Rock Me Slowly (21 page)

“Oh Josh you weren’t to know. Okay, so you did something that you rightly shouldn’t be proud of but Mickey didn’t exactly tell you who she was. “

“Sophie, she was fucking seventeen and I was too fucking smashed to take any notice of how old she was, more to the point I didn’t give a damn. All I was interested in was fucking her brains out, that’s all I’m good for. I use and abuse girls at my will and what’s more I enjoyed doing it!” Josh’s words sting me and it almost feels like a slap across the face. I wonder if that’s how he views our attraction.

“Oh Josh you have to be joking. I thought you said that you thought she was older than seventeen? You can’t really be surprised that Mickey has an issue with you now, can you?” Everything is starting to make perfect sense now. Mickey’s half-sister slept with Josh and she was underage so Mickey is going to play the protective big brother and want to kill Josh. I know I would if I was in Mickey’s position.

“I know Sophie, god I do. I feel like a complete shit for doing this and I can’t use the excuse that I was smashed, I need to take responsibility for my actions. I have probably fucked up that girl’s future with the way I behaved.”

Suddenly a thought occurs to me and I try to banish it back into the depths of my head but It keeps on pushing its way back to the front until I open my mouth and the words come flying out without me putting in place my filter. “Josh, please tell me you didn’t take her virginity, please don’t tell me you took that one thing away from her?” I honestly think I already know the answer to that question and it scares me.

“Sophie, I swear I didn’t know she was a virgin, she didn’t tell me either, at least I don’t think she did.” Oh dear god give me strength. He can’t even remember if she told him if she was a virgin or not. Losing your virginity is supposed to be a special thing and that girl lost it to a one night stand with a guy older than her, and he didn’t give a damn about her. No wonder Mickey is ready to ruin everything for Josh. I hate to say it but he deserves it, Mickey was only looking out for his baby sister.

“Josh you honestly can’t be that surprised by Mickey’s behaviour towards us can you? Mickey was only looking out for his sister. She didn’t get her special first time, instead she got a wasted rock star fucking her, she would have been sore but she wouldn’t have complained because of your status, you should have noticed. You have to do something to try and make up for what you have done. You are damn lucky you aren’t in jail.”

“Soph I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I’m still in shock about the whole thing. In all the years I have known Mickey, I never knew he had a sister. As far as we all knew he was an only child. Knowing this is killing me now.” Josh sinks to his knees and puts his head in his hands and begins to weep as the realisation sinks in. I do feel bad for him but I feel worse for Mickey’s sister.

“Look Josh, I can totally understand where you are coming from but think of his sister, imagine how bad she feels. Now stop acting like a damn pussy and pull yourself together, you and Mickey need to work through this and work through this now. Get your ass off this stage and sort it.”

Josh nods repeatedly. He grabs both my hands and squeezes them before he swiftly walks off the stage to try and make amends with one of his oldest friends before it’s too late.

Josh

The news that I fucked Mickey’s half-sister has rocked me to the core and I can’t believe that I ruined her chances at a memorable first time with someone that loved her and could be gentle and caring with her, instead I was the guy that treated her like a bit of meat.

I didn’t particularly find the girl attractive to my tastes but I suppose she did have a certain appeal for some guys. Both Mickey and Blaine tried to reason with me, that I didn’t need to bed a quite clearly underage girl in order to get my kicks, but would I see reason? Would I hell!

Apparently her name with Jasmine, I didn’t know this but then I didn’t take the time to find out. All I wanted that night in the club was to fuck her brains out. Another notch in the bed post. God, I can’t even remember exactly how many notches I have collected. They all pale into insignificance.

Not one of those girls or women ever meant anything to me. I didn’t care about their feelings when I kicked their asses to the sidewalk. I never thought anything of it when they gave me their cell numbers and I ripped it up in front of their face. I never cared a damn when I looked at them in disgust and sneered at them after sex. I had to cut myself off emotionally a long time ago and I forced myself to not care about people that could potentially hurt me, my past took care of that.

Its highly likely that all those girls felt used and worthless after our encounters and probably will suffer trust issues in later relationships, but did I care? Did I fuck!

The guys are the only ones that know just how broken I am.

I can’t honestly say why I treat women with such distain. Okay, so I know I had a shit past and that probably plays a huge role in my treatment of women but it really is no excuse to as why I treat them so badly. They don’t deserve it, not by a long shot and I’m very surprised that I haven’t been in the media more for my scandalous bedroom antics..

The only exception to the rule is Sophie. Sophie has opened me up to a world of possibilities and dare I say it, love? I need to learn to let go of the past and grasp the future with open arms before it is cruelly taken from me mainly due to the demons of my past grasping to destroy the peace I have now.

Sophie truly does make me want to be a better man, something about her makes me stronger and I know it’s a cliché but, god I want things I have never wanted before, with her. Sophie is such a strong woman, she isn’t scared of my fame or the lifestyle that I represent. She accepts it and tackles it head on, happy to take all that comes as a part of me. She is totally awe inspiring and even though she doesn’t seem to have a past like mine I know there will be some secrets lurking around the corner, but I’m happy to accept them and fight them with her. I think I’m turning into a pussy in my old age.

I head back into the tour bus and by pass the other guys and Trev to find Mickey. He isn’t with the others so he is either in the private bedroom or he is in the bathroom.

“Dude leave it till later I don’t think Mickey will want to be disturbed right now. He’s erm busy.” Tanner shouts above the noise in the kitchen to try and deter me from my goal, sorting out the massive elephant in the room, Jasmine.

“Look Tanner it’s now or never, it has to be sorted otherwise the whole thing is just going to go to shit, you know that.” I yell back to Tanner who has now opened up his fourth beer and is busy pulling the ring to open it. That’s all we need is a shit faced Tanner again; I was beginning to enjoy the sober version of him. I knew it was too good to be true. “And do yourself a favour Tanner, put the damn beer away its doing you no favours.”

“Oh, Josh it’s just a few beers its only to be sociable.” Great back to the Tanner in fucking denial again. Right now I don’t have time for this drama, I have to sort the Jasmine drama first before I can move onto the issue that is Tanners increasing drink problem.

I check the bathroom first and find it empty so I assume he must be in the private bedroom, the reason why Tanner told me that he didn’t want to be disturbed. Well Mickey is just going to have to suck it up and get over it.

As I stride over to private bedroom door I catch a glimpse of Sophie entering the bus and she settles down at the kitchen island with Zack and Blaine. That girl over there is the reason that this has become so damn important to me; I can’t stand the look of disappointment on her face. It’s very important to me now to make her proud of me and it matters a lot to know what she thinks of me. I give her my best smile to assure her that things will be okay, but deep down I really can’t be sure how this is going to work out between Mickey and I.

I swiftly open the door and enter the private suite without word or warning. Mickey is going to damn well listen to me whether he wants to or not, this has gone on for long enough.

As I stand by the door I can see the exact reason he wasn’t to be disturbed. He is currently balancing a curvaceous blonde on his dick. In true Mickey fashion he doesn’t stop what he is doing but continues to assist the blonde in her job to give Mickey some relief. He really doesn’t have any shame but I wouldn’t expect him to, this is Mickey we are talking about.

“Right whore get out the bed and get out of this bus, now. Me and Mickey need a quiet word without him having any unnecessary distractions.” I say to the blonde with no name. She looks shocked at my words. What did she think I was in here for? Did she think that I was standing there so I could watch Mickey and her get off? Give me a fucking break!

“Can’t I even finish what we started? I’m so close.” The blonde utters those words with mock annoyance. Is she more stupid than she looks, I’m in no mood to be fucked about. I’m ready to chuck her out myself when Mickey takes the reins.

“Right slut get your things, you’re going.” Mickey quickly lifts the blonde by the ass and deposits her on the floor whilst Mickey swiftly pulls on his boxer briefs. She quickly puts on her non-existent dress and stares both Mickey and I down.

“You two are fucking losers; I’m not a piece of meat to be used.” She walks out of the bedroom and slams the glass door shut behind her. It’s a wonder the glass doesn’t shatter into thousands of pieces.

“So, what was so important Josh that it couldn’t wait until I had finished with my new toy. I think we said all there was to say earlier.” Mickey says stoically.

“Mickey, we have to sort this, it can’t be left this way, we have been friends for a long time.” We may bitch at each other but I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

“Bit late for that aint it Josh. You fucked my baby sister and left her shattered and broken. You took her virginity and didn’t give a damn about it afterwards. It’s taking everything I have not to kill you every time I see you.” Mickeys tone is becoming more aggravated with each word and I can’t blame him for wanting to kill me.

“Mickey I didn’t know she was a virgin, she didn’t tell me and well, I guess I was too wasted to notice. If I had known she was your sister there would have been no way I would of fucked her.” I say sullenly. God I’m making it worse.

“She was my fucking sister you dickhead!” Mickey explodes at me and starts throwing punches to my face repeatedly striking my cheekbone and jaw multiple times. The pain explodes around me and I can feel every ounce of wrath from Mickey. It’s this exact moment that I realise that things will most likely never be the same again. I curse my drunk stupidity of that night.

The blows suddenly stop when Mickey is pulled off of me by Zack. I stare up at the two of them and see that Mickey’s eyes are glazed over by tears, my actions have not only fucked up Jasmine but I have hurt one of my best friends. It hurts my heart that Mickey is shattered by my actions and I feel the biggest pang of regret in my whole entire life.

I’m destined to be a fuck up for the rest of my life. I don’t deserve to have anything good or right in my life.

I drag Josh’s ass back out of the bedroom after Zack and Blaine successfully separate them from yet another fight, this is becoming far too common for my liking. I just don’t understand why they can’t just put the past behind them and move on.

I can totally understand Mickey’s point when he doesn’t want to talk about the whole issue, it was his baby sister after all that Josh used and abused for his own entertainment. Josh has been very stupid and lacked the brains that he was born with on that night, but I think he deserves another chance to make it all right. Everyone deserves a second chance in life.

I grab Josh by the collar of his shirt and drag him into the bathroom so that I can clean him up again; it seems I spend more time being a nurse maid than I do actually being a fashion designer for him. Don’t get me wrong, I would happily spend my time caring and nursing Josh back to health if I had to, but god it pains me to see it be due to the fights between him and Mickey. Just once I would like to see some harmony develop.

“Josh, sit down on the chair and take your shirt off, I need to clean you up again.” I say tight lipped as Josh looks up at me with his boyish smile but for once I’m not in the mood for it.

“Baby, if you wanted me naked you only had to ask, you know that.” That one statement has me boiling.

“For once Josh, I want you to take some ounce of responsibility for what you have done, you have to take this seriously. You have fucked up another person’s life because of your loose morals. Surely to hell you can’t be surprised at Mickey’s reaction to you?” I don’t want to shout at him but I can’t seem to reach him any other way.

“For fucks sake Sophie, I am taking this seriously. I can’t get that whole night out of my fucking head! That look on her face as I told her to get out after I had finished fucking her, after she was useful to me. She was completely hurt and shattered and do you know what, I didn’t give a damn about her or what she was feeling right then. This is what I do best; I destroy the people around me one by one. Eventually they all see me for what I am and one by one they leave me, it’s what I deserve!” Josh shouts through wet eyes and not only is he feeling anger and regret he is finally feeling the emotion of empathy, he is finally seeing it all through Jasmine’s eyes. He doesn’t like the person he has become and I know he wants to change it but I don’t think he knows how. I want to help him face his demons but will he allow me?

Josh’s head collapses on my shoulder and I cradle his head with my hand and just let him cry it out. Josh has some major demons that he needs to overcome before he can allow himself to be happy but whether he’s ready for that kind of realisation yet I have no idea. All I can do at this moment is support him the best I can.

“Come on Josh I have to clean up your face it’s a mess, again.” I stroke his face soothingly to try and ease his suffering although I know it’s a losing battle. The only one that can soothe his suffering is himself.