Revenge Of A Band Geek Gone Bad (22 page)

"Just do it," she hissed, her eyes darting around.  "It was a gift!  You don't want to look lame.  Frankly, you shouldn't have told Jan that we don't drink."

"But we
don't
," I argued.  I'd never known Lana to give in to
peer
pressure.  Frankly, it was getting uncomfortable for me.

"Just try some," she repeated.  She gave me a tight smile.  "Really, it's not bad.  Just drink slowly."  She took a long sip of hers, not really following her own advice.

I took a tiny sip of mine and recoiled from the bitterness. 
Blech
!  The beer burned against the back of my throat and reminded me of what I imagined a combination of cat piss and sweaty socks would taste like.  I tried again just to make sure I hated it, but yeah, I could barely choke it down.  I couldn't understand why people went so crazy over this stuff.  "I'll just hold mine, okay?"  I said.  Already, I was wishing I could go home, but I'd promised Lana that I'd hang around for at least an hour.  I cradled my beer and wished for something exciting to suddenly happen.

I jumped when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Dude, ladies, glad you could make it."

Lana groaned.  It was Lenny.  But I was glad to see him.

"So, Lenny, I didn't know you knew Jan," I said.

"Oh, is that her name?" 
he
asked.  "She's my friend's friend.  But boy, I'll tell you, she's a real party pooper.  She didn't even say 'hi' when I walked in.  And I complimented her house and everything."

"That's just Jan; she likes to complain," Lana explained.  She took a seat at the kitchen table.  "
Whatcha
been
up to, Len?"

"Oh, you know, the usual," he said.  "I washed my car and then my friend
Chaz
came over and showed me how to crush cans against my head without knocking
myself
out. 
Wanna
see?"

"Okay," I said. It's not like we'd gotten a better offer.

Lenny picked up a soda can and knocked it against himself. Nothing happened.  "
Ow
!" he yelled.  "What did I do wrong?"

"It would probably help if it were
empty
," Lana suggested. She polished off her
beer and placed the empty can on the table.  Almost immediately, the long-haired guy handed her a second drink.  Lenny was still trying to perfect his trick.

"Dude, yeah, you're right," Lenny said.  He then opened his can and soda fizzed out everywhere.  Lana and I jumped back. 
"Whoa, sorry,
Marlena
, Llama.
 
Didn't mean to get you."

"My name's..." I began.

"Don't even bother," Lana told me, pausing to guzzle her beverage.  She turned back to Lenny.  "So, what other tricks do you have for us?"

Lenny looked thoughtful.  "I'll bet I can fit 10 Tootsie Rolls in my mouth."  He began
shoving
them in until he looked like a chipmunk.  He tried to talk.  "
Ude
,
is
ish
ool
!"

Lana cracked up. 
"Lame.
  I can do more than that.  I can do 15."  Now it was her turn to shove candies into her mouth.  She looked like she was going to explode.  "
Ey
, aye
outh
ish
igga
an
aye
ought!" she marveled.  Both swallowed their Tootsie Rolls.

"Hey, you know what I've always wondered?" Lenny said.  He picked up a box of candies from the table.  "Do you think it's possible to get drunk on cherry cordials?"

"I don't know, I never thought about it," Lana admitted.

"
Wanna
try?"  He held the box out to us.

"Okay."  Lana looked at me.  I shrugged my shoulders.  The two of them started downing cordials at rapid speed.

"Whoa, chocolate goodness," Lenny praised.  "It's like a party wrapped in a shell of a party even better."

"It's like buried treasure discovered within treasure already found," agreed Lana.  I rolled my eyes.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to take a walk," I told them. They waved at me as they went on about the candy.

I wandered through the party, holding onto my beer and taking in everything.  Most of the kids I knew, although some I'd never seen before.  I assumed they were from Smithfield.  Ryan
Barsky
and some other guys were busy playing poker -- for potato chips. 
Dani
and Ken were standing by the dining room table, kissing.  In fact, many couples had snuck off into corners and were making out.  I smiled,
wondering if Josh and I would be like that.  Maybe coming to a party would be a lot more enjoyable if I had a cute guy to snuggle with.  I snapped out of my daydream when I heard someone crying.  Kathy stood near me watching Ken and
Dani
with hatred.  Clara and Tamara patted her shoulders, trying to comfort her, but it didn't seem to be doing any good.

"He's never going to notice me," Kathy sniffed, pausing to take a sip of her beer.  "And I got all dressed up tonight."  As usual, she looked great in a red miniskirt and black top.  I felt drab in my long flowered skirt and purple sweater.

"Don't worry, Kath, he'll get the hint," Tamara assured her.  "It's not like he's going to want to be with that
slut
for long."

"But
Dani
is so pretty!"  Kathy sighed.  "And smart.  And head cheerleader, for God's sake.  How in the hell am I ever supposed to compete with that when I'm just a dorky band geek?  Face it, I'm a loser."  She buried her head in her arms and sobbed.  It reminded me of how she'd cried at the recital.

"You're beautiful," Clara said.  "It's just that
Dani
got to him first, is all.  You know her; she's so possessive!"

"Do you think it's my red hair?"  Kathy went on.  "I have Ronald McDonald hair.  Maybe I should dye it blonde like hers..."

"No, your hair is gorgeous...
"  her
friends insisted.  I moved away from them, shaking my head in disbelief.  Who knew that
Kathy
was so insecure?

Clara and Tamara slipped away from Kathy to get her another drink.  I watched as she continued to sob.  Everyone else at the party was so busy doing their own thing that they didn't notice her, even though she was definitely one of the best-looking girls there.  To my surprise, I found myself feeling for her, understanding how it is to think that you're invisible.  It was then that I realized that she and I had more in common than I'd thought.  I'm not sure what possessed me, but I made my way over to her and offered her a tissue.  "Here," I said, handing it to her.  "Your mascara's starting to run."

Kathy looked up, surprised, but accepted the tissue.  "Thanks," she said quietly.  She blew her nose.  "Some party, huh? 
Happy holidays and all that."

"I know
,
it's pretty lame, right?  Lana made me come with her."

"Tams and Clara made me come with them," she admitted.  "I don't even like these things."

"Yeah, me neither."

I was about to offer to get her a glass of water or something else non-alcoholic, but Clara and Tamara returned.  "Ugh, what are you doing here?" 
Tamra
asked.  "I thought this party was supposed to be exclusive."

"That's right," Clara said, arriving with Kathy's drink.  "What the hell are you doing here,
Smellinda
?"

"Geez, you try to help someone..."  I began.

"I don't need your help," Kathy sneered, again doing the whole Jekyll
And
Hyde thing that she'd done to me at the recital.  I noticed she was no longer crying.  "In fact, I don't need you around me at all.  Go back to where you crawled out of.  Or better yet, go be with your filthy boyfriend."

"Wait, you mean Josh?"  I hadn't expected him to be there.

Kathy's eyes widened.  "Oh, so you mean you didn't come with him.  What'd I tell you?  He's already moved on."

I didn’t respond to her last remark.  "Where is he, anyway?"

"Just go to the basement," Tamara said, grinning.  "But don't say we didn't warn you."

"Yeah!" the always-helpful Clara added.

"What are you talking about?"  I figured that the beer was making them difficult to understand.

"Oh, let's just say that you're not Josh's only 'friend,'" Kathy said.  "Get ready to see a
much
different side to him."  She tossed her used tissue at me so that it stuck to my hair.  The trio laughed as I pulled out her disgusting "present." "Thanks for the tissue!" 
she
called.  "Tell Josh I said hi!"

I felt a bit worried as I made my way to the basement but couldn't wait to find Josh.  With the night I was having, seeing
him
would definitely make it better.

I walked down the stairs to Jan's spacious furnished basement.  The lights were low and the music blared.  More couples were making out down there, only the place reeked of beer.  I actually stepped into a puddle of it as I pushed through the crowd.  Great, now my new loafers were all wet.

In the corner, a group of guys and girls sat around a small table.  Cards were spread out all over the place, as well as bras, panties and other articles of clothing.  I realized that they were playing Strip Poker.

"Hey, come on, baby, do it!" called out a blonde girl I'd never seen before.  She
and her friends were wearing only their underwear and were cheering on someone.  "Woo
hoo
, take it all off,
hon
,
take
it off!"

I walked closer to the table,
then
did a double-take.  At the far end of the table was Josh.
My
Josh.
  Butt naked. 
And drunk out of his mind.
  Josh was sloshed. 

###

I stood there for a minute not wanting to believe what I was seeing, but I couldn't move.  I just watched in shock as Josh did a little shimmy and poured a can of beer over his head.

"You lose, Kowalski," one of the guys said.  "Time to do the Dance
Of
Shame."

"Hey, I
ain't
shamed of dis body," Josh slurred, laughing. "
Eveyone
..."  He tried to get the word out.  "
Ev
-
er
-y-one ... they should wish
ey
look
ike
me!"  He stood on the table and did a little jig.  "Okay, ladies, dis is your one chance to
getta
handful of me!  Come
an
geddit
!"  He then locked eyes with me.  I tried to run away.

"Mel--Melinda!" he cried, quickly jumping off the table and grabbing his jeans and boxer shorts.  "Is that really you?  Or, am I
seein
'
thingks
?"  He struggled to put his pants on, but fell over.  This elicited a bunch of cheers from the crowd.

"Yes, it's me," I replied.  My cheeks reddened as he sprawled on the floor in front of me, still mostly naked.  Except for his jeans, which were still pooled around his
ankles.
  He'd given up on his underwear and was cradling his shorts.

"Well, Mel, hello!"
 
he
cried out.  He stood up again and finally managed to at least pull up his pants.  "Come join da party!  Dance
wit
me!"  He tried to twirl me, but I still couldn't move.  "Aw, you're upset, aren't you?" 
he
said.  "Come on, Mel, you knew I liked ta party.  I
nevah
lied 'bout that."

"No, you didn't," I admitted.  "But I just ... you're really,
really
drunk!"  I wasn't sure how to react. 
Drunk
Josh was nothing like the guy who'd kissed me in the city.

"Damn straight," he drawled.  "Come on, why
don
you play
wit
us?  Ten you won feel left out.  I always say... I always say..."  He looked at his friends.  "
Wa
--what do I always say?"  At this point, he was having trouble standing up.

I didn't think things could get any more awkward, but I was wrong.  I stood there, trying to gather my last bit of dignity when I heard a cackle behind me.  Kathy had overheard everything.

"
‘Tis
a really bad sign for a couple when da guy is driven to drink after, like,
one date," she said, grinning.  She was also staggering around after having so many drinks. 
"
Heesh
pathetic.
 
Heesh
so drunk he doesn't even know
hish
name!"