Rocked Down & Out (Rocked #11) (7 page)

He joined me, holding himself still as he pulsated and erupted, nestled completely inside me.

After an eternity, he rolled onto his side, our bodies still joined, and wrapped his arms around me. Matthew's heart pounded against my chest as he stroked my hair, panting.

I opened my mouth but no words came out. There was nothing to say. I wanted to live in this moment forever, so much more deeply connected with him than I'd ever been with anyone.

We held each other silently for a long time, until the cool air in the room made goosebumps on my skin and I shivered.

"Are you cold?" he asked, voice barely audible, even two inches from my face, full of the same satisfaction and sweet fatigue I felt.

"A little."

He shifted to pull the sheet over us and winced.

"You okay?"

He nodded. "Just moved weird. I'm getting old, I guess."

"Yeah, right." Something about his answer pinged in my mind, but I was too blissful to try and figure out why. Instead, I snuggled close again and closed my eyes, inhaling the scent of him, memorizing it.

"So," he said, nuzzling my neck, "Do you need anything?"

"Just you," I whispered.

"Good."

My fingers danced down his back, and I loved the way his muscles flexed under his skin.

"Better stop that," he said playfully. "Unless you want a lot more of me in a second."

I giggled. "I want it all, Matthew."

"Right now?"

My voice was husky with renewed desire when I replied. "Right now and always."

He groaned and lowered his hand to my bare hip, lifting my leg over his. "Your wish is my command."

I smiled and kissed him softly, pressing my body closer. He was getting hard again and I curled my fingers around the base of his cock. "Mmm, so I see. Want to know what I wish?"

Matthew sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. "I think I can guess."

I slid my hand over his length and pulled him against my heated core, sliding the tip of him over my swollen clit, gasping at the sharp pleasure that brief touch brought.

He hunches his back and leaned down to take one of my nipples in his mouth, smothering the soft flesh in damp heat. But an instant later he let out a yelp of pain.

I sat up, instantly terrified. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said through gritted teeth. "Just sore from the bus, maybe."

I looked down at him, taking in the sweat beading on his forehead, and how pale his face had gone. "Bullshit." I took his hand in mine. "Matthew, tell me the truth."

He shut his eyes and took a series of deep breaths, every one making my fear grow, before finally looking at me again. "You have to promise not to tell anyone."

My heart was thundering in my chest, and I could barely get the words out. "I promise. Now, tell me."

He sat up gingerly, wincing again. "I lied to you, Ellie. I lied to everyone."

"About what?"

Matthew shook his head and sighed. "You know in the accident I was lucky. Bruises and a couple of cracked ribs."

"Yeah. Was there something else we don't know about? Another injury?"

"No." He placed a hand over his stomach. "But one of the ribs didn't heal right. I don't know if I moved around too much during our time off or if one of the doctors missed something or it was just a fluke, but it's fucked up, and…" He paused and looked at me, pain and sadness filling his eyes. "I saw someone right before the tour started up again. A thoracic surgeon. She wanted me to stay at home and have a procedure, but I didn't. I couldn't."

Snapshots of the past flashed through my mind, moments when he seemed off, and there were quite a few. "Oh my god, have you been in pain this whole time?"

"It isn't constant or anything, but, yeah."

It hurt me to imagine him suffering in silence, keeping it secret from everyone. "But, didn't you have to get cleared? Or insured or whatever?"

He scoffed. "Yeah, by the doctors that the label pays. They take care of all the artists, but it's mostly bullshit stuff. They give out sleeping pills and shots if someone loses their voice, that kind of thing. All they did was ask if I felt better, and I did at the time. No one came back to check, they didn't do another x-ray or even a real exam. Just signed the paperwork and sent me on my way. I went to see this other doc on my own, just to see. I thought it was nothing, or I was just healing slower than they thought I would. By the time I found out the truth it was too late."

I didn't understand at all. "Too late for what?"

"To delay the tour. Everything was moving. Money was spent, the train was rolling."

I put my hand gently over his, feeling his slow, deep breaths. "And that's your plan? Just deal with the pain until the tour is over? How?"

He shrugged. "I'll see what kind of pain meds I can get. Just be careful with it and I'll be fine."

"Is that what the doctor said?"

Matthew turned his face away.

I grabbed his chin and made him look at me. "Tell me. Right now."

He groaned. "No, we've been emailing. She says the longer I wait the worse it can get."

Deep inside I wanted to cry for him. But rage built and overwhelmed that. "You stupid asshole! You're running around and fucking me and all this in pain. How dumb can you be?"

He recoiled briefly, but then smiled. "It's worth it."

"What is?" I spat.

"Being with you. I'd break every bone in my body for just a chance to touch you, to be inside you." He ran a hand up my thigh.

Every inch of my body warmed, but I shut it down. "Stop it, I'm serious."

"So am I."

"That's flattering, but really fucking stupid. Your life is more important than sex, Matthew. And the shows."

"Come on," he said, tucking my hair behind my ear. "It's not like I'm going to die."

"You could. What's the best case scenario if you do nothing, pain for the rest of your life?"

"Probably."

I sighed and rubbed his shoulders, letting the anger leave me, revealing the terror behind it. "What does the doctor say you need?"

"She wants to reset the ribs with metal plates, get them to heal correctly."

"Recovery time?"

"Months."

"And no one else knows about this?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

I was hurt that he'd lied to me, kept something like this a secret, but I could also understand. "Well, if nothing else, I'm glad you told me."

"So am I." He kissed my bare shoulder. "Look, I'm not going to be a total dumb ass about this. I will try to be careful and as soon as the tour is over I'll do whatever the doctors want. But until then, this has to stay between us. I won't… I can't risk messing everything up right now. Not when my band's whole life is on the line. We're barely hanging on as it is. I know you get this."

I sighed and rested my head against his chest, shutting my eyes. "I do get it. And I'll keep your secret, with a few condition."

"What?"

"You tell me how you're feeling. All the time. And you take care of yourself. Rest, pain meds, whatever it takes. And, if things get worse, you don't hide it from me. We'll figure out what to do together, okay?"

He stroked my back. "Okay."

"Good. Oh, and I don't think we should be having sex. It's a pointless risk."

"No deal." Matthew pulled me back to look at him. "I wasn't joking before. There is nothing on this earth that's going to keep me from having you in my bed again. Or your bed. Or wherever."

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the tiny bit of satisfaction his words made me feel deep in my most selfish parts. "I won't be able to, anyway. I'll be thinking about hurting you. That's not hot."

Matthew's hands skimmed down my body and came to rest at my hips. He pulled me against him and leaned down, taking my earlobe between his teeth. "We can be careful, gentle."

"Still," I whispered, futilely. As much as my brain wanted to hold strong, my body craved him and I knew there was no way I'd be able to control the fire between us for very long. After dancing around each other so long we'd opened a door I couldn't have shut again if I wanted to. And, I didn't want to.

"So, we have a deal?"

I sighed. "Yeah, we do."

"Great." He pushed me back down on the bed and stretched out next to me, slipping a hand over my stomach and down between my thighs. "I think we can seal this deal with something better than a handshake."

My toes curled at his touch. "You are so pig-headed. I think I get why you and Rick are friends, now."

He laughed and kissed my neck. "Don't bother trying to turn me off. Now that I've got you I'm never letting go, Ellie."

There were no more magic words for a girl like me from a guy like him. I believed it, wanted it, and needed it to be true.

*

After another very enjoyable hour in bed, I finally got Matthew to call his doctor. She ordered a prescription and gave him some tips to help keep the pain at bay until he went in to see her. While he went to his hotel room, I got showered, dressed and ran out to the pharmacy to pick up what he needed. I found I liked taking care of him, and loved that he trusted me enough to help and keep his secret.

While I was waiting to get the prescription filled, I flipped through my notebook idly. I'd scribbled down info about a bunch of video footage I hadn't figured out a use for when it came to me. Matthew was dealing with so much, and maybe there was another way I could help him. In addition to hiding his pain, he was feeling unimportant in the band. No matter how many times I'd try to reassure him, I knew it wouldn't help. But maybe I could
show
him he was wrong. There was a clip of Joe talking about a time Matthew broke up a fight. And some stuff where Rick was almost sweet about how close they were. If I could pull together enough, and add some new stuff, I could do a whole package about him. Instead of feeling like the leftover member of the band, he could be looked at as the glue that held them together, the heart of the group. His calm kindness certainly made me feel safe and cared for, it had to be the same for Joe, Dex and Rick. All I needed to do was find the time to put it together secretly. I grinned, jotting down ideas.

Back at the hotel, I entered with a spring in my step until I spotted Julia and her mother having a heated exchange in the lobby. I had to walk right past them to get to the elevators, so I just hoped they wouldn't notice me. I was in a good mood and didn't want to get yelled at or pitched at.

But, of course, I wasn't that lucky. They finished their conversation just as I was passing them, and Julia looked right at me.

"Hey," I said, slowing but not stopping.

"What are you so smiley about, figured you'd be pissed about getting scooped." She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. I was briefly distracted by the way the gesture made most of her boobs visible above her v-neck tank.

"I… uh, what?"

Julia rolled her eyes. "Is everyone involved with this fucking tour taking stupid pills?"

"Huh?" Every dumb thing I said made her angrier but since I had no idea what she was talking about, there didn't seem to be another option, if I ever wanted to find out. "What happened?"

She sighed loudly. "Aren't you gossip hounds supposed to be on top of the latest news?"

"Uh, usually, but I was um… asleep." That was so lame I wanted to roll my eyes at myself.

"Well you should probably check your phone, then. I'm sure you've got a lot of messages."

"Can't you just tell me what's going on?"

Julia flicked her long red hair over one shoulder in a motion that was somehow alluring and bitchy, and I had to respect the talent to manage that. "Do your own job, Ellie." With that she stalked off towards the elevators.

Not being a total moron, I elected not to follow her. Instead, I sank down into one of the leather chairs in the lobby and pulled out my phone, swearing as I noticed it was still on silent. There were a dozen messages and missed calls. I groaned and started scrolling through my text messages with growing horror.

"Of course," I muttered, skimming quickly. "Of course I can't have one fucking nice day without everything going to shit."

As I got up to speed, my brain was torn to two directions. First, I wanted to go to Matthew, see if he'd seen all of this, and if he was okay. But I also knew this was a potentially huge story.

But before I could decide, my phone rang, and it was my boss at
HSTV
.

I cleared my throat a few times and then answered, hoping I sounded alert and busy. "Hi Val, what can I do for you?"

My boss snorted. "How about your job, Ellie?" Her voice was serious, but not angry.

"I'm on it."

"Is that right? Doesn't seem like you're on it. Let me look at our website for the latest Dream Defiled news." She paused. "Ah, here we are. A very cute and informative story about teamwork. Charming. Now, let's see what every other fucking news outlet has. Oh, here's one from our main competitor. ‘
Leaked solo album contract proves the end of Dream Defiled is nigh
.' Hmm, hard to say which is a hotter story. What do you think?"

I cringed. "I think ‘nigh' wasn't the best word choice?"

"I swear to god, I will invent teleport technology just to come over there and punch you in the face."

I gulped. "I'm sorry, Val. I swear, I'm all over this. Headed to talk to the band about it right this second." I rushed over to the elevators as if she could see me. "I'm going up now."

"Great," she said through clearly gritted teeth. "Have video for me in an hour or you're re-fired."

It didn't seem like the time to tell her she'd never actually fired me in the first place, so I just agreed and apologized until she hung up on me.

I stopped off in my room to put on some makeup, fix my hair, and grab my camera. I tried to call Matthew, but he didn't answer, so I sent off a quick text and got back in the elevator. When I got off on their floor, I was stopped by a security guard, someone I didn't know. He was filling the hallway, stone-faced. I recalled something about them blocking off half a floor for the band's privacy.

"Miss, can I help you?"