Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (7 page)

I said the words as best I could manage, praying that they were correct in context and form. All in German, and hoped it translated well.

We reject the outside world because of our desire to be close to God. God is here, not there in that world.

I never let my eyes leave him as I spoke, even when my voice trembled and I stumbled once or twice on the way my tongue needed to move. I watched as his eyes widened, his own mouth opening in surprise, then it clamped shut and he turned an accusing eye toward Nathan.

As if Nathan could teach me their language in a month.

I chanced a glance at Nathan, and saw his astonished face before a smile crept in. It was all short-lived though. As if my revealing that I could speak German was a deal breaker, the Bishop stood abruptly and stalked toward the door.

"Lesson is over," he rasped. "We will continue on the next Sermon."

He left, leaving the door open for us to join the congregation that was singing once more. Naomi stood beside me, her face a mixture of confusion and resentment.

"I cannot understand why he did that," she muttered. "And to instruct this class in the Old Word. He rarely does that. It is a good thing you know a little something of our language, Katherine."

My response was a curt nod, afraid that if I spoke, I would break down. I had only made matters worse by speaking at all. The Bishop was more enraged than ever, more than likely assuming I made him out to look the fool. Nathan stepped near me, as if to question me over what had happened, when Naomi pulled me away to the door.

"Come, we should sit for the remainder of the Sermon or he will be upset with us," she said hurriedly and pulled me out the door before Nathan could open his mouth.

I glanced back long enough to see the worry in his face. He knew I was upset, but this was not the place to bring up my fears. This was not the place for me to question him about whether this would work.

CHAPTER 5

The Sermon seemed to last forever. Even though we had missed the first hour while in our class, it seemed the Bishop wanted this Sermon to go on forever. He alternated between English and their words, directing Nathan and the man I had seen with him earlier to sing more songs than I remembered.

Naomi had pulled us into a seat in the back, near the open door. I was glad for that, as it allowed for a breeze into the hot room, and a chance to hide from the group as my mind wandered while the Bishop spoke. I tried to ignore Nathan's constant glances our way, afraid I would only upset him further if he saw my own fear.

I found myself looking outside more times than not.

At the landscape that just this morning had been so welcoming, and now I felt something akin to panic rising up inside of me. What would I do if the Bishop refused to let me into the community? Would Ezekiel stand up for me like he suggested? How would I get through eighteen weeks of the Bishop's steely glares and obvious plots to turn me away?

Why would I let him?

I alternated between wanting to fight him at every step, to then cowering and wanting to run away again. I didn't really want to run. Given everything, I wanted to stay. Even if it meant learning so much more than they had shown me. I looked out at the drying fields outside and spotted movement near the house. I watched as the corn rippled, my heart stopping at the thought that Sean had somehow returned and found me.

But then the stalks parted and I saw another man, his eyes drawn to mine instantly.

Benjamin.

He stood at the fringe of the field far way enough to go unnoticed by many. He was dressed in Amish clothes, his straw hat low over his head, as if to hide whom he was. He stood there, unmoving, never letting his eyes pull away from mine. I could tell he was contemplating coming closer. I could see it in his eyes and how he chewed his lip with his teeth.

Another hymn was being sung, the closing hymn of the Sermon. It was then that he let his eyes close, tipping his head up toward the sky. The music seemed to wash over him, his hands, tight and clenched earlier, hung loosely at his sides. He opened up his eyes when we finished singing, and I could tell he was looking up at the upper floor, perhaps toward his mother's room. A look of sadness flitted across his face, one hand rising in a tentative gesture as if to wave to someone. He looked back at me and shook his head slowly, as if to answer my unspoken plea for him to join us.

Then he was gone, drifting back into the field.

I turned back to the room, feeling so confused about the Yoders. Benjamin wanted to come home. Mrs. Yoder wanted him home, but some wedge between himself and the Bishop had forced him stay away. This rift made their entire family sad and broken. Something was wrong with the Bishop, if he could do this to his own family. It was no longer just about me anymore. I had a feeling he was angry about a great many things, and he believed I was a good punching bag for it.

People were standing and starting to find places outside to congregate while they waited for lunch, many of the women going off toward the kitchen to help out. I walked with Naomi, Emma joining us when we reached the kitchen, and set about grabbing food to take outside.

"How was the class, Katherine?" Emma was asking.

"Fine," I grated and avoided her perceptive stare by heading out behind Naomi to the food table.

The Bishop had more help than ever, so it didn't take long to have food out and ready for people. Our tasks completed, I could only put together a plate and go in search of Nathan and the Bergers. I didn't have to look hard. Nathan was by my side in an instant, taking my plate gently from my hands and motioning toward Emma and John under a shaded tree.

"You are tense," he whispered as we walked.

I kept my face passive as we passed several older men, all watching Nathan as he walked close to me. But I remained quiet.

"I did not know you spoke our words," he continued as we drew close to Emma and John.

I looked up at him then, fighting back any emotion that would alarm him.

"I don't," I forced out and sat down beside Emma, who was watching our interchange. Nathan frowned and sat down alongside me, handing me my plate of food.

"You spoke in class, Kate. It was not perfect, but you understood what he said. I am sure you surprised him," he said, a slight smile on his face.

"Yes, I probably did. Which is just one more reason for him to be angry with me," I replied and poked at my food.

"What happened in class?" Emma asked, interrupting.

"The Bishop held the class in our language," Nathan explained. Emma's eyes grew wide.

"He did not! That is too much! What did you say to him, Katherine? Did you argue with him?" she asked, suddenly nervous.

I shook my head.

"She spoke. In our words," Nathan revealed.

Emma looked from me to Nathan in astonishment.

"Have you been teaching her?" she asked.

He shook his head and they both looked at me again.

"You know how to speak our language?" she asked, smiling.

"No. I took two years of German in high school. I know about enough to say my name and ask where the bathroom is," I muttered and stabbed at one of the meatballs on my plate.

"She knows more than that," Nathan said, grinning.

I looked up at them, frustrated.

"No, I really don't, Nathan," I retorted, my voice clipped. "I only understood about a third of what he said, and to be able to answer a question was nearly impossible. He knew it would be too much. Do you all speak it more than you have when I am around? I just felt like he was proving to me that I don’t belong because I will never learn everything."

John leaned in and put a calming hand on my own, looking at me with reassurance.

"Katherine, some of us speak it in our homes, but it is not who we are. We are whom you see, every day. Bishop Yoder had no right to do this. We speak both languages, and not knowing is no measure to keep you from learning our way," he said, his kind eyes offering some comfort.

I nodded and rubbed at my eyes, trying to keep from crying. I didn't want to show them how much this bothered me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm just worried he'll do anything to keep me out," I said.

"Something should be said regarding this," Emma declared and rose from her place.

I looked at her with wide eyes.

"No! You can't do that! Please, he hates me enough!" I pleaded.

Emma looked down at me with determination.

"I will not chastise him, Katherine," she started and then looked over her shoulder. "But I think you should speak with Elder Ezekiel. Perhaps he will say something."

I looked past her to see Elder Ezekiel sitting with the Bishop and the other Elder, Eli.

"I can't."

"No, not in the way you think, Kate," Nathan said and stood as well, a devious smile on his face.

He held out his hand and helped me up, looking toward the Elders, deep in thought before he nodded and steered me toward them.

"We will simply go over and speak with them, tell the Bishop we are happy to be in the class preparing for our life. And then you should thank him for his diligence in showing you properly. Leave the rest to me," he said and continued walking to where the Elders sat.

Ezekiel saw me first, smiling and waving us over. My throat was dry. I had no idea how this would go. I somehow knew the Bishop would make some excuse against me.

"Katherine! Welcome!" Ezekiel exclaimed and took my hand when I was close enough.

"Pleasant day, Elder Ezekiel. How are you today?" I said, trying to stall.

His smile widened and his grip tightened in mine.

"I am well, better having heard you started your classes today. How did you enjoy them?" he asked, glancing briefly at the Bishop.

I offered him my best smile.

"I learned much today. I am so appreciative for the Bishop's dedication to make sure I learn in the truest form," I said and felt Nathan step a little closer to me.

"It was certainly enlightening. I was surprised when you held the class in our language; we do it so infrequently now. And I had no idea Kate spoke German so well. How did you know, Bishop Yoder?" Nathan asked.

There was a tense silence, the Bishop looking at me with a mixture of irritation and fear, while the Elders looked at the Bishop in shock.

"Samuel?" Ezekiel asked, his voice low and guarded.

I felt myself tensing at the frustration I saw in the Elders. Why couldn't this be simple? Why was it a fight? Particularly with the Bishop?

"Katherine," Elder Eli said, interrupting the silence. "Please, if you and Nathan would excuse us. We have matters to discuss."

Nathan and I nodded, my heart hammering as Nathan pulled me away, his hand brushing my shoulder as he walked me toward the house.

"It will be all right, Kate. Come, I will take you home," he whispered, steering me further away from the Elders.

"He's going to be so upset," I murmured, trembling at the thoughts of the Bishop’s retaliation.

"Yes, he will. But it is time for him to see he is the only one opposed to you being here. It is time others see that he has strayed," he replied.

We made our way back to the people sitting, finding Fannie and Jonah at a table with Hannah and Mark. Jonah stood and came to us quickly.

"Emma told us what happened in your class. I will speak to the Elders, Katherine. This is not to be permitted," he said, his voice stern.

I shook my head and felt myself shrink inward.

"I don't want this to get out of hand, Jonah. Please, I just want to do what I need to. If I need to learn German, then I will. Why should I get special treatment?" I asked.

"You do not get special treatment, Katherine. We speak English in our home because we choose to. We will teach you our language in time, but it is not a necessity if you are to live among us. There are those here that do not speak it. We are a young order. Some of us have not lived in the Old Ways. He was out of line," Jonah said.

"What do you think the Elders will say about this?" Nathan asked.

"We will see. I know that Ezekiel is disappointed in Samuel's actions towards Katherine before today. I do not see this new trouble being well received," Jonah replied.

I looked over toward the Elders, seeing that the Bishop had left, leaving only Ezekiel and Eli there. I had to wonder then if they had sent him to go find me. I didn't want another confrontation with the Bishop today. I just wanted to go home.

"Jonah, may I have permission to take Kate home? We could wait with you if you prefer," Nathan asked, sensing my tension.

Jonah looked between the two of us and nodded.

"We will be along shortly. Perhaps, Katherine, you can pull the last of the melons from the garden to eat tonight?" he asked.

I nodded and felt Nathan's hand on my back, pulling me toward the buggies.

Situated back in his open seat, we were off, the trip taking hardly any time at all before we were back at Nathan's house. I waited as he slipped the harness off of his horse, guiding him into the nearby paddock to graze. The more I watched him work, the more I wondered what I would do when I became his wife. He had said he needed help.

Would that include more than what Fannie did, since she had daughters to help out?

How would life be with Nathan when it was just the two of us?

What would he expect of me? Would it be more than I could handle?

"You are deep in thought."

I looked up to see Nathan standing before me. His fingers traced along my jaw delicately before slipping back into his pockets, his look tentative. I shrugged and looked around him, at the farm that was struggling.

"It's just, with the Bishop showing me how little I really know of your world, I am wondering what it will be like, truly," I explained.

He took my hand and led me back toward the hill, his pace slow to allow us time to talk.

"What do you wonder will be different?" he asked.

I looked up at him and gestured toward his house.

"You need help here, Nathan. I don't know anything about farms or gardens. Don't you want someone who knows those things? Someone who won't slow you down?"