ROCKED BY THE WAVES (15 page)

SOUTH OF RIVER KURRAM

It was early November. It was getting colder and colder. It was beautiful, though. The trees were amazingly green, while the leaves on the ground were red and yellow. It was the Indian Summer, they called it so. I enjoyed the late warmth of the sun playing with the kids. Moon was with me.

Bruce McVey came to us. He was holding a letter. Strange enough, I thought.

Rhona came to us as well. She was overexcited.

«Madame, that’s for you. From India!»

I looked at the envelope.

«Must be important», she said.

I looked at it again.

«But... who could be writing to me?»

«Just open it».

The stamp was from the British Indian Army. Who was in the army? I didn’t know anybody that had joined it.

October the 10th, 1894

Waziristan, South of River Kurram.

Dear Claire,

I told you I would write to you. Well, I joined the army. I knew I couldn’t have you to myself, so I left. I could have gone to North America, which meant fighting the Indians, so I decided to leave for India. It’s far enough from you, I believe. I should have written to you before, but I couldn’t. I’m at the border and I constantly need to face attacks. There’s going to be a big fight, I believe. I may not survive, but if I will, I will let you as soon as I can.

Oh, God. He should have found another girl to fall in love with, not join the army. Moon came to me.

«He no forget».

«But if he dies...»

I was angry.

I always think of you and talk about you. People here believe we are engaged. The food is awful and everything is dirty. Maybe one day you will notice me, if I am brave enough.

I’d love to hug you. I love you and would like to marry you. But I can only write to you and hope to be able to do it again.

Yours faithfully,

Keir Murphy

I cried. He was a beautiful young man risking his life because of me. Maybe he truly loved me? No, he was too young for such a thing. He will be back, I told to myself. The letter fell from my hands. Sam came to me and picked it.

«What’s wrong, my dear?»

He read the letter.

«This is not your fault».

«But if he dies...»

«My dear, you did what you could. Love can’t be erased».

«Do you think he will fall out of love? I should have discouraged him more...»

«I don’t know, but you did your best...»

I cried and hugged him. I trust him, so I knew he would comfort me. He could understand how I was feeling. I was feeling guilty and didn’t want Keir to die. I had my family and needed to take care of it. But if Keir died...

«I’m so sorry», I said as Sam caressed my hair.

«Everything’s okay. I’m here. I’m with you. We will face this together...»

We sat and I drank a glass of water. He had read the letter of someone who claimed to be in love with me, but he was still keeping his cool and trying to calm me down. I hugged him.

«I’m so sorry... I don’t want you to feel bad about this. I didn’t think he would write! I know I’m a married woman and should take care of you... you know I love you and would never betray you. He went to India! I could kill him. I could! See? He’s spoiled and silly».

«Claire, please... our sons won’t be like him. Just relax... everything’s fine».

We kissed.

«I love you, Sam».

I was feeling better.

I fell asleep and didn’t dream. We hugged during the whole night.

~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~

London, November the 5th, 1894 – Gentlemen’s club

Jack
«Yesterday night I didn’t see you at the theatre.»

Alexander
«I had some other commitment.»

Jack
«Female company? Beautiful, dark-haired, with blue eyes?»

Alexander
«Not really».

Jack
«You know, our friend Auguste is working at Dashur. William is in Naqada. You might join them... you’ve always liked archeology»

Alexander
«You know I can’t. I have something to do.»

Jack
«I’ve known you for twenty years. She won’t come back... it’s been a year now.»

Alexander
«It’s been thirteen months and she will. I know that.»

Jack
«She might have changed. Let go of her...»

Alexander
«Never! I want her back.»

Jack
«Are you being proud? You don’t love her, right?»

Alexander
«She’s my wife!»

Jack
«Please, Alexander...»

Alexander
«When will you be leaving for your trip?»

~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~

It was April, 1895. Our son was born. Marcus, a dark-haired boy who seemed to have a passion for screaming. We were always trying to calm him down. Moon had a daughter and we were both busy trying to be good mothers.

I had given birth with the usual pain. It had been long, but thanks to Sam things had gone smoothly.

I was happy and couldn’t care less about the pain. Eddy was able to say a few words by then and he was lovely. He ate on his own and got on very well with Sam.

«Come on, Eddy, let’s eat something more... will you?»

«No!»

«What about an apple? See, daddy is eating it too».

Sam was covered in food.

Having lunch next to Eddy: probably not the best idea.

But they loved each other and played together. They built things. Eddy was always laughing and smiling.

Sam was still building the stable.

I was looking at that awkward couple. They were inside the building and kept talking. It was a hard project to carry on, building a stable, but Sam was willing to complete it.

«You see, Eddy, when daddy is finished with that, you will have your own pony waiting for you in here! I will teach you how to ride».

Eddy was sitting on the floors, looking at him and clapping his hands. He was dirty and he was trying to taste what looked like a... spider!

«Eddy, no! You can’t eat the spider!»

«Of course he can’t!», I said.

Sam blushed.

«You know he tastes everything... you’re just like a child, Sam». I took the spider and Eddy started crying.

«Explain to him why he can’t eat the spider! You should».

I looked at him.

«You taste it and see what it is like to eat it. So that you will be able to explain Eddy why he can’t do this».

Sam blushed again.

Eddy was already looking for other things to taste.

«So... what will you do now?», I asked Sam.

He took Eddy in his arms.

They were great fun. They got on, they really did.

«What’s Marcus doing?»

«Sleeping. Rhona is looking after him».

We hugged.

«I’ll hold Marcus for a while, later. Maybe he will calm down...»

Sam was good at being a father. He loved them and they loved him back. He was patient and really calmed the kids down.

Having two children was hard, but Sam made it all look simple and smooth.

We were a great family, even if we were an awkward one.

We had a nice house, far away from the past. We were free.

A FANTASTIC WORLD

It had been a long and cold winter. It had snowed very often, so we had been forced to stay home throughout many months. Rhona had been unable to get to our house on many occasions and I had discovered I actually enjoyed cooking. I made few romantic dinners. We had cuddled for several hours afterwards.

The snow was finally melting, the sun was coming out more and more often. The days were becoming longer and spring blossomed in.

I could hear the wind through the leaves and see the rays of light behind them. I enjoyed the sight of that and I was happy to see that the trees had begun to dance in the warm wind. Moon had taught me how to distinguish different kinds of leaves. I was becoming more and more good at that. Every leaf had its own story. It was unique and you could feel that, as touching it.

The weeks flew by. Sam was very busy, while I was always looking after the children.

I was good with them, because they were nice kids. They were sincere and they always asked wise questions. They were smart and I felt that it was our duty to make them understand how deep their thoughts were. I wanted them to feel proud of themselves and want to know some more about everything.

I loved literature, history and geography. My mother had made me learn Latin and Greek and I was very fond of Italian art. I knew that the best way to teach something to kids was talk to them.

It was a mid-May Sunday afternoon. I wanted to go for a walk but I knew Sam would stay home, because he was busy building the stable with Edward. Moon, Kjiku and their daughter had gone to a meeting.

I took Marcus with me, since he was sleeping. Then I went to kiss Sam goodbye. He was working.

I could see him sweating. Edward was sleeping nor far from his dad.

«Sam, I’m going for a walk».

«On your own?»

«I’m with Marcus. And Keir’s in India, right?»

«Yes, but Moon is not home either. Should you be in need of help, you wouldn’t be able to ask for it to anybody».

«I’ll be fine».

«Okay... but if you’re not back in two hours, I’ll come look for you».

I knew he would come look for me in an hour tops.

I kissed him and savoured his lips. Then I went into the woods.

The grass was soft and I was happy to walk alone. The wind made a pleasant sound and the smell was incredibly good. I liked the colors and the flowers. Sam used to tell me that I needed to listen to the sounds of the woods: when it was too silent, it meant that the animals had felt some danger approaching.

I took some berries. They were tipycal from Nova Scotia.

When I got to the river, I took my shoes off and entered the water. It was then that I noticed a very tall woman. She had blond hair and was wearing a very nice dress. She was walking a few metres from me, but she hadn’t noticed me. She seemed to be wary and stubborn. I didn’t like her at once.

I looked around and hoped to see Sam. He wasn’t there. How long had I been away? I couldn’t tell. The woman seemed to notice me and I thought she would come and greet me. But she went into the woods instead. I stood still. She was on our estate. And I had never seen her before. I put my shoes back on and saw Sam and Eddy approaching. I suddenly felt much better.

«I’m glad you are here», I said.

He looked around. «Why? Are you hurt? Is Marcus all right?»

«Have you met a woman on your way here?»

«A woman?», he asked.

«A tall and blond one. Nicely dressed. She must be in the woods. I’m not sure why, but I don’t like her being here».

I paused. «And Moon is not here».

«I’ll ask around. Tomorrow morning. Now let’s go».

On our way home, Marcus woke up and started crying. Eddy hugged Sam and we got home. But when we did, we found the woman sitting under our porch.

«We found the woman, I believe».

«She found us, I fear».

Sam greeted her.

She looked down on him, then she focused on me. «I was told a Scottish man had arrived with his wife. I was told she was very charming». She looked at my shoes. They were covered in mud. «My name is Elizabeth Gray».

«Is there any particular reason why you’re here?»

«We’re neighbours. We never met, though».

She lived in the house on top of the hill, I guessed. She was not exactly a close neighbour, but I figured she must have been very curious to meet us.

«So... Are you married?», Sam asked. He was clearly impatient.

«No. I inherited the place from my father». She was very stubborn.

«I see».

«Won’t you have me over for tea?», she asked.

«I’m sorry, but today we really can’t. We have two kids to look after and many things to do. Maybe we’ll come and visit you, some day».

She looked at him. She was not used to such unpoliteness. 

«I thought Scottish were supposed to be nice».

Then she reached a horse nearby and rode away.

«I swear, it looked as if this was her house, instead of ours».

He was right.

«I don’t like her... why was she in the woods?»

«Maybe she was looking for us», Sam said.

«Maybe she was looking for me...» I thought of the letters I had got months ago.

«You mean... she might have written those letters? She surely looks self-confident...»

We sat under the porch. Eddy was playing.

«But what has she to do with me?»

«Edward, no! You can’t eat those flowers».

Better than a spider, right?

«She might be envious. You heard her...», added Sam.

«But why would she write such letters? She must be hiding something... We must find out».

Sam hugged me and I kissed him. I put my hand on his leg and I suddenly felt the desire to make love to him.

«We’d better go inside».

«Guess so».

He helped me stand up, then he took Edward in his arms. We entered the house and shut the door. We put the kids to bed and went to sleep ourselves. We kissed and I put my hand between his legs. I knew he wanted me. I kissed his chest, then his belly.

«You’re tickling my belly».

«Eddy likes it».

«I like it too, but I like it more somewhere else...»

I knew what he meant, so I kissed him where he wanted to. He was sweating and humming, then he took my head with his arms and came. I unleashed Hugo, as we called it, then I kissed Sam’s mouth. He hugged me.

«I might die, someday», he said.

«Why? Wasn’t Hugo pleased?»

«He was, but my heart can’t always beat so fast, you know».

I kissed him.

«I can always behave».

«Please, don’t. Hugo and I love you the way you are».

«So... may I continue?»

«You may», he replied kissing me.

«I love you», he added.

«You’ll never betray me, right? In London many husbands take lovers».

«I don’t need lovers. And we’re not in London».

«What if we were?»

«You’re the only one for me».

«I like it, when you tell me such things».

«I’m jealous and I love you much, Claire».

I laughed.

«What? I’m getting better and better at hiding my jealousy. Plus, we have two kids. You can’t escape from me now».

«Escape?»

«Right. You sometimes do, you know...»

«You mean I neglect you?»

«Sometimes».

I knew we were like that. We liked to provoke one another.

Some two days later Sam went with Eoin to the flourmill. Mr Scott would be able to tell him something about Elizabeth Gray.

He was a short man. He had a round head and few hair. He knew everything about everybody, because he owned the flourmill. He met everyone from time to time. He liked chattering, furthermore. He had two and ugly sons. They both looked like their father and they were not especially smart.

«Good morning, Mr Scott».

«Mr Campbell! I don’t get to meet you often».

«The farm keeps me busy... and I have two kids...»

«And a very charming wife, right? She must keep you busy».

He laughed.

«She’s a very nice person».

«Of course. And I surely expect men to notice that!»

He laughed again.

Sam was getting angry, but he kept his cool.

«Do you happen to know Elizabeth Gray, Mr Scott? She had come to visit us on Sunday».

«She came to visit you? Must have been pretty curious about you, then...»,he said thoughtful.

«Curious?»

Mr Scott didn’t answer that.

«Mr Scott?»

«She was never married. His fiancé broke up with her few days before the wedding. For a younger and nicer woman».

«A black-haired and blue-eyed woman?»

«Right».

«I see».

When Sam came home, he told me everything he had found out. She must have written the letters, then. She must hate me. She could see that I was very similar to the young woman who had stolen her fiancé. Plus, I had a family and she didn’t. She must have thought that those letters would make Sam and I have a fight. What was she thinking now that she had met us in person?

It was July. Rhona came to me and showed me a letter.

«It’s from India! Is it your friend?»

I looked at her. I didn’t want to tell her anything about the letter.

«I shall read it».

Rhona stared at me. Then she left. Good, so Keir was alive, which was something. But I knew Sam wasn’t going to like the fact that the boy had written to me twice.

I looked at the envelope. Sam would be home in two hours or more. I opened it.

May the 20th, 1895, New Delhi

My beloved Claire,

I always think of you and I can’t live without you.

We have been attacked, but I have been a valiant soldier so I got promoted and I am in New Delhi now.

I was injured, but my leg is recovering very quickly. The doctors say it’s going to be fine and I’m not even in the hospital anymore.

I have to walk with a stick for a few weeks.

I want to meet you. And I want you to be proud of me, so I’ll be brave and do my best in the army. My fellow soldiers asked me why you never write me back and I said your family doesn’t approuve of me, so we have a secret relationship.

Sam was not going to like that part, I thought.

India is such a complex country. It is mystical and colorful. Life is ruled by nature. Rivers are huge and people speak many languages. They don’t believe in the same religion and they believe that after death the soul reincarnates in other bodies several times.

The food is spicy, the smells are strong. Curry is very common here and sometimes I can’t even tell what it is that I am eating.

Women wear shiny dresses. Some of them are very beautiful and they smell good. They decorate their bodies in ways I had never seen. I like the way they paint their faces and their eyes. They have long dark hair. They tie themin braids.

Maybe he’ll find an Indian girlfriend, I thought.

I always think of you. Your face, your eyes. I can’t forget you. I can still taste your lips. I will always remember our kiss and I will never find anyone as beautiful as you.

Sam is not going to like this.

I will be eighteen soon. You’re just twenty. In such a fairytale country, I think everything is possible. I can even believe you are going to love me, someday.

I’ll write to you.

Your loving,

Keir Murphy

I finished the letter and knew at once that India wasn’t doing Keir any good. I didn’t feel comfortable about that. I hid the letter and tried to think of something else. When Sam got home, I made an effort to be as nice as usual. I wanted to wait before telling him about Keir. I wanted us to be alone and relaxed.

When the moment came, I didn’t quite know how to act. I decided to tell him straight away.

«I got a letter from Keir».

He stared at me.

«I want to read it».

I had foreseen that reaction, but I had not been able to foresee what he would do, once the letter read. Keir was not in danger anymore and he had been pretty clear about his feelings for me. The letter was not a discreet one. What would Sam do?