Running in Place (Mending Hearts) (23 page)

And with her last statement, I’m the one to break eye contact because I can’t bear for her to see the uncertainty and cowardice rising to the surface.

While she’s right about the love that I have for my lyrics and my music — she has absolutely no idea that it pales in comparison to the way that I feel about her.

But the inevitable truth still remains.

Regardless of how much she inspires me to be a better man, I will forever be my father’s son.

And deep down, I’m afraid that even if I do possess my mother’s strength, it won’t be powerful enough to break his hold.

Ever.

Waking up next to Noah, well, it never gets old. His hair is always extremely messy, which I love, the stubble on his face makes him look even sexier, and his mouth falls into the perfect pout, one which I can’t help but kiss every single morning.

But my favorite part?

Watching him sleep.

I always wake up before he does, so a couple of minutes before I kiss that perfectly pouty mouth, I set my chin on his bare chest and just watch him. I’m always amazed at how peaceful he looks — the worry erased from his features, the pain from his past no longer etched into his face, the hard lines of intensity vanished. Just
him
. And he’s beautiful.

When I’m done observing, and ready for him to wake up, I’ll doodle on his chest, or draw a maze through the ridges of his abs with my finger, or sometimes, I even sketch an arrow along the “V” that defines his hip. He’s really ticklish, so as I outline whatever I choose to that morning on his skin, he holds out as long as he can before he gives me his sexy smile. As soon as it breaks across his face, that’s when I pounce on him, giving him his morning kiss. At least, that the routine we’ve had since we started seeing each other about a month ago.

But even though we sleep together, we still haven’t
slept
together. We
do
make out like crazy, but I think for both of us, we know that there’s no going back once it happens. The knowledge that he’s leaving soon is also always in the back of my mind. Sex will just complicate things, things that I don’t even want to think about right now.

So, I don’t.

Finishing up my morning artwork, I watch the sides of his mouth twitch as he fights the smile threatening to crack his straight-laced features. After a three-heart chain down his stomach, I grin as his lips finally lose their battle. Drawing my legs underneath me, I fling my body onto his and land straddling his waist, with my forearms on each side of his head, my face suspended just above his as he chuckles lightly. After giving him my usual peck on his lips, I scoot down and lay my head on his chest when I’m done. Just the sound of his breathing and beating heart cause my eyes to fill with tears. Not sad tears, but the never-want-this-to-end kind. We both have our share of trauma-filled pasts, but these moments when it’s just us — no worries or pain or guilt — my eyes have no choice but to release the overflow of pure joy that fills my heart.

Curling his fingers under my hair, Noah sweeps it off the back of my tank top, and then moves his hand to my shoulder where he doodles his trademark infinity symbol.

“Morning, beautiful,” he says, his voice still gruff from sleep.

I smile internally because there’s no sound sexier in the morning. “Morning.”

Lowering his chin, he brushes his lips across my forehead.

“What’s the plan for today?” I ask.

“Up to you I guess, no work for either of us. I do need to wash Betsy today. You’re more than welcome to help…braless, in one of my white t-shirts, of course.”

Laughing, I set my chin on his chest as I speak. “First of all, I can’t believe you named your Jeep. And second, I can’t believe you named your kick-ass Jeep
Betsy
. She needs a cooler name. Like
Falcon
or
Sasha
. Something sexier. And third, in your dreams.”

His body shakes with amusement and it makes me smile. “Well, maybe we should focus on naming your car then. What do you think? Minty?”

“Oh my God,” I burst with laughter. “Could you
be
any less original?”

Finally opening his eyes, he looks down at me with a sexy grin on his face as I glance up to meet his eyes. “No more
Friends
for you. You’re starting to sound like Chandler Bing.”

“Point taken,” I say through more giggles. “Maybe we should name her P.O.S.”

“And you call me unoriginal,” he laughs, digging his finger right under my arm, the one place he knows is my most ticklish spot. As I begin to flail around, asking for mercy, he hooks his hand over my shoulder and pulls me off of his chest. My back lands on his bed as he rolls on top of me.

Arms on either side of my body, his lips find the hollow of my neck as I trail my fingers lightly over his back, releasing a soft moan as he runs his tongue across my neck to my shoulder, nipping my skin in places along the way. Once my shoulder has received ample attention, his soft lips leisurely make their way down my chest toward my stomach, sending my heart pounding beneath my chest. While slowly lifting the hem of my shirt, his brown eyes find mine and hold them as he drags his tongue just under the waistline of my shorts.

My hips buck underneath me in response, his touch now controlling my movements. Threading his hair through my fingers as he rises, his mouth travels upwards, kissing his way back up my body, his fingers still grasping the bottom of my shirt bringing it along with him. Sitting up, my arms rise above my head on their own accord as he pulls the tank up and then off my body, sending it sailing across the room. He wraps one arm arm delicately around my waist and my arms fold across his shoulders just as he aligns my body flush with his, sliding us up the bed. As soon as our bare chests touch, a jolt shoots straight to my core as it pulsates, my body responding to his as it has with no one else. Leaning forward, he lays me gently back onto his bed, releasing me as my head hits his pillow, and then sits back on his heels between my legs.

“Noah, what are you doing?” I ask, knowing exactly what he’s up to. Lifting my hips off the bed, I assist him in removing my shorts.

“Well,” he lifts and kisses the inside of each of my legs before continuing, “Since we have all day, we might as well make good use of it.” Hooking his fingers into the side strings of my panties, he pulls them so slowly over my thighs that my legs tremble with anticipation. No longer in control, my hands run themselves unhurriedly up my own body, my fingertips slowly tracing the curvature of my hips and then along the outline of my breasts as they make their way above my head, where I cross them at the wrist. Lips parted as he watches, Noah’s brown eyes darken as he takes in my naked body, the very body that I’m offering to him.

“God, you’re beautiful, Tate,” he sighs. “But as much as I would love for this to be about me, it’s not. That’s not the purpose of today’s lesson.” Reaching toward my face, he runs his fingers along my jawline. “Today’s lesson is called
Tate’s Realization.
I want you to
feel
as beautiful as you are. Because you
are
beautiful Tate, on the inside and the out. You need to know that. You need to understand that. You need to accept it.”

Closing my eyes, flashbacks from my mother’s tirade seep into my mind, oozing with her disgust and revulsion by my very existence. I try to push them away, but they continue branching as they spread their dark roots, clouding my thoughts.

“Look at me, Tate. Your eyes need to be on mine. Don’t disappear on me.”

My lids open hesitantly spotting a pair of muddy brown eyes in front of me, so full of compassion, longing, and understanding that the air stalls in my lungs and the memories rescind into my mind. In this moment, there is only him.

Locking stares with him, he nods his approval before he begins.

“First, we’ll concentrate on the outside.”

His knuckle grazing my cheek, he brings his legs over my body, straddling me much the way I do him every morning, brushing all the hair away from my face and fanning it over the pillow underneath my head. As his fingers spread my long hair, he smiles down at me.

“Very beautiful. The first thing I noticed about you, actually. I thought to myself,
that’s probably the prettiest thing about her
, until I saw these.”

Sitting back on my hips, he looks into my eyes. I force myself to maintain eye contact, even though every fiber in my being wants to throw his comforter over my head and hide.

“Your eyes. A definite forerunner for my favorite thing about you. Not only because their coloring is quite possibly the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, but because there is so much that you divulge with them that you choose to hide from everyone else. Everyone else but me. Through them I see your soul and trust me when I say, it’s absolutely beautiful. There’s no dark, just the shimmering light of a soul ready to be nurtured.”

Tears pool in the corners of my eyes, but I don’t dare look away.

He chuckles under his breath as he looks down to my mouth. “Now
that
is most definitely a close second. Your mouth is perfection. Ever since the day I met you, I’ve been a slave to it.” He chuckles again. “Probably shouldn’t have told you that, but it’s true.”

Moving his eyes to my breasts, he shakes his head. “Okay, also a forerunner. Absolutely gorgeous.” Leaning down, he closes his mouth around my left nipple, sucking and nipping it with his teeth, before he performs the same act with the other. My hips leave the bed, lifting his body with mine.

Releasing me from his mouth, he simply shakes his head. “Nope. Not quite yet. First, you need to turn over because there’s more you need to learn.”

He raises himself just enough for me to roll underneath him and then repositions himself on the backs of my legs. Gathering my hair, he tenderly moves it off of my back, clutching it in his hold and twisting it around his wrist, setting it to the side opposite my face lying on the pillow beneath me.

I take in a deep breath because I know what’s coming next. Something that I’d been hoping he hadn’t noticed, but as he traces his fingertip along the scars, I know now that he’s aware of them. I feel the warmth of his bare skin just above mine as he leans forward, kissing my cheek before he pulls my arms from underneath me, spreading them flat against the bed.