ROAR (25 page)

Following his instructions and saw that he held a box of instant rice in his hand.

“By trying to anticipate what I might ask you instead of following instructions, you failed to remain in the moment for the duration of this exercise.”

“Correct, Sir. I didn’t follow instructions and lost my focus.” Did he intend to punish her? With rice? They hadn’t really spoken about the consequences of her inability to obey. She thought he’d just challenge her to something harder as he escalated his training regimen the way he had at the lake yesterday. What did he have in mind?

“Pamela, look at me.” She brought his face back into focus. “I see you’ve let your mind drift again trying to figure out how I plan to discipline you.”

“Yes, Sir.” How could he tell? Besides, wouldn’t any sub have been curious about the same thing in this moment?

“I want you to tell me your safewords—one to slow down and one to stop altogether.”

Safewords? This sounded serious. Her mind blanked. “Yellow and red, Sir.” Those were the most commonly used ones, but she wasn’t feeling particularly creative at the moment.

He extended his hand, and she took a few steps to place hers in his. Warm. He squeezed her hand as if to reassure her. Did she look that frightened? Actually, not exactly frightened, but definitely concerned.

“I want you to kneel on this towel and focus solely on your body’s responses until I tell you to stop.”

Kneel? That shouldn’t be too difficult. He guided her into position on the floor, and she suddenly realized what the rice had been for. Dozens of little pellets were digging into her kneecaps.

“This is position number three for me, by the way. Remember it because you may need it again.” They were advancing quickly if he was giving her submissive positions already. “Hands on your elbows in a box hold behind you. Back straight. Eyes open and forward. Ass in a straight line with your back.”

She maneuvered into the position and stared at the wall in front of her, which was thankfully blank. The lack of distractions would help.

Very little time passed before her knees began to protest their punishment, but she remained in position and placed her entire focus on her throbbing kneecaps. After a while, the pain there dulled a bit, but then she noticed the strain in her shoulders from the way she was clutching her hands and arms.

A bead of sweat rolled down the side of her face. How long would she be required to maintain this position?

Don’t think about that. Just focus on the now!

She had no concept of how much time had passed when a swat to her left thigh from what felt like a ruler or yardstick brought her mind into focus again. “Back straight. Ass tucked in.”

When had she slouched? She resumed the proper position. The sound of a clock ticking nearby distracted her, so she shifted her knees to bring the pain back into sharper focus. She didn’t want to have him catch her out of compliance again. After what felt like hours, but was probably less than half an hour, she wiggled some life back into her fingers.

“Are your fingers numb?” he asked immediately. She’d forgotten he was watching her.

“A little.”

“Lower your hands to your sides. Is anything else tingling or numb?”

When he spoke to her like that, she felt a jolt to her clit, but knew that wasn’t what he meant. “No, Sir.” The last thing she needed to do was get turned on by Kristoffer Larson, a married and emotionally unavailable man. If he suspected she had those kinds of feelings, he’d put an end to their working together—not just on these focusing activities, but also on acquiring equipment for the hospital. She couldn’t risk that.

Another swat to her other thigh brought her mind back from its meanderings. How did he know when her mind drifted? Must be reading something in her body language. How had he learned to read her so quickly?

She wished her knees would grow numb, so that he’d let her stand up and escape the rice.

More time passed. Roar moved away, and she heard the television go on.

Focus on your knees!

She shut out the sound from the set and kept her focus on her aching patellas. Not all that difficult, actually. The cocoon of pain now let her focus on nothing else. After an unknown period of time, the pain receded.

A warm hand cupped her chin and tilted her head backward until she saw Roar smiling down at her. “Well done, Sprite.” She wondered where he’d picked up that odd nickname, but assumed it was because she was so tiny compared to him. “Especially those last ten minutes.”

His face conveying his pleasure with her set off a euphoria inside her, and she smiled back. “Thank you, Sir.”

He extended his hand and helped her to her feet, but when her knees buckled, he scooped her up into his arms. “Whoa, there.”

The change of position made her lightheaded for a moment, and she rested her head on his shoulder, waiting for the spell to pass. The pain in her knees came rushing back as he carried her over to the couch.

“I’m dropping rice all over your floor,” she remarked, wondering why something like that would seem important even as she said it.

“I’ll vacuum it up later.”

He plopped into the cushions and continued to cradle her back while using his other hand to rub the ache from her knees. She wondered how much worse they might have hurt if she hadn’t been wearing her slacks, but decided it best not to think thoughts of being naked in front of him again while sitting on Roar’s lap.

“How are your knees now?”

“Better, thanks. Lesson learned.”

“Habits can’t be broken in a matter of a few exercises, but it appeared to me that, once you forced your mind to focus, you didn’t let anything break your concentration—not the television or Noma or me making noise.”

“I did! I’m amazed I could stand the pain so long.”

“When you truly let yourself go, you’ll release endorphins that will produce a morphine-like high. I didn’t want you to go that far, because you haven’t built that level of trust in me yet. A submissive can be taken advantage of in that state with someone who isn’t safe, so be careful who you play with.”

“Master Anderson was warning me off certain types, too. I suppose it’s no different from the creeps in the dating scene, but wouldn’t it be nice if everyone in the lifestyle wanted what was best for his or her partner?”

Too bad Roar couldn’t be her Dom for more than these concentration exercises. She’d love to explore more with him, but would settle for what he could give.

“It’s going to take more work, but as long as you’re willing to try, I’m happy to help. Would you like to continue?”

“Oh, definitely!”

“Good. This is enough for tonight, but your next assignment will be to sign up for a web site I’m going to e-mail you in the morning where you can do some brain-training exercises in your spare time.”

“I’ve heard about a site like that in commercials. Obviously not the commercials that ran tonight.”

He laughed. “True.”

They sat in silence a moment as she wondered if they’d have any more face-to-face exercises.

“Pamela, we haven’t talked much about doing concentration exercises within the context of a BDSM scene. Since that’s your ultimate goal, how would you feel about that?”

It was as if he’d read her mind. “I’d have no problem with it, if you don’t.” He didn’t say anything. Taking this step would be a lot harder for him than for her. “If you’d rather we not go down that road—”

He pressed his finger against her lips to cut off her words. “You, little Sprite, need to stop worrying about your Dom and trust that he can take care of himself.”

She reached up to stroke the scruff on his cheek. When she began to feel a familiar tingle between her legs, she pulled her hand away. “You’ve taken a lot of giant leaps beyond your comfort zone in recent days—maybe even weeks. I know it can’t be easy for you, so I can’t help but be concerned.”

“I have no intention of straying from my marriage vows. Again, you let me worry about that. However, there are any number of activities we can do that would put you in a BDSM frame of mind without crossing my lines of honor.”

She nodded, wondering what his limits might be.

“Now, before we go any further, I need to learn more about you, Sprite, so I can know how best to tackle some of the hurdles that have kept you from achieving your goals.” He took a deep breath, as though crossing some threshold into new territory. “If you had to name one man from your past who shattered your trust, who would that be?”

A clock ticked away at a deafening clip somewhere in the kitchen as she tried to think of an answer.
Nada
. “I really don’t know how to answer that.”

“Is it that you don’t want to say or that you don’t have an answer?”

“The latter. Like any woman my age, I’ve had my disappointments with men, but none ever hurt me.”
Not intentionally, at least
.

“Who were you thinking about just then?”

Busted yet again.
How
did he do that? He wasn’t a mind reader, so her body must be sending out signals to him.

“The Dom from my last relationship a few years ago. We weren’t looking for the same dynamic and moved way too fast. Now I’m just relieved we broke it off before things went too far.” She’d licked her wounds for at least two years, though, before being able to move on. “He was probably as confused about what he wanted in the lifestyle then as I am now, although he seems to have found what he wanted.” She was quick to add, “And I’m happy for him!”

“So you’ve kept in touch?”

“Not really. We had some mutual friends from the Masters at Arms Club, but I did see him a couple of years ago. He wanted closure, I guess.”

“Did you get closure?”

“Yeah. He’s a really nice guy and I’m sure perfect for his new submissive, but just not the right one for me. I think over time, we’d have had regrets, so we both dodged a bullet by calling an end to it before we went too far. Next time, I’m not rushing into anything.”

“Good girl.” His praise sped up her pulse rate. “I think if we’re going to work on your focus in BDSM scenes, then we ought to put you into a real scene and see how you do. Would you have a problem playing at that club? It’s one of the best around.”

She lifted her gaze to meet his before she realized she hadn’t been given permission and that they were still in their scene. She stared at her lap. “You’d go with me?”

“Of course. How else will I be able to work with you?”

What on earth happened to him out on that hike? Clearly, he’d had some kind of epiphany, but it had all happened unbeknownst to her as she’d blithely walked along the trail trying to focus.

He pinched her thigh. “Still with me?”

She rolled her eyes. She’d lost focus again. “Sorry, Roar.” Was she ready to go back to Marc’s club? Only one way to find out. “Whatever you think best, Sir. I would have no problem going to the club.”

“Good.” He continued. “Gunnar’s dungeon would work, too, but I don’t like messing with the security system there when he’s away. Besides, that’s a long drive, and we could spend our time more efficiently here.”

“I’m not a member of the club any longer.”

“No worries. We’ll get tested tomorrow so we can show them our results. We ought to have our probationary memberships approved by Wednesday. Since we aren’t planning to play with others or exchange bodily fluids, I’m sure they won’t have any issues.”

She nodded to show she heard him, but didn’t say anything.

“What else do you do that you think might have annoyed your Doms?” He sounded as though he was biting back a grin. Did he think her a brat who did these things intentionally?

How to explain it to put herself in a better light than that? “When I go into scenes with a Dom I don’t know well, it’s like walking in a minefield. I do and say what I think will please him, but I always manage to screw up. I seem to have this need to know what’s coming at all times.”

Now he did laugh. “Sorry, but we Doms want our subs to be off guard—and to push their limits.”

“I know.” She really was a disappointment.

Soon, they were discussing her limits. He didn’t pull out a checklist, but no doubt memorized each as they went over a number of kinks. In the yes column, she had flogging, spanking, paddling, bondage and other restraints, blindfolds and other sensory deprivation, wax play, sensation play, and more. Her no-way-in-hell list included knife play, asphyxiation, bestiality, golden showers, other unsanitary practices, and she was certain she left out any number of activities she couldn’t think of at the moment—or just never heard of.

By mutual agreement, sexual intercourse was off the table, but she wondered if everything sexual was off limits. “How do you feel about oral, Sir?”

“I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. How do you feel about manual stimulation as a means of reward?”

Her clitoris liked that idea. “I’d be very good in order to receive such a reward. But I don’t want to be selfish, so I’d want to…”

He pinched her thigh again to quiet her. “I’m able to take care of my own needs in that department. Don’t try to top or manipulate me. I’m not like the Doms you’ve played with in the past.”

No, indeed, Sir, you are not.
He’d downplayed how involved he’d been with Tori. Where had he picked up his knowledge—Gunnar? If so, no doubt Roar would prove to be a high-caliber Dom with amazing skills. She shivered.

“Cold?”

“No, Sir. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for topping. Giving up control isn’t easy for me.”

“I’ve actually been giving that a lot of thought. I’ve been puzzled about your inability to concentrate during a BDSM scene while you clearly can stay focused at a high level in the operating room or while working with me on the hospital equipment project. What do you suppose is the difference when it comes to doing so during a power-exchange scene?”

She’d never really analyzed it before. “I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because I don’t like surprises.”

“And you don’t like surprises because…” He let the statement hang in the air for her to finish.

What was different between performing surgery and being involved in a kink scene? “Well, during surgery or while working with my patients, I’m the one in charge. Even when the unexpected happens, I’m able to deal with it by making choices and taking actions that can affect the outcome.”