fryer timer rang. It was a dance I’d perfected before I’d gotten sick, but after being gone so long I was still getting my sea legs back. I’d spent the better part of my week reorganizing the kitchen, ordering, and restocking. I’d managed to get Red’s menu back on track in less than three days, but running the grill on my own, cooking again, it was harder than I remembered.

Maybe I just needed the practice, or maybe I’d become too fucking domesticated. Either way, the sound of grease popping, the smell of the fritters baking and having my hands calloused up again, this was where I belonged. The past few months with Maggie and Beth had been just what I needed. But I wanted to provide for my family, and as I watched Maggie’s belly grow, the more anxious I got about getting back to work. It was time to come back, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t ready to get the hell out of here the minute it hit five o’clock.

Today I was chomping at the bit to leave even more than usual. Collin was supposed to get here early, so I could meet Maggie at the doctor for her ultrasound. It was getting close to four, and as I plated up the order, I couldn’t have wiped the grin off my face if I tried. The life I was leading wasn’t anything I’d ever hoped to have accomplished. I’d had nothing left to lose, and I’d given myself over to it, to her… to them, and I couldn’t be more at peace. I looked down at the wedding ring on my left finger. I’d purchased two silver bands a few weeks after we’d gotten married and had them inscribed with “just like the sky” on the inside. I liked that it was an odd thing to have on a wedding ring, but it meant the world to Maggie and me. The bands were simple, but that’s how we were, how we loved. It was easy, it was… us.

The order was done and sitting in the window under the warmer just as Collin came through the kitchen door.

“Sorry, sorry, I would have gotten here sooner, but I was helping Tate fix Laurie’s car.” He walked to the sink and started to wash his hands. “I think he’s really serious about her. She’s practically living at his place now.” He shook his head.

“You don’t like her?” I asked as I stretched plastic wrap over the dough for the apple pastries and placed it in the fridge. They would have to wait till tomorrow.

He ran his hands through a few paper towels and turned to face me. “No, I do, but I was hoping to move in with him when I turned eighteen.” The oven timer rang and, as I turned to open it, Collin stopped me. “I can get these. Just let them cool, right?”

“You need to let them cool on the wire racks I set up.”

“Go see Mags. I hope you guys have a boy. Tate told me that Maggie said if it’s a boy you’re going to let his middle name be Tate.” His smile was full as he moved past me and opened the oven. The hot pans shook in his hand, and it made me nervous.

“That’s the plan. I want to honor your brother. He saved my life. You know, Tate could be a girl’s middle name, too.”

Collin frowned, and it made me laugh.

After everything had settled down, Tate had come over to our place to check on me. He was a solid guy, and I was more than grateful to him. He’d said I didn’t need to thank him, but I was glad he knew how important it was for me to say it. His hands brought me back to my family, and there was no arguing that priceless gift. He made a joke about naming our baby after him, so we sort of ran with it.

“I’ve got the chicken noodle soup cooking on the stove, it’s the soup of the day, and I’m thinking the Conner’s are coming in tonight so it might get busy. You sure you have this?” I asked as I removed my apron and hung it on the wall by the sink.

He narrowed his eyes. “I survived when you were gone, and I’ll survive now.”

My lips twitched as I watched him fumble with the apple fritters trying to fit them on the wire racks. “See you tomorrow then.”

He waved over his shoulder as I passed him. Lou was refilling ketchup bottles as I walked through the kitchen door. “Tell Tony I’ll call him later with the results.”

“I will. And me, don’t forget about me.” She wagged her finger at me, and my smile widened.

“I’ll have Maggie send out a text.”

“Okay, but one of these days you’ll need to get a cell phone.” She laughed as I shook my head.

“We’ll see. I’m either here or home. I’m easy to track down.” I opened the diner’s front door. “See you in the morning, Lou.”

I wanted to wash up before I headed to the appointment, so I made my way back to my old apartment. It dawned on me then that maybe Collin could stay here now. I’d moved in with Maggie after I’d left the hospital, and the place was basically vacant. I liked being able to use it for days like this, but this could be a place for Collin, and Tony could actually get some rent this time. I’d have to remember to mention it to Tony.

After a quick shower and change of clothes, I grabbed my bag and headed to the truck. It was warm and dry outside today so, as I drove to the doctor’s office, I rolled the windows down and enjoyed the clean air. I turned up my stereo and just let the music sink in. I let the spring air cleanse my head as it whipped through the truck. My heart beat steady and fast in my chest the closer I got to the doctor’s. I couldn’t wait to see my baby, even if it was just on a computer screen.

It took about thirty minutes to drive to the offices, and when I finally walked in, I was ten minutes late. Maggie wasn’t in the waiting room, and I started to panic.
Had I missed it?

“Mr. Hartford?” A young brunette with too much make-up on smiled at me from behind the desk.

“Yes.” I ran my hand through my hair in an effort to calm down.

“She’s expecting you. They haven’t started yet, don’t worry.” Her eyes met mine as she stood. She lifted her hand to the side of her mouth as if she was going to tell me a secret and whispered, “It happens all the time. Right this way.” She pointed with the same hand to a door.

I walked through the door and followed the girl past several rooms. The office was older and paneled with dark wood. Large cork boards filled with baby photos lined the walls. “Just in here,” she said as she knocked on the door. “Mr. Hartford made it.”

The lights were off, and Maggie was lying down on the table with her belly exposed. I thanked the girl, and she shut the door behind me. Maggie’s eyes glittered once our eyes met. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay. We were just about to get started. Have a seat, Mr. Hartford.” The doctor was on Maggie’s right side, and she held a bottle of blue gel in her hand.

“It’s Ryan.” My smile was just for Maggie as I took my seat. I pulled it closer to the exam table and brought my lips to her cheek. “I’m so sorry I was late.” I brushed the hair off of her forehead.

“I didn’t want you to miss anything.” Maggie’s voice was thick as she strained to speak.

She was so emotional lately, and at times, it was hard to watch. I never wanted her to ever be anything less than happy, but Maggie had said that wasn’t realistic. There would be times we’d fight, times she’d cry, and there was nothing I could do. Her hormones were all over the place, but I’d ride them out with her any day.

“I’m here.” I kissed her cheek again, and she blew out an anxious breath.

I took her hand in mine as the doctor squirted the gel on her belly. She moved the ultrasound wand over Maggie’s skin smoothly. “Watch the screen, and I’ll tell you what you’re looking at.”

There was a large monitor hung in the corner of the room. The doctor lifted the wand and put another glob of gel on Maggie’s stomach. When the plastic hit her skin this time, a fast whoosh, whoosh, whoosh echoed in the room. It was the first time I’d heard the heartbeat. I’d missed her original ultrasound because I was still recovering, but this, this fluttered perfection, it hit me, and I couldn’t reign it in. Maggie’s fingers tightened in mine as our watery eyes met. We’d made a life.

“That’s our baby,” she whispered so softly I almost didn’t hear her, but I knew exactly what she said.

“It is,” I whispered back, my smile filled with pride.

“The heart looks good, everything looks normal, blood flow looks great.” Dr. Becks pressed a button on the machine, and it lit the screen in color as the baby’s heart pumped out quick beats. She pressed the button again and the color disappeared.

She explained each organ, measured them, and I could actually see the baby move. I saw ten fingers and ten toes, and when the doctor pressed deeply into Maggie’s belly, the baby would jump. I was in awe and full of wonder as I watched the life inside my wife move.

“So, what do you think… boy or girl?” The doctor raised her eyebrows, and her lips pulled into a grin.

“Boy,” Maggie guessed. She’d been betting on a boy for a while now.

“I don’t care as long as he or she is healthy,” I said as my eyes trained on the screen trying to decipher something in all the black and white fuzz.

“Well, Maggie… it looks like you have some pretty good mommy instincts. You’re going to have a little boy. Congratulations.” The doctor lifted the ultrasound off Maggie’s belly and wiped the gel from her skin and then the instrument.

“I was right.” Maggie giggled as she sat up and pulled her shirt down.

A son. I was speechless. The life we’d created became a reality as it all sunk in. Ten fingers, ten toes, four limbs, and a powerful heart. A boy, my boy. I stood, not giving a shit that another person was in the room, and took my wife’s face between the palms of my hands. My lips fell to hers once, twice, and the apple taste of her filled my heart with warmth as I kissed her deep and without shame. Our mouths parted, and I leaned my forehead against Maggie’s. My eyes were shut tight, and my jaw clenched as I fought back the flood that was brewing.