Richard Yates (14 page)

train. I really hate that. During this time I would always like you more when we talked on Gmail chat and not when I saw you in person. I’m horrible for caring so much about weight. But obviously I need to be physically attracted to someone or else some part of the relationship is not fulfi lled.

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And also I talked about what I think when I see an over-weight person in a relationship. So after seeing you I would always think ‘I’m not going to be with her anymore’ but then we would talk on Gmail chat and text messages and I would like you again. Remember when I made you a peanut butter and fl axseed sandwich while you were showering? I stopped doing things like that because I saw that you don’t do things like that for me, and if I kept doing them I would start to feel irritated, because it would remind me how you don’t do them for me, causing me to eventually not like you anymore.”

“Maybe if I could make fun of myself more I would

change faster,” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “I wish you made fun of me more. Like when I look at a cheese beast I make fun of it and I think ‘I don’t ever want to be that, that really is ridiculous.’ If we had made fun of me more I would think ‘I really am being a ridiculous asshole.’

Today I kind of felt like that. Instead of crying and feeling ashamed I thought ‘fuck, what the hell have I become?

I’m so confused, I’m out-of-control’ and laughed a little. I walked around by the river and did pushups and exercised on my mom’s exercise machine and felt happy and calm.”

They continued emailing. Their emails became shorter and more frequent. “Did you like the cheese beast I sent you?” said Dakota Fanning in an email. “I saw it on
Newsweek
. My mom just got a new cell phone so now I have her old phone and can take pictures. My mom just said hi. She really likes you now. We talked about you in the Wendy’s parking lot. She said it really meant a lot to her when you sent her the email thanking her for all those things.”

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A few days later Dakota Fanning emailed around 9:00 p.m.

that she was bored and still hadn’t done her Advanced Placement work. She said she wouldn’t be able to go to Haley Joel Osment’s July 20 reading if she didn’t fi nish her Advanced Placement work. “Do things,” said Haley Joel Osment in an email around 5:00 a.m. “You don’t do things unless I lecture you. Then you do things for the two days after I lectured you. I’m tired of lecturing you. Why do people only do things when you lecture them? I’m so tired of lecturing people. I’m tired. People don’t think or something. They only think when you lecture them, then they only think for two days. I’ve never met anyone not like this. Amazing. I’ve never met someone not like this.”

“I did do things yesterday until I felt sick later in the afternoon,” said Dakota Fanning in an email around 5:30 a.m.

“I exercised, read, and worked in the garden. I felt bored because I couldn’t talk to you, not because I wasn’t doing anything or didn’t have anything to do.”

“Hi,” she said about an hour later on Gmail chat.

“Do you know when you’re going to Florida,” she said.

“August 1,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“I’ll talk to my mom once more about it before she talks to your mom. She still hasn’t given me an answer about it,”

said Dakota Fanning about going to Florida for a week with Haley Joel Osment. “It takes her like a week to decide on anything.”

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“You are irritated with me right now I think.”

“I’m tired of lecturing you.”

“I did do things yesterday, you didn’t have to lecture me.”

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“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I’m tired of lecturing.”

“Okay. Do you still want me to come to your reading and Florida.”

“Yes. But I am tired of lecturing you. You act differently after I lecture. I don’t know. I am tired of lecturing.

Just print out selections of my lecture of you and pretend I am doing it each morning and you will act differently.”

Dakota Fanning said “Okay.” “But do it before I tell you to do it, in the future,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Okay,” said Dakota Fanning. “Which is impossible,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Since I just told you to do it.”

Dakota Fanning said she had to start getting ready to go to work with her mother.

“I can predict what is going to happen,” said Haley Joel Osment. “I predicted it before and every time I lectured you.

That is bad. That is so tiring. I feel so tired of people. I wish someone would surprise me for once.”

Dakota Fanning wasn’t typing anything.

“Okay,” said Haley Joel Osment. “Go get ready.”

“I understand,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I can also predict that you will probably try a little harder since I said I can predict. And maybe do something I can’t predict, until the next time I say it. There’s really nothing you can say anymore. I wouldn’t know what to say. I would think there is something really wrong with one of us.”

“I will email throughout the day,” said Dakota Fanning.

“I have to go. Thank you for being honest. What airline do you usually fl y.”

“Delta,” said Haley Joel Osment.

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That night around 9:30 p.m. after sleeping from 8:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Haley Joel Osment emailed Dakota Fanning that she didn’t surprise him today. He said he wasn’t going to talk to her or think about her. “You didn’t understand how

‘dire’ the situation was this morning,” he said.

Dakota Fanning emailed that the day wasn’t over. “I just went to Wal-Mart to steal a tape recorder,” she said.

“I’m going to record some songs for you. I couldn’t fi nd a tape recorder at Wal-Mart and Staples was closed so I just stole a tape and will use tape man’s recorder until I have to mail it back. I just got home now. I thought you would be surprised if I sang some of your favorite songs for you. I spent the rest of the time painting and making paper cranes covered in little hamsters. I stole the heart monitor so we could listen to our hearts when I come for your reading. I talked to my mom about Florida and she said ‘I don’t know, I really don’t think you should go, I don’t know, that’s my gut feeling’ but she wasn’t saying ‘no’ really. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

She sent a few more emails. Haley Joel Osment read the emails and left Bobst Library and bought a corn muffi n.

He ate it walking slowly to Union Square. On the 4 train a small boy sitting by his mother said “Does anyone know how to break a straw in half?” facing where Haley Joel Osment and other people stood.

“Who are you talking to?” said the mother.

“Peter,” said the boy after about ten seconds.

“You said ‘does anyone,’” said the mother. “That’s not Peter. You better not be talking to strangers.” About a minute later the boy laughed and said “I thought this was a chip” about a crushed soda can he was holding. The mother mhp-yates-01.indd 114

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looked at him with a neutral facial expression. Haley Joel Osment looked at the mother with a neutral facial expression. In his room he listened to music through earphones while eating pasta. He carried his air mattress from the closet to his fl oor’s trash room. He carried an issue of
Maxim
Blender
from the trash room’s recycling bin to his room and masturbated. He showered and read for about an hour. He turned off the light. He looked at old text messages on his cell phone. He slept.

The next afternoon Dakota Fanning emailed that she stole him a new belt because she thought his was leather and that she was making a giant comic for him. She emailed preview photos of the comic. She said her mother was going to buy the plane tickets for Florida but didn’t yet because she decided to invite fi ve of Dakota Fanning’s cousins and all of their parents to their house today for no reason.

That night Haley Joel Osment’s suitemate knocked on his door. “This is from Dakota,” he said. “I think it’s sushi.” Haley Joel Osment ate the sushi standing in his room.

He text-messaged Dakota Fanning “Thank you” and that he was surprised and felt happy. Dakota Fanning said she called a lot of places in lower Manhattan asking if they de-livered to Wall Street and some places laughed at her.

A week later she went to New York City for Haley Joel Osment’s July 20 reading.

In his room she took a piece of paper from a garbage bag and unfolded it to a very giant piece of paper and taped it to a wall. The tape was already on the back of the paper.

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things to Bono, Al Gore, Tim Fenton, other people. Haley Joel Osment grinned a lot while reading it. He asked about Al Gore dying in the sixth panel then being alive in a later panel. Dakota Fanning patted his shoulder and said “Don’t worry about that.” The comic was called “fuck the world.”

Haley Joel Osment remembered photos Dakota Fanning had shown him of cakes her friends made that said “fuck the world” in icing. He gave Dakota Fanning two framed drawings he had worked on the past two weeks of about 200 sea animals and said it was her birthday present. They had sex and showered and lay under blankets in the dark.

On the train to New Jersey after Haley Joel Osment’s reading they alternated sleeping with their heads on each other’s laps. In the morning Dakota Fanning’s mother opened the door to Dakota Fanning’s room and said “What did I say about sleeping together?”

Haley Joel Osment woke but did not open his eyes.

After a few seconds Dakota Fanning’s mother closed the door.

“I want to leave,” thought Haley Joel Osment later that day on Dakota Fanning’s bed. “She’s changing back again. I honestly feel like leaving. I wouldn’t be leaving to ‘get back’

at her, I would be naturally going where I want to go. I can leave. I can go to the library.” He stood and began putting his things into his duffl e bag. Dakota Fanning asked what he was doing. He said he was leaving. “Please don’t leave,”

she said with a serious facial expression and held his wrist.

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her front yard. She ran to him and they faced each other on the street which was wet from an earlier rain. Dakota Fanning was barefoot. “Where are you going?” she said in a panicked voice.

“I’m going to work on things in the library,” said Haley Joel Osment.

Dakota Fanning asked if he wanted to stay at her house until closer to his train time. She said he could use the computer and she wouldn’t bother him.

“I want to go somewhere to be alone,” said Haley Joel Osment.

“Where are you going to go?” said Dakota Fanning with a very alert facial expression. There were tears on her cheeks and her body was shaking a little. There didn’t seem to be tears in her eyes. Haley Joel Osment thought she looked pretty and considerate and felt grateful that she existed and liked him. He thought that he wanted to see her again in a few days and then felt calm. “Probably Ming Moon,” he said. “Or just sit somewhere.” He turned to leave and Dakota Fanning held his arm.

“Wait,” she said and let go. “Am I ever going to see you again?”

“Yes. I just want to be alone for a few days. I just want to focus on other things for a few days. It’s okay. Just focus on something good.”

“When will I talk to you? Can I call you?”

“I’ll email in a few days,” said Haley Joel Osment and touched her shoulder. “Okay,” he said. “Focus on something good. Bye.” He went to Ming Moon and then sat on the concrete bench on the train platform eating hot and sour soup and white rice. He thought about if Andrew seemed mhp-yates-01.indd 117

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happy or severely depressed today. He went to the café and read magazines and newspapers for about two hours. On the 8:46 p.m. train he lay on his back across two seats with his knees bent. It was a Friday. He thought about Saturday and Sunday. He text-messaged Dakota Fanning that he would email her Tuesday.

After midnight on his bed he text-messaged “Happy

birthday, do you feel okay.”

A few minutes later Dakota Fanning text-messaged “I don’t know.”

Tuesday around 3:00 a.m. she text-messaged “Will you visit me today? I know it’s soon but I miss you, just tell me if you don’t want to, I don’t want you to feel forced.” Haley Joel Osment was sitting on his bed editing a draft of his novel. He looked at the text message and focused on editing while thinking a little about the text message. After a few minutes Dakota Fanning text-messaged “Sorry, never mind, I shouldn’t have asked so soon, good night.” Haley Joel Osment text-messaged that she should come to his reading Thursday. He slept and woke and went to Bobst Library.

“I can’t go Thursday,” said an email from Dakota Fanning.

“My mother is mad at me because I look sad at work and don’t work fast enough and didn’t sleep until 4:30 a.m.

last night. I’m going to work hard tomorrow and she’ll change her mind probably.” Haley Joel Osment asked if her mother would let her go if he went to New Jersey fi rst so she wouldn’t be alone on the train to New York City. “No, probably not,” said Dakota Fanning. “She isn’t going to let me go.