Resist Me (Change Me Book One - standalone): McCoy Raven Boys (19 page)

My knees gave out, and I quickly grabbed onto a small tree. It was a miracle it didn’t snap in half. The trunk was no thicker than my wrist. I peered out from the cluster of bushes I was hiding in. Ethan was searching for me. Our eyes met, and I immediately felt lighter as if a huge weight was suddenly lifted off my shoulders.
 

I was so happy. I had to stop myself from rushing to him and throwing my arms around his neck. Fortunately, my legs shook so much, I was sure I couldn’t do more than maybe walk slowly; definitely not run.
 

“Oh, sweet Lord, Ethan. I was so scared. What happened?” My breath hitched and my chest constricted. I started to breathe much faster than normal. There was no way I could control that anymore.
 

By now, my whole body violently shuddered. My vision went gray. I thought I heard Ethan say something, apologize for something maybe, but I couldn’t understand his words. They came like from under the water.
 

“I’m… I can’t see...” was all I was able to utter before I felt his strong arm around me, lifting me.

I leaned into him, and my legs gave out. He helped me down onto the grass and told me to slow my breathing. I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. My mind was on and off, as with a click of an invisible button. Was I fainting? It was a strange sensation, like falling but not hitting anything. I felt light, too light, and really weird. Did I step out of my own body? My limbs didn’t belong to me. They felt so unfamiliar.
 

When I cracked my eyes open, I was lying down. Ethan’s concerned face hovered over me. It swam in and out of my view. Blue sky and the tops of the trees provided a fascinating background for his striking features.
 

It was like looking at a painting of some beautiful angel. A beautiful
fallen
angel. There was nothing purely angelic about Ethan. Certain kind of darkness emanated from him—a dangerous but oh, so captivating. I closed my eyes to hold on to that image. It was too amazing to let it go.
 

Getting enthralled by Ethan seemed like the most natural response from a woman. Was I plenty strong to fight the attraction? Was I broken enough to prevent more suffering? If these questions were asked about any other man, my immediate response would be
hell yes
. But with Ethan… no matter how much I wanted to fight it off, my battle appeared already lost.
   

Chapter Twenty One

ETHAN
 

I inspected the spot where she crouched last. The grass was flattened by her boots, but that was it. I looked closer at the ground, searching for the footprints. None were visible, but then I noticed the grass further away was trampled in two narrow, parallel tracks. She must have crawled away. I followed that path.
 

“Lisbeth,” I hissed. “It’s me, Ethan. Come out, it’s okay.”

A moment later, she stuck her head from behind a large bush about ten yards to my right. She looked small and scared. I had a strange urge to go to her and pull her into my arms. But I suppressed it immediately. I had to.
 

“Oh, sweet Lord, Ethan. I was so scared. What happened?” her voice shook. She stepped out from her hiding spot, but kept grasping tightly onto a trunk of a skinny tree.

She trembled all over, and her breath came in and out too quickly. I went to her, afraid she might faint from an emotional stress and hyperventilation. I recognized the symptoms.
 
“It’s okay. There is absolutely nothing’s going on. I’m sorry to have frightened you like that. It wasn’t my intention.”

The last thing we needed was another panic attack.
 

Lisbeth looked pale; too pale. “I’m… I can’t see...”
 

I grasped her around her back and eased her down to the ground. She closed her eyes but was still conscious.
 

“Breathe slowly, not that fast,” I said gently, kneeling down by her and then sitting on my heels. “That’s it. Good girl.” I checked her pulse.

Her breathing gradually started to slow down, and the color was coming back to her cheeks.
 

She looked at me from half-closed lids and smiled weakly. “Uoh, I almost checked out.”

“Yeah, it happens when blood flow to the brain decreases.”

“It must be useful to have all that medical training,” she said feebly.
 

I shrugged. “It comes in handy when a girl faints.”

She chuckled a little and then turned her head to look up at the sky. Her eyes were clear, and so bright-green; beautiful, and intelligent. I wanted to run my fingers through her unruly hair, but that would be stupid, considering the earlier
situation
we had. So I hurriedly looked away, trying to concentrate on anything but Lisbeth.

“I’ve heard voices. Who were you talking to?” she asked.
 

“Jack. The idiot is in the cabin.” I huffed.

“Oh. Your cousin?” She seemed surprised and comforted at the same time. And very confused.
 

I nodded. “Do you think you can sit up?”

“I will try.”

“Now slowly. No sudden movements.” I put one hand under her upper back and lightly grasped her shoulder with the other.
 

“Yes, doc.” She smiled.
 

“Far from being a doc,” I corrected her.
 

“Enough for me.”

What a tease.
 

When she sat up I asked, “How are you feeling? Still lightheaded?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Don’t get up yet. Drink some water.” I took my water bottle from my knapsack and unscrewed the lid.
 

She accepted it without hesitation and put the bottle to her mouth. Those lips parted for me not long ago… why was I so tormented by this girl? How was she different from the other women I knew? I’ve never been affected like this before. Damn.
 

“Thank you.” She returned the bottle to me, pulling me out of my reverie. “I will try to stand up now.”

“Slowly,” I insisted, helping her up. “Good? How is your head?”

“Fine. I’m fine.”

“Can you walk?”
 

She nodded. I held onto her in case she started to faint again. I was kidding myself—I just wanted her close to me. She didn’t move away, and that wasn’t making it easier for me. I had to force myself to let go off her.
 

“Okay?” I asked.
 

Lisbeth nodded again, keeping her eyes down. “So where is Jack?”

“At the cabin. You can yell at him for worrying you.”
 

“I might just do that.” She smiled a tight smile, but her face lightened up a notch. It looked lovely and open. I had to be on a constant alert not to do something stupid again. But just like that the tension between us lessened. It didn’t completely disappear, but it seemed less rigid somehow. Or so I hoped.
 

“You have a gun,” she said quietly, watching me as we walked.
 

“Yes. As a precaution.”

“That’s smart.”

I glanced at her. I expected her to question me, to freak out about the gun, or something like that. But I definitely didn’t expect her to praise me. Yes, she was full of surprises.
 

“Smart? I like to be prepared. I mean, just in case.”

“It’s a 9 mm, right? Bereta?”

My curiosity peaked. I specifically respected females who appreciated firearms. “You know guns?” There was a definite note of disbelief in my voice, and I scolded myself for sounding like a freakin’ chauvinist, which I wasn’t. Many of my Marine comrades were women and they kicked a major ass. Girls weren’t fragile flowers or shit like that. They could fight, fire guns, and punch when necessary so it hurt like a son of a bitch.

Luckily, she didn’t catch the unfortunate hint. I exhaled with relief.
 

She was silent for a few heartbeats before she answered my question, “I lived on the streets for a while. Not just once, but many times. You learn stuff when you’re on your own. I had friends who did… stuff. I’m not proud of it, although that’s just the way it is on the streets—you stick with the others, and you learn from them all you need: the bad, the good, and the ugly.” Her face pinched with some distant memory, making her look much older than twenty three.
 

“I know what you mean,” I commented quietly. “I meet kids like that all the time. We’re often called to the fires that result from the homeless folks’ negligence. There’re teens and even younger kids on the streets. They usually run when we try to take them in. They don’t want Social Services or foster homes. It’s tough.”

She nodded, deep in thought. By then we arrived at the cabin. Jack stood there, grinning from ear to ear like an idiot, hands in his shorts pockets.
 

“Hello Gloria, good to see you again.” He stuck his hand to shake hers.
 

She took it and smiled. She didn’t give him her real name. “Good to see you too, Jack. I wish it was in different circumstances though.”
 

His smile disappeared. “Are you doing okay?”
 

“Yeah. It’s really peaceful here,” she said. That was a vague answer, but what else was she supposed to say?

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier today.” He scratched his head, looking guilty. That was something to behold—Jack was one of those tough guys that rarely showed guilt or remorse. “I was an ass. Didn’t quite think this through.”

She cleared her throat and tilted her head, looking at him. Jack squirmed under her scrutiny.
 

“You gave me a scare for sure. I almost passed out when Ethan came back,” she said that in a matter-of-factly tone, no accusation, no anger.
 

Jack rubbed his chin. His day-old stubble made a scraping sound against his hand. “Sorry, Gloria. I’m an idiot.”

She giggled. “Okay. Apology accepted.”

“Let’s go inside,” I told them, chortling inwardly. I was impressed with how she handled Jack’s unfortunate sense of humor. “Time for some lunch. I’m starving.”

Jack’s truck was parked by another cabin, not far from mine because he didn’t want to leave any tire tracks on the ground here. That one belonged to Ryley, one of my older brothers, the twins.
 

Jack told us how he swept his footprints with a leafy branch so we wouldn’t see any signs of him walking around. Damn, like some freakin’ wannabe assassin. I bet he had a huge, toothy grin on his face the whole time while doing so. But I couldn’t be mad with my best buddy. He could be odd like that sometimes, still a kid at heart.
 

He jogged back to get his truck. When he returned, he brought some food with him, including two extra-large pizzas from Dominos, bagels, cream cheese, milk, and—yes, some awesome beer. I hooted with appreciation when I saw that last item. He knew my favorite: Workhorse IPA and the Boneyard IPA.
 

I clapped him on the back, “That’s what I’m talking about, bro. Colton drank all my good beer and left some piss as a replacement.”

“Typical.” Jack snorted. “He’s an awesome dude, but his taste in beer is highly questionable.”

I was glad Jack was here after all. He would provide a distraction from what was going on between Lisbeth and me. But then he told us that he’s staying in Ryley’s cabin. It was bigger and swankier than mine, but I knew Jack, and that couldn’t be a reason why he chose to crash in there.

I looked at him suspiciously. “Why won’t you stay in the spare bedroom upstairs?”

Before he answered, his eyes flicked between Lisbeth and me. It was a tiny movement, but I caught it and understood—the little shit suspected I’ve already lured Lisbeth into my bed.
 

“I told Ryley I wanted to spend my two days off by the Lake, and he was okay with it,” Jack said lightly, but I heard underlying notes of guilt in his voice.
 

“Really? He was so eager to give you the keys just to do what? Kick around and relax here?” I doubted. Ryley and Jack weren’t on the best terms. I was sure promises were made, and now Jack had some serious obligation to my brother. It would be interesting to find out what kind of deal they made. Ryley was a hard ass who rarely made it easier for others. The truth was, my brother only cared about his own gain and comfort. Amazing how different he was from the rest of us, especially from Brooklyn, his own twin.
 

Jack reclined in the bench and took an enormous bite of pizza. I waited for him to chew and swallow. He wasn’t getting out of this so easily.
 

He wiped his mouth with a napkin and said through the mouthful of pizza, “Well… I was sure you didn’t want anyone to know you’re here, in case the whole McCoy clan decided an impromptu visit. So I asked Ryley.”
 

“Huh.” I took a swig of my beer. “Interesting. Okay, fess up. The family didn’t know I was actually here anyway, and you didn’t have to inform anyone where you were going. One phone call to me would be enough. So why the conspiracy?”

That got him. A fleeting look of uncertainty shadowed his good-natured features. “Uhm…”