Rock Me Slowly (22 page)

I fill the sink with warm water and take the wash cloth to remove all the dried in blood that has been left on Josh’s beautiful face. He closes his eyes and lies back to let me work away at his chiselled features. I love Josh’s face just as much as his body but it’s his soul and his heart that has captured my heart. He is such a great person but he struggles to let that side out of him, probably due to his past which is a real shame.

Josh grabs the wash cloth from my hand and throws it back towards the sink. He doesn’t look very happy and I wonder what has made him flip this time. How I wish I could see into that head of his to see what he is thinking.

“I need to head out for a while, I need to think. This is doing me no good being stuck in this fucking bus day and night. It feels like a fucking prison, I need to breathe!” Josh once again shouts the words at me and I balk at his reaction. I have to give him space otherwise he will distance himself further something I don’t want.

“Okay Josh be careful though.” I mutter but not loud enough for Josh to hear because he is already out the bathroom door and no doubt off the bus. I hope he comes back to me, I want to help him, his desolation scares me.

I walk out of the bathroom to be met by Mickey. He doesn’t have his usual cocky expression plastered on his face but one of worry and concern which is something I don’t see often on Mickey. My heart does go out to him but there is also something I don’t trust about him too.

“You okay Sophie? I know your worried about Josh but he can take care of himself, he has proven that time and time again. He doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. I bet you anything he’s out there right now drinking himself into a stupor and chatting up the nearest girl to him. He always reverts to form eventually.” Mickey says very seriously. There is no kidding or joking around now and that’s what worries me the most. Josh isn’t in the best frame of mind at the moment and I do believe anything is possible.

“We don’t know that Mickey, for all we know he has changed for the better. Who is to say that he would do that again, we aren’t exclusive or anything but I feel like we have both developed a connection that is unbreakable. Can you not just bury the hatchet and move on from this whole horrible business?” I’m pleading with Mickey’s better side to give it a go; surely he doesn’t want the band to suffer for Josh and Mickey’s issues. They are successful at last and they need to find some way to get past it all in order to continue to be successful.

“Sophie, you haven’t known Josh for long I know what he’s like. Josh loves the chase of these girls as much as I do. We crave the feeling it gives us knowing we have the power to decide what lucky girl is going to get that fifteen minutes of fame, simply by just sleeping with us. You wouldn’t want to know how many girls he has fucked, it’s a huge number. He’s felt things for girls before and what does he do, he spoils it all and sleeps around again, breaking the girl’s heart into pieces. I like you Sophie so I’m warning you; he will do it to you too.”

The last of Mickeys words echo in my mind and I begin to wonder whether he could be right. I don’t know Josh deep down, I only know the parts that Josh wants to share with me. Has it been an act to get me into bed? No, I don’t think it was. He treated me with the utmost respect and didn’t make me feel like I was just a pawn in a game; he made me feel like someone that was special and I love him for it.

“Mickey are you trying to destroy the little that Josh and I have together out of hate and spite of what he did to your sister? Please don’t kill the one thing that is keeping him going through all this. Don’t do this to me. I actually feel that what we have could become something special if given the chance to develop and flourish. Surely he deserves some happiness?”

“He may deserve to be happy but he never will. His past is full of secrets and it’s that, that is stopping him from moving on, it’s the exact reason he is a dickhead and will revert to form. I’m sorry to say it Sophie but you are nothing more than a convenient fuck while he is on tour. As soon as he is back home that will be it, it will be Sophie Who?” Mickey squeezes my shoulder and walks away from me and I’m left to ponder whether I could have been so utterly wrong about Josh. My gut is never usually wrong but something deep inside of me is telling me to question everything about Josh.

Where the fuck has he gone and why wouldn’t he let me come with him? Now that everything is coming to light will he ditch me and just go back to how he used to be before I ever met him? I’m not an insecure person but he is out there alone likely getting trashed in a club and he will be surrounded by many a beautiful woman due to his status.

Will it take much for him to be tempted by what they are offering him or will he stay strong and honest to this thing that we have? Okay, so we haven’t actually declared a relationship between us but that is where it is headed for sure. We love being in each other’s company and the sex is amazing between us. I have never had sex like the sex that Josh and I experience, it is mind blowing and I really don’t think I could get enough of him. I have to stop thinking like it’s going to end at any minute, I’m only torturing myself.

Come back to me babe, come back.

Josh

I enter the nearest bar to the tour bus and settle myself down in a secluded booth at the back of the club where no one should be able to recognise me unless they were specifically looking for me. I like this place; it has charm and character, a rare find when you are in New York. Everything is usually fake and tarted up to the max so I’m glad there was a rustic and old fashioned bar in amongst the New York glamour. New York can be a bitch of a place to be, if you don’t look the right way then you can forget it, you will be cast aside without so much as a second glimpse. I prefer being on the road it’s much more real; you don’t have to pretend to be anyone you’re not just there to be noticed.

The bar is currently playing one of our earlier tracks, dying. Well I guess the news has spread about our tour and our arrival in New York. It’s nice to hear one of our earlier songs being blasted through the speakers as our new material seems to get played to the point of overkill.

The bar, although rustic still has the normal clientele, bleached blonde bimbos out to bag themselves either a majorly successful actor or a hot rock star. The girls are so vain out here compared to back home and usually it wouldn’t bother me but I crave the simplicity of Sophie’s actions. There is no mind games with her, what you see is what you get. These girls are so fake both in their attitude but also physically, not one girl have I been with has been natural, they are totally plastic. It’s pathetic.

Oh how I can change in the span of a few weeks, huh?

I down my fifth Jagermeister, okay so it could have been my tenth; I totally lost count after number three. It seems every time life starts getting tough I turn my attention to the bottom of the bottle. I try to work my way through my problems but sometimes it overcomes me and I have to drink the pain away.

Why I’m drinking this time really has me confused, wasn’t it me being slaughtered what got me into this situation in the first place? I was so drunk that night that I slept with a damn minor and Mickey’s sister no less. I really can’t comprehend my stupidity and my lack of human kindness at times.

I push that thought back and try to focus on lining up each of the shot glasses ready for the waitress to collect. The drink has very obviously made a direct hit on my head by now and I can feel the room spinning slightly, maybe I’ve had enough?

Hell no. I am still able to think about my actions so I still haven’t had enough. I wonder how many it will take.

I’m interrupted from my destructive thoughts by a bleach blonde who obviously thinks it’s attractive to wear a dress that only barely covers her non-existent tits and ass. That’s one thing I love about Sophie, her body. She hasn’t got the biggest boobs in history but she knows how to dress to showcase them to their very best. Unlike these women who think less is more. Is it any wonder men fuck them and then leave them. They have no dignity so why should we treat them with any?

The woman who I suppose I would have found attractive in another time hands me another drink. “Jagermeister, right?” What did she just say?

“What?” Is it me or is this woman talking utter garbage, I can’t make out anything she is saying. Maybe my mind is just somewhere else.

“You are drinking Jagermeister aren’t you? I brought one for you. I thought I recognised you when I was ordering drinks. Its Josh right? From Buried Alive.”

Well isn’t that just fantastic, I pick the most secluded booth in the entire club and I get recognised straight away by a freaking groupie. Every damn time! What I wouldn’t give just to live a normal life sometimes.

“Yep that’s me, unfortunately.” I’m not looking for a shoulder to cry on, neither am I looking for a lay so it’s best just to piss her off straight away.

“Well I’m sure it’s not all that bad Josh. Do you mind if I sit down beside you for a little while, I’m a huge fan.”
Fucking great!

“Do I have much of a choice?” Contrary to what people have heard I’m not always a complete dick.

“No not really. So anyway where is the rest of the band? I would have loved to meet you all.” Small talk to start with, really these girls usually just go straight in for the kill.

“They are chilling out on the bus but I needed a drink or two to relax so here I am.” Plain and simple.

“Here you are. I have always loved musically talented men. Just something so sexy about a man that is good with his fingers.” This woman raises her eyebrows suggestively and I know where this is going. I’m trashed but I need to stay strong, I won’t do this to Sophie.

“Is there?” I sound bored and nonchalant. I really can’t be doing with this attention and even though I’m wasted the sound of this girls voice is grating on my last nerve.

“Oh yes. The way they can stretch those fingers to those hard to reach places and get a most beautiful sound from the instrument turns me on instantly. I find myself wondering what it would feel like to have those fingers manipulating something else.” The woman begins licking her lips pushing her point across. I’m staying strong and faithful to Sophie, I am.

This girl picks up my partially tattooed hand and begins stroking my fingers making me visualise exactly what she was talking about. I shake my head vigoursly. I can’t let this woman think that she has a chance with me. I’m no longer that man, I refuse to use someone for my own gain. I’m a one woman man and that woman is Sophie.

“Look I think you have totally the wrong idea about me. I might be drunk but I’m not looking for a cheap lay so you can quit the tactless flirting. I don’t really find bleach blondes all that attractive anyway. “ I remove the girl’s hands from my wrists and place them back on her own thighs and gingerly ease myself up from my seat.

God, I shouldn’t have got up so quickly the room is now spinning at such a speed you would believe it’s on an axis. I put my hands through my hair and brace myself for a moment as I feel the sick feeling pass through my body.

The girl is now looking at me with a look of pure hatred and malice that I fear she is going to cut me with a bottle. You can never be too sure what these groupies are capable of, they seem hell bent on being your next sexual partner that they would do anything. “There is no need to be so rude. I thought you looked lonely and wanted to offer my friendship to you and maybe something else if you had played your cards right.” The girl is delusional if she thinks I was going to fuck her when I had Sophie back on the bus.

“Well, I can tell you that that is definitely not going to be happening so off you go and find the next stupid bastard to try and snare. Gold digging bitch.” I really had no intentions of being so rude but she is rubbing me up the wrong way. She looks angry but I just don’t care anymore. I need to go and take a slash in the men’s room then head back to the bus before Sophie worries about what has happened to me.

I walk as steadily as I can and bump into the corner of the table and curse the damn thing to hell. I walk straight to the men’s room and close the door swiftly, breathing a sigh of relief that I have finally dodged the clingy fan. I wonder how on earth I did it all before. Now I get all panicky and worried that these women want to sleep with me, yet before I was up for anything.

I take a piss and shakily put it back where it belongs when the bathroom door swings open and crashes against the tiled wall and I’m reunited with the crazy fan once again. Can she not read, this is the men’s room.

“Can you not fucking read? You are in the wrong bathroom.”

“Oh I can read well enough but you forgot something.” The girl says with a little smirk. What the hell did I forget?

The girl suddenly lunges forward towards me and smacks her lips against mine. No, no this is so very wrong. I don’t want this at all. I fight against her lips but she only pushes harder against me and in my inebriated state it’s a losing battle.

When I finally manage to push her off me, she falls to floor on her ass with a vibrating thud. Is she fucking insane? I brace myself against the wall and breathe deeply trying to regain some composure before heading out and away from the crazy women that seem to inhabit the entire city of New York.

Something catches my eye by the door of the bathroom and I look towards it only to have a chill run all the way through my body. This is the last thing I need and it most certainly means the end of my flourishing relationship with Sophie. Mickey is leaning against the door frame and has the biggest arrogant smirk plastered over his face known to man. I’m fucking doomed.

“Well Josh haven’t you been a busy boy.”

Shit.

I’m sure I’m going to wear a hole in the wood flooring at the pace I’m walking back and forth in the entertainment room. I’m so worried about Josh; he left over two hours ago to clear his head and has not yet returned. I worry about his state of mind at the moment it’s not where it should be; he’s torturing himself over his encounter with Jasmine a year ago. I want him to take responsibility for what he has done but I don’t want it to destroy him totally. He still doesn’t deserve that, he made a mistake.