Rock Me Slowly (12 page)

Please don’t let her fall for Mickey’s wicked charms.

Mickey is giving me that look as if to tell me that the game is now on, a game for Sophie’s affection. I had it and it seems that I have totally stamped all over it. If Sophie thinks that I have hurt her, well, what Mickey will do to her will be ten times worse. He only wants her to fuck with my head, all because of some fucking score he feels he has to settle. He will break her beyond repair and if he does he won’t have a fucking face left because I will destroy him. Sophie is the world to me. Nothing in this world compares to Sophie and I will protect her until my dying breath.

Sophie

Once again I let him get under my skin and let his sexiness and his sexual prowess get to me. I left the tour bus telling myself that I would dress professionally and act the same way to avoid myself getting caught up in Josh’s power to manipulate my emotions. As soon as he dropped that towel I knew all my good intentions would fall by the way side.

Josh’s cock is quite simply out of this world, he is extremely blessed in that department. He has superb length and the girth is equally huge. I won’t deny that I had some very inappropriate thoughts of what it would be like to have him buried deep inside me. The bastard did it on purpose just to see me lose track of my well planned control, he knew exactly what he was doing. I’m so angry at myself for allowing him that level of control over me. The man is pure perfection and I’m finding myself falling further and further down the black hole that is my attraction to Josh. It is threatening to swallow me whole.

I knew things would get difficult as soon as I mentioned to Josh that I had feelings for him. I’m well and truly fucked!

When Josh told me that I should just get over my obsession, I realised that I really was nothing more than a potential fuck to him. I can honestly say up until that point I always had hope bubbling away inside of me, but Josh quashed that hope for good. I must have looked pretty pathetic to him; I could feel my own shame and devastation being displayed for everyone to see. I have used and abused men all my adult life and the one that I do completely fall for, I’m the one who is now being walked all over. I want to curl up into a ball and just die. How can one man make me take leave of my senses and be utterly reckless with my emotions. I normally keep them very close to my chest.

I was momentarily awoken from my misery by the guys coming back into the dressing room after changing into their outfits. I’m very impressed at the bands stage attire, it has come together nicely. They look every inch the high flying rock stars that they are, and my guess is that things are only going to get better for the guys. I hope tonight is a massive success for them. No matter what has went down between myself and Josh I wish no ill feeling towards him, maybe I should but I don’t. I’m a glutton for punishment.

I must look a damn sight because Mickey comes over to see if I’m alright and he ends up consoling me. Perhaps I have misjudged him, maybe he is a nice guy after all. Who am I to judge their previous spat over a woman. Maybe Mickey was telling the truth. By all accounts it is Josh that has hurt me, not Mickey..

Mickey’s arm around my shoulder just feels heavenly. The guy must work out every freaking day. His arms are so well defined, I must look like a broom standing next to him. I almost feel like I belong here with the guys. I glance over at Josh and he is staring holes through Mickey, I assume it’s because he has his arm around me.

Tough Shit Josh.

Josh had his chance to have me or at least have a sexual relationship. Yet, he won’t let Mickey just hold me as a friend, to console me when I’m feeling down. Things are so screwed up between us. I’m so confused at the situation. Those two have some serious issues.

Mickey starts to stroke my shoulder length blonde hair and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good. A tear escapes from the corner of my eye but I quickly swipe it away with the back of my hand. I can’t let Josh see just how much his behaviour has got to me. Mickey obviously hears me sniffling as he spins my body around so that I’m now facing him. I can’t look at him; I really don’t want anyone to see just how pathetic I am. I’m hurting but I don’t want anyone knowing just how much. Mickey takes my chin in his thumb and forefinger and gently lifts my head up to look into his eyes. He bends down and stops just at my left ear and whispers very gently, “you deserve the very best of everything, don’t let some douche hurt you. Wipe those tears away from your beautiful face; he doesn’t deserve your tears. You ever need a shoulder to cry on I’m here. If you ever need anything Sophie I’m here, please don’t forget that.” Mickey says so softly, I know for a fact I have completely misjudged him. Mickey has a beautiful side that I’m guessing not many people have had the opportunity of seeing. He gently kisses me on the forehead and I just melt at the reverence behind it.

I’m suddenly yanked away from Mickey harshly. Of course it had to be Josh that has yanked me away. Just what exactly does he think he is doing now? The guy told me to get over him only ten minutes ago; does he seriously have short term memory loss or what? The guy has double standards. What, he won’t have me but nobody else in the band is allowed me either?

“What the fuck do you think you are doing Josh? You don’t get to decide who I do and don’t speak to, or hug for that matter. You are plain out of order.” I am so damn mad at him right now. I’m pretty sure that the others can see the steam coming out of my ears.

“Look Sophie, Mickey is bad news; you could do so much fucking better than this cock sucker.” Oh yes, that is so fucking rich coming from him.

“Look guys let’s just quit this pissing contest, huh? Let Sophie deal with this and stop putting her in the middle.” Blaine takes a stand and both men just stare at him obviously not going to do what Blaine suggested. A shrill laugh erupts in the corner of the dressing room from Tanner, who is obviously not paying any attention to what is happening because he is as high as a kite. I would seriously doubt if he actually knew what his own name was at this point. I just hope that he is going to be able to perform the best he can.

“Oh Josh are we seriously going to go there, hmm? I think Sophie is seeing another side to you now, so I would just watch your step on this one. It might just get a whole lot uglier before it’s all said and done.” Mickey seems to be sticking up for me but I can’t shake the feeling that there is an undertone to what he is saying, some kind of hidden meaning? Mickey and Josh go face to face once again and it seems that neither man will back down on this one. One of the roadies walks into the dressing room and interrupts the whole situation. I’m so glad something has interrupted them because I don’t think any of the other guys would have been able to separate them if they had gone at it.

“Look guys you are on in five, you think you’re going to be ready?” The roadie looks apprehensive to be interrupting Josh and Mickey, but he has to make sure the guys get on stage on time.

“Sure we will, just having a friendly discussion here with my buddy Josh.” Both men edge away from each other and gather the last of their things for the stage. I’m thankful that their disagreement is over, but I know that they will resume this later on. By no means is this whole thing over. Mickey kisses me on the head once more as the guys all head out of the dressing room towards the stage entrance. Josh just looks at me on the passing and my heart still hurts just as much. What the hell is happening?

Why the hell do I think that tonight may have been the start of something? It doesn’t feel good either.

I’m starting to feel the adrenaline rush through my body as we all get set to take the stage. Mickey is standing directly behind the stage door practising his keys. Despite our differences I have to admit that Mickey has one of the highest ranges I have ever seen on a male singer. Zack and I are well amped for tonight’s gig, our solos are going to kick mega ass. I wonder if Sophie will watch the show from the side-lines. Goddamn it Josh, stop thinking about Sophie. You have to have your mind on the game tonight.

The crowd just sounds insane in the arena. They have been shouting non-stop for Buried Alive for the last half hour and it really gets my high working. I love writing and spending time in the studio with the guys but my heart lies with performing live. The feeling of stepping onto that stage and hearing your fans scream and shout your name, it sends goosebumps coursing throughout my body, it’s just insane. I never thought it could be possible to be loved by thousands of strangers purely out of their love of your music. I am truly blessed.

Tanner is still off his face but he is also focussed and I know he will get through the show no problem. “You ready Tanners?” Zack asks Tanner, he obviously has noticed his erratic excitement over the last couple of hours. We are all concerned about him but we need to get through the next two nights. Once we are back on the road again we can try to get to the bottom of Tanners increased drug taking.

One of the stage hands opens the side entrance that leads directly onto the stage.

“You guys ready for the madness. The fans are well and truly ready for you guys now, be prepared, they are pretty manic over here.” Holy crap here we go, our first major US tour and the fans are going crazy out there for us. I’m so freaking excited for the next two nights. Let’s just hope it goes without a hitch.

“You bet we are let the fucking madness commence.” Blaine is nearly bouncing off the walls with excitement. I slap Blaine and Zack on the back playfully as we get ready to take centre stage now that our support band, Burning Inferno have finished playing their set.

Bring it the fuck on!!

The support band comes bounding through the stage door drenched in sweat but they look delighted with their set. I remember us being the support band for a few major rock bands back during our early days and it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. That’s what really got us noticed. It was a huge honour to be playing for bands that we grew up listening to. It finally seemed like a reality that we could become as huge as those guys.

“Hey guys, they are totally warmed up for you now. You have a hard act to follow now, try not to make us look better.” The lead singer from Burning Inferno, Kurt laughs deeply. He isn’t far wrong though, they have come a long way in the last few years and given a few more they should be exactly where we are. I have faith in them.

“Oh ha-ha Kurt boy, we are about to blow the fucking crowds mind away. They will have forgotten who the fuck you are five minutes into the show.” Mickey says sardonically.

“Seriously though, you guys were amazing. We listened to your set out here, very impressed.” Zack has a good ear for up and coming bands with major talent, so I have no doubt that these guys will become very big.

“Alright we will let you guys get onstage, good luck with the first leg of the tour. We are huge fans, thanks for the opportunity.” With that the guy’s head back into their dressing room and we are now left to get on that motherfucking stage and rock some ass!

This is it, this is fucking it. The doors to the stage open and our equipment is already laid out and waiting for us to take control. My heart is thudding in my chest at an uncontrollable rate; its pumping so hard I think it may just escape out of my chest. Christ this is going to be immense.

“Right come on fuckers let’s get our asses on that stage and rock the fuck out of this arena!” Mickey shouts above the increasing noise that is building up at the prospect of us hitting the stage.

Mickey hangs back and Me, Blaine, Zack and Tanner head onto the stage, the crowd goes fucking nuts. The stage is still in darkness but the fans can sense our arrival. They continue their chants for Buried Alive. They start shouting for Mickey as they know he is still to grace them with his presence. Zack, Blaine and I grab our guitars and sling them over our shoulders. They are already in tune so we are all set for the off. Tanner runs up to his drum kit and becomes familiar with his best friend once again. We all flash one another a smile, we all know this is our dream coming true. Even Tanner who is stoned knows how huge this is, it’s all we have ever dreamed about.

The crowd goes fucking insane when the stage lights up when in runs Mickey who stands on his platform at the very front of the stage. We are on fire and all the fights of the past few days have been forgotten, for now.

“Are you fuckers all ready to be rocked here tonight?!!” Mickey screams into his microphone and is being met with deafening screams from the crowd. This is what we do best, we were born to be entertainers and it feels so damn good to be back up where we belong.

“Alright then. First of all I just want to say how fucking amazing it is to be here in San Diego. Its our first time here so why don’t you all make us feel welcome. We want to start with one of our more well-known songs, Apocalypse. Get ready to rock!”

That has the crowd getting to their feet and banging their heads up and down to Blaine’s insane bass beat. Tanner kicks in with an elaborate drum beat and he doesn’t miss a step, he’s on fucking top form. Zack and I kick in with our guitar parts and we are just flying over the riffs perfectly. Mickey starts screaming the first part of the song and the crowd just can’t get enough of our biggest hit to date.

Half way through the song I take centre stage with Mickey and start to hit my trademark solo for my adoring fans. The spotlight is on me and I’m in my element. Zack joins me at my left hand side and starts playing the rhythm to my solo and we mould together perfectly. The song ends and Mickey starts his usual conversation with the crowd. It never fails to get them jumping up and down and screaming their heads off, especially the women.

“Hey Josh look over there, there’s a chick that’s topless. I like that. Hmmmmmm.” That only makes the chick wiggle her breasts all the more for Mickey; he knows exactly how to evoke a reaction out of the crowd. As far as I can see every member of the crowd has one of our newly designed shirts. Just seeing that is truly humbling, never did I think that I would be role model worthy. These fans have us up on a pedestal and it is both a pleasurable but also a frightening role to be playing.