Rush (44 page)

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask about Gabe, but she bit it back, refusing to give in to that temptation. She didn’t want to sound like a desperate, clingy twit, even if that’s what she felt like.

Almost as if reading her mind, Ash turned again. “If it makes you feel any better, Gabe looked like shit today. He doesn’t look or sound any better than you do.”

It was hard not to react to Ash’s words. It took all her strength to act unfazed, as if she didn’t care. She wanted to yell at someone—anyone—and scream out that it didn’t have to be this way. All Gabe would have had to do was speak up. Given her any sign that he wanted her. She would have never left him. She’d be with him even now if only he’d given her any indication that it was what he wanted.

Instead he’d trotted out that crap about how it was better this way. Better for whom? Because it damn sure wasn’t better for her. And it didn’t sound like it was so damn good for him either.

“I don’t want to talk about him,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t want to hear his name.”

Jace nodded his agreement and shot Ash a quelling stare. Ash shrugged. “I just thought she might want to know.”

She did. Of course she did. But she’d never admit it. She had pride too, even if she’d sacrificed it all for Gabe.

“We’re taking a trip for Thanksgiving,” Jace said as he glanced up in the mirror again. “We leave Wednesday and we’ll come back Sunday.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Where are we going?”

“The Caribbean. Someplace nice and warm. Lots of sunshine and beaches. It’ll cheer you up.”

She doubted that, but she wasn’t going to be a spoilsport. Jace’s eyes were hopeful. He was trying so hard to help her pick up the pieces. He’d never been able to stand her being upset about anything, and he always pulled out all the stops in his bid to make her feel better.

“And hey, you’ll get to see me in a swimsuit,” Ash said, a devilish grin on his face. “That should make your entire year.”

She rolled her eyes, a smile toying with the corners of her mouth. But she sighed because Ash wasn’t spending Thanksgiving with his family. He never did. He always spent his holidays alone or with her and Jace, or with Gabe. Her heart ached because,
except for Jace, Gabe and herself, Ash was alone, and she well knew that feeling now. It sucked.

“That’s better,” Jace said, approval and relief gleaming in his eyes. “I want to see you smiling again, baby girl.”

The smile felt frozen on her lips. It was pretty damn hard to smile when her heart was splintered and lay in pieces. Dramatic maybe, but it was appropriate.

“Do you need to go shopping for the trip?” Ash asked in a coaxing voice. “Jace and I have the rest of the week off. We could take you shopping tomorrow if you need stuff for the beach.”

They were both trying so hard that she wasn’t going to make it any more difficult for them. So she smiled and nodded. “That sounds like fun.”

The relief in Jace’s eyes told her she’d done the right thing. The last thing she wanted was to worry him—and he
was
worried.

He and Ash would keep her busy through the Thanksgiving holiday. And on Monday she’d return to her old life. Working at La Patisserie. Living with Caroline in her apartment. Trying to forget that for a brief time she’d meant the world to Gabe Hamilton. Or that he still meant the world to her.

chapter forty-one

Gabe sat brooding in his office, his head aching and dull, his heart even heavier. It was early—he was the only one in the office after the holiday—but he hadn’t slept since Mia had walked out of his apartment, so much hurt and betrayal in her eyes.

He stared at the two pictures of her in his phone, one of which he’d had printed and framed. It lay in his desk drawer. Often, he pulled that drawer open just to see her smile.

The Mia in those pictures was the Mia he’d done his damnedest to destroy. He’d taken the life and joy right out her eyes, and he’d damn sure taken her smile.

He ran his finger over the image of her in the snow, holding up her hands in delight as she tried to catch snowflakes. She was so goddamn beautiful that she took his breath away.

He’d spent Thanksgiving with his parents, their happiness and growing contentment almost too much for him to bear. It was hard for him to be happy that they were on the path to reconciliation when his own life was in shambles.

And he only had himself to blame.

After leaving his parents’ home, he’d returned to his apartment to find it empty and barren of life. And then he’d done something he rarely ever did. He’d gotten roaring drunk and attempted to drown his sorrows in a bottle—or three.

He’d self-medicated the entire weekend, itchy and impatient because he knew that Jace and Ash had taken Mia on holiday to the Caribbean. She was out of reach, not just physically, but emotionally as well.

He’d hurt her when he’d sworn never to do so again. He’d betrayed her trust. He’d turned his back because he’d been overwhelmed by guilt and self-loathing for how he’d treated her. Like she was some dirty secret that he was ashamed of.

Fuck that. He wanted the world to know she was his. He didn’t give a damn what Jace thought. Didn’t give a shit if Jace approved. All he cared about was making Mia happy. Making her smile and light up the way she did when she was with him.

But he’d thoroughly extinguished that light when he’d told her that it was over. As if he’d already grown tired of her and was ready to move on.

He’d never get over her. He knew that without hesitation or doubt.

He loved her.

As deeply as it was possible to love another person. And God, he wanted her. Every day. In his life. As much a part of him as he would be of her.

Without rules, conditions. Fuck the goddamn contract.

How many ways could a man ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him?

Mia was so right. He’d known it then, when her words had hit him right in the gut. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He didn’t need time or space to realize that.

He should have never let her walk out of his apartment that night with Jace and Ash. When she’d knelt before him and begged him to explain to Jace, he should have spoken up then. She was right. He
hadn’t
fought for her. He’d been too numb, too consumed with guilt over what he’d allowed to happen.

Fear squeezed his chest. It was an alien sensation, new and overwhelming. What if Mia wouldn’t forgive him? What if she wouldn’t take him back?

He had to make her understand that this wasn’t a meaningless, sexual fling.

He wanted fucking
forever
.

What did he have to offer her? He’d already failed at one marriage. He was considerably older than she was. She should be having fun at her age, taking on the world, not tied to a demanding, overbearing man like himself.

There were a dozen reasons why he should leave her alone and let her move on with her life. But he wasn’t a big enough person to let her go. She was the only woman who was ever going to make him happy. Make him whole. And he couldn’t let her walk out of his life. Not without one hell of a fight.

He checked his watch, willing the time to pass. And then his intercom buzzed and Eleanor’s soft voice filled his office.

“Mr. Hamilton, Mr. Crestwell is in.”

Gabe didn’t respond. He’d told Eleanor to let him know the minute Jace arrived to his office. They hadn’t spoken since that night. They’d avoided each other the next day in the office. And then neither had been into the office the rest of the holiday week, and Gabe hadn’t wanted that confrontation so soon after the night in his apartment. Emotions had run too high.

But he couldn’t wait a minute longer. He and Jace had to air this out, and Gabe had to let Jace know that he wasn’t backing down. Whether he had Jace’s blessing and approval or not, he wasn’t letting Mia go. If it meant the end of their friendship and of their business relationship, so be it.

Mia was worth it all.

He strode down the hall, knowing he looked like shit. He didn’t care. He had to get this off his chest.

He pushed Jace’s door open without knocking. Jace looked up and his face grew cold. His eyes hardened as he stared back at Gabe.

“We have to talk,” Gabe said in a terse voice.

“I don’t have
anything
to say to you,” Jace bit out.

Gabe shut the door and locked it behind him. “That’s too damn bad because I have a lot to say to you.”

He planted his palms on Jace’s desk, leaned over and leveled his stare at his friend.

“I’m in love with Mia,” he said bluntly.

Surprise flashed in Jace’s eyes and Jace sat back, staring harder at Gabe.

“You have a damn funny way of showing it,” Jace said in disgust.

“I fucked up. But I’m not letting her go. You and I need to come to an understanding because I don’t want her hurt any more than she already is by this situation. I want her to be happy and she can’t be happy if we’re at each other’s throats.”

“You didn’t give our friendship a whole hell of a lot of consideration when you jumped into bed with my sister,” Jace said icily. “You
knew
I’d be pissed. Hell, I warned you off that very first day, Gabe, and you fucking
lied
to me.”

“Mia didn’t want you to know,” Gabe said. “She didn’t want to hurt you, and she didn’t want you to lose your mind. I agreed because I only wanted her, and I didn’t give a shit what I had to do to have her.”

“What is she to you, Gabe? Entertainment? A challenge because she’s untouchable? She’s way out of your league and you damn well know it.”

Gabe slammed his fist down on the desk, glaring Jace down. “I want to goddamn marry her.”

Jace lifted one eyebrow. “You swore you’d never marry again after Lisa.”

Gabe pushed off the desk and turned, pacing a tight line in front of Jace’s desk.

“I said a lot of things. And no other woman has ever made me second-guess my decisions. But Mia…She’s different. I can’t live without her, Jace. With or without your blessing, I’m going after her. I can’t be happy without her. I’ll never be happy without her. I want her in my life. Every goddamn day. I want to take care of her, make sure she never has to worry for anything that I can give her. Fuck me, but I’m even imagining children. At my age. All I can think of are daughters who look just like her. I picture her round with my child and it’s the most mind-blowing feeling in the world. Everything that I’ve sworn off in my life, she has me reevaluating. Because of her. It’s
all
her. I’ve never felt this way about another woman. I never will.”

“Whoa,” Jace breathed out. “Sit down. You’re making me crazy pacing around my office like that.”

Gabe paused and then finally eased into the chair in front of Jace’s desk, but he was going stir crazy in this confined space. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be with Mia. Wanted to go to her and throw himself on her mercy. She’d said he had to crawl. Goddamn it, he’d crawl.

“You’re serious about her,” Jace said, disbelief evident in his voice. “You’re in love with her. She isn’t some passing entertainment you amuse yourself with and then move on.”

“You’re pissing me off now,” Gabe growled.

Jace shook his head. “Holy shit. I never thought I’d see the day. How did this happen? Have I been a complete dumbass for not seeing this?”

“It’s better we not delve into a conversation that’s only going to piss you off,” Gabe said. “It’s not important how long. What’s important is that I love her, and I hope to God she still loves me and that she can forgive me.”

Jace winced. “I don’t know, man. She’s pretty pissed. You hurt
her. A lot. You’ve never had to work to have a woman. They’ve always dumped themselves onto your lap. Mia…She’s different. She’s of the mind that she deserves a man who’ll stand up for her and fight for her. You didn’t do any of those things, and she’s not going to so easily forget that.”

“Don’t you think I know all of that?” Gabe said in frustration. “Hell, I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to me again. But I have to try. I can’t just let her go.”

Jace cupped a hand to the back of his neck. “Jesus, man, you never like to do anything simple, do you? I’m a damn idiot for not beating the crap out of you and tossing you out of my office. I can’t believe that I actually feel sorry for your ass right now.”

Some of the tension knotting Gabe’s chest eased. He met Jace’s stare. “I’m sorry, man. I handled this all wrong. You have to know that I’d never do anything to intentionally compromise our friendship. And I damn sure wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt Mia. Not again. Never again. I’ve hurt her too many times already. If she’ll forgive me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure she never has reason to cry again.”

“That’s all I want for her,” Jace said softly. “I want her to be happy. If you can do that, then you and I are good.”

“I’m damn sure going to try,” Gabe said, determination gripping him by the neck.

“Good luck,” Jace said. “Something tells me you’re going to need it.”

chapter forty-two

Mia tugged her coat tighter around her as she walked the last block to her apartment. It had been hard to go to work in the brisk chill after spending the last several days on a beach in the Caribbean.

Jace and Ash had worked hard to cheer her up and ensure she had a good time, and she had to admit, it had been a lot of fun. It had been a while since she and Jace had gotten to have an actual vacation together and with Ash there, things had been lighthearted and happy.

That wasn’t to say that she hadn’t spent a fair amount of time brooding over Gabe, but she’d managed to enjoy herself. If anyone had told her that she could have a good time so quickly after she and Gabe had split up, she wouldn’t have believed them.

Still, going in to La Patisserie instead of the HCM building this morning had been hard. It had been a slap in the face and a sharp reminder of Gabe’s betrayal. She liked her job with Gabe. Yeah, it had been a fluff job that had been a cover for their sexual affair, but as time had gone on, she’d taken on more responsibility and she’d made the job her own. She’d proven to herself that she could take on a challenge and nail it.