Ruining Me (20 page)

Suddenly,
the fight and flight instinct took over and I tried to fight him off. 
I
raised
my arms
and start
ed
hitting him and I tried to buck his body off.  He
squeezed
my arms
harshly
and started to shake my body against the floor. 
My head snapped back against the
concrete
and pain radiated through my body.  My vision wavered and the shirt over my face had come down.  His face was twisted not in pain, but in a sick pleasure.  He was loving this. 

“Fight me
.  I want
you t
o.”  My body felt so heavy and I was so tired.  My stomach started to turn and I could feel vomit rise in the back of my throat.
 
His hands roamed lower grabbing my legs and squeezing hard.  He leaned back and pulled his shorts down
then h
e leaned
forward and
reared over me. 
One quick thrust into me and I screamed from the pain.  “Shit.”  He looked down at me and laughed
covering
my mouth again with his hand.  “Guess
JT
wasn’t getting it after all.”  He began moving and the pain was unbearable.  My vis
ion blurred and I let the darkness take me away.

Hands shook my body
,
bringing me wide awake. 
“Wake up Jay.  It i
s okay baby
,
I’m here.” 
Kane’s
voice whisper
s
over my soft cries.  My face was buried in his chest
and h
e kissed the top of
my
head
as
his arms strok
es
my back comforting me.  I snuggle closer and let myself be carried back to sleep feeling safe. 

The sun streamed
through my
bedroom windows
,
softy lighting his face as he lay next to me.  His features were so strong, but in the soft light they were so beautiful.  We were facing each other with his hands wrapped around my wa
i
st.  Kane slept so peacefully and that peace spread to me.  I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

I lean
forward and lightly kiss the t
ip of his nose. 
The sides of his mouth lift
upward in
to
a smile and his eyes flutter open th
eir green orbs still sleepy from his slumber.  “Hi,” he whispers.

“Hi back.”  I say and grin.  We stare at each other for minutes. 
H
e raises his
hand from my
waist
and his finger outlines my face.  I close my eyes just enjoying the moment.

My mind goes back to last night and I realize that he
’s the first to hold me after a
nightmare.  Normally when I have that
particular dream
I don’t go back to sleep
and my mind refuses to shut down.  It plays over and over in my head, but last night he held me and I went back to sleep in his arms
f
eeling safe, loved and maybe even cherished.

With my eyes still closed I feel his lips trace the same outline his finger
traced. 
I feel a
tear squeeze out of my left eye and glide down my cheek.  His lips capture it and drink it away.  “Please don’t cry,” he begs.  I open my eyes and look
into
his concerned ones.

“It’s a happy tear,” my voice chokes back.  He brings his lips back to mine and our gazes lock as he kisses me.  He pulls back first.

“I can wait for you Jay.  My body hurts for yours, but I’ll wait for you.”  I move towards his lips again
,
wanting him
to
know that I’m ready for him.  I am ready for us.  Against my
mouth
he whispers, “Not yet.  You’re getting there.  I want you mind, body and soul.  Do you
understand what I am saying Jay?”

Staring
into his eyes
,
I do understand. 
What is bet
ween us is more than just now
,
and i
t scares me to death and I pull back. 

“I guess I need to get dressed for school.” 
Sitting up
,
I don’t
answer his question.  He will not pressure me now and I know this. 
Walking into my
bathroom
,
I b
egin to brush my teeth.  Within minutes
,
he is standing next to me
reaching for
my toothbrush
.  He rinses it
and applies more toothpaste
,
I watch as
he
brushes his teeth
, s
taring at his
re
f
lection in the mirror
the whole time.
  He
finally
rinses
his mouth
and turns to me.

“Do you want me to come back tonight and stay?”  The question catches me off guard for a minute.

“Do you want to?”  I
ask
,
realiz
ing
that I do want him to come back.  He looks at me and
nods
his head yes. 

“Yes, I want to sleep next to you.
  Plus I hate the idea that you are here alone.”  I smile
at him.
  “Okay,
my turn to
cook you dinner tonight.”  He leans in and kisses my cheek and smiles back at me.  “See you tonight bab
e
,” he says and walks away. 

I thought of that smile all morning as
I dressed and left for school.   Kane wants more from me than just my body
or
one night.  The strangest part for me is that I want to give it to him.  He makes me want a future.  He makes me want to let the past go, but how am I supposed to do that when all
of
the sudden everyone from my past wants the truth.  I hate the saying that
“
the truth can set you free
”
.  The truth can’t set you free.  It can fuck my future fifty ways to Sunday.  In my mind the horror has already happened and no one can take it back.  Having the whole school, my friends and family know will only make everything worse. 

I park my car and get out.  I see Molly and Reed walking toward me
with Molly practically dragging him
behind her.  She
is grinning fr
om ear to ear, but Reed looks leery
of me.  Can’t really say I blame him

As Molly finally approaches me
,
she lets go of him and grabs me around my neck and hugs me.  I look up
and then smile at Reed
.

“I guess Hell finally froze over, huh
?
”
He asked,
but at the same time steps up and w
raps his arms around Molly and me
.  We all laugh. 
Moments later
,
w
hen we finally all pull back
,
Molly smiles at me
as she reaches for
Reed’s hand.

“I told Reed about our talk last night.  We want things the way they were.” 
Molly said. 

Reed l
ooks at me and says,
“We’ve missed you Jay.  I agree that we just go forward from here and enjoy our
s
enior year together.”

“That works for me.  I love you guys and I’ve really missed you.”
  I lean forward a
nd kiss both of their cheeks.  We link arms and
head into school talking about nothing important, but suddenly it means everything to me.

I finally make it to f
irst period and
Cal
is sending me that big grin of his. 
“What are you smiling at?”  I can’t help but ask and smile back at him.

“Looks like someone is finally removing that gigantic stick out of her ass and moving on,” he answers.  I know he’s being funny and I roll my eyes at him. 
Though, o
f course
he had
to ruin the moment and continues, “Have you thought about coming out to support
JT
on Friday?”  I shake my head no to him and I turn away. 

The day flies by.  I sat with Molly and Reed during lunch and it was like the last two years never happened.  They didn’t push for answers and we didn’t talk about JT.  We talked about the
ir relationship
,
the future and of course Molly wanted to know everything about Kane. 
I think I smiled and
laughed more today tha
n
I have
in
years. 

Reed notice
d
Rhye staring at me during lunch.  “Ok Jay, I have to ask this.  What the hell is up with you and Rhye?  Dude is staring you up like y
ou are his
last supper.  I’ve noticed him doing this for a while.  What gives?” 

My eyes follow Reed’s to see Rhye sitting across the lunchroom watching me.  When he knows he has my attention he stands and nods his head and walks out the door.  I turn back to Reed and Molly.

“Just a mess I created for myself.  I don’t think he’s used to a girl not falling all over him.”
  Neither one
of them
have
anything to
say to
that.

At the end of t
he
day, the
final bell rings and I meet up again with Molly and Reed walking out to the parking lo
t.  “Just like old times,” M
olly says
a
nd
smile
s at me and I have to agree.  “Do you want to go have pizza with Reed and
me
tonight?”

“I really would Mols, but
Kane is
cooking dinner for
me
.”  I know I can’t keep the grin off my face
and s
he laughs.

“Ah, young love.  I can forgive you for that.  How about tomorrow we go downtown dancing?  Reed and I haven’t went
out
to a club in forever and you can bring MacHottie with you.” 

Laughing back at her I
say, “I’ll ask him, but either way it’s a date.” 

We get to my car and Molly notices before I do what’s waiting for me on my car.  I see the slip of white paper and this time a single red
flower is
with it.  My stomach instantly turns
and I feel the blood leave my face.
My body freezes.

“Ooh, someone has a love note
.”  I watch as Molly grabs
the note
and opens it befor
e I can say or do anything.    Glancing at
Reed
I
notice that he is watching me.  His eyes grow as he
sees
the panic in mine.  Too late to unfreeze myself and grab the note from Molly
I hear her gasp
.

“
What the hell is this Jay?”
Molly looks upset and
Reed steps to grab the note from
her while
I grab it from
Molly
before he can. 
I open it to read
and my body shakes with fury.

I think it’s about time for round two.  I can’t wait to
take
that tight little body again.  I’m coming for you.  Will you fight me again or just let me
have
it this time?

Reed jerks the paper from my hands and reads it.  I’m too ashamed and mad to say anything.  “What is this Jay?”  He yells at me and continues. “How long has Rhye been bothering you with this shit?” 
My head jerks toward his.  “How long as
he
been stalking you and leaving these notes?”  I guess he noticed the surprise on my face. 
His voice lowers and he ask
s
,
“
Are they even from him or
someone else
?”