Running in Place (Mending Hearts) (21 page)

“What the hell are you doing?” Sadie’s brown eyes glare in my direction as she raises her brows, the vein on her forehead pulsating with anger. I glance away briefly before returning her stare because, honestly, it’s kind of creeping me out.

“What do you mean, ‘
What the hell am I doing’
? I’m standing here, with you,” I coyly reply.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Tate. Your hair’s a wreck, your face is flush, your mouth is all puffy, and you look guilty as sin. Please tell me the reason for this new look of yours isn’t what I think it is.”

Reaching up, I run my palms over the crown of my head in an attempt to mash down the hair standing up from where it was pressed against the cooler wall. The rest I can’t do anything about.

Sadie shakes her head at my efforts. “It’s pointless. It’s still a wreck.”

Rolling my eyes, I shift my weight to my other foot and cross my arms over my chest.

“So, what? We kissed. That’s it. Not a big deal and definitely
not
something worth getting this worked up about.”

I watch as her face turn three shades of red, the intensity deeper with each color change.

“I cannot believe this! You just got out of a relationship, a fucked-up relationship that resulted in you having your face bashed in none-the-less, and now you’re with
Noah
in less than one week’s time?” Her face pinches tightly when she pronounces his name with her condescending southern tone. Almost as tightly as my fists.

My defenses shoot up, constructing a concrete wall of pure fury.

“You don’t
get
to pass judgment on him. You don’t even know him,” I respond through clenched teeth.

She takes two full steps until she is nose-to-nose with me, pressing her index finger into my shoulder. “No, but I know
you
.” She sighs as she shakes her head. “You just can’t be by yourself can you? I was really hoping what happened with Cash would be the light for you. The time when you’d decide you don’t need anyone to complete you or to make you whole. But
nooooo,
you go running off to
Noah
to provide whatever temporary relief you think you’ll find with him while he’s here.” Removing her finger, she thankfully steps back out of my personal space but continues to glare at me as she speaks.

“You know that peace that you’re searching endlessly for — well, you’re not going to find it anywhere other than within yourself. Not with Cash, not with Noah, and not with whoever takes his place when he leaves. And he
will
leave, Tate. It’s an endless cycle, one that won’t be broken until you learn how to love
yourself
.”

She pulls her purse up onto her shoulder, sadness radiating from her eyes. “I’m sorry, Tate. I know that I have no right to get upset with you. Hell, I’ve been enabling your behavior since we were kids. But what happened with Cash scared the shit out of me, and I can’t keep watching you continue down the same road. It’s time to pick a different path, because if you don’t, eventually you’re going to find yourself so far gone even
I
won’t be able to find you.”

Casting her glance to the floor she completes her speech. “It breaks my heart to say this, but I think I need to distance myself from all of this for a while. I can’t continue watching you do this to yourself. I
won’t
.”

Mouth wide-open, I watch her as she turns and leaves, nearly barreling over Noah when he rounds the corner. His eyes narrow when she says nothing. She just passes by him in complete silence, with absolutely no acknowledgment of his presence.

Scowling, he tears his eyes away from her, focusing them in my direction. Still speechless, I just shrug my shoulders, not ready to discuss our disagreement. Exhaling, his face relaxes and after walking over to me, he places his arm snug around my shoulder and gently kisses my forehead.

“I’m assuming that was about what happened in the cooler?” he says, setting his chin on the top of my head.

Swallowing the hurt, I nod my head and swipe my finger across the tear mounting in the corner of my eye, threatening to expose the pain her words inflicted before looking up at him.

“Saying she’s unhappy with what happened in the cooler would be an understatement.”

He tilts his head away from my face as he intensely examines my eyes. Once he’s done, he drops his arm from around my shoulder and takes my hand, interlacing our fingers. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

My eyes quadruple in size. Never, and I mean
never
, has Noah Reese ever blown off a shift at work.

“What? Now? What about the bar? We’re closing tonight.”

He glances toward the bar through the kitchen door window. “It’s slow. I’ll have Daniel pick up my shift and we have plenty of wait staff to cover your leaving. Go grab your stuff out of your car, and meet me at the Jeep.”

Skeptically, I watch him for the next few seconds, unsure of whether or not he’s actually serious with this completely un-Noah-like suggestion. But with absolute resolve, he holds my stare until he finally releases my hand and nudges me toward the door.

I narrow my eyes. “Are you sure?”

Exhaling, his hands find my shoulders as he turns my body and lightly shoves me out of the kitchen. “Five minutes. Jeep.”

I don’t even bother to look back as I make my exit. Walking through the main part of the bar floor, I dig my keys out of my pocket and continue out the front door without saying a word to anyone. The warm early evening air hits my face, and I breathe it into my lungs, feeling as though I’m taking my first real breath of the evening. Heading over to my car in the parking lot, I open the passenger side door, yanking my purse from under the seat as I sit down and I set it in my lap. Pulling down the visor, I take in my appearance. Although all post-make-out giveaways have disappeared from my face, my hair is indeed a mess. Grabbing the brush from my purse, I run it through my hair, removing the tangles before I put it into in a ponytail. After wiping the lightly smeared make-up from underneath my eyes, I take in a nervous breath, gathering my thoughts.

What happened between us in the cooler, well — it was amazing. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him in that moment. I’ve had countless boyfriends, but none of them has ever elicited that strong of a response from my body. Running the tips of my fingers over where his lips were pressed against mine, the arousal still lingers, the buzzing current thrumming throughout every part of my body. A small smile breaks from behind my fingertip as I look in the reflection. My blue eyes are alive with excitement, something I’ve never seen looking back at me in my twenty-three years. There’s something about him that makes me feel exactly that.
Alive.

But, in the middle of my blissful recollection, Sadie’s words come to mind, hitting me like a freight train. Smile fading, I try to clear them, but they remain deeply rooted in my mind, reminding me that Noah could very well be another link in a long chain of men I’ve used to avoid facing my reality.

I’m not an idiot. I know what I do. I just don’t appreciate having it pointed out by people who feel entitled to do so.

Yet, also in the back of my mind is the fact that I
do
feel differently about Noah. It’s like a constant roller coaster of emotions when we’re together. One minute, I’m pissed at him. The next, I’m laughing with him. I find myself wanting to be near him, and then generally I’m pissed at him again. But to feel so much, so strongly all at one time, it invigorates me in a way that I’ve never experienced. And I like it. I like
him
. I can’t deny that.

Shoving the brush back into my purse, I push the visor back into place and step out of the car, throwing my purse over my shoulder as I turn to find Noah’s Jeep.

I don’t have to look hard.

Pulling up right in front of me, Noah sits in his driver’s seat wearing a sexy smile and silver aviators, the orange sunset reflecting off of them as he looks in my direction. After opening the door, his boots hit the gravel and rocks scatter everywhere as he approaches me.

“Five minutes, Tate. It’s been ten.” He grabs my purse and places his hand on the small of my back, guiding me toward the vehicle. “I was worried,” he adds softly.

Once we arrive, I turn to face him, shielding the sun from my eyes. “Worried about my safety? Or worried I’d had second thoughts?”

He smiles, the sight of his dimple increasing the effect of his grin on my already racing heart. “Both.”

Reaching around my waist, he brushes his arm against my hip as he reaches for the passenger side handle, lowering his face until it is mere inches from mine. Twisting his neck slightly, he turns his head, our lips now so close I can feel his breaths. He barely tilts his head downward, aiming his sunglasses in the direction of my mouth while he jerks the handle, his free arm wrapping around my back, pulling me out of the way and into his body as he opens the door.

Leaning into him, his clean scent completely envelopes me as I place my cheek on his chest and wrap my arms tightly around his waist. Releasing his hold on the door, his hand finds my ponytail and tugs it gently, forcing me to look up at him. “No pressure, Tate, but I really would like your ass to be sitting next to me when I drive home tonight.”

“Well, that’s just too bad,” I say with a wide grin, releasing him to climb inside. Grabbing hold of the bar on top of his windshield, I pull myself up into a standing position on his seat so that the upper half of my body is surrounded by only the evening air above the Jeep, doing something I’ve been dreaming about doing since my eyes landed on it. “I don’t plan on sitting.”

The sides of Noah’s mouth twitch as he shakes his head, rounding the back tires. Opening the door, he slides inside and looks up at my ridiculously happy face, the anticipation almost impossible to contain. “Only while we’re in the parking lot, Tate,” he warns, with a smile in his voice. “Once we hit the streets, you’re planting yourself in that seat.”

I nod vigorously as he shifts into drive, pulling my hair free from its ponytail and with the band now wrapped around my wrist, I spread my arms open wide and lift my eyes to the first few visible stars in the dusk sky. And then, I fly. Free from the fear, from the uncertainty, from the hatred, from the anger, from the memories, from absolutely everything. Only me and my stars are present, my soul breathing for the first time in years as the air rushes through my open fingers.

After one pass around the parking lot, Noah slows at the edge of the drive and glances up at me from behind his sunglasses. Just as I start to take my seat, he turns the wheel all the way to the right, avoiding the exit and presses his foot on the gas pedal, taking me for another flight. I laugh when he smiles and shakes his head, his eyes falling to the front of the vehicle as he drives with one hand on the wheel, and the other around my ankle,
of course
. I don’t know how long he drives, or how long I remain standing, but when we’re finally done my face hurts from smiling and my cheeks are soaked with tears I didn’t even realize were being shed.

As we slow, finally ready to leave, I take my seat and wipe the corners of my eyes with the tips of my fingers before reaching for the seat belt. Once I’m buckled in, Noah reaches over, cupping his hand along the side of my face, something I’ve gotten very used to him doing. Leaning into his palm, I close my eyes and let out a small, content sigh. With the sun now setting on the horizon, I allow myself the time to bask in the serenity of the moment.

“Ready?” he asks with a final swipe of his thumb along my cheek.

“Mmm-hmm. Let’s go.”

Removing his hand, he places it on the gear shift between us as I lay my head back on the seat with my eyes still shut. Only after we arrive at his house do I open them. Still pressing against the head rest, I turn to face him.

“Thank you, Noah. You continue to surprise me. In a good way.” Giving him a soft smile, I watch as he twists in my direction, finally taking off his sunglasses and throwing them into the cup holder. After setting his head against the back of his own seat, we sit together in the stillness of the night air looking into each other’s eyes.

Reaching forward with the tips of his fingers, he sweeps the hair on my forehead out of my eyes. “You have me surprising myself, Tate.”

His stare drifts over my shoulder and through his window as he breathes out a heavy breath. “I haven’t allowed myself to really feel anything for years. Not since Mom died. I kind of just shut down after that, completely numb to everything happening around me. But then you show up, and I don’t know, something about you has reached that part of me that I thought died along with her.” He brings his eyes back to mine. “I guess you’ve tapped into the emotions and feelings that I’ve been holding back for so long. They just erupt when I’m around you. The anger, the need to protect, the desire…they flood my system and I lose all control.”

“Noah -” I start, but he silences me with his fingers as he places them gently on my lips.

“I don’t know what is going on between us, but I’m definitely going to have to start practicing some restraint.” A calculating smile spreads across his face. “Which is why, no matter how much you want me to, I am not going to touch you. Tonight is about us getting to know each other, without any replay of what happened in the cooler — no matter how truly amazing that moment was.”