Rescue Me (38 page)

He gave her a curt nod.

“Thank you for finally being honest with me.
Now that I know there's no future for us, I need to move on.”

“I can give you love,” he rasped softly, the
emotions in his voice raw.

She looked at him through the tears that
blurred her eyes. “It isn't enough.”

He closed his eyes again and lowered his
head.

Her chin quivered as her emotions threatened
to take over. She had to get away from him. Spinning on her heel,
she hurried into the spare room and closed the door behind her.

That had to be the most restless night Kat
had ever had, and she'd had several. But knowing Spencer slept in
the room just on the other side of the bathroom had her tossing and
turning as she fought against the urge to join him.

Now, as she packed her things, wishing he'd
just say the one thing she needed to hear for her to stay, she took
her time. She didn't have as much at his house as she thought. Her
entire life with him fit into a single bag. That said
everything.

She'd just attempted to zip it up when she
felt him and looked up. He approached her room through the open
doorway. And now here he stood, watching her, looking so sad it
broke her heart. What were they doing?
Why
were they doing
this to each other?

“Are you really leaving?” He swallowed and
watched her, pain and sadness swirling in gaze. She didn't want to
go but he left her no choice. She wanted a family, damn it. He
wasn't willing to give that to her because of some misguided
attempt to spare her feelings.

He left her no choice.

She finished zipping the bag and threw it on
the floor by the doorway, narrowly missing his feet. “I'll need a
ride since mine is, well… You were there.”

He leaned a shoulder against the doorframe
and shoved his hands into his pockets. He tapped at the bag with
the toe of his booted foot. “You're missing the bigger
picture.”

She moved past him and into the living room.
One more door and she'd be out of here. When she touched the front
door, she paused. “And that is?”

“Us,” he answered in that velvety voice of
his. Whipping around, she swayed when his gaze slammed into her.
She had to break their eye contact before she started to believe
him. His eyes had the power to pull her into his consciousness.
She'd be helpless but to give into his reasoning.

He took a step toward her. “I'll give you my
future, Kathryn. It's yours. I'll be with you every day of my life.
I'll be the first person you see every morning and the last person
you see every night. I'll give you my last breath.”

“How is that any different than what I
want?”

“It just is.”

“But it isn't. You're willing to make me that
promise, but not marry me? What about kids?”

He shook his head. “I wish you'd see this
from my point of view.”

His words caused her heart to painfully
swell. She turned away as a tear burned down her cheek. “I want the
fairytale. If you're too selfish to give that to me, too stubborn
to give that to yourself, then please just let me go so I can find
it elsewhere.”

“Jesus Christ,” he breathed and ran his hand
through his hair. “I can't give you everything you're asking.”

The tenacity in his voice clenched her heart
without mercy. “Why not? What could possibly be holding you back?
Why am I not enough for you?”

“You are my everything.” The tension mounted
between them as their voices rose.

“Then tell me what I'm doing wrong! What else
can I do?”

“I'm not strong enough!” He winced at the
admission and slumped his shoulders as his words deflated him. His
entire being softened along with his tone. “I…” He lifted his gaze
to the ceiling. “I'm not strong enough.”

She sucked in a breath. She'd never heard him
admit something like that. She closed the distance between then and
brought a hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky
breath. “I'll be strong enough for the both of us.”

He choked out her name before turning his
head and placing a kiss on her palm. “I wish that were enough.”

“If it's enough for me then it should be
enough for you.”

The look he gave her sizzled between them. He
walked over to the front door, pulled her hand off the doorknob,
and curled her fingers with his. “Stay with me tonight.”

“Why?”

“So we can find the middle ground and make
this work. It's already getting dark. Stay here.”

She shook her head and lowered her eyes. If
he couldn't give her what she wanted, what she knew they both
needed, then staying would only prolong the pain. “I can't.”

Lights came up outside, shining through the
windows. “What—”

“Get back,” he ordered abruptly and pushed
her behind him, moving them both away from the windows. Before her
eyes, he transformed into TREX Special Agent Spencer Allen. He
narrowed his eyes as did a quick scan of the house. “Panic room.
Now.”

She ran to the other side of the living room,
stopping in front of the false bookcase. Tilting the green book as
he taught her triggered the bookcase to slide to the right,
revealing a steel door. She punched in the code and the door slowly
slid open.

A screeching alarm sounded, sending her into
a panic. She grabbed the door and tried to move it faster. When
that didn't work, she tried to squeeze through the six-inch
opening.

The power went out and it went dark. The
alarm silenced.

“Kathryn?”

“Spencer!” She couldn't breathe, she was that
close to passing out.

“Let's go.” He grabbed her hand and dragged
her toward the sliding door facing the water. “There's enough food
in the boat for a few days. Just take it out until I radio the all
clear.”

“You want me to go on that boat? Alone?” Her
voice jumped at octave. As if she didn't have enough to panic
about. Why not add water?

“You have to. It's the only way I can keep
you safe now. The panic room is on a generator. It didn't kick on,
which means they are close enough to cut the line. The boat is
going to have to serve as the panic room now. There are life
jackets under the seats if you would feel more comfortable.”

“I would feel more comfortable if you were
there with me,” she whimpered. Abruptly it became crystal clear why
he was so adamant at staying by her side. And now she didn't want
him anywhere else.

He pulled her out of the house and down to
the dock so fast her lungs burned by the time he helped her onto
the boat. “As much as I'd like to go with you, I need to track this
guy down. I won't let you live in fear, and I won't let this guy
get to you. I'm going to find him and when I do, I'll show him
fear.”

“But out here I'm a sitting duck!”

“In the house you're an easy target. I'm
sorry, baby. I know you hate the water. This is the best I can do
right now. Without power, the panic room is useless.”

She nodded, accepting her fate. Even though
she had a bad feeling about this—how could she not—she would show
him her strength. She would not let him see her fear despite the
fact that little spots invaded her vision due to her shallow
breathing. “Give me the crash course on how to run this thing.”

He kissed her. “That's my girl.”

He showed her how to work the controls. The
wheel steered it and the gas pedal looked like a joystick. Other
than that the rest sped by in a blur.

She shuddered.
This was such a bad
idea.

He turned and started down the ladder. “The
radio is on so just listen for me.”

“Aren't you going to call for back up or
something?”

He met her eyes. “I will the minute I get
back up to the house.”

He tried to step off the ladder, but she
grabbed his arm. “I won't let you do this.” He tried again and she
grabbed his other arm. “Please, Spencer. Don't do this, not alone.
I don't want to lose you. Couldn't we just both jump in the boat
and float away? We could go to Mexico. Canada. Japan. I don't care.
Just—” she cried openly, realizing what a fool she'd been. She
didn't need to be a wife. She just needed him. “Please don't leave
me.”

“Don't cry.” He wiped a tear away and pulled
her to him, kissing her with such emotion she choked on her own
tears. He met her eyes. “No matter what happens, baby, please know
everything I did, that I'm doing, is for you.” His intense gaze
pierced hers. He jumped off the ladder onto the dock then pushed
the boat away. “I'll radio when it's over.”

He ran back up to the house and disappeared
inside.

Kat's heart jumped into her throat and she
panted in an attempt to keep herself from totally losing it. She
studied the steering wheel. Her hands shook so badly as she cranked
the key to start the engine she almost broke it off in the
ignition.

The boat growled to life and she shook
harder. She looked around to collect her bearings. Everything was
so dark. The clouds had moved in and covered the moon. There wasn't
a sliver of light to be had on the inlet and she shuddered again.
She placed her hand on the joystick thing and pushed it forward.
The boat lurched and she let out a yelp.

She gripped the wheel so tight her knuckles
turned white, but she didn't stop the boat until it was damn near
on the other side of the inlet, grateful she didn't run into
anything along the way. Not really sure how to stop, she shut the
engine off and let it drift to a halt.

Kat glanced back to the house and waved, but
he was nowhere in sight. The lights were all off and she couldn't
see a damn thing. Frustrated and cold, she went below deck to the
living quarters. One thought kept creeping into her mind, no matter
how hard she fought it down.

What if she never saw Spencer again?

Spencer paced the house as apprehension kept
his movements tense and jerky. He'd checked the windows three times
now. How in the hell did these fuckers breach the perimeter enough
to set off his motion sensors? To set off his alarm? To fucking cut
his power?

He thought of Kathryn out there alone in the
boat. He knew she hated the water, but it was the only way he could
ensure her safety while he waited for this son of a bitch to make
his move. In the heat of the moment, it was the only thing he had
close enough to an isolated panic room. Jesus, he hoped he did the
right thing.

After checking the house again, he sat on his
couch and listened. Not a noise out of place. The dull roar of
boats filled the silence as they came in and out of the inlet. He
watched each one to make sure they didn't come anywhere near
Kathryn. The ticking of the wall clock and the occasional clunk
when the furnace kicked on and off echoed into the night.

Why set them both into a panic and then stand
down? These guys were in a hurry to send them running, but then
didn't try and take them out as they ran down to the boat. Or take
him out as he ran back up. None of this made any sense.

His cell phone rang, jolting him. He grabbed
it and lifted it to his ear. “Allen.”

“What the fuck?” It was Rand, his accent in
full bloom. “Why did I just get an alarm page for your
address?”

“They're here.”

“Who?”

“Whoever the fuck it is after Kathryn.
They're here, Rand.”

“Orders?” Gone was the playful demeanor.
Walter Randall became the ex-SEAL turned TREX agent in a
heartbeat.

“Rally my team. Put them on standby. I don't
know what's happening here, but when I find out, I want my boys
with me.”

“You got it.” Rand hung up.

Spencer's sigh broke through the darkness. At
least he'd have TREX Team Two with him when whatever this turned
into broke out. That brought him comfort.

It wouldn't be light again for several hours.
Exhaustion from the constant bickering with Kathryn had him
fighting to stay awake. Sitting here in the peaceful silence his
eyes grew heavy.

He jumped up and moved around to keep his
blood pumping and his mind on Kathryn. Not knowing if he'd ever see
her again ate at him and he debated whether to call her back in. He
could have them in international waters before morning. If Salazar,
or whoever the son of a bitch was behind these threats, tried
anything, Spencer would make sure no one ever found the body.

He couldn't shake the image of her on the
boat, terror shining in her wide eyes. It nearly destroyed him
seeing her so frightened and he couldn't do a goddamn thing to fix
it. He couldn't do a goddamn thing to fix anything that had
happened over this past year.

Seeing Kathryn again at the Miller search had
forced him to face a cold, hard reality. He'd been miserable
without her. He'd continue to be miserable if he didn't have her by
his side. Losing Gabriel Lyons had him reevaluating his
priorities.

Did he want to spend the rest of his life
alone? Gabe had a family and never once regretted it. Now that
Spencer was no longer a TREX agent, what was stopping him from
taking that step with Kathryn?

Shit.
Why did it take until now for
him to get that through his thick skull? He loved Kathryn, more
than anything. He'd been a fucking selfish ass. She wasn't asking
for a kidney. She simply wanted him. If she wanted marriage, he'd
give that to her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her
anyway, so why not make it legal? Why deny her this? If he died
tomorrow, regardless whether they were married or not, it would
have the same effect on her. A marriage certificate didn't change a
person's feelings.

How could he have been so fucking stupid to
not see that?

After this all ended, and if they both lived
through it, he'd fall on bended knee and ask her to marry him. He
was an idiot to wait this long. And if his life
was
cut
short, at least he spent the remainder of his days with the woman
he loved. That hope kept him going.