Ryan's Love (6 page)

“
I
need to get going Mrs. Callahan. Can you tell everyone I said
hello,
”
I say and try to keep going out the door.

“
This
will only take one minute,
”
she says as she pulls me over into
the dining room where everyone else is at.

“
Rachel Darling, this is Ryan. She works at the office with
us. And Ryan this is Rachel
’
s mother
Lilly,
”
she says waving Rachel and her mother
out.

I peek
up at the two of them and she tightens her iron grip on
Ryan
’
s arm; placing her other hand on his chest as if to
say bitch this is my man. Her mom is standing next to her with a
flighty grin on her face.

“
Oh
hello Miss Ryan. How lovely to meet you,
”
Rachel says.

“
You
too,
”
I
say.

Then I say the same to her mother
then quickly turn to Mrs. Callahan before anyone could see the look
on my face.

“
Mrs.
Callahan, I have to get going now. Thank you so much for an amazing
afternoon. You have always been such a joy for
me,
”
I
say, kissing her cheek then quickly leaving out of the room and
house before anyone could say or ask anything.

I hear
them talking amongst themselves. I faintly hear someone saying Ryan
wait. But I don
’
t stop. I run to my
car and get in.

When I
turn it over, it makes a weird noise but doesn
’
t start.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Not now please.

“
Come
on baby, please start. Please,
”
I plead with my thousand year old
beater, hoping and praying that she will start.

When I
try her again and she doesn
’
t start, the tears
start falling again. I have to get out of here before anyone,
especially Ryan comes out here and sees me. I
don
’
t want anyone to see me like this. I pop the hood and
hop out my car to look underneath the hood. Immediately smoke
billows from my baby.

Damn
it, she is overheating again. At least I hope that is what it is. I
scurry to the back of my car, get the 2 gallon jug of water I have
back there for just such occasion; and lug in up to the front of
the car. After taking the lid off and carefully pouring the water
into my thirsty radiator, I climb back into my car and pray that it
starts. It doesn
’
t do anything but
tick for a few seconds and make a loud noise, before it completely
gave out.

Boom!

Then
copious amounts of smoke starts coming from the car, a lot more
then before. I quickly hop out the car again to see under the hood.
I started to freak out when I see that it wasn
’
t
stopping.

Oh no what am I going to do, I think
as I start fanning the smoke with my hands.

“
Ryan
get away from the car now,
”
someone is yelling from behind
me.

I turn and look to see every one of
the Callahan men running out of the house towards me. Mrs. Callahan
and the other two ladies were standing at the door with their hands
covering their mouths.

I
don
’
t know what the big deal is; its just smoke. Shrugging
them off, I turn back around to the car only to be confronted with
a face full of smoke; and searing heat.

“
Nooo,
”
all the guys scream as I fall backwards on the ground,
hitting my tailbone hard on the ground beneath me; as well as my
hands getting all scraped up when I put them down to brace
myself.

“
Are you
ok,
”
a
frantic Ryan says as he kneels beside me to help me
up.

I look
at his outstretched hand and am about to take it, when I hear I
shrilling voice from behind him saying,
“
Ryan baby is she
ok.
”

I
glance up and see Rachel walking over to us. I quickly snatch my
hand back and use my own bloodied hands to get up off of the
ground. I could see in his face that he wanted to help me up, but
didn
’
t. I wonder why. Maybe its the fact that your
beautiful girlfriend is standing right next to you clutching your
arm. You pig!

Everyone else that was outside,
gathered around me, checking me out.

“
Oh
baby, your face looks like it might be burned,
”
Mrs. Callahan
says.

“
What
about the car,
”
I say suddenly realizing that I totally forgot about
my car, while I was stupidly swooning over Ryan once
again.

“
The
guys put it out with a fire extinguisher while your were on the
ground,
”
she says and wrapped her arms around my
shoulders.

The
closeness of her and I was all I needed for the floodgates to burst
open and for me to start crying. I clutched her like she was my
mother and I was a kid who fell off a swing and skinned my knees
up. I needed soothed and she was who was there to do it. I cried
all the years of hurt I felt when my father left us. I cried at how
hard it was to take care of the shell of a woman my mom became
after he left. I cried from when she couldn
’
t bare being
without him anymore and killed herself. I cried because I happened
to be the one to come home first that day and find her in the
bathtub all cut up and bloody. And I am crying now for how hurt I
feel for giving that most special part of myself to Ryan and him
using me. He never intended on getting close to me other than
having sex with me. I should have known. Everyone in my life leaves
me. Why would he be any different?

I must
have collapsed on the ground and didn
’
t know it because I
feel two strong arms gathering me up off of the ground, and walking
me back into the house and to the room I had used
earlier.

“
Take
her into the bathroom so I can have a proper look at
her,
”
I hear Mrs. Callahan say to whoever was holding
me.

I
’
d like to think that it was Ryan but I
don
’
t think that his girlfriend would allow
it.

When I was being taken into the
bathroom I could see that it in fact was Ryan that was holding me.
I begin to struggle with him and cry even more.

“
Please just put me down I feel stupid enough
already,
”
I
say.

He
didn
’
t let me go until he placed me down on the toilet
seat.

“
I
’
ll be right outside waiting for you when mom is done
looking you over,
”
Ryan said then kisses my forehead.

“
Why?
Do you want to make me feel like an idiot again,
”
I cry.

He
flinches when I say that and sweetly says,
“
No Honey, I want to
explain things to you.
”

“
No
you don
’
t have to explain anything to
me.
”

Before he could say anything else,
his mom walked into the bathroom with what looked like a first aid
kit.

She
eyed the two of us before Ryan walked out of the room. I know he is
going to be waiting for me when she is done with me. I just
don
’
t know what to say to him. I
’
m too
embarrassed at what happened between us. Well not really at what
happened but what happened when he damn near threw me out of the
room, while I was sprawled out on the bed all naked for him. I feel
so stupid for giving myself to him.

“
Ryan
it will be ok,
”
Mrs. Callahan says as she wipes the dirt and grime off
of my face with a warm wet wash cloth.

“
No
it won
’
t. I
’
m so stupid,
”
I cry clutching my hands together.

But I quickly drop them to my lap. I
forgot they were cut up. It feels like there are rocks or something
in them.

“
I
’
ll look at them when I
’
m done cleaning your
face off.
”

I nod and sit there as she finishes
cleaning to dirt and grime off of my face.

“
So
what is this about you thinking your stupid,
”
she says in a
nonchalant way while she rinsed out the wash cloth and gently wiped
my face more.

I want
to answer her, but she
’
s his mother. I would
feel so weird talking to her about her son like
that.

“
I
don
’
t know its not that big a deal,
”
I say trying to shrug
it off, hoping she doesn
’
t ask me anything
else about it.

“
You
trust me right,
”
she asks?

“
Yes.
”

“
And
you know I
’
d never hurt you, right?
”

“
Right,
”
I say nodding, not fully understanding where she is
going with this.

“
Well
you know you can tell me anything. No matter what it
is,
”
she says.

“
I
don
’
t know if I should talk to you about
it.
”

“
Yes
you can. I have come to love you. I want you to know
that.
”

I look
up at her and I am filled with so much joy and love.
I
’
ve needed to hear that from someone for a long time
now. I grab a hold of her and cry into her
stomach.

“
Shush, its going to be ok. Just talk to me, and you will
feel better,
”
she says as she rocked me in her arms.

It took me several minutes of crying
and hugging before I finally started talking.

I told
her about my mom and dad and what happened with her when he left
her; and how I found her dead in our bathroom. How it was
devastating for me knowing I wasn
’
t enough for my mom
to want to stay and be with me.

“
What
is wrong with me. First my dad, my mom, then my brother leaves and
goes overseas. Now Ryan,
”
I cry.

“
Its
not your fault. You can
’
t make people do the
right thing. They have to do it themselves. I
don
’
t know what the situation is with my son, but I know
my husband and I raised him to be respectful. Maybe if you talked
to him you could work out whatever it is that is bothering
you,
”
she says.

“
Its
just that I was going to. I mean we were going to..but Rachel came
and he threw me out of the room so he could go to her. Oh I feel so
stupid and used. I knew I could never be enough for
him,
”
I whimper.

She takes my hands in hers starts
tenderly cleaning the cuts in my hands; digging out the bits of
debris and rocks from them.

“
Baby, talk to him. I know my boy. I
’
m sure there is
a good explanation for what happened,
”
she says then pours
some disinfectant over my hands.

I draw them back into
myself.

“
I
’
m sorry. I just didn
’
t want an infection
to set in.
”

“
I
know. Thank you for helping me out like you
have,
”
I
utter.

“
Why
don
’
t you take a nice long shower. I
’
ll go get
you some fresh clothes and you can lay down for a bit. You know
take a nap. Wouldn
’
t that be
nice,
”
she says while rubbing my hair.