Running in Place (Mending Hearts) (33 page)

Releasing me, he takes my hands and pulls me up as he stands. Crushing my body against his, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and once again places his lips on my head as he holds me. My arms fold around his waist and with my cheek against his chest, together we stand, suturing our open wounds with our embrace.

After a very long while, I finally wipe my damp face with the tips of my fingers and sniffle before asking, “Anything else you want to talk about?”

His chest vibrates with his laughter. “Actually, yes. A couple of things.”

“I don’t think I can handle much more, Trace.” He chuckles lightly again before I add, “I’m serious.”

Unwrapping his arms and releasing me, he jerks his head toward the table. “Have a seat.”

I give him a questioning look because, for some reason, I don’t think that he understands that I
really
can’t take any more emotional surprises. He smiles gently and pulls out the chair for me to sit. As soon as I take a seat, he does the same opposite me, clearing the journals from our line of sight. After setting them aside, he taps his finger on the top of one of the piles. “You speak to him like he’s alive.”

Trying to word my thoughts carefully, I think for a while before I speak. “I know. Apparently,
inability to face reality
runs in the family.”

Casting me a thoughtful glance, he brings his hands together, interlacing his fingers before setting them down on the table. “Well, perhaps this is something we need to take care of, between the both of us.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” I respond with a soft smile, relieved that all of a sudden I don’t feel so alone anymore.

“Good. I’ll set something up.” Leaning back in his chair and setting his still joined hands in his lap, he continues. “Now, let’s discuss this house. It’s obviously unhealthy for you to remain here. I know that Harlow offered for you to stay with her, but in the meantime, I would like to clean it out and sell it. You okay with that?”

Shooting him a
duh
look, he chuckles. “Settled. Speaking of your living arrangements, I would be more than happy to front you the money to get your own apartment, when you’re ready. And I would also like to help you get back into school. I’ve checked registration dates, and you still have time to reapply, but again, that’s only if you’re ready.”

Beaming, I grin from ear to ear. “Really?”

Smiling back, his blue eyes light up with joy. “Really.”

Realizing that Harlow has clued him into our
entire
discussion, I ask, “My jobs?”

“
Job
. Your time at the duplexes has officially been served. And, of course, you’re always welcome at the bar.”

Already, I know where this conversation is headed. It’s extremely reminiscent of one I just had a couple of hours ago. Leaning back in my own chair, I exhale in preparation.

Trace’s eyes dart down to the table. “Which leaves us with…”

I
almost
laugh out loud. But, I can’t. It’s blocked by the knot forming again in my throat.

“Noah,” I answer. Just the mention of his name pierces my heart.

He flicks his gaze back to mine, his smile gone, replaced by a thin line. “Noah.”

Rising from his seat, he takes my hand and pulls me out of mine. “He called a meeting Monday with both Blake and myself, putting in his official resignation at both the bar and the duplexes. Said it was effective immediately because he had to leave town. After his explanation, he pulled me aside and asked me to give you something. I can give it to you now, or we can wait. Up to you,” he says, his blue eyes peering into mine.

Nervously biting my bottom lip, I consider my options. If I ask to see it, it might result in three more days, at least, of the
Ramones
and Chunky Monkey. If I don’t, I’ll obsessively think about it until I
do
see it.

Finally settling on my decision, I dip my chin. “I’m thinking this is like one of those just-rip-the-Band-Aid-off-and-fast situations. Let’s do it.”

Giving me a half-smile, he keeps hold of my hand and leads me out of the house, straight to the garage. After punching in the code, he directs his attention to me. “I’ve had it since he left, debating on whether I should even give it to you. But, the look in his eyes told me that he wanted you to have it, for whatever reason.”

Pressing the button, I step back as the door lifts, only to gasp out loud and cover my mouth with the tips of my shaking fingers when I see what’s inside.

It can’t be.

His Jeep?

Eyes filled to the brim, I glance back to Trace who just nods. “He left you a note inside.”

Chin trembling, I walk to the driver’s side where I see an envelope taped to the steering wheel with my name in his script on the front of it.

Jerking the door open, I slide into the seat, the smell unleashing memories and more tears. Slowly, I peel the envelope off and slide my finger just under where it’s sealed, removing a piece of paper much resembling the sheets I’d seen in his lyric journal.

Unfolding it, I read.

Taking the keys from Trace as he dangles them through the window, I wipe my cheeks and stick them in the ignition. After starting her up, I glance back at him and then jerk my head toward the passenger seat.

“Get in. We’re going to get some Chunky Monkey.

It was a dream that changed the course of my life.

Three weeks at Harvard, and I was a wreck. Pissed at the world, unmotivated in school, fucking tired all the time…all I could do was think of her. The beast,
my
beast, was clawing furiously at my chest, roaring his rage day in and day out. Every fiber in my being wanted to go to her. To claim her.

But, I couldn’t.

I stayed.

And I suffered.

Then one night, I had a dream. I was in a very serene place, peaceful and quiet. Darkness was all around me, but I wasn’t afraid. I knew something was there, watching over me, protecting me, surrounding me.

In the far distance was a faded light, barely noticeable at first, but as it drifted its way to me, it grew in intensity until it was blinding. Using my arm, I shielded my eyes until it eventually dimmed. Lowering my hand, my eyes finally adjusted, and that’s when I saw her.

My mother.

Floating in front of me was an ethereal light, but I know the joy and warmth that was
her
as it infused with my soul. I could feel her as she enveloped me. But soon after, the feelings began to change within me. They turned cold and dismal, heartbroken. And then in my mind, I heard her voice.

“You.”

After more time, the sadness eventually faded into an intense bliss, which I recognized as my love for Tatum. I would know it anywhere. As it seeped in, saturating my heart, it reclaimed every part of me that I thought I had lost. That I had given to
him
. I could feel it growing and beating in my chest, the ache from the constant clawing finally relieved.

“Her.”

Closing my eyes, I let down my walls, allowing it to flood my body and give me comfort.

That’s when the
really
weird stuff started happening.

In my mind, I saw the beast, but it wasn’t angry. It was content, purring almost. Then I was standing in front of it running my hand over the top of its head. Suddenly, the beast buckled his legs and leaped from where it was standing straight into my torso where it faded into my body, the feeling of power and strength settling into my bones as his spirit spread.

“Find yourself. Then you will find her.”

Bolting up in my bed, I woke, sweat beading on my forehead. It was then that it all clicked. The beast represented every emotion that I never allowed myself to feel before Tatum. It was
life
, pure and simple — passion, desire, rage, protectiveness, laughter, love. And it was
her
that resurrected that part of me. The part that had been dead for so long.

I was the beast and he was me. We were one, and in that moment, I contained him. He no longer ruled my emotions. I did.

After that realization, I was ready to conquer
my
life.

I left school the very next day.

On my new bike.

Just before I gave Tatum the Jeep, I bought a Harley Sportster 883 with part of that sizeable inheritance my father likes to refer to so often. I’ve always wanted one, but I never had the balls to buy it. But, that day, I did. And it drove my ass all the way to Harvard, with the moving truck right behind me, courtesy of my father. I’m not sure if it was to assist me so much as it was to make sure I was actually going to make the trip as intended.

Little did I know it would take me on a journey of a lifetime.

For the past four months or so, I’ve been finding myself. Riding around the U.S.A., visiting various concerts and music festivals, making connections, new friends, and of course, avoiding my father’s five billion phone calls. I’ve had the time of my life being a nomad, discovering what kind of life I want to live. Who I want to be. Embracing the man I’ve become.

But now, I’m on my way to get the girl of my dreams.