Rocked Under (27 page)

The rest of the day went by in a blur while I spent most of the time debating whether to send him a message. That night I stared at my phone and then started writing out a text only to delete it and retype it a different way. I repeated that process a lot of times before I sent it.

Me: How r u? xx

I decided to keep it short. I asked the main question I wanted to know and kept everything else out of it.

Sixteen minutes later my phone alerted me to a text.

Scott: Good.

He didn't want to talk to me. I stared at the screen for what seemed like ages. That was it then. He didn't want me anymore. I was right about that look he had on his face when I left him. 

I couldn't blame him. I deserved this. I left it too long. A heavy weight settled in my chest as my vision blurred. 

I curled up on my bed with my phone still clutched in my hand as I cried over him for the last time.

The next morning I sat at the table with a cup of tea in my hand and the laptop in front of me, I'd made my decision and now I had to tell Ash.

"Morning," she sat next to me with a coffee. She frowned, "What's wrong?"

"I'm looking for a new apartment. I can't live here anymore." I looked at her. "I'm going to start looking today."

"Okay, but you know Scott could come back at any time so we might not get moved in time."

"I know that and it doesn't matter, I want to get the ball rolling now."

"Okay, I'll help you look and you're not leaving me here, I'm coming with you so any viewings have got to include me." She smiled.

Chapter Thirty

"Wow, I love this and look at the view. Oh my
god
, there's a
jacuzzi
!" Ash squealed as she danced from room to room.

Over the last month we had viewed so many apartments and there was always something wrong with them. 

I laughed and turned to the owner, "I think we'll take it."

"That's great, it'll be ready in around five weeks, does that suit you?"

It didn't but I couldn't risk another month of looking so I agreed and put a deposit down.

As soon as we got in the car Ash was on the phone to Newton telling him that we'd found a place. My heart flipped, Ash was lucky to have someone that she could call, someone that loved her to bits. I sent a text to Kyle and got a near instant reply.

Kyle: Thats gr8 news! Wanna celebrate? x

We went out that night to celebrate at Macy's. I hadn't been out in weeks. Macy's wasn't the same without Scott there and it definitely wasn't so busy. Halfway through the night Ash and I were dancing with Kyle when we noticed a commotion by the entrance. We got up on our tip toes but it was hard to do when you'd had a few and people were dancing around you.

"What's going on?" Ash asked me as I was taller by an inch.

"I can't see anything but big heads." I said, annoyed.

"Come on." She looked at Kyle, "Back in a sec." She took hold of my hand and tugged me towards the tight ball of people at the door.
 

I really couldn't care less who it was. "Someone famous maybe?"

She frowned, "Not in here. Wait here while I check it out." She weaved herself through the bodies until I couldn't see her anymore. Damn Ash and her nosey nose!
 

I didn't care who it was I wanted to dance.

She came back a moment later, her eyes finding mine. 

"Who is it then?"

She looked down at her feet and then back up to me with wide eyes. "Scott's back." 

I froze and my heart thudded painfully against my ribs.
Oh no!
I didn't want to see him. I looked towards the crowd and I saw him emerge from bodies parting. He looked thinner. He was pale and his smile was strained as he greeted everyone who was welcoming him back. I had missed him for months and now panic took hold and froze me to the spot. He was walking this way. 

"Oh my god, Ash,
help me
! I don't think I can see him yet." 

"It's okay, Em, just act natural, okay?"

Act natural?
That was easy for her to say but I was shaking like a Chihuahua on ice. He was still the only guy in the room that the girls gawked at. He still had that dangerous edge about him. I looked away until he stood in front of us.

"Scott, how are you?" Ash went forward and hugged him.
 

Traitor
.

"I'm okay, Ash." He gently pulled her off.

Something wasn't right with him. He seemed distant. Exactly as Newton had described him a while ago. He had an edge of quiet anger about him that wasn't there before, it wasn't obvious but I could see it. I felt it.

He looked at me next. His eyes made contact with mine. I flinched at the pain and anger I saw hidden in their depths but in an instant it was masked cleverly while just an echo of it remained. As a bad cut left a scar on skin, the pain he had been through would be forever ingrained in his eyes like a brand. He looked behind me as I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I turned to see Kyle behind me, giving me support but it didn't help.

Scott's lips tightened. "Emma," he greeted me, his voice was low.

"Hi," I cleared the frog out of my throat.

His eyes wondered down to my mouth and he smirked before walking off and leaving us standing there wondering what had happened to the Scott we all knew and loved. 

"I'm going. I can't stay here." It was blatantly obvious that he didn't want to have anything to do with me. A ping pong sized ball formed in my throat.

Ash was frowning after Scott, "Yeah, I'll come with." She said as she continued to study Scott.

Ash went to tell Newton that we were leaving and told me to meet her outside.

"Are you good?" Kyle asked, eyeing me with concern.

I nodded. "I just wasn't ready for that."

"It'll get easier, sweet." Kyle touched my hand and squeezed.

Kyle was the only other person, apart from Ash, Newton and Meg, that I had told about Scott. "I hope so. Are you staying or you coming?"

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

I smiled, "Whatever you want to do."

"I think I'm gonna call it a night."

Kyle walked me outside and waited with me until Ash came out.

"Newton wanted to stay and catch up with Scott." Ash shrugged.

"I'll call you tomorrow." Kyle leaned in to kiss me on the cheek and then left.

"He really likes you, Em." Ash's eyes followed Kyle's backside as he walked away.

"I know he does." I sighed, I wish it could be Kyle.

"Scott's different."
He hates me.

"Mm..." She looked back at Macy's as we strolled home, "It'll take a while for him to get over it."

"He looks as though he's taking it very badly. I'm worried about him." I don't know why after I hadn't heard from him apart from one measly one-worded text message that was a reply to one I had already sent so it didn't really count.

"I'll speak to Newton tomorrow, find out what he knows."

Later, I was woken by the front door slamming and a high-pitched squeal. I stopped breathing. Scott had brought a girl home. Tears threatened my eyes again. I couldn't do this. I couldn't lay here and listen to them upstairs. How could he be so cruel? I blinked my eyes and rolled over to look at the alarm clock on my bedside table. 02:47 it read. I got up and went to the kitchen for a drink. Ash was still asleep and blissfully oblivious to it all.

I poured myself a glass of water and went back to bed.

As I got under the covers, music started pouring through the ceiling from his stereo and I knew that I wouldn't be getting much sleep, if any. 

I put the pillow over my head and tried to sleep but my heart was sick and tired of it and I wanted him to be the Scott I knew. I went to sleep crying, mourning the person he used to be. 

Morning came after a night of tossing and turning. The dreams in between waking were the worst. I dreamed of Scott with someone else every time I closed my eyes in graphic detail. I woke up crying after every one of them. I went through morning classes almost snarling at everyone. When lunch came I grabbed an energy drink — which I never did — and a slice of chocolate cake to have after my lunch for the sugarfor the rush. 

I sat at our usual table and I hoped that fate would be kind and Scott wouldn't come in. I didn't even know if he was coming back. 

"What's up with you?" Newton sat opposite me.

"Nothing, why?" 

"You look seriously pissed off." 

"I didn't sleep well." I almost grunted.

I wanted to ask him about Scott but this wasn't the place or the time because he just walked in with a girl stuck to his side. She slithered around him like a snake.

My mouth turned down and I concentrated on my lunch, which was even less appealing now.
Please don't come over here. Please don't come over here
. I repeated in my head hoping my will would work on him.

"He's coming over, Em. Ignore him if he's a dick." Newton whispered.

I could only bob my head in understanding. I took a breath, straightened my back, schooled my features into one of indifference and looked up.

The girl was from one of my classes and she was looking straight at me and smiling.
Bitch.
I smiled back, hoping my face didn't break.

I dug into my lunch unenthusiastically; it tasted like nothing but I needed to do something with my hands and eyes.

"Dude, get your slug off the table." Newton moaned.

I looked up then. Scott had sat down and placed her on the table in front of him. He was watching me. He was doing this purposely.

"Fuck you, asshole." Scott's girl spat at Newton.

"You’re a real lady, aren't you?" Newton returned.

The girl turned to Scott, "Are you gonna let him talk to me that way?"

"Leave her, Newton. You don't mind do you, Emma?" Scott's eyes were glassy.

I couldn't believe he was actually asking me if she could sit with us while he fondled her in front of me.

"Scott," Newton warned him, "leave her alone."

Scott focused on Newton, his eyes squinting, "Why do you care?"

What the hell is
wrong
with him?

Newton leaned forward so he was closer to Scott, "You're being a dick and she doesn't deserve this so back the fuck off."

I'd had enough, if Scott wanted to be a twat, then fine, but I wasn't going to sit here and watch Newton argue with his best friend over me. I was grateful to him for trying to help but I didn't want them to fall out over me.

"Wait, did you two…?" the girl waved a hand between Scott and I and laughed.

Scott looked at me and smiled with a cruel twist to his lips before looking back to the girl. "No, she's too prissy for me."

My throat thickened. Why is he doing this?
 

"That's not what I heard," her voice went down to a whisper, "I saw that video." She giggled.

"Scott!" Newton raised his voice.

I had had enough. I pushed my chair back and stood, anger pulsing through me. The bitch was going to get it any second.
How dare she?
How could
he
? I hated him. I wanted to knock his head off right there in front of everyone.

"Don't bother, Newton, the only girls he'll ever be good enough for is sitting right in front of him." I looked at Scott then and saw his jaw grinding.
 

"Fuck off, bitch," the girl stood too and was shooting arrows through her eyes, but I just smiled.

"
Fuck off, Bitch?
" I mimicked and forced a laugh. "If you want a slanging match with me, I suggest you broaden your vocabulary considerably before uttering another word and giving me further reason to believe that you came from a settlement of inbred idiots."
 

The girl turned pink under her thick layer of foundation.
 

"Do yourself a favour and sit down." I shook my head, "You won't win with me." I spat.

She was burning red now but I didn't care. As far as I was concerned she deserved it; she had laughed at something that was personal — something that was a part of my past that I wanted to forget and Scott knew how much I hurt over that. I shot him a look of pure venom.

Scott's mouth was a tight line, his eyes dull as he looked away from me. I wanted to slap him so hard for being like this with me, for treating me as if I didn't matter. Did I mean
anything
to him? Obviously fucking not.

The shit of it was that I loved him, I felt my lips tug down then as my eyes had that familiar sting. I went to walk away but Newton grabbed my hand to stop me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Scott's gaze zero in on the touch. "You haven't eaten anything." Newton moaned.

"I'm not really hungry." I looked at Scott, "I didn't sleep well last night."

"Scott, she needs to eat so go have your lunch somewhere else if you're gonna be a fucking asshole." Newton wouldn't let go of me even though I tugged my at my hand.

Scott's eyes narrowed on us.

"I'm not hungry." Thi
s was getting silly. Newton meant well but couldn't he see that I wanted to go before I blubbed in front of everyone?

Scott sighed. "Sit down and eat, Emma."
 

We were getting odd looks from everyone and I noticed Kyle was on his way over. I sat down.

"Hey," Kyle's warm smile was exactly what I needed right now.

"Hey, you," I tried to be cheerful but it came out cracked.

He sat down beside me and flung an arm around my shoulder with a frown and looked at Scott and then back to me. He knew something was up. "You wanna go for some lunch with me?"

"Now?" 

"Yeah, come on, my treat."

Relief swept through me. "That sounds good.”

I stood again. Scott's eyes were on me but I refused to look at him again.

I said bye to Newton and walked away.