Ruined (The Seraphim Series Book 1) (26 page)

“Lucifer, release Lilliah now.” Benedict stepped forward, with a very shaky Ada following.

“What is that?” Lucifer laughed, gesturing to Benedict. “You’re a warlock? Azrael, Azrael. You really have fallen, in more ways than one.”

“I’m warning you, Lucifer. Leave before I make you.”

“Before you make me? And what exactly are you going to do to me, warlock? Your magic won’t work on me.”

“Benedict. What are you doing?” Azrael hissed. They both knew he was no match for Lucifer.

“Lucifer, leave her body or we will remove you from it.”

“You'll remove me, will you? Please. You and your breed are nothing but mortals with a party trick. So please, do your worst.” Lucifer laughed, holding his arms out. “But try not to damage little Lilliah.”

“The Creator made you. The Creator will save you. I bless this holy ground that you walk on.”

”I'm not sure what you've heard about me, Benedict,” Lucifer cut in, smiling, “but praying won’t save you now.”

Lucifer's wicked smile looked so foreign on Lilliah's face. Azrael just watched, unable to do anything. He watched Ada walk round Benedict, holding a large stone in her hand as she started a spell Azrael didn’t understand. She spoke clearly and strongly, but he could tell she was afraid. The foreign words rang around the hollow room, mixing with Benedict's prayer. The other members of The Cure had escaped, scattering like ants. The first glimpse of light started in Lilliah's stomach, dull at first but getting stronger and brighter. Encouraged, Benedict stepped closer, flicking some liquid at her.

“This is not possible. What is this magic?” Lucifer demanded, trying to claw at the now piercing light shining through Lilliah. “Your magic does not work on me!”

“Benedict. Do not hurt Lilliah!”

Benedict's eyes briefly flicked to Azrael before focusing fully on Lucifer, who was in front of him. Another ray of light shone through her chest, then another through each hand.

“You can get rid of me, but I’ll be back, and it doesn’t mean your little Lilliah will come back to you.” He laughed, examining his hands almost in wonder. “She's walking through the fires.”

“What does that mean?” Azrael shot back, panicked by the sudden rays of light that were almost entirely covering Lilliah's body. He wasn’t in the mood for games. “Tell me! Where is she?”

“Well. I guess now you'll never know,” he taunted.

Azrael watched powerlessly as Lilliah's body was lifted into the air, red eyes disappearing as her head fell back.

“No!” Azrael shouted, running closer. “Benedict. Stop! It’s Lilliah. Stop!”

The lights inside Lilliah shone brighter and brighter. Benedict and Ada had been drawn into the magic, making it impossible for them to hear Azrael as he desperately begged for them to stop. Lilliah was now completely glowing, her golden hair floating around her face.

“Lilliah!” Azrael screamed, reaching out for her, trying to grab her arm but getting thrown back. He landed hard on the stone floor. The room was consumed with light, Lilliah at its centre.

“No!” he screamed, trying to stand, but something was holding him down. Some sort of very powerful magic was stopping him from moving. The room exploded, the fire and force throwing Azrael, Ada, and Benedict against the walls. Rubble and smoke filled the room as though the walls and roof of Hell had fallen around them.

“Lilliah?” Azrael choked out, trying to stand up. He couldn’t see her. He couldn’t see anything but the smoke. It was different than the other smoke that had appeared earlier. This smoke filled his lungs and burned his throat and nose.

“Azrael. What happened?” Ada's voice asked from somewhere in the smoke. He could hear her coughing.

“You blew her up!” Azrael shouted desperately, walking forward and waving at the smoke with his hands.

Lilliah was lying on the floor, completely unharmed, her beautiful long hair spread out around her.

“Lilliah, my angel, can you hear me? Sweetheart?” he asked. Gently kneeling beside her, he carefully pulled her into his arms. When she didn’t respond, he shook her body, but she didn’t wake up or murmur.

“Benedict! I need you!”

He could hear his friend before he saw him. Benedict staggered towards him, coughing and tripping on bits of rubble. His clothes were ripped and dirty.

“What did you do to her?”

“I don't know. I just . . .” he stammered, falling to his knees. “I didn’t know what to do.” He ran his hand over her forehead. “She's alive.”

“Why isn’t she waking up?”

“I don't know what Lucifer did to her. I don't know where she is. But she'll come back.”

Azrael looked up at his friend. Benedict kept his head down, focusing on Lilliah and refusing to meet his gaze. “She better.”

Benedict nodded, letting him know he had heard. He didn’t need to see Azrael’s face to know it was a threat. He had heard it loud and clear.

Chapter 21

Lilliah scrunched her eyes shut. The brightness was too much. Turning, she tried to cover her face. She reached for the quilt, but it wasn’t there. Slowly opening her eyes, she stared up at a completely white ceiling. She shot up as the memories flew back to her—Azrael, the spell, Lucifer, his red eyes coming towards her before everything went dark. Was she dead? She slowly stood, rubbing off bits of rubble and dirt from her black top, but there was nothing around her. No dirt, no rubble, no walls! Nothing. There was nothing around her, just whiteness. She was still wearing the same clothes as earlier. What had happened?

“Hello!” she shouted, her voice echoing back at her. “Where am I?” she shouted again, getting desperate. Was this one of Lucifer’s tricks? Was this what he was talking about when he’d said: “walk through the fires”?

“Azrael!” she screamed at nothing, panicked and desperate. Everything started to spin, knocking her to the floor. The spinning was getting faster and faster. “Help!” she screamed, curling herself into a ball and squeezing her eyes shut.

“Lilliah, please drink something.” The voice came before the spinning had stopped, but Lilliah’s eyes still shot open, half expecting to see a woman talking to her. Instead, she was on the floor in a room, and the woman wasn’t talking to her; she wasn’t even looking at her.

“I want to see my father.” Lilliah stood, startled by the voice. It was hers. She was sitting on a large, four-poster bed, surrounded by dresses that had been laid out. Her hair was up, neatly piled on top of her head and covered by a simple net.

“What the hell?”
she said the words out loud but no one looked at her.
“Hello? Can you hear me?”
she tried again, moving to wave her hand in front of the woman's face. No, nothing. She was invisible.

“Lilliah, you know your father will not be pleased,” the woman gently chastised, picking up one of the dresses. “What about this dress? You look beautiful in blue.”

“Get my mother. I want to speak to someone,” Lilliah heard herself demand, silent tears spilling down her cheeks. “I don't want to marry him. I can't marry him.”

This is another life
, Lilliah realised, taking a seat on the bed and watching herself cry.
I'm being made to marry someone I don’t love. This is horrible. This is a horrible life.

“Marriages are not made for love, my sweet.” The woman sighed. “He will have a mistress and leave you mostly alone.”

“But what If I don't want that?” Lilliah could hear the hysterics starting to creep into her own voice. “What if I want more? What if I want love?”

Lilliah wanted to clap for herself and yell that she agreed, that she deserved love. She wanted to pump her fist in the air, but she didn’t. There was no point. No one could hear or see her.

“You need to pull yourself together, my girl.”

“Please, Maggie. Don't make me marry him.” She was full-on sobbing, her body shaking with tears.

“Oh, my dear. If it were up to me, you wouldn’t.” The older woman tried to soothe her while cupping Lilliah's face in her hands. “I love you like you were my own.”

“You’re more of a mother to me than that woman has ever been!” Lilliah shrieked, pointing at the door.

“You must not say such things. Your mother and father love you so much. You are so blessed.”

“They feel nothing for me! All they care about is marrying me off to a man twice my age!”

Lilliah watched herself cry helplessly.

“You are lucky to be betrothed to someone such as the duke, and that he has taken an interest in you! God has blessed you with this face. Be thankful for that, my dear. He's wealthy and you will be taken care of.”

“I want to be more than taken care of! I want to be loved and cherished.”

Aw, I feel so sorry for me
. Lilliah sighed, trying to pat herself on the shoulder, but her hand fell straight through.
“Oh, great. I can’t even touch people. This day is just getting better and better,”
she said out loud.

“Magdalene. I want a word with my daughter.” Lilliah turned to see a woman standing in the doorway, her cream dress flaring out at the waist and filling the doorway.

“Of course, milady.” Magdalene scurried out of the room, her head bent.

“Mother.” Lilliah watched herself stand, the tears on her face unmistakable. “I was just trying to find something to wear.”

“Do not lie to me, Lilliah. I heard it all, everything you’ve said.” The awkward silence stretched as the woman walked farther into the room, her cold eyes fixed on Lilliah as she approached her.

“She called me Lilliah.”
She smiled a little.
“Guess it wasn’t just my body that was reincarnated.”

“You are an ungrateful little girl.” The slap echoed around the room. Lilliah flinched as she watched herself fall to the floor, her own face stinging and knocking her down.

“Oh, my God. This is a horrible life!”
Lilliah shrieked, standing. There wasn’t anything she could do. She had to watch. “
Why couldn’t Azrael have found me here? Why couldn’t I have been rescued from this lif
e?”

“Clean yourself up. We have guests.” The mother walked out of the room, clearly unmoved by her daughter’s crying, leaving her on the floor completely defeated.

“No, Mother. I will not live this life.” Lilliah watched herself crawl to a nearby desk. “I will not continue in this life anymore.”

“Fuck.”
Lilliah watched herself grab a knife out of one of the drawers. She watched her shaky hands hold it over her stomach. “
Oh, please no. This can't be happening. Why am I doing this?”

“Please Lord. I cannot live like this anymore. Please forgive me.” Lilliah watched herself recite the Lord’s Prayer, the tears still streaming down her face. “I'm sorry, Lord.” She plunged the knife into her stomach, once and then again.

Lilliah dropped on the floor as well, as if the knife had been stabbed into her own stomach. She screamed in anguish, clutching herself. There was no blood but the pain was real.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” The words repeated in her head over and over as she lay on the floor next to herself, feeling the life slowly leave her body. The room fell silent. And everything went dark again.

Lilliah woke up in white again, just like the first time. Her hands shot to her stomach. The pain was gone.
What the hell just happened?
She sat on the floor, running her hands through her hair, annoyed, nervous, and on edge.
What is happening to me? What good is any of this? Am I right? Was that an old life?
She hoped not. It really was awful. The room began to spin again.

“No
.” She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut tight. “
Please not this again
.”

The cold air hit her first, then the noise. She opened her eyes as a cart and horse shot past her.

She was on a street—a cobbled, busy street. She could see herself on the other side, her blonde hair wild in the wind as she argued furiously with a man, or more of a boy. He couldn’t be more than seventeen years old. Lilliah was the same, if not a little bit younger. This life was different from the first one—a different time. Their clothes weren’t as glamorous, either. They were old and worn.

“You promised me! You promised me that we would leave!” Lilliah watched herself yell. Even the noise of the crowd couldn’t drown out her scream.

“Lilliah, please let me explain,” the boy tried to say, but Lilliah wasn’t listening. She shook her head furiously and wildly.

“What is there to explain? You lied to me. You were never going to leave with me. You’re going to get married to someone else, and I’m going to be alone.”

“Why am I never happy?”
Lilliah asked, watching herself break down in tears.
“Why are all my lives so crappy?
”

“Lilliah. Please, I have no choice. You have to believe me. I love you,” the boy begged.

“Leave me alone, Gordon!” she screamed, storming into the road, tears blurring her vision.

Lilliah saw the cart and horse before her other self did.

“No!”
she screamed as the cart hit Lilliah, sending them both flying into the air. They hit the ground. The pain started in her head as everything became disoriented, the noises and the screams blurring into one mass of noise. Then the pain reached her stomach, and then her arms and legs. They both screamed in unison. Something was hitting them, trampling over them.

“Lilliah!” she could hear Gordon scream from the other side of the road. The rest of the noise from the street quieted as people gathered around the broken girl. “Oh, my God. My beautiful Lilliah!” Gordon cried.

“The horse, it just wouldn’t stop. I'm so sorry!” a man begged, kneeling down next to her.

Lilliah lay on the cobblestones, watching the whole scene unfold, every bone in her body broken.

“Help me!”
she choked as people walked past her. They couldn’t see her; no one could help her. She lay there on the cobbled road until everything went dark, and she died, again.

It kept happening. She'd wake up in a different place, at a different time, and watch herself die, over and over again. There wasn’t a rhythm to what was happening. She went from old to young, rich to poor. But still the ending never changed. She would die in some painful way, and then she would wake up in the void of white and wait for it to happen again. It had happened so many times she had lost count—twenty, thirty, fifty? She really didn’t know. She lay on the floor, her body aching. Mentally, she couldn’t take much more of this. She felt as if she were losing a bit of her soul every time she died, as if it were being ripped from her.

“
This is the fire,”
she said out loud, her words ringing in the silence.
“I'm walking through the fire.
”

When everything started to spin, she didn’t close her eyes. A single tear escaped her eye.

Please let it end. Make it all stop
, she silently begged.