Rocked Down & Out (Rocked #11) (3 page)

I giggled and then grimaced from a flash of pain. "You're full of surprises, Matthew Daniels."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, Ellie Martin."

Matthew ended up having to be a lot more patient than either of us expected. He stretched out next to me on the bed, spooning against my back as I rolled onto my side hoping it would help my headache. He kissed my shoulder and settled in, rubbing my back absently. I thought of a million things I wanted to tell him and ask him, but instead I just let his touch soothe me to sleep.

When I woke up my head felt a lot better, the stabbing pain having retreated to just a dull throb. Matthew was snoring softly into my ear, his arms and legs entwined with mine. It was so intimate that it scared me, but only for a moment. I ordered my asshole of a brain to shut up and sighed softly, sinking back into Matthew's embrace. Minutes passed and I couldn't remember the last time I felt so cared for. It had been a while, and almost certainly involved Steven.

A tear threatened to spill from my closed eyes as I thought about my foster brother. His professional betrayal felt like so much more. Part of me thought I was over-reacting, but then I remembered Matthew's face, and everyone else when they found out Steven had leaked that private footage. Footage I swore we'd delete. It was a violation of their trust, and mine, and that was the one thing I couldn't forgive Steven for. We were supposed to be a team forever and now I couldn't imagine trusting him again, which hurt my heart so much I could barely breathe.

I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that I hadn't noticed the snoring stopped. Only when Matthew's arms tightened around me did I realize he was awake.

"Hey," he muttered sleepily. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I rolled over gingerly so I could see his face. "Feeling a bit better. Did I wake you?"

"Mmm-hmm, but I don't mind. I figured your headache must have gone away. You were thinking very loudly." He poked me gently on the end of my nose.

"Sorry. But… I don't think that's actually possible."

"It is, believe me. I could practically hear the gears turning."

I laughed softly. "Yeah, okay. You got me." I ran my fingers through his hair. "Go back to sleep if you want."

"Nah, I'm good." He gave me a peck on the lips. "I'm in a band, a few minutes of sleep is all I ever need."

It was then that I remembered he'd played a show last night, stayed up to help get my job back and then come to check on me instead of going to bed. I didn't have the words to thank him for all of it. "I guess this is a really shitty date, huh? Pain meds and a long nap."

He smiled. "I've had worst, I promise you." His hand stroked my cheek. "And any time I get to spend with you is awesome, no matter what we're doing."

"That's sweet," I said. And it was. Super cheesy, but somehow I didn't mind. "But hopefully we won't be hanging out in any more hospitals. That was not so awesome."

"Good point." He peeked over me at the clock. "Damn, it's late. We slept for hours. You must be hungry."

"Kind of. Some guy ate all my snacks earlier." I grinned. In truth I was hungry, but nothing in the world would've made me want to get out of bed.

Matthew sat up and brushed my hair back. "I'll order us a feast. I'm an expert at room service."

"Expert? Isn't it just picking from a menu? I don't see how that qualifies as something you can be an expert at."

"Ha. I'll show you." He snagged the menu and flipped through the pages, a fake studious expression on his face. He tapped his chin with a finger and sighed dramatically.

I laughed, and was happy to discover it didn't make my head hurt more. "Want some spectacles for that performance, professor?"

"Hush. I have to concentrate." He hid his face behind the menu, but not before I noticed he was trying not to laugh too.

"Sorry." I pulled myself up into a sitting position and rested my elbows on my knees. "Uh, I hate to interrupt, but is this food coming today? Should you be looking for tomorrow's breakfast instead?"

Matthew waggled a finger at me. "Keep making jokes. You're going to eat your words."

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "At least I'll get to eat something." Any hunger I was feeling fell far down on my list of priorities. Sitting here with Matthew, just being silly was a revelation. Is this how normal people feel? Able to ignore the sadness and anger of a past that haunts them, able to just enjoy a good time with a wonderful person? If so, I was all in for being normal, as much as I could ever be.

Finally, Matthew set the menu down on his lap and reached for the phone.

"Hey, you're not going to tell me what you picked?"

"No. Your punishment for doubting me is you have to wait and see what I order."

"But what if I don't like what you choose?"

He shrugged, eyes twinkling. "You will."

I groaned. "Yuck. Rock star ego."

He laughed and pressed a button on the phone. After a few seconds he started rattling off a list of foods. Enough for a small army. I couldn't even catch everything he asked for between the massive list and extensive customizations for every item.

"Are we having a party?" I asked after he eventually hung up.

"Huh?"

"You ordered a zillion things. If we're having everyone in the hotel over for lunch I'm going to need to at least brush my teeth."

Matthew sucked air through his teeth. "Yeah, I was going to mention something about your breath…"

"Dick!" I yelped, tossing a pillow at him.

He caught it and grinned. After dropping the pillow on the floor he slid back next to me. "I'm kidding, your breath is fine. And the food is going to be great. Trust me."

I looked up into his eyes and smiled. "I do trust you."

*

While we waited for the food I turned on the television and ran to the bathroom. I planned to just pee, but even though we were joking, I figured it couldn't hurt to actually brush my teeth. And my hair. As I stood in front of the mirror, I wondered who this girl was looking back at me. It was a cliché, but I barely recognized myself. I was still pale, but there was a bright blush of red across my cheeks and a light in my eyes I'd never seen before.

When I went back out into the bedroom Matthew was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at something on hid phone, frowning.

"Everything okay," I asked.

He glanced up and a smile spread across his face. "It is now."

I laughed. "You're so cheesy."

"Yep." He reached a hand out. "Come here."

I went to him and he pulled me down next to him, draping an arm over my shoulder. He turned his head and kissed my cheek. I returned it, but on the lips.

"Mm, minty-fresh," he murmured.

"Didn't want my breath to ruin your appetite."

He chuckled. "Impossible." He rubbed the back of my neck gently. "How's the headache?"

"Pretty much gone."

"Glad to hear it. Eating should help."

At the moment, food was the last thing on my mind. Now that it didn't feel like my skull was about to explode anymore, the feel of his touch reignited my desire. "It'll probably take hours for them to make all that shit you ordered."

"You mean the delicious selection of food I chose for us?"

"Yeah, that shit."

He rolled his eyes. "No respect for the skills."

I couldn't tear my eyes away from his mouth. "I have the utmost respect for all of your skills, I assure you."

Whether it was the look on my face or the low husky tone of my voice, he raised an eyebrow as he realized I wasn't talking about food anymore. "Ellie, you're supposed to be resting."

"I am," I said, sliding a hand over his thigh.

"Uh-huh." His fingers closed over mine, stopping them. "Come on, get back in bed."

"Not your most romantic line, but I'm glad we're on the same page," I replied.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know." Frowning, I let go of him and scooched back on the bed before stretching out. I blew out a harsh breath of frustration.

In an instant he was kneeling on the bed next to be, holding my hand. "What happened? More pain?"

"No, I just…"

"What?"

"I don't want you to be my nurse, Matthew."

He cocked his head to the side and sighed. "I know, but I've got to take care of you."

"You have been. And I appreciate it." Insecurity flooded me. Was I just a charity case now, a wounded bird for him to care for?

Matthew lay down next to me and turned my head to face him. "Don't look so sad."

"I'm not. I'm happy. I mean, you're such a sweet guy and I really do appreciate everything you've done for me. Don't think me ungrateful."

He grunted. "I don't. But I don't want your gratitude, either. Believe me when I say I'm not doing this only out of the goodness of my heart."

"Yes, you are."

"No." He leaned down and kissed my neck, sending tingles through my entire body. "I told you before. I have to make sure you get better so I can have my wicked way with you."

I laughed bleakly, knowing he was just trying to make me feel better. "Yeah, so you said. But it's okay. I get it. Weak isn't sexy. I understand."

"Bullshit," he spat ferociously. He loomed over me and held my chin in his hand. "First of all, you're not weak. You're hurt. There's a difference. And second, if you were any sexier I'd probably explode right here."

His words warmed me, but doubt still remained.

As if he could see it in my eyes, Matthew groaned. "Damn it. What do I have to do to convince you?"

I shrugged and began to sit up, pushing him away, shutting down. "Nothing."

"Shit, you're maddening sometimes."

"So I've been told."

He groaned and grabbed my shoulders in both hands. "I only have so much self-control, you know."

"I don't want your self-control," I replied glumly.

"What do you want, to end up back in the hospital?"

"Of course not. I want…, never mind."

"Tell me."

"I want to feel normal again. I want to feel like a real person, not some pitiful charity case. I want you to look at me like you did before. I want… I want you." A single tear slipped from my eye.

"And I want you, but…"

"See, there's always that ‘but'. I don't blame you, but I just thought it was different between us. Hoped it was."

He sighed, looking deep into my eyes for a long moment. "There's nothing I can say to make you believe me, is there?"

"I guess not." I knew I was over-reacting, over-sharing, but I couldn't seem to stop myself. Every all-too brief moment of raw desire we'd shared flashed through my mind, and I mourned their loss. I blinked back new tears, feeling more pathetic by the minute.

"Stop it," Matthew said, his voice strained. "Please don't cry. I can't stand to see you in pain. Any kind of pain. And I hate being the cause of it."

"You're not the cause. I just got lost for a bit. Let myself think… it doesn't matter."

"It does matter. Everything you think and feel matters to me." He pulled me closer, burying his face in my neck. "Fuck, I give up."

"It's all right. I understand." I bit my lip to keep from sobbing.

Voice rough, he spoke against my skin. "You really don't. You're driving me crazy and I don't even care." His arms encircled me. "I'm so angry with you and worried about you but all I can think about is how your hair smells, how soft your skin is. I'm trying to be a nice guy here but goddamn. How can you being so infuriating just turn me on more?"

"What?" His words barely penetrated the haze of misery I was floating in.

Matthew slid his hand up under my shirt, splaying his fingers over my belly. "I never know what your mood is going to be from one minute to the next. And it just doesn't even mean anything. The more you baffle me the more I want you." He looked at me, his expression unreadable. "Okay, how about we compromise?"

"How?"

"You promise to stop telling me how I do and do not feel, and I'll stop trying to tell you."

"Okay," I said, confused.

"Good." His fingers slid lower, to the waistband of my pants.

"What are you doing?"

"Showing, not telling. Talking isn't really my thing anyway." He smiled and bent his head down to my chest.

I was about to ask what he meant when he made it abundantly clear. His hand slid over my panties as my legs parted reflexively. His mouth descended to my breast and sucked gently, making my nipples pebble and my whole body clench.

A tiny gasp was the only reply I could manage.

Matthew's nimble fingers rubbed and circled and teased me through the thin layer of cotton that covered my core, playing my body like I was his guitar, pushing all of my doubts and fears out of my mind.

He shoved my shirt up and swept his tongue over my breasts, coordinating the movements of his mouth and finger perfectly, torturing me sweetly. His breath hot against my skin, he pressed his body against mine and I could feel how hard he was.

My hands fisted against the sheets and my toes curled as his finger slipped beneath my panties, against my bare skin. His touch was hot and cool at the same time and shut my eyes.

He groaned as the tip of his finger slipped between my slick folds, finding the moisture pooling there. "You're incredible. I have to taste you. Is that okay?"

I whimpered, nodding.

"Good." He sat up long enough to help me undress. There was something really sexy about him being fully clothed while every inch of me was bared to him. The contrast of the cool air in the room and the heat of Matthew's body as he settled between my thighs just aroused me more, if that was even possible.

Before I could feel embarrassed or uncertain, his hand covered my mound and his mouth found my core. Gently, but insistently he explored me, licking, nibbling, rubbing. As I began to writhe beneath him, he slid one finger deep inside me, and then it followed with another.

I moaned something unintelligible and twisted my fingers in his hair.

He sucked on my clit and began to slide his fingers in and out of me, slowly, deeply. Matthew raised his head just long enough to look into my eyes and whisper, "Come for me."