Risking it All (14 page)

he nodded, but his eyes grew suspicious.

“Why? Where are you thinking?”

Sera breezed past him and took a jug

of milk out of the fridge. “Church.”

Later.
She’d get back on track with

how to proceed later.

This isn’t happening.

As Bowen walked down the sidewalk

of his familiar neighborhood, Sera’s

hand warm inside his, he tried to

remember the last time he’d been to

church. Had he
ever
been to church?

Once in middle school, he might have

sneaked into the rectory and stolen wine.

Did that count? He tried to picture what

the inside of Saint Anthony’s looked

like, but could only remember the

abandoned lot behind it, where he’d

once watched his father end another

man’s life for shorting him by fifty bucks

on payback of a loan.

Learning from his father had been his

sick version of church. Sure, he’d

listened to sermons, but they’d been

about instilling fear and brooking no

disrespect. Running numbers, inflicting

pain, evading the police. His bible had

been a notebook filled with debts,

passed down when his father got

pinched.

How could he walk into a church,

holding this girl’s hand? He’d be an

imposter, a hypocrite. And hell, that was

if he didn’t burst into flames first. Why

had he agreed to take her?

He knew the answer to that. She’d

looked like a bright, beautiful mirage

sitting on his windowsill when he’d

woken up this morning after a mere hour

of sleep. An antidote to the grisly images

tattooed on the back of his eyelids.

Images he added to every day, with

situations like last night. Situations that

left blood on his knuckles and another

piece of him lying discarded in the

gutter. One look at her, though, and he

forgot everything, at least momentarily.

She’d opened her mouth and said

church
.
Yes
had been his only possible

answer, because she
wanted
it.

Make her happy. Keep her safe.
The

mantra had played on a loop in his head

last night, keeping him awake as he

painted every free inch of space in his

room, until he’d run out of wall space.

Before he knew it, he’d been standing at

the foot of her bed. He’d fed himself the

excuse that he just wanted to make sure

she hadn’t tried to sneak out, maybe head

back to Rush for another shot at stealing

the ledger. But minutes had passed and

he’d still stood there, heart thudding in

his chest as he stared down at her

peaceful form. What would goodness

and purity feel like wrapped around him

nightly? He’d had to put a stranglehold

on the need to crawl into the bed with

her and try to absorb it. The fear it might

have the reverse effect had stopped him.

What if he dirtied her instead?

God, he’d come close on that

stairwell. So damn close. Tackling her

on the stairs, his head had been fucked

up. She’d just looked at him and seen her

death. He’d
known
it. That certainty had

been the equivalent of a shotgun blast to

his chest. Minutes later, the reassurance

in her eyes had been like a balm over the

blast wound. He’d gotten lost in her, his

need for her… He didn’t know how long

he could go without touching her again.

Church was certainly a good start.

Thankfully, when they reached the

steps leading to Saint Anthony’s,

everyone had already gone inside.

Everyone in Bensonhurst knew him, or at

least knew
of
him, and would wonder

what the hell he was doing there. He

didn’t care about the scrutiny on himself.

He’d grown used to it. But he didn’t

want anyone making Sera uncomfortable.

Not today, when it felt so goddamn

perfect walking down the street, holding

her hand. Since he didn’t know if he’d

ever get the chance again, he needed to

savor it.

When they walked into the church,

Bowen swore he could hear a record

scratching. The priest actually paused in

his opening welcome. One by one, every

head in the church turned to face him, a

few mouths even dropping open at the

sight of him. Obviously sensing his

discomfort, Sera pulled him into the very

last row, a resolute smile on her face.

After a beat, the priest resumed his

welcome, before opening the Bible on

the altar and beginning a reading.

“I guess you don’t get to church

much,” she whispered. “They seem

surprised to see you.”

So, that’s how she was going to play

it. As if she wasn’t aware of the real

reason they looked horrified to have him

in their sacred midst. “It’s not my fault.

They keep turning down my application

to be an altar boy.”

Her lips pressed together, laughter in

her eyes. “You’re not missing anything.

The robes are itchy and all that kneeling

is murder on your knees.”

His dropped his head forward. “Don’t

tell me you were an altar—”

“Person. We prefer altar
person
.”

“Unbelievable.” He couldn’t stop

himself from pulling her more securely

against his side. For the first time since

he could remember, he felt comfortable.

At ease. Even knowing she was only

staying with him long enough to get the

goods on Hogan didn’t matter. He let

himself trust the gut feeling that she felt

something, too. He chuckled when he

noticed a woman in the second row

craning her neck to get a look at him.

“You see that lady in the green jacket…

the one with white hair?”

Sera nodded. “The gawker?”

“Like recognizes like.” He just barely

blocked her elbow from connecting with

his stomach. “That’s Mrs. Cormac, my

fifth-grade teacher.”

“No way.”

“Oh,
way
.” He began massaging her

palm with his thumb. “There’s a reason

she doesn’t look happy to see me. I once

put a live chicken in her desk.”

She slapped a hand over her mouth,

but not quickly enough. Her clear,

tinkling laugh sailed past her lips,

drawing everyone’s attention. None of

them looked remotely happy about the

interruption. While Sera hid behind the

yellow program they’d picked up on the

way in, all Bowen could do was shrug

and give them all his most apologetic

smile, teeth and everything. Apparently

his apologetic smile was a little rusty,

though, because it only seemed to piss

them off more.

“She’s just so happy to be here,” he

called, making Sera bend at the waist to

hide her face between her knees.

“Please, continue.”

They managed to make it through the

rest of the Mass without any more

outbursts. Bowen found himself enjoying

the hour-long service. Not that he

listened to a word the priest said, but

sitting there in the daylight, his arm

draped

across

a

smiling

Sera’s

shoulders, he let himself imagine doing

it every Sunday. Having that certainty,

that routine. Knowing she would be

there to sit with him, letting him hold

her. Going home with him afterward

without question, because it was
her

home, too. Not just a guest anymore. In

his apartment or his life. Permanent.

Could he bring her into his world—to

stay? If a miracle happened and she

stuck around after the dust settled, could

he rest a single second? Sera would be

his vulnerability. A way to get to him.

Not safe. Never safe. No, he’d have to

change for her. Change into what,

though? He didn’t know how to be

anyone else. Sera rested her head on his

shoulder and his throat went tight. He

could learn. He could learn to be

someone else, do something else, if it

meant keeping her. He’d do anything.

After it ended, they walked back to his

apartment, only stopping to pick up

bagels and coffee. He had business to

deal with, but it could wait until

tomorrow. Sera didn’t have to work

tonight and although spending the

remainder of the day with her alone in

his apartment would be an incredible

test of his will, not spending time with

her sounded much worse.

As they climbed the stairs leading to

his apartment, she squeezed his hand,

drawing his attention. “Bowen?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you paint a halo over my head

last night?”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

When he tried to keep walking, she

pulled him to a stop just before they

reached his door. She started to say

something, but surprised him by going up

on her tiptoes and kissing him instead. It

started as a peck. But when he curled a

hand around her wrist and felt her pulse

racing out of control, his good intentions

deserted him. Fisting her shirt, he tugged

her close and let his tongue explore her

perfect texture, slow and deep. A little

whimper jumped from her mouth into

his, making him hungry to hear it again.

Louder. God, her tempting body was

rubbing against his, lighting him up like

a pinball machine.

He needed to let her breathe, but

wasn’t willing to let her go, so he

released her mouth in favor of sucking at

her neck. Her skin smelled like his soap

and
fuck
, he loved that. It made his cock

swell in his pants, the realization the

same object had touched both of their

bodies. He wanted her walking around

smelling like him all the time. Not just

his soap.
Him
. All of him.

Sera’s fingers tugged at his hair, the

hard points of her nipples visible against

the material of her shirt. “Why did you

take me to church just to turn me right

back into a sinner?” He bent her back

over his arm so he could rake his teeth

over her covered nipple. “You could

take me to Mass every day for the rest of

my life and I’d still be the kind of guy

who would finger you in the back row.”

“Bowen, take me inside. I want…”

He drew her upright and pressed their

foreheads together, unable to resist the

urge to bite and drag her plump bottom

lip forward. “What do you want, Sera? I

told you, no fucking.”

“What we did last night.” She closed

her eyes and he immediately missed

them. “Can we do that again?”

Just like earlier when she asked him to

take her to church, he only had the ability

to say yes. He suspected that would be

the case no matter what she asked.

Bowen, scale the Empire State Building.

Bowen, take me to Mars. Bowen, make

me come.
Yes, yes, yes.

“Come here, sweetheart.” He trailed

his hands down her back to grasp the taut

cheeks of her ass. With no more

encouragement than that, she twined her

legs around his waist, trailing kisses on

his face as he walked them to the

apartment door. Before he could open it,

however, the door swung wide.

Terror unlike he’d ever known

whipped through him. Fast as he could,

he whirled, putting himself between Sera

and the unknown intruder. He expected

to feel the sting of a bullet any moment,

but he didn’t care about the pain. Once

he was incapacitated, he couldn’t help

Sera. She’d be alone. In one swift

motion, he set Sera on her feet, drew the

gun from his jeans waistband, and

pointed it…at Ruby?

His sister.

CHAPTER NINE

Like any smart girl who’d grown up in

this section of Brooklyn, Ruby’s knees

hit the floor and she raised her arms

over her head. “Jesus, Bowen. Put the

gun down.”

It took him a moment to process that

there wasn’t a threat to Sera. The gun

shook slightly as he lowered it to his