Rule (20 page)

-
      
Tell
me what?

-
      
You
have to promise not to freak out.

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Well
now I’m bound to freak out!

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Loren
was talking about being out last night; she said she saw Rule and the boys at
whatever club she was at.

-
      
Oh
my God….

-
      
Yeah
well she mentioned she was going to try and talk to him or whatever because
she’s a clueless slut, but he had some redhead hanging all over him, she said
she couldn’t even get close to him.

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Fuck.

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Yeah
well she also said he left with her, the redhead, I mean she said the whole
gang of them left together and she is a heinous gossip and likes to cause
trouble but I figure you should have a heads up since you can’t get ahold of
him.

-
      
Thanks.

-
      
You
okay?

-
      
No,
not at all.

-
      
Want
me to hurt him for you?

-
      
Maybe,
I’ll call you later after I get through this stupid dinner.  Love ya girl.

-
      
You
too xoxo

I swiped a finger across the screen
and took a second to hold my breath before letting it out in a furious screech
and chucking the expensive device against the wall.  I buried my head in my
hands and tried to keep from throwing up.  I couldn’t believe this was
happening.  I had had everything I ever wanted for just a few seconds and all
it took was one single bump, one tiny disagreement to screw it all up.  It
shouldn’t hurt that I was so easily and quickly replaced  I knew Rule, knew how
he operated but I still felt like someone was poking holes in the very fiber of
my soul with a scalding hot poker.  Being in love with Rule had never been an
easy thing to do, and now that I knew what it was like to actually
love
him
I wasn’t sure how to go back to before.

I spent the rest of the afternoon
sequestered in my room.  My mother sent one of the staff up to see if I wanted
lunch but I refused to answer the door when they knocked.  She sent her husband
up around five to tell me that we were leaving in an hour for the club and
while a big part of me wanted nothing more than to wear skinny jeans and my
motorcycle boots I decided that having that fight with my mother in front of my
half siblings would just make me seem childish and ridiculous so I put on a
long sleeved white and purple A-line dress that hit me a few inches above my
knee and spent a few minute flat-ironing my hair so that it fell in a slick
curtain around my shoulders.  I had a pair of purple booties that had a spiked
heel and little studs on the back that completed the look  It wasn’t exactly
picture perfect country club gear but it should get me through the front door
without too much trouble.

My mother gave me the evil eye as I
came down the stairs and Jack helped me into my gray pea coat.  No one said
anything as we piled into the family Escalade and headed to the country club. 
The kid’s jibber jabbed back and forth and I brooded about Rule and some
unknown redhead hoping it didn’t mean what I thought I did and willing the car
to get a flat tire so I could avoid Gabe and his family.  It didn’t happen and
when we got to the club and I had to force a smile and let Gabe kiss my cheek
and pull out my chair and it literally took every single ounce of willpower I
had not to run screaming in the other direction.  I settled in between Gabe and
my mother and prepared to suffer through the most awkward, awful dinner of my
life.

Rule

“So you want to come clean and tell
me why you’re acting like even more of an asshole this week than normal?”  Rome
was standing over me while I bench pressed the weight up off my chest.  He had
asked me to go to the gym on Saturday because he was supposed to start
rehabbing his shoulder.  Even banged up I forgot how cut my brother was. 
Working out with him put me to shame and I spent most of the workout trying not
to flinch when I noticed how much more weight he was using than I normally
did.  Once the bar was locked in place I sat up and ran a towel over my sweaty
face and newly shaved head.  I hadn’t cut it all the way to the scalp like Nash
wore his, but the mohawk was gone and all I was left with was dark stubble all
across my head.  With my eyebrow rings and the tattoos that peaked up my neck I
thought it made me look a little like an escaped prisoner.

“Not really.”  I followed Rome as
he moved over to the set of free weights and started hefting one back and forth
with his bad arm.  It still bothered him because he winced each time he
retracted and extended but he didn’t complain and just kept up the reps.  I
should tell him I was all bent out of shape over Shaw; he would probably have
really good advice to give me because I was pretty sure I was on a path bound to
screw up something that was turning out to be amazingly good.  When he left
Wednesday to take her to dinner it had been everything I could do not to tackle
him and demand to know if she had asked about me, if she was doing okay but
then I remembered I was purposely not answering her text messages or returning
her calls and figured I would just leave it be.

His eyes met mine in the mirror as
his face twisted into a tight grimace of pain.  “It wouldn’t have anything to
do with why Shaw looked like a freaking ghost on Wednesday when I saw her,
would it?”

“Why would you think one thing had
to do with the other?” 

“Because I’m not stupid.  She’s had
a thing for you for a while and I figured it was only a matter of time before
you got your head far enough out of your ass to see it.  Plus both of you have
been staring at your phones for the last week like they hold all the answers to
the universe and looking like kicked puppies when they don’t have on them
whatever it was you’re looking for.”

I swore and worried my lip ring
with my tongue.  “You’re really gonna be cool if I tell you Shaw and I have
been hooking up? Or are you going to hurt me?”

“As long as it’s more than hooking
up I will be cool as hell.  Shaw isn’t one of your one night stands and if
you’re treating her like she is I’ll break both your legs.”

I scowled at him and flipped him
off in the mirror.  “What do you mean she’s been into me for a while?  She got
hammered one night and things got heated and I couldn’t stop it from happening
so I figured why not roll with it.  I like her.  I mean I like spending time
with her.  She’s fun but she’s always so busy and this weekend she went back to
Brookside with her weirdo ex because her mom told her too.  I just don’t know
that I can hang out with someone like that.  She’s twenty years old, she should
be living her own life, not bowing down to her parent’s every whim.”

“So let me guess, instead of having
a rational, reasonable conversation with her about it where you laid out your
concerns you probably just shut her out and refused to talk to her while you
seethed and festered in your own anger.”

I shrugged a shoulder.

“Rule, Shaw has known you for a
long time.  Can you imagine what she’s thinking you’re out doing while you’re
ignoring her?  Come on brother use your head for one bloody second.  Is it
worth it to ruin it all before you even get it started?  That girl sees you, I
mean really sees you and I think she has since the very beginning when everyone
was always looking around you to see Remy.  You need to stop being stubborn and
make things right with her.”

“She went with her ex, Rome.”

“Yeah and you went out last night
and let some skank shove her tongue down your throat.  Not everyone operates
off the same script Rule.  Most people want to make their parents happy, want
to have them approve with what they are doing with their lives, not everyone
can burn every bridge the way you do.  Most people want a way back home.”

I cringed a little because he words
hit right at the center of me.  Had I been just a little drunker, just a little
stupider I probably would have made a mistake last night that there was no
going back from.  Luckily the redhead had tasted like sticky sweet lip gloss
and smelled like cheap floral perfume and had none of the softness or
perfectness of how it felt being lip locked with Shaw so I had sent her on her
way and felt like shit for the rest of the night.  I knew I was going to have
to talk to Shaw.  I couldn’t keep going on like this or I was going to
purposely end up sabotaging everything that was building between us.

“It freaks me out Rome.”

“Why?”

“You know why.  Once someone is in
it kills when they leave.”

“Come on Rule, the people that care
enough to get in normally don’t want to leave.  Just look around you, I’m still
here, Nash hasn’t gone anywhere, Jet and Rowdy would kill for you and if you
took a minute to think about it Shaw has been there just as long.  You might
have thought she was there for Remy because he always watched out for you and
protected her, but I think you’re smart enough to realize now that maybe she
was trying to take care of you for another reason all together.”

He let the weights clatter to the
rack with a thud and turned to look at me out of cool eyes.

“Grow up Rule, stop acting like a
spoiled brat that can’t live outside his brother’s shadow.  You have an amazing,
successful career, a solid group of friends, a family that might be broken but
loves you none the less and you have a pretty spectacular girl just waiting for
you to realize she’s yours for the taking.”

“Man when you go big brother you go
all out.”

He rolled his eyes at me as we made
our way to the locker room.  I shrugged back into my street clothes and shot a quick
glance at my phone.  My heart constricted in my chest when I saw the message
she had sent.  I could practically hear how sad she was in the words.  I really
was an asshole; I could have talked to her instead of sending her off with that
jackass without a word.  I was trying to think of something to write her back
when Rome thunked me on the back of the head with his palm.

“Let’s go.”

“I have to be to work at noon
anyways.  Hey Rome,” I waited until he turned and looked me in the eye.  “What
about mom and dad?”

“What about them?”

“Me and Shaw.  If I get it figured
out, if I manage not to screw it up royally what am I supposed to do about
them?  They would never understand.”

“Who cares?  You deserve to be
happy and so does Shaw.  Remy is gone and that’s just the way it is.”

I cleared my throat and ran my hand
across the back of my neck.  “Yeah well Shaw was never with Remy that way.”

His eyes got big and his mouth sort
of dropped open.  “Do I want to know how you know that?”

“Probably not, but let’s just say I
know for a fact she and Remy didn’t have a relationship like that.”

“Well regardless it isn’t any of
mom and dad’s business.”

I sighed again.  “Yeah I guess.”

We parted ways and I made my way to
the shop.  I had a busy day with clients back to back and I was still committed
to going to the show with the guys that night, plus Brent the lead singer of
the band was a good client and I got a lot of good press out of having my work
on him since Artifice had blown up over the last few years.  I went home and
changed and got ready to roll out with the boys but my mind was still on Shaw
and the text she sent me this morning.  She had hurt me and while I was too
hardheaded to admit it that was the reason I had pulled away.  I didn’t want
her around the ex because logically he was a better match for her and I didn’t
want to come up short.  By shoving her away and not giving her a chance to talk
about it, or a chance for us to work it through I was cutting off any chance at
rejection or being found lacking before it could start.  I was an idiot, of all
the people in my life Shaw had never been one to make me feel like I was less
than anything.  Yeah she could be judgmental and chilly when she was feeling
pressured and cornered, but she never made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

The show was awesome; we got
treated like rock stars because we were backstage and knew the band.  The girls
that were around were tempting and alluring but when it came time for the after
party I dipped out early and went home by myself.  I took a shower and crawled
into bed still staring at my phone.  Not able to contain it anymore I finally
sent her a text back.

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I
kissed some chick last night.

I held my breath because I didn’t
know what she was going to write back.  I was fully prepared for her to tell me
it was over, that I had gone too far but nothing came.  I stared at the screen
for a good twenty minutes, my heart racing and still nothing came through.

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I’m
sorry, I didn’t do it to hurt you I’m just an idiot and this is harder than I
thought.

There still wasn’t a response and I
felt that weird slither in my chest that was tied to Shaw start to shatter. 
All I knew was I had to fix this, that I wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. 
Rome was right I needed to grow up.  I hadn’t even given this a fair shot, as
usual my hot head was writing checks the rest of me wasn’t prepared to cash.  I
tossed and turned all night, she never called or texted me back and I began to
panic.  I heard Nash stumble in at some point after four and I hoped Rome slept
through it.  I got up the next morning and started moving around the apartment
at a frantic pace.  I brushed my teeth and shoved a bagel in my mouth.  I tore
through my closet to find the one shirt I owned that had buttons on it and
found the single pair of black Dickie pants I had that weren’t jeans.  I put a
black hoodie on and a pin-striped blazer over it and bounded out the door all
while my brother and roommate looked at me like I had lost my mind.