Resist Me (Change Me Book One - standalone): McCoy Raven Boys (18 page)

I could only blame myself, since she did nothing to provoke me. At least, not like any other woman would. If she did, I was convinced it was completely unintended.
 

I walked away to clear my head, but also to keep a distance from Lisbeth. I needed to cool off, to get my bearings back. This was bad—I knew how to be in control, not how to deal with losing it.
 

The waterfall was straight ahead. I wandered up to it and paused, concentrating on its calming sound. Lisbeth was a few feet away from me, silent. We stood like this, both awkward, lost in our own thoughts. I realized that my anger was gone, replaced by resignation and disappointment. What was I disappointed about, or, rather, who? Myself? Her? Both of us?
 

I didn’t need to analyze any of these answers. They didn’t matter. I had to take the responsibility of what just happened between us. There was no way I would try to blame her. So I apologized, but she declined accepting my fault.
I didn’t object
, is what she said. No, she didn’t object, but I knew why—no woman has ever refused me. I was their drug or their solace. I always took what I wanted, and they gave it to me freely.

She tried to ease down my guilt, and I appreciated her efforts. It wasn’t working though, even when she said that this was just a
brief insanity, or the wild, uncontrollable hormones.
Maybe she was right? Maybe the impending threat of the gang finding her was messing with my head? Whatever was to blame, I wasn’t going to let anything between us happen again.
 

Then she told me to close my eyes and relax. Confused, I did as she requested. It was weird. My hearing seemed to sharpen as soon as I shut my eyes. That in turn, let me give in to only concentrating on the nature’s orchestra and on what I felt. There was the water rushing down the rocky wall, the birds singing in the distance, the rustling of the leaves, and the gentle breeze on my skin.
 

How long did we stand like this? Maybe a minute, maybe much longer. I slowly opened my eyes and realized that everything around me shared one important quality—the serenity. That alone made me calmer, numb even. Yes, numb. It was better that way.
 

“Let’s head back,” I said.
 

She nodded slowly and turned around. We walked unhurriedly, without exchanging words, only looking around, as if not acknowledging one another’s company.
 

Lisbeth stopped in front of a large oak tree. She put her hands on its thick trunk and lifted her head, looking toward the top of it. She whispered something very quietly, but I didn’t catch the meaning. It wasn’t intended for me to hear anyway.
 

I stuffed my hands in my pants pockets and leaned against another thick tree, watching her. Its rough bark prodded at me through my shirt, but such discomfort was diminutive in comparison to how I felt inside.
 

Lisbeth stepped closer to the large oak and embraced it as if it was a person. Her eyes closed when she said to me, “The trees, especially the old ones, emanate a strong energy; a very positive, clean energy. It comes straight from the Earth; it circulates within all the pure creatures of this world, and then it goes back. Millions of years… just imagine…”

I wasn’t a tree hugger. I wasn’t a believer in some mystical ways of this world. Facts and reality spoke to me. The idealistic way of thinking was better left to the others. Somehow though, coming from Lisbeth that statement wasn’t making me roll my eyes or shake my head in annoyance. It almost made me smile. Or maybe it was the look on her face—so peaceful and free from worries.
 

“Lisbeth,” I said quietly.

“Uhm?” She didn’t open her eyes, still snuggled onto the tree, still embraced in whatever energy she admitted feeling go through her. She was beautiful, standing like that with a dreamy, calm look on her face.
 

I scolded myself again and took two water bottles from my knapsack. “Lisbeth,” I repeated.
 

She finally looked at me as if she woke up from a deep sleep. When she saw the water bottle, a small sigh escaped her. She walked toward me and took the bottle in her hand. We both drank in silence, quenching the thirst and suppressing uneasiness; or at least I was.
 

“Ready to head back?” I asked.

“Yeah. I would like to sit by the water when we return.”

I nodded. As long as she stayed where I could see her, it was fine. Protecting her didn’t mean keeping her prisoner inside the cabin.
 

We made the rest of the way back in silence. I was getting hungry. It was past lunch time, and my stomach kept demanding an immediate food delivery. I drank some water instead.
 

As soon as we got closer, I felt this weird, nagging sensation that something was amiss. As if someone was nearby, watching. My gut feeling has never been wrong before. I stopped Lisbeth with my hand, and put my finger across my lips, indicating for her to remain silent. Her eyes grew bigger in an instant, and darted from side to side.
 

I motioned to her to step behind a thick maple tree and crouch as low as she could. She did that without any protest. I stood behind another tree a few feet away from her, my senses alert. I slid the knapsack off my shoulder and slowly pulled my 9mm out, looking at Lisbeth and praying that she wouldn’t freak out. She didn’t even flinch. Instead, she nodded once in acknowledgement.
 

I released the safety on the gun, cocked it, and waited for exactly five minutes. Nothing happened. The birds still sang, and the wind rustled the leaves over our heads. I looked up—nothing. I looked around—still nothing.
 

Lisbeth raised her eyebrows at me as if asking, “What’s going on?”

I kept listening and watching. Still not a thing. If there was a danger, it would reveal itself by now. I mouthed to Lisbeth to stay put while I go and check the area. She quickly shook her head, pleading with her eyes for me not to leave her.

I mouthed, “It’s okay. I’ll be right back.”

She did as told. Bending low, I quietly ran alongside the trail, stopping about ten yards from my cabin. I hid behind a leafy bush and observed. Nothing out of ordinary. What was going on? I was convinced there
was
something different about this place.

Finally, after another few minutes, I stepped out from the bush, gun at the ready. I crept toward the cabin. It was quiet everywhere. I snuck around, peering in the windows, and searching the soil for any footprints. None were visible. Nobody was around. Everything was the way we left it this morning. I wasn’t giving up though. Whenever in the past I had a feeling like I had now, nasty stuff always happened.
 

There were no signs of strangers or a break-in entry. I examined each first-floor window, the front and the back doors, the garage doors, but all was normal.

Then my silenced cell phone buzzed in my pocket. Damn. I jumped, not really expecting anyone to call, which was a mistake. There were always calls, mostly from my ever-present family. So who the hell was it this time? I was about to ignore it, when the phone stopped buzzing, but a few seconds later, it started again.
 

Someone was determined to get ahold of me. I pressed my back against the cabin wall and slid my phone out of my pocket. It was a text from Jack: COME ON, BRO. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

What the fuck? It was him! He was here! I knew it. I pledged to beat the crap out of him. Another text came in: PUT THE PIECE AWAY.
 

Clenching my jaw in frustration, I put the safety back on and deposited my M9 in the knapsack. The window above me opened and Jack, laughing and hooting in delight like a complete maniac, stuck his head out. He was in my bedroom. Bastard.
 

“Hey, asshole! How did you get in?” I asked, not pleased at all that he made such a fool out of me.
 

“A little bird gave me the key. You should install an alarm in here.”

“Smartass. Who’s the little bird?”

“Auntie Eva.” He grinned.
 

My mom. Figures. Jack must’ve come up with some convoluted story why he wanted to go to the cabin without actually getting the key from me. I also wondered how many copies of said key were in Mom’s possession. Knowing her, more than three. Great.
 

“How the hell did you convince her to give you the key?” I decided to ask.
 

Jack shrugged. “I have my ways.”

I snorted. He closed the window and a few seconds later he came outside through the back door.

“Where is the girl?” he asked, looking around.
 

“I’ll get her. Stay here.” I said angrily, still fuming at my cousin’s questionable sense of humor. I could have shot him by accident! Dummy. “And behave. This wasn’t funny. She’s been through some heavy shit, so none of your crap, bro.”

That must have hit the right spot, because Jack’s eye brows raised and his face registered a complete surprise. “Hey, I’m here to help.” He put his hands up in a conciliatory gesture. “Relax. What the hell?”

I shook my head and walked away to find Lisbeth. I was pissed at Jack, more than I should’ve been. Or maybe it wasn’t enough. If it was just me here, I would have laughed and congratulate the asshat for fooling me so badly. He was good, I had to admit—no footprints, nothing. He must’ve parked his truck somewhere else too. But this wasn’t a game. Lisbeth was scared and alone in the woods. She had no idea what was going on; probably going nuts, thinking the gang found us. I should’ve punched Jack in the face. Well, it wasn’t too late to do that anyway.
 

I came to where I left Lisbeth. She wasn’t there. I turned around, scanning the area. Nothing.
 

Chapter Twenty

ETHAN
 

It was a miracle I didn’t scream. No, it was a miracle I didn’t get a panic attack when Ethan indicated he felt something suspicious around. I was paralyzed with fear. But, at the same time, I was strangely focused, watching for any signs of danger.
 

Crouching behind that tree was a pure torment. I couldn’t see much for the overgrown greenery around. I held to the trunk, trying to calm my raging nerves. It helped for sure. I was so edgy, sitting there while not knowing where Ethan went with that gun and what he found out.
 

I was sure I would hear a gunshot at any moment. Or, actually more than one. When none came, I should’ve felt relieved, but that brought even more dread instead—maybe the gang captured Ethan quietly? And now what? What should I do? All my belongings were in the cabin. That alone served as enough proof I was somewhere close by. What if they had a dog? If they did, they would find me for sure. These minutes were as agonizing as the time I watched Helen tortured and was unable to do anything.
 

I bit my finger, trying to catch a nail between my teeth. My nails were already chewed to the quick, so it hurt. A metallic taste of blood swirled in my mouth. I hated it. I covered my mouth with my hand and pressed hard, trying to concentrate on that feeling. I had to remain calm enough to keep my anxiety at bay.
 

Ethan! Where was he? I wanted him to be here; not to comfort me, but because I was afraid he was getting hurt. I didn’t want anything bad happen to him. I kept looking around, trying to see between the thick shrubs. This was a good hiding spot. I was invisible from the trail. But I needed to go deeper into the woods, hole up in the even thicker greenery.
 

I crawled on my hands and knees, careful not to move the taller plants so if anyone was watching, my position wouldn’t be revealed. I really didn’t want to think again of a dog possibility. I would have no chance to hide, even in the densest of the undergrowth. I was sure that if the gang had dogs, they wouldn’t be friendly; not like Pasha was. Remembering Pasha’s smiling face and her sweet disposition helped my heart to slow down. Right then, I made myself a promise that if I ever got out from this whole mess alive, I would adopt a dog like Pasha.
 

Pine cones, small rocks, and pieces of bark on the ground hurt my hands. But that wasn’t important. I kept on crawling, deeper into the woods. And I listened. No sound came from the direction in which Ethan disappeared. I wanted to stand up and see better, but that would be stupid. What if they were there? They would see me. I couldn’t let that happen. This time they would get me. Three times the charm, right? Now would be the third time.
 

I crept between some dense bushes growing close to one another. They formed a circle around me as if protecting me from harm. I sat down on the forest floor and drew my knees to my chest, hugging them with my arms. I was shaking, terrified, and unable to find out what was happening around the cabin. The silence was scary. It made me think they got Ethan and were soundlessly closing in. No, I couldn’t stay here. I had to run. Fast!

I got up to my feet but didn’t straightened all the way; only enough to peer around. Nothing. Not even the softest crack of wood breaking under a heavy boot. My heart pounded so rapidly I had hard time breathing, as if my lungs were about to collapse.
 

And then I heard Ethan’s quiet voice, “Lisbeth. It’s me, Ethan. Come out, it’s okay.”