Rocked Under (15 page)

How did I answer that question? Did I love Ad? I knew the answer was a definite no but I didn't want him to know that. "I–I don't know," I whispered back looking away from him. "What has that got to do with anything?" 

"Because he—ah,
fuck!
" he turned his back to me and drove his hands through his hair.

"Scott…"

He spun to face me and came towards me, intent in his eyes. "Kiss me," he cupped my face again and brought his face very close to mine, his lips almost touching mine.
 

"We cant." I closed my eyes against his dark ones. I could almost feel his lips, I could feel their warmth close to mine, his every breath touching me in a caress that was tipping me over the edge and sending anticipation shooting through my veins.

He groaned low in his throat and brought his body into mine, "Kiss me, Emma," he rasped.

His mouth came to my lips gently, he brushed his lips upwards making my top lip lift and pucker. A jolt so sharp went straight to my belly and I could do nothing but sigh as I opened my mouth for him. His mouth then collided with mine in frenzied desperation as he sucked and then stroked hard with his tongue. In and out, back and forth in an assault of passion against my lips.
 

My body wanted this — hell,
I
wanted this. He stopped moving suddenly but his lips stayed on mine and he took a deep shuddering breath. One of his hands went to the back of my head and the other snaked around my waist as he kissed me in the most tender way I had ever been kissed. His lips were slow and gentle now. I could feel tremors coming from him, his breathing was stilted, shaky. I wasn't thinking, my whole being was here and now and in what was happening. He felt, tasted and smelled so good, I wanted him this way forever, I didn't want it to end.
 

He had my body wanting him, singing to him. Our breaths were ragged as they mingled and crashed. I could fall so heavily for him. Then, I stiffened. A coldness flowed up my spine to my skull as panic held me in its grip. Falling for Scott would be me falling on my face and spending my life trying to get back up. Once again, my mums face at her lowest, in her deepest depression, wheedled its way into my mind. Guilt clenched my stomach when I thought about Adam. I just kissed another guy, he didn't deserve that. Maybe my dads habits had rubbed off on me too.
 

Scott must have felt me as reality crashed down around me and I realised what I had done.

He pulled back to look at me, a question in his expression, as of to say,
what's wrong?
But I looked away. "This isn't right, Scott."

He released me and stepped back.
 

I peeked at him from under my lashes. He was angry at me and I could understand why. I followed him to make amends but I had only made it worse.

"Fuck this shit," he said and walked off.

Chapter Sixteen

I decided to skip afternoon class and sent Ash and Ad a text message telling them that I had forgotten something in class and I would see them later. I trudged home slowly in the cold air, trying to let my mind clear but it didn’t work. As I approached, I could hear angry rock music blaring from Scott’s open window. That was probably good, he wouldn’t hear me going in.

I spent the afternoon going over everything. Why did Scott want to kiss me? Why was he upset? I had a feeling that it wasn't just about last week. It was something else. Questions flitted around my head but I had no answers and it was driving me insane trying find possible answers. I knew I was doing the right thing by being with Ad, I didn't love him but I didn't want the mad love every other girl seemed so desperate for.

Scott would get over it, he wasn’t the type to hanker after a girl for long. I was only a ching tallenge to him because I said no and I was Ash's cousin. Suddenly, the music from upstairs went off and I heard footsteps hurriedly thumping down the stairs. I held my breath, hoping that he wouldn’t come in. Did I lock the door? I couldn’t remember but my shoulders relaxed as I heard the front door slam closed. I went over to the window to watch him. He got in his car, both of his hands gripped the wheel tightly and his head flopped down.
 

I was witnessing an emotion within him that was usually kept hidden and suddenly I felt as though I was breaching his privacy. My heart wanted to go out to him but I needed it to stay whole and safe, with me. I didn't dare give a piece to Scott, he would make it crack until it shattered into a million pieces that would take a lifetime to put back together.

I turned away from the window, not wanting to see anymore. I was just a challenge, that’s all. If I had said yes to him then he would have got me out of his system. But where would we be now if I had been with him that first night? I would hate him for using me and as he lived upstairs it would be awkward for us both. No, I
 
had made the right choice, done the right thing as far as our relationship was concerned and if he was having problems accepting that, then that was his problem not mine. My back stiffened with my resolve. I was probably the first girl who had said no to him.
 

Adam: B ready at 7. Im taking u out 2 dinner. X

Me: Ok. C u in a bit. xx

"Wow," I breathed later when we walked into the restaurant Ad had made a reservation at. “This place is really posh," I had been in much more upmarket places but Ad had put in an effort for me tonight so I made the effort to be impressed.

"I knew you'd like it.” Ad took me over to a candlelit table in the back corner and a waiter came to pull the chair for me. 

"I love it, what’s the occasion?”
 

“Can’t a guy take his girl to a nice place without there being an occasion?” he teased.

“Yes, but you didn’t have to, you know.”

“I wanted to, so sit back and enjoy, woman.”
 

We ordered our food and talked easily. Ad made me laugh by telling me stories of the pranks he used to play on his older brother. I sat and listened while he did most of the talking, which was usual for him. More and more my mind kept drifting back to what happened with Scott earlier. I wanted us to be okay again instead of all this bad feeling between us. I didn't want to admit it but, I missed him.
 

“Emma?”
 

I blinked and found Ad staring at me, “Sorry, what?”
 

“I said, I have a surprise for you.”
 

 
“Sorry,” I shook my head, “my mind was elsewhere. What surprise?”

“I’ve booked us into a hotel for the night.” He grinned cheekily and wiggled his brows.

“Oh,” what did I say to that? Was I ready for that? I wasn’t sure.

“Look, don’t worry. Im not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do. Let’s check-in and see where it takes us.”
 

“Okay, I’ll have to let Ash know that I might not be back.” I went to reach for my phone.

“I’ve already sorted that.” He waved his hand in the air.

“You have?” I didn’t like the sound of that and frowned, “When?”

“At lunch today.”

Suddenly, I realised why Scott was that way with me. He knew about tonight. I thought back to the way he had stomped off as I got in the cafeteria and our argument afterwards. He thought that I was going to sleep with Ad tonight. He’d asked me if I loved Ad. The answer to that was no, I didn’t, but I cared about him and I think he felt the same way about me.

“Okay, that sounds good.” I smiled but inside I was secretly mad with Scott, I mean, how dare he be like that with me for maybe sleeping with someone when he sleeps with numerous girls a week.
 

“Great, I’m ready to go when you are.”

When we eventually entered the hotel room after spending an hour in the bar, we were giggling at a story Ad had told me about what he did that summer.

"It's nice in here," I said as I looked around the room and slipped my heels off. The decor was golds and browns, very rich and decadent. This must have cost him a bomb.

"Only the best for you, babe."
 

I giggled at his cheesy words. He was really laying it on thick.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight," he said as he come closer to me.
 

I was wearing a black baby doll type dress with blue heels and jewellery.

"Only several times," I rolled my eyes.

He slipped his hands onto my waist and I put my hands on his shoulders.

I knew what he wanted, we had almost done it the other night but... I groaned inside as Scott invaded my head, again.

"Are you okay?" Ad was looking at me.

"I'm fine," I reached up and kissed him.

Our kiss was gentle. His mouth moved against mine in his usual way. After a while he deepened the kiss. His tongue invading my mouth. It reminded me of another kiss I had recently.
Ugh!
I didn't want to think about him now. Not now, not when Iow, whi was with someone else.
 

I slipped my hands under his shirt and pushed him back towards the bed. I was going to do this and then maybe I would feel closer to Ad and forget about Scott. As Ad's legs hit the bed he spun me around quickly and before I knew it I was on my back with Ad on top of me. 

"Oh God, Em!” he moaned into my mouth as he rocked his hips into mine.

I put my hands down and tried to undo his belt but failed. 

"Here, let me," he had it undone in seconds.

Then his hands moved to the hem of my dress and he tugged. I lifted my butt, then sat up so he could remove it. He looked at me for a second with a wry grin on his face. It was his turn. He stood above me as he slid off his shirt and showed his tanned and muscled chest, not a tattoo in sight. Then came his pants. As he pulled them down, his cock sprang free and I couldn't take my eyes off it. I gulped. I could do this, everybody does.

He came down on me again and undid the catch on my bra. I put my hands up over my breast in a last attempt to keep my virginity but he put his hands over mine.
 

"It's only me," he laughed.

I closed my eyes as I let my hands fall away and I was bared to him.

"You're amazing," he kissed me.

I wasn't as nervous as I always thought I would be. He kissed down my neck and the top of my breast. I gasped, it felt good. I clutched him to me as he rubbed himself against me. I was becoming damp.

"Oh God, you feel so good!" he groaned into my neck as his hands roved over my body in sure movements.

He kissed his way down my tummy and hooked his fingers into my panties. This was it. This was the part where he removed the last bit of clothing and made his entrance.
Oh, shut up, Emma!
I scolded myself.

He slid them down slowly and then removed them completely. He stood above me, looking at me. I cringed and tried to cover myself.

"Don't be shy, you're beautiful," he turned to his pants and pulled out a condom.

He rolled it on and then he was on me again. "You ready?"
 

Was I ready? I didn't know but it was too late now so I just nodded.

He kissed me and rubbed himself against me until I was groaning for him to do something before I lost all will to actually do it. Pain tore through me as he thrust himself all the way inside quickly. Tears came to my eyes with the pain.

"Are you okay?" he grunted. 

I wasn't but I nodded anyway whilst wondering how long it lasted for.

He started moving again and it didn't hurt so I relaxed into it. He moved fast andmov000 before I knew it, it was over. Was that it? Was that what everyone thought was so good? 

"I'm sorry, it's not supposed to be that quick but you–" he kissed me, "–you turned me on a lot. Next time I promise I'll wait for you,"
 

That's right, I remembered reading that it was harder for a woman to orgasm and that a good lover always made sure the woman came before he did. I didn't want to try it again. I wanted to get dressed and go home but I was here for the night.

"It's okay," I forced a smile, "I'm just going to have a shower."

I got up quickly and dashed into the shower only just snagging my bag on the way in. I already regretted doing it, I should've waited. I wondered how it would have been had Scott been my first. I quickly chased the thought away and stepped into the shower.

Once I had showered, Ad was already asleep, he hadn't even waited for me, not that I wanted him to but still, it made me feel used and cheap. I debated whether I should sneak out now or just stay. If I went now, I would have to explain everything to Ash and I didn't need t
hat now.

I couldn't believe Ad had basically made what we did public knowledge to my friends. Okay, they were my friends but he should've kept it quiet.
 

I decided to stay. I crawled in next to Ad but made sure to stay on my own side of the bed. I pulled my phone off the bedside table and checked for messages, none.

Sleep was a long time coming but I eventually drifted off into a light sleep.