Restore Me (Book 2.5 Kin Series) (20 page)

I thought about Lacey being with another man and then something happened to me. Rage filled me and I wanted to hurt someone. My stomach knotted up imagining her touching and fucking someone besides me.

I walked into my apartment, leaving Ford to clean up the tools.

He brought me a plate of food a little while later. I let him in and watched him sit down on the couch. “I didn’t mean to piss you off. I was just tryin’ to offer you some advice.”

I took a bite of a burger and was surprised how juicy it tasted. “I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

He pushed my buttons. “Why? It’s true isn’t it? You really have it bad and you don’t
know what you’re goin’ to do. I’ll tell you what I think.”

“I don’t want to know what you think,” I interrupted.

“Yeah, you need to hear this. Cuz, Lacey ain’t goin’ to stick around forever. If it pisses you off that much to imagine not bein’ with her then you need to let her know how you feel. Just tell her, man. It ain’t like it’s goin’ to hurt. She’s crazy about you, too. Frankly, I’m tired of hearin’ about how great you are at eating pussy and shit like that. Besides, as much as I like Lacey, her bein’ at your house gives me alone time with my lady. There’s never enough of that.”

I rolled my eyes and watched my cousin stand up and leave. He was right and I had to make a decision before Lacey was tired of me. I wasn’t sure about her having my heart, but she definitely had a hold of me and I didn’t think I wanted to imagine her letting go.

I spent the next couple of days thinking about how I was going to approach the conversation. I’d never been one for talking and expressing feelings that I wasn’t familiar with was even more difficult. After much consideration I’d prepared my speech and cooked a nice meal to serve while we were talking.

I was anxious, but after the whole Sam thing and then not wanting to see or be with any other women, I knew what I was doing was the right thing. Whatever this was between us was worth a shot.

I was ready to take things to the next level with Lacey, because as much as I fought it, I knew I cared about her. I wanted to take her out to nice places and invite my mother over to get to know her too.

I hadn’t fully prepared
for her when she started knocking on my door. I was even more surprised that I didn’t have to go and pry her away from Sky. It gave me a good feeling and I was confidant that our night was starting out perfectly.

I shut the door behind us and placed my hands on her shoulders.
“Why haven’t you been takin’ my calls? I finally get your number and you won’t answer it when I call you.” I leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. It was deep and full of my emotions. She was standing in front of me and I’d never been so nervous.

One thing I knew for sure was that I wanted this with her. I was ready to call a woman my girlfriend and as soon as she came in and got
comfortable, I was going to tell her.

While still holding her from our welcome kiss, she started trying to back away.
“We need to talk about something.”

I couldn’t help not wanting to kiss her again. I was eager and excited
. My eyes closed and my lips separated.

Then L
acey blurted something out that shocked me. “I slept with Shayne.”

All I could
do was pull away and look right at her. She looked sad and I didn’t understand why she’d said that. I’d known she’d been with Shayne. He used to be her boyfriend. Why was she bringing up the past? “What do you mean? I know you slept with him,…”

She interrupted,
“This week. He came to my house and we slept together.”

She’d just kicked me straight in the balls and not even realized it. I felt like a fool. Before I could respond, I needed to take a moment and calm down.
“Why are you tellin’ me this?”

She sat down next to me and for the first time since knowing her, I didn’t want her there
. “I’m tired of all the lies. I can’t take it anymore.”

She was worth being nice to. I should have told her how I felt before. Maybe I could have prevented it from happening
. “I don’t lie to you, Lace.”

“Yes, you do. You erased my phone when Shayne called, didn’t you?”

I had to smile, knowing only Shayne could have told her about our conversation. He’d gotten to her and I knew he was somewhere smiling about it. “Yeah, you got me there. That’s different though, and you know it. Shit, Lace, I even told you about other women in my life. I’ve never told any other person that.”

“I can’t see you anymore.”
She refused to look at me when she said it. It was another punch in my fucking balls.

“What are you goin’ to go back to Shayne now? You think he’s good for you? Can he give you what I can? Does he make you feel the way that I do?”

“No! He doesn’t, okay? This isn’t about Shayne.”

“You came here to tell me that you were together and now you can’t see me anymore. What else would it be about?”
I stood up and started pacing around the living room. I was so pissed and hurt at the same time. It was also the exact reason that I swore I’d never let myself feel something for a woman.

“Being with Shayne made me realize that I’m on a collision course. I can’t keep doing it to myself. It’s ripping me apart from the inside. When I’m with you, I forget who I am. You make me feel alive and like nobody ever has before, but it’s a temporary high. The moment I walk out your door, I think about you being with other women. I think about the pictures and what else you could be hiding from me. I think about all of the people that have warned me about how you are. It’s just too much.”

“Lacey, you’re so wrong. I’m not hidin’ nothin’ else from you. Sure, I lied about Shayne, but that’s only because I wanted you for myself. You think I wanted to share you? You’re the only woman that I’ve ever had to fight to be with. Once I had you, I knew one thing.” I kneeled down in front of her and noticed she was in tears. “I knew I didn’t want to let you go.”

She started to look away
. “I wish you really meant that, Joey, because being with you is wonderful. You and I both know, it was just about the sex. It’s not like you even do relationships, so don’t give me that shit that I’m different. Look, I’ve thought a lot about this and it’s best if we just stop.”

“I think you’re scared that you might have feelin’s for me.”

“I’m stopping this before that can happen.”

I started to tell her how I felt about her and how she was making a mistake, but pride got in the way and wouldn’t let me make a fool out of myself, anymore than she’d already done.
“I guess you need to do what you think is right, Lacey.”  She reached for me, but I moved out of the way. “You should probably go. I mean, I don’t want you to have to be around when I’m callin’ someone else to come entertain me, because that would just be rude.”

The look on Lacey’s face was something that I’d never forget. In that final sentence I knew anything she’d ever felt for me was gone. I was back to being the whore she thought I was.

Lacey walked out of my door and my life and I knew she wasn’t ever coming back.

That was what I got for trying to be with a woman.

I got a kick in the balls and an empty spot in my bed.

Chapter
23

Ford came over the next morning and I was in no mood to talk.

“Hey, what happened with Lacey. That chick went runnin’ out of here last night without a good explanation. I thought you were goin’ to talk to her.”

“I thought so too. Turns out she was fuckin’ Shayne.”

“Come again?”

I opened up my fourth beer of the morning and tossed the cap toward the table. It fell down on the floor instead and I didn’t care about picking it up. “You fuckin’ heard me, bitch. She’s fuckin’ Shayne again and there ain’t nothin’ I can do about it.”

“Sky didn’t tell me, man. That sucks.”

“Look, unless you plan on sittin’ here watchin’ me drink, I suggest you go on about your day.”

Ford
stood up. “I am real sorry. If you need anything, let me know.”

“Yeah.” He left me sitting there to mope alone.

In all honesty, I was too drunk to really have a rational thought. I guess I never realized how much I cared about Lacey until she wasn’t in my life anymore.

Every time my phone rang I would think it was her.

The weekend ended and I got back to work on Monday. I’d been deprived of sleep, but never felt more exhausted. More than anything I just wanted to hear her voice.

I started getting calls when I hadn’t been to the gym and even Candace had left me a message. Maybe calling
them both back would have helped, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My dick had gotten me where I was and I wanted nothing to do with any woman until I could get my shit back together.

Days pa
ssed I’d had so much time to think about what I wanted to say to her. I knew I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted the chance to see where it could go with us.

Then I got an offer tha
t I couldn’t refuse.

My boss came to me asking if I was still interested in working in Italy, under a chef that taught him everything he knows. The job was going to last from six months to a year and I’d have a place to live that was fully furnished. He said I could walk to the restaurant and have every weekend off to travel and enjoy the lifestyle.

Knowing that I had nothing stopping me, and that doing something like that was an opportunity of a lifetime, I gave him my answer the next morning and prepared to tell the news to my mother, who I knew would have a hard time even if it was temporary.

There was just one thing that needed to be dealt with first.

I found a shoe box under my bed, a pen and paper and grabbed the photos out of my dresser. It was stupid to keep them as trophies, especially considering that I could see almost all of the women in them whenever I wanted. I’d lied to Lacey about them, but only because I knew she wouldn’t approve of that part of my lifestyle. Hell, I don’t think she approved of any part of my lifestyle. If she had, she would have stuck around.

Before I
left the country and tried to put her behind me, I needed her to know the truth, not about the pictures, but about what she meant to me. I was tired of denying it to everyone around me, especially myself. If I wanted any kind of closure, I’d have to be honest with myself.

I wrote
three or four notes and tossed them before finally having the balls to use words that I was literally afraid of.

Knowing that I had nothing to lose because I wouldn’t be around to see her reaction,
I took a few deep breaths and let everything that I’d had bottled up come out.

Lacey:

It’s been three days since I found out that you slept with Shayne again. I guess part of it was my fault, for not being clear. You see, I’ve developed feelings for you that I’ve never had for another woman. When you’re in my arms I feel complete and when you leave, I miss you.

I know I came on to you the wrong way. It was all I’d ever done, and I never expected us to be anything more than fuck buddies. The thing is, hearing that you slept with Shayne, ripped me apart. You can imagine what it’s like to hear that the person you’re in love with has gone back to their ex.

Yeah, I said it. I’m in love with you.

I’m not writing this letter to win you back, or make you sad. I just thought you might want to know that you were never ‘just sex’. From the first moment I held you, I knew it was something entirely different.

I’ve been offered a position in Italy, and due to recent events, I’ve decided to seize the opportunity. It’s the chance of a lifetime and passing it up could change my future drastically.

I want you to know that I’ll think about you everyday. You opened my eyes and my heart to feelings that I never knew existed.

Thank you for being with me, even if our time was limited, I will never forget it.

Love: Joey

I took the photos and looked at them one last time.

Candace was sprawled out on her couch, holding her legs up. I smiled remembering a time where going for my weekly massage was a treat. The next photo was someone that I hadn’t seen in a while. Then it was the two from culinary school. That was where I stopped looking at them. I grabbed an empty glass, tossed them in and watched them burn.

Italy was going to be a place for me to make new memories. I didn’t need pictures to remember the women that kept me satisfied for so long. It wasn’t like I could ever forget them. I’d already be gone by the time they discovered I wasn’t coming around anymore. It
was better that way. The last thing I needed was any more of them claiming to have feelings for me that I couldn’t return.

Enough was enough.

When the pictures were burned, I grabbed a bag to put them in and tossed what was left in the bottom of the box, just to prove a point that I had, in fact, actually done it. I also added the t-shirt that I could no longer wear, because it reminded me of her too much.