Risking it All (15 page)

side. When a sense of calm and relief

pervaded him, he realized it was

because Sera stood behind him, rubbing

circles into his back. Her fingers slipped

into his hair, bringing his heart rate back

down to normal, forcing breath into his

lungs.

“How did you get in?” Ruby raised an

eyebrow at him and he shook his head.

“Never mind.” A stupid question, when

he’d been the one to teach her how to

pick a lock. His half sister had been

raised from a young age to make money

illegally, just like him. But her weapon

of choice had been a pool stick. For

years, they’d been sent by his father to

bilk unsuspecting marks out of money.

When they inevitably wanted their pound

of flesh, not to mention their money

back, Bowen had stepped in and made

them regret it.

“Here’s a better question.” She gained

her feet, gaze still focused on his

weapon. “When did you start carrying a

gun?”

“You think we could have this

discussion inside?” he snapped. “Or has

dating a cop taken away your common

sense?”

“Don’t be like that.” She jerked her

chin toward Sera. “Are you going to

introduce me?”

Apparently his possessiveness of Sera

included his sister, because he didn’t

want to share her with
anyone
. “This is

Sera. We met at church.”

“Bullshit.”

“Look, I’ll be right in,” he said

impatiently. After casting a final curious

glance in his direction, Ruby sauntered

back into the apartment. He took a deep

breath and turned to face Sera. The touch

of hurt in her brown eyes brought him up

short, until he remembered what he’d

just said.
Or has dating a cop taken

away your common sense.
Beautiful.

And he couldn’t even apologize for the

comment because he wasn’t supposed to

know she
was
a cop. God, in that

moment, he wished he could scoop her

up into his arms and get the hell away

from this place. Take her somewhere

where it didn’t matter who they were

and no threats to her safety existed.

Instead, he smoothed a thumb over her

lips still swollen from kissing him. “You

okay?”

“I’m fine.” She stooped down and

picked the white paper bag full of bagels

off the floor. “Who is she?”

Was that jealousy he heard in her

voice? She’d hid it well, but hadn’t been

able to completely cover it up. One thing

he knew for certain. He craved that

jealousy. It didn’t come close to

matching his own where she was

concerned, but it meant something to

him. It gave him hope that her goal with

him stemmed from more than bringing

down Hogan. “She’s my half sister,

Ruby. Different fathers.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm?” He tugged her chin up.

“Listen to me. This conversation

between me and her…it isn’t going to be

pretty. The only thing that’s going to get

me through it is knowing I get to have

bagels with you on the other side.”

“Why won’t it be pretty?”

“Things with me rarely are.”

She scrutinized him for a moment

before heading through his door. Bowen

walked in to find Ruby and Sera sizing

each other up from opposite ends of the

kitchen. If he were a different man,

maybe one who worked a nine-to-five

desk job, it might have even been funny.

As it was, he had an undercover cop

sharing oxygen with the pissed-off ex-

pool-hustler sibling he’d been avoiding

for months.

Ever since she found out they were

blood relatives. A fact he’d kept from

her since childhood.

He honestly didn’t know where he

stood with either one of them, which

made him angry, since they were both

important to him. Most importantly, he

didn’t know if Troy had clued Ruby in to

his involvement in the investigation.

Probably best to figure that out right off

the bat, and he definitely couldn’t begin

that line of questioning in front of Sera.

Thankfully, Sera seemed to sense their

reluctance to talk in front of her and

started toward the bedroom. On impulse,

he grabbed her wrist as she passed and

planted a kiss on her forehead, and

watched her until she disappeared inside

the bedroom.

Bowen ignored Ruby’s shocked

expression, studying the cuts on his

knuckles. He knew she was dying to ask

about Sera, so he spoke before she

could. “What are you doing here? I told

Troy to keep you out of Brooklyn.”

Ruby flinched. “When did you see

Troy?”

She doesn’t know.
“We meet for lattes

and girl chat once a week.”

“Fuck that. Answer me.”

Bowen shrugged off her question.

“You’ve been in Manhattan too long,

Ruby Tuesday. Lighten up.”

She obviously didn’t like his evasion,

but let it go. “How are you?”

He laughed without humor. “Please

tell me you didn’t break into my

apartment to make small talk.”

“So what if I did? We used to talk all

the time.”

Bowen stayed silent. What did she

want from him? She’d made a better life,

and being associated with him would

only screw it up. Why wouldn’t she just

move the hell on?

“Last time I was in the neighborhood,

you said things were bad.” She took a

hesitant step toward him. “Have they

gotten any better?”

He pointed toward the window. “This

doesn’t
get
better. Don’t you understand

that?”

“Troy and I can help. Let us.”

Troy’s intervention wouldn’t save

him. It was too late. Hell, the day he was

born, it had already been too late. He

had only one option and it was why he’d

agreed to aid the police in the first

place. Save the people he loved from

being dragged down with him. And he

fucking loved his sister beyond words.

Which is why saying what came next

caused him physical pain. “I don’t want

your help. I want you to get lost.”

“No.” Tears brimmed in her eyes.

“It’s not fair, Bowen. All those nights

spent hiding in alleys and parking lots,

freezing cold, hungry. Scared. You knew

I was your sister. I just want to spend

time with you knowing you’re my

brother.”

“The

knowing

doesn’t

change

anything.”

She slapped the countertop. “Yes, it

does. It changes everything. You don’t

get to shut me out. We’re your family.”

He went still. “We?”

Red stained her cheeks, but she raised

her chin. “She just wants to make things

right, Bowen. It won’t kill you to hear

her out.”

Their mother. She meant their mother.

Everything inside him rebelled at the

thought of seeing her. “Is that why you

came here? To set up some tearful

mother-son reunion? You’re wasting

your time.”

“Hey, she left me, too. Okay?” She

closed the distance between them and

grabbed his arm, but he yanked it away.

“I’m not exactly over it, either. But

aren’t you even a little curious? Don’t

you at least want an explanation?

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck.”

“Oh, yeah?” She spun around,

gesturing toward the living room wall.

“Is that why you’ve painted her all over

the apartment?”

Her barb stuck in his chest. “Go back

to Manhattan, Ruby.”

“She’s downstairs.”

At once, he felt like he’d just run a

marathon. He couldn’t seem to get

enough air, but the need to escape the

situation overrode everything else.

Trapped. He felt trapped. Ruby was still

talking to him, but nothing could break

through the rush of white noise in his

ears. Trying to regain some semblance

of control, he strode toward the front

door. “You crossed the line this time. I

don’t want to see her. Or you. Get the

hell out and don’t come back.”

“Bowen, don’t do this.” She looked

desperate now, shifting on her feet, mind

racing behind her eyes. “You’re hurting

me. You’re the one person I never

thought would hurt me.”

Dammit
, she knew him too well.

Knew saying that would kill him. But

right now, when she’d forced him into

his own personal nightmare, he couldn’t,

wouldn’t
, comfort her. “Yeah, that’s too

bad. Hurting people is what I do. Live

with it.”

Needing to get away from the pain on

her face, he turned and yanked open the

door.

And came face to face with his

mother, Pamela Hicks.

She stumbled back a step, as if she

hadn’t expected him to open the door so

fast. He didn’t want to look at her, but he

couldn’t look away either. He hadn’t

seen her since he was a child, but

somehow she looked exactly as he

expected. She still had the streak of pink

in her hair, still looked like a roadie for

the Grateful Dead. With ripped jeans

and a bullet belt, she looked like the

furthest thing from a mother you could

get. Which was totally accurate. She

wasn’t a mother.

When he realized he’d been standing

there,

numb

and

dumbstruck,

he

swallowed hard and turned back to

Ruby. “
Go
.”

“Don’t blame her,” Pamela said,

recapturing his attention. “I was

supposed to stay in the car. I guess doing

what the hell you want runs in the family,

huh?”

The joke fell flat, as she seemed to

expect it would. “I don’t have a family.”

“You could.”

His laughter was even painful to his

own ears. “What happened? Did you run

out of money or something?” He reached

into his back pocket for his wallet. “If I

lend you a couple grand will you go

back to wherever you came from?”

Behind him, Ruby spoke up. “Knock it

off, Bowen.”

“I don’t need your money,” Pamela

said.

“Then that concludes our business.”

He held the door wide and looked at

Ruby. “I don’t want to see you here

again. If you come back, I’ll be more

than happy to fill your boyfriend in on

your occasional trips to Brooklyn. Still

hustling for old time’s sake, Ruby?”

Her face went white. “How…did you

know?”

“I know
everything
that happens here.

Why do you think it’s so hard for you to

get a game?” He pointed to the hallway.

“Go on, beat it.”

Still looking shell-shocked, Ruby

walked out the door. She didn’t even

meet his eyes as she passed, or kiss his

cheek like she normally did. He knew

then he’d damaged their bond. Possibly

beyond repair.

He looked up to find Pamela staring

past him into the apartment, her gaze

zeroed in on the painting he’d done of

her face, her hair. A tear tracked down

her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” He hit her with a disgusted

look. “You sure are.”

Bowen shut the door and locked all

three dead bolts. Now that the moment

had passed, now that he didn’t need to

put on an act, hundreds of emotions he’d

kept at bay for so long rushed in all at

once. Helplessness, rage, sadness, pain,

regret. They stormed through him,

overturning everything in their wake.

The grip he’d had on them finally

slipped. He needed an outlet. He needed

somewhere to put it all.

Sera appeared in the guest room

doorway.

Before he’d made a conscious

decision, he’d started toward her.

I
should probably run now.

Sera knew it would be the smartest

move, and yet her feet were glued to the

floor.
Deer in the headlights
would be

the correct term for what she probably

looked like. Except
this
Bowen, the one

who stalked toward her with an air of

menace surrounding him, had to be