Rush (36 page)

A strangled noise erupted from his throat but she held up her hand, determined to say her piece. God, she couldn’t let him interrupt now or she’d never have the courage to say all she had to say.

“I won’t do it again.” She shook her head adamantly to reinforce her point. So he would know how serious she was. “I know I agreed to allow it, but I don’t want it. I’ll
never
want it. I hated every minute of it. If it
ever
happens again, I’m done. I’ll walk away and I won’t ever be back.”

As if he couldn’t hold back a minute longer, he reached for her, hauling her into his arms and against his chest. He held her so tightly that she couldn’t breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mia. I’m so damn sorry. It will never happen again. Ever. No one will ever touch you. God, I hated every goddamn minute of it. I was going to put a stop to it but then I heard you cry
out. Heard the fear in your voice and you saying no. And I swore to you that it was the only word you’d ever need to say for me or anyone else to stop. And then that son of a bitch
hit
you before I could get to you. Sweet mother of God, I’ll never forgive myself for that, Mia.
Never
. For that fear, for that bastard making you do things you didn’t want.”

He shook against her. His hands rubbed up and down her back in agitation. He pulled her head away and palmed her face, staring intently into her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did. I hated it.
Hated
it, Mia.”

“Then
why
did you
do
it?”

His gaze dropped and he looked away, his hands sliding from her face. He closed his eyes, disgust simmering in his features. “Because I’m a goddamn coward.”

His voice was so low she almost didn’t hear what he said, and even so she wasn’t sure he said what she thought he said. What did it mean?

Then he reached for her hand, squeezing tightly. He brought it up to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the inside of her palm.

“Know this, Mia. It will never happen again. I’m asking you to forgive the unforgivable. Yes, you signed an agreement, but it wasn’t what you wanted. Not last night. Not any night. And I think I knew that even before. I knew it and I still gave that bastard permission to touch you, and I hate myself for that. It’s my responsibility to know your wants and desires and place them above my own. I didn’t do that last night.”

It didn’t make sense to her why he’d done it at all. It had come out of the blue. Even though they’d discussed the
possibility
, she hadn’t ever gotten the idea that he was going to actually do it.

She had to wonder what was going on in his mind when he’d invited those men back to the suite. He’d been moody and brooding since before they’d left New York City. Did that have anything
to do with his decision? Was he trying to make some point she didn’t understand? Or did it have nothing to do with her at all?

“I’m sorry, baby.” His voice dropped even lower, so much regret seeping into his words. “Please forgive me. Please say you’ll stay and not walk out. It’s what you should do, absolutely. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your sweetness or your understanding. But I want it. God help me but I’m not sure I can live without it.”

It was the closest he’d ever come to admitting she meant more to him than sex.

She leaned forward, pushing up to her knees, her hands going to his face.

“You don’t have to live without it—or me,” she whispered. “I’m here, Gabe. I’m not going anywhere. But it has to be just us. You and me. No other men.” She could barely contain the shudder that threatened to roll up her spine.

His eyes ignited with relief. Then he crushed her to him, holding on, hugging her tightly. He kissed her temple, her head, every part of her hair, almost as if he could do nothing else but touch her in some way. “Just us,” he whispered against her ear. “I swear it.”

Then he pulled away just enough that he could rest his forehead against hers.

“Let’s go home, Mia. I want to put this behind us. I want you to be able to forget it and wipe it from your memory. I know I hurt you terribly. I swear to you I’m going to make it up to you.”

She savored the fervent promise, held tightly to it. He spoke as if they had a future, as if he wanted more than just contractual sex. Was she a fool for believing that?

She looped her arms around his neck. “Make love to me, Gabe. Make our last night in Paris special.”

“Ah baby,” he said, a catch in his voice. “I’m going to love every inch of you tonight. And then I’ll hold you all the way home while you rest on the plane.”

• • •

Mia woke in the middle of the night and blinked to adjust to the low light. There was a narrow beam shining from the bathroom, and it illuminated Gabe’s sleeping features.

She was tucked securely into his side, his leg thrown over both of hers, effectively trapping her against him. His arm was slung securely over her body. Even in sleep he was intensely possessive.

Only he had been willing to allow other men to touch her, so how possessive could he really be?

But there was no faking the very real regret and agony in his face when he’d apologized profusely to her. She still wasn’t sure of the reasons why, but she knew it had done something to him. Something profound. Something maybe even he didn’t understand.

She tried to disentangle herself from his hold and he came awake, his eyes bleary with sleep.

“Bathroom,” she whispered.

“Hurry back,” he murmured, loosening his hold so she could get up.

She went into the bathroom and after peeing she checked her appearance in the mirror. She winced at the still-swollen corner of her mouth and the shadow of an already formed bruise. How on earth was she going to explain this to Jace? He’d freak when he saw her.

Caro would have to work her makeup wonders on this.

Her entire body was tender, but not for the usual reasons. Gabe had been exceedingly gentle with her. Shockingly so. He was always so out of control. Crazy hot for her, which made her crazy hot for him in return. And yet tonight?

He’d taken forever. Teasing, taunting, gentle and so very loving. Her chest still fluttered and butterflies scuttled around her belly at how achingly beautiful their lovemaking had been.

For the first time, she hadn’t felt like it was just sex.

Knowing he’d come to find her if she kept him waiting for too long, she went back into the bedroom and crawled onto the bed. Gabe’s eyelids fluttered open and he viewed her through half-lidded, sleepy eyes. He reached for her but she didn’t go into his arms. Instead she rocked back on her heels, studying him in the low light.

He was so incredibly beautiful, and she’d ached to be able to touch and explore him from day one. She’d never been afforded the chance because Gabe was always,
always
in control.

Gabe frowned, pushing up on his elbow. The action sent the sheet sliding down his body, baring his chest and then lower, bunching around his hips as he stared at her, concern etched into his forehead.

“Mia?”

There was uncertainty in his voice, a thread of fear that surprised her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“Nothing,” she said in a husky voice.

His eyes narrowed. “Then why are you not right here?” He patted the indentation where her body had rested moments earlier.

She shifted up on her knees and crawled closer to him, and then she placed her hands on his chest, carefully gauging his reaction to her advances.

His body was a magnet for her hands. She itched to touch him and explore all the muscled lines and contours.

“I want to touch you, Gabe. Can I touch you?” she whispered.

His eyes glittered brightly in the dim light. He sucked in a discernible breath and then his chest caved at the explosive expulsion. “Hell yes.”

She leaned forward until her hair swept over his skin and her face hung just over his. “I want to do more than touch.”

He reached up to cup her cheek, his thumb gently brushing over the bruise at the corner of her mouth. “Baby, you do whatever you want to do. I’m not going to complain.”

“Well. Okay then,” she breathed.

Now that she had him exactly where she wanted, she wasn’t entirely certain where to begin. She let her hands roam over his chest, to his shoulders, and then down his arms before going to his taut belly. She traced every line of his six-pack and then lowered her mouth to trace a similar pattern with her tongue.

His hand tangled roughly in her hair and he squeezed, wrapping his fingers tightly against her scalp, holding her down so her mouth stayed in contact with his skin.

Emboldened by his seeming approval, she gained more confidence. She yanked the sheet down, completely uncovering him. His cock was in a state of semi-arousal, long and thick, rising from the dark hair between his legs.

She smacked her lips in anticipation and Gabe groaned aloud.

“For God’s sake, Mia.”

She threw her leg over his thighs to straddle him, positioning herself just below his cock, which was growing more erect by the second. It strained upward, reaching toward his firm abdomen. Unable to resist the temptation she reached down and wrapped both hands around his thick length.

As soon as she touched him, he jerked convulsively and arched his hips upward, seeking more of her touch.

His erection firmly sandwiched between their bellies, she leaned down to claim his mouth. It was a heat brand against her skin, hard and rigid, pulsing against her stomach. She slid her tongue into his mouth, dueling with his in a teasing dance.

Testing her boundaries, she pulled at his hands, and as he’d once done to her, she planted his hands on either side of his head, her palms pressed to his, holding him down.

He smiled against her mouth. “The kitten has turned aggressor and has become the lion.”

“Damn right,” she growled. “Tonight I call the shots.”

“I like this side of you,” he murmured. “Huge turn-on, Mia. You’re a tigress. Ferocious.”

“Bet your ass,” she murmured back.

And then she silenced him, devouring his mouth as he’d done to her so many times in the past. She kissed him until he was struggling for breath. His chest heaved and each exhale was ragged and erratic. She loved it.

He was wild for her. Every muscle in his body was coiled tight, and he quivered beneath her body. His eyes glowed fiercely and yet he didn’t try to move his hands. Even after she cautiously lifted her palms from his, he made no effort to take them from where she’d placed them.

He was content to allow her to take the wheel this time.

Exhilarated, she kissed a path down his chest, allowing her hair to slide over his skin. She scooted down his legs until she perched at his knees. Her hands circled his cock once more and for a moment she paused, simply holding him in her hands.

She glanced up at him, found his gaze locked on her, lust and desire blazing in the depths of his eyes.

With a satisfied smile, she lowered her mouth to where she grasped his cock and slid her mouth over the head, allowing her tongue to dance around the ridge and linger along the backside where the plump vein traveled the length of his erection.

A long hiss escaped his lips and he arched upward, seeking more of her mouth.

“God, Mia.”

His voice was so strained that his words were barely discernible.

She smiled, a confident, smug smile that said she knew for
once the power had shifted to her. He was right where she wanted him. Putty in her hands. He wanted her desperately and he seemed content to let her do anything she wanted.

Anything.

It was like laying out a chocolate buffet to a woman with PMS.

She sucked him deep, taking him to the very back of her throat. Then she swallowed around the head, squeezing and convulsing around him.

His groan was loud in her ears, and then his hands tangled in her hair and she grinned. It hadn’t taken him long to move his hands from where she’d placed them. But that was okay because the feeling of his hands in her hair was amazing. She loved the urgency with which his fingers tightened and pulled at the strands.

But he still let her dictate the action. He didn’t pull her down onto his cock. His hands just remained twisted in her hair like he had to have something to do with them or he’d go crazy.

She sucked her way down his length and then glided upward, leaving a damp trail over the silky-soft skin.

“Holy shit,” Gabe breathed. “Goddamn, Mia. That’s it, baby. Take it deep. Love it when you swallow around me like that.”

She took him deep, until her nose met his flesh, and then she made a low sound of satisfaction that vibrated around his cock. His hold tightened in her hair and for the first time, he bucked upward, his entire body so tense that she could feel his muscles twitching.

When she could hold her breath no longer, she slid back up his cock and took deep, gulping breaths, her hand gripping him, fingers wrapped around his length, working him up and down as she stared into his eyes.

His gaze smoldered, blue smoke, filled with so much heat and desire and approval. Oh yeah, he loved what she was doing. With
a smile, she kept hold of him and then inched her way forward, working up his thighs until she cradled the base of his cock in the V of her legs.

Then she rose up, tucking the head of his dick to her entrance, and without waiting, she slid down, embedding him deeply inside her with one smooth motion.

Gabe made a strangled sound, his hands going to her hips, his fingers digging deep as she settled more comfortable around his cock.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he said, his gaze drifting up and down her body.

His hands left her hips and lifted to cup her breasts, molding them in his palms while his thumbs brushed over the taut peaks. But this wasn’t about her. Not that she wasn’t thoroughly enjoying herself, but this was for him. All him.

She wanted to rock his entire universe. Wanted to firmly implant in his mind that he’d never want to allow another man to touch her—anyone to touch her.