ROAR (54 page)

She placed her hands on his shoulders, tugged him toward her, and kissed him. Holding the back of her head, he explored the mouth his cock now knew intimately. Drawing back with reluctance, he led her into the shower where he washed her face, hair, and body with slow, loving care.

Afterward, she took the bar of soap and washed his back, ass, and cock with equal slowness. He looked forward to playing with her in the shower again sometime, but his mind and body were blown—in more ways than one.

Drying her off, he promptly wrapped her in one of the luxurious resort bathrobes. If not, he’d never make it through aftercare without igniting another fire in her.

On the balcony, he sat and settled her onto his lap. She naturally rested her head on his shoulder. The sun had long since set, but the stars were starting to twinkle. So far from the city, he couldn’t believe how many of them he could see.

He wondered if Tori were up there somewhere looking down. Was she okay with his moving on in this way? He hoped so, because he needed someone to take care of again. Someone who was aware of him. Someone who could give back.

His eyes burned as the roller coaster of emotions tried to overwhelm him.

“Thank you, Sir.”

“No need to thank me.” His hoarse whisper made her sit up and search his eyes. Fortunately, it was too dark for her to detect any stray tears. He cleared his throat.

Her hand cupped his face. “I think that was pretty intense for both of us. Making the choice to seek happiness and start living again has to have you feeling a lot of mixed emotions.”

He nodded. Tonight was a perfect example of a Dom needing aftercare, too. She must have heard how shaky he was a few minutes ago. Sprite didn’t miss much.

“Kristoffer…I hope it’s okay to call you Kristoffer now.”

“Sure.”

“I’m never going to replace—” His fingers against her lips stopped her from saying her name.

“I know you aren’t. And I assure you there were no ghosts in that room while we played tonight. I stayed grounded and in the moment—with you.”

The light from the bedroom illuminated the beaming smile on her face. “I just hope someday you can find a way to make me a part of your life, because I would very much hate the thought of returning to Denver and losing what we’ve found out here.”

“Me, too. Trying to compare the two of you would be like comparing apples to oranges. You’re both women, but the similarities end there. You’re very special to me, Sprite. I don’t have the words to express what… I hope you realize that…”

How could he botch this so badly? He made business presentations all the time. Speaking with others was never a problem. Why couldn’t he tell her that…

“I think I’m falling for you in a way I never expected to feel about any other woman, Pamela.”

Once the words tumbled out, he felt as if he’d be sick. Tears glistened in her eyes. “That’s good, because I’ve already fallen for you. Hard. Knowing I might stand a chance at finding my own place in your heart has me feeling hopeful. Seeing how far we’ve come this week has me thinking it’s only a matter of time before we figure this out.”

He placed his hand behind her head and pulled her toward him for a kiss. And then kissed her again. “I’m working on it. I think the only thing keeping me from an all-out declaration is not wanting to hurt you.”

“Nonsense. You would never do that intentionally, and if I get my feelings hurt otherwise, we can talk it out.”

“I hope so. Tell me, when did you think you were in love?”

“I’m not sure when the exact moment was, because it’s been building since—I guess since you agreed to train me, although I certainly was smitten before that. Definitely, something happened in the limo and again later that night at the house in Sonoma. But tonight, you sent me over the moon.”

“You aren’t mistaking an orgasm for love, now, are you?”

She grinned. “It wasn’t
my
coming that clinched the deal for my heart.” She kissed him again. “You put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position, and to surrender to me in that special way…well, I’m honored you trusted me that much.”

She sighed before continuing. “Honestly, I have been falling for you for a long time. I tried to protect myself with a warning not to make the same mistakes again. I’ve been attracted to unavailable men before and was afraid it might be some kind of pattern with me. I think I mistrusted myself more than I did you. So I wanted to be cautious. And I knew you were just beginning to take steps toward healing and starting a new life. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

“If not for your encouragement and support, not to mention the occasional guiding hand when I might have remained mired in the past—like that first night in Sonoma when the host wanted to seat us at the table Tori and I used—I’m not sure I’d have come around. Certainly, not this fast.”

“You didn’t want to let go. I understood that. I wasn’t sure if you’d want me steering you in a new direction, but it was worth a try. I think Rick has helped you a lot, too. I owe him a box of chocolates for suggesting that you get away from it all and that you take me along.”

“He didn’t suggest I take you. That was all my idea.”

She smiled. “Even better.”

“At least, thanks to you, I can redeem myself when I go for my appointment next week. He wouldn’t have been too happy to hear I’d come out here expecting to visit my old haunts. Now I can tell him all the places—and things—I discovered here.”

“Well, you could leave out
some
of the details.” The light wasn’t bright enough to see her blush, but he knew she was.

“I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Good. That’s a load off.” They sat in companionable silence, listening to the waves crashing on the rocks far below.

“Pamela, I’ve been fighting what I feel for you for so long; I’m not sure how ready I am for the next step or even what that will be. I treasure that you understand what a huge leap this has been for me.”

She brushed her thumb over his lips. “Kristoffer, I think if we hadn’t started as colleagues, then friends, and moved on to the D/s explorations first, neither of us might have let down our guard enough to consider something more.”

“Having you by my side during Tori’s last hospitalization might have been a major turning point for me. I’m not saying I fell in love with you that night. But that you would drop everything to stay with me, neither of us knowing what the outcome would be, made a huge impact. I tried to stay away right after that, but I missed you so much. It was as if a light bulb had blown out in my life—again.”

“I don’t know how you’ve kept it together these past four years. I know you have Gunnar, but he’s a busy man. You also have your pride, and I’m sure there were many times you didn’t even let Gunnar know what was going on with Tori.”

Kristoffer glanced up at the stars. “He was there when I needed him most. I don’t want to burden anyone else with my worries.”

She couldn’t possibly see his face, but took his chin and guided it back toward her. “Well, from now on, you have me. If you need a shoulder—or someone on your lap like this to talk things over with—please call me. If I’m around, I’ll be there. If not, I’ll get to you as quickly as humanly possible.”

His throat closed. He nodded, knowing her hand on his chin would feel the movement.

When he could speak again, he said, “No one could be more perfect for me. I have to pinch myself trying to figure out how on earth you came into my life.”

“I guess the stars aligned in just the right order,” she said.

Both glanced up just as a meteor shot across the sky and simultaneously shouted, “Did you see it?”

She grinned. “Yes! I think it’s a sign!”

A sign. He’d never been one to pay attention to cosmic signs, but if that falling star signified the universe wanted to steer him toward a future with Pamela, he’d believe.

*     *     *

Late Friday night, Kristoffer unlocked the door to his condo and wheeled his suitcases into the foyer, bone-weary from saying goodbye to Pamela, even if for only one night. They’d made plans for dinner tomorrow with her dad in Colorado Springs, though. After visiting Maribeth, Pamela had thought it only fair that she introduce Kristoffer to him and her stepmother as well. Family was important, and this was one more step in moving forward with their relationship.

And once all their family obligations were out of the way, they’d start laying the foundation for their future together.

“You’re home!” Tori’s mom came up and embraced him before taking a step back and searched his face. “I can see this trip was good for you. You look so relaxed.”

The change was that visible? What of the other changes in him? He needed to let his in-laws know about the decisions he’d made, but worried that they might not be ready to hear he’d moved on.

“Have you eaten dinner yet?” Liz asked. “We have some leftovers I can heat up.”

“No, thanks. Pamela and I stopped on the way to her place from the airport. I didn’t think she’d have anything much to eat in her apartment after being gone a week.”

“I wasn’t expecting your flight to be on time. Ron’s just taking a nap now.”

“No, I’m awake!” Ron countered as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and joined them. “Nice to see you home, son.” He patted Kristoffer on the back before scrutinizing his face. “California agreed with you.”

Kristoffer smiled at their similar assessments. “I suppose I was overdue for a vacation.”

He couldn’t let them leave tomorrow without telling them what had happened and what was going to take place next, but reentry was proving difficult. He needed some space.

Noma sauntered into the foyer to join the party, took one look at him, and stuck her nose in the air as she pointedly ignored him and walked away again. “I guess not everyone is happy with me being home.”

Liz laughed. “You know cats. They don’t forgive easily when we desert them, even for a short while.”

After such an eventful week, Kristoffer felt he’d been gone a year. When should he talk to his in-laws about his plans for the future? While they’d always given him lip service for their support of his moving on, were they actually prepared for him to do so?

“How’s everything with Tori?” Kristoffer asked first.

“Fine,” she said. “No problems at all. She’s been very peaceful when we’ve visited. No new issues with her lungs.”

Situation normal. “Glad to hear it.”

“Why are we all standing here?” she asked, indicating the way to the living room. “Come in and sit down. You must be exhausted after the flight. It’s such a hassle to fly anymore. I dread going to the airport tomorrow.” They’d opted to fly this time rather than drive, neither of them able to take the long drive from St. Louis especially with all the summer construction projects on I-70.

In the living room, they sat down, Liz and Ron on the sofa and Kristoffer in a wing chair facing them.

“Tell me all about your trip,” she asked. “Where did you go?”

After telling them about Sonoma, Carmel, and Big Sur—the sightseeing parts, at least—he was at a loss for words. The only ones left unsaid were the ones foremost in his mind and heart.

“Liz, Ron, there’s something I need to tell you and I’m not sure how to start.”

They glanced worriedly at one another and then back at Kristoffer. “What is it, son?” Ron asked.

Kristoffer swallowed, forcing himself to maintain eye contact when he wanted to look anywhere but at his wife’s parents. “There was an unexpected consequence of this week. Not something I’d planned—far from it, actually.”

Liz reached out for Ron’s hand, and Kristoffer knew he shouldn’t prolong it any further.

“I think I’m falling in love. I don’t know how you feel about that.”

Both of them sank into the sofa and something much like relief bordering on joy shone on their faces. “Kristoffer, you had us worried.” His mother-in-law rose and walked around the coffee table with her arms outstretched. Needing her approval more than he’d realized, he stood to accept her embrace. “We’re so happy for you, Kristoffer. We worried that you’d never be able to find happiness again, and that broke our hearts all over again.”

“Liz, I need you to know I’ll never stop loving Tori. I have no intention of abandoning her.”

She pulled away and looked up at him. “I had no such concern. But Victoria wouldn’t want to hold you to vows made that don’t take into consideration extenuating circumstances like these. She’d want you to remarry.”

“I have no intention of divorcing Tori.”

She cocked her head. “Then how are you and Pamela going to be together the way you should be?”

“We haven’t figured that yet. Right now, we’re going to date and figure out how to nurture this budding romance while still allowing me to honor my marriage vows.”

Ron blew his nose in a handkerchief and said from his seat on the sofa, “You have our full support, whatever you decide. No one could have been a better husband or provider to our daughter. We know you won’t abandon her, but if the legalities of it all require that you divorce Tori to marry Pamela, you have our blessing. Tori left us not by choice, but we need to keep living. You’ve more than fulfilled your end of the bargain.”

Kristoffer didn’t think of his marriage as some kind of
bargain
, but understood what Ron was trying to say. This couldn’t be easy for either of them to talk about.

“Listen, I’m going to take a shower before going over to visit Tori. Would you like to come along?” He intended to tell Tori about Pamela tonight, which he should do alone, but didn’t want to be rude to her parents, either.

“We were there this morning,” Liz replied. “Why don’t you take some time alone with her? You can run us over to see her in the morning before we head to the airport.”

He nodded. “Sounds good.”

After showering and dressing in khakis and a polo shirt, he pulled his hair into a ponytail and said good-bye to his in-laws. Noma met him at the door with a stare as if accusing him of abandoning her again. He smiled and stooped to pick up the fussy feline.

“I’m not going to stay away long this time. Just going to visit your mommy.” Noma meowed as if she had a message for him to deliver. “Don’t worry. I’ll let her know you miss her, too,” he whispered in the cat’s ear.