Renewing Hope (In Your World #2) (19 page)

"Thank you, Naomi," he murmured and never looked up toward me when I laid out the remaining plates.

"Is Elder Ezekiel still here?" I asked.

"Upstairs in one of the bedrooms," Naomi replied.

"And Benjamin?" Nathan asked, earning a scowl from the Bishop.

"He is sitting beside Mother," Naomi replied, glancing sideways at her father.

I sat beside Emma, quiet as the Bishop recited mealtime prayers. When he was done, Jonah glanced from him to me, taking in the tension in the air. He cleared his throat and looked my way, smiling.

"Thank you, Katherine, for making this bountiful breakfast. You are so much like Fannie," he said, offering me a sympathetic smile.

I nodded and pulled my eyes back down to my plate, not wanting to say anything in the moment. I had made my opinions clear the night before. I knew the Bishop would sooner die than compliment me after what I had said to him. We ate in silence, the light of the lantern falling away to darkness around us in the early predawn. With breakfast completed, we cleaned up while the men spoke about the Sermon for the coming day and the baptism.

"I will be along shortly. I want to make sure my wife is comfortable. Naomi will stay with her during the Sermon," the Bishop announced.

"We should go to prepare for our guests. We are behind on our daily chores," Jonah said and nodded toward me when I turned from the dishes.

The Bishop looked toward Emma and allowed a terse smile.

"Emma, thank you for your assistance last night. My wife is better for your hands. And Nathan, for bringing Jonah when you did," he said, never looking my way.

Nathan regarded me for a long moment, perhaps hoping the Bishop would open up. I remained quiet by the sink.

I knew better.

The awkward silence was interrupted by footsteps and voices coming down the stairs. We turned to see Ezekiel and Benjamin as they entered, the old man leaning into the other as he spoke.

"I think your arrival was a Godsend, boy," Ezekiel was saying and then turned to smile as he took in the room. "Are we late for breaking fast? I could smell it, but these legs do not work as well as they used to."

Naomi and I busied ourselves with making plates for the two new arrivals.

Ezekiel had pulled Benjamin down to sit beside him at the table, gripping his arm with amazing strength for an old man. When I set the plates before them, Ezekiel smiled and thanked me quietly. Looking over at Benjamin, he patted his arm and motioned to the food.

"Will you say morning prayers, boy?"

Benjamin swallowed hard and glanced at his father from across the table, murmuring the words softly beside the old man. When he was done, Ezekiel nodded and dug into his breakfast, speaking to the Bishop as he ate.

"It is good to see your son with us once more, Samuel. He has given us renewed hope in family and love. Your wife was the happiest I have seen her in a very long time," he said, looking down at his meal while he spoke.

The Bishop looked at his son, his eyes unreadable.

Blank even.

"She was happy last night," he finally conceded, frowning and drinking the last of his coffee to cover his frustration.

"The prodigal son returns," Ezekiel said and looked up at the Bishop with an intensity that I could feel from across the room.

The Bishop sat a little straighter but said nothing.

Ezekiel nodded as if the Bishop had answered him and turned back to his meal.

"Benjamin," he said after a moment. "I speak for the Elders when I say we are grateful for you showing the courage to return. We hope that you will stay and formally accept our Way, as God intended. The community will be here for you should you choose it. And if God so chooses, a path to lead."

Benjamin flushed and looked up at Nathan.

"I do not mean Nathan, Benjamin. God has other plans for him," Ezekiel continued and put his fork down, the intensity in his eyes never wavering.

"It is time to come home and take your place, son. The community needs this," the old man said, his voice soft and crackling, but the meaning clear.

"It is time for this poison that eats at the two of you to be expelled, and for you both to take God's purpose to heart. It is time for this family to be healed and for you to become the man God intends."

The image of Benjamin as he sat there while Ezekiel told him he had to come back played in my head again and again while I hastily completed my morning chores before the Sermon. We left before the heated argument that must have followed. Nathan took my shoulder while Jonah made our farewells. Benjamin looked after us with the countenance of a young man going off to fight an unwinnable battle.

His eyes beseeched us.

Or cursed us.

I wasn't sure which.

But if he didn't run now, after Ezekiel's words, I would be amazed and relieved.

Nathan was quiet on the ride back; Jonah only spoke for a moment before he too fell silent. Emma held a sleeping Abigail in her arms, but had glanced at me with those perceptive eyes of hers.

Could she sense the guilt I suddenly felt for pushing Benjamin to go see his mother?

Now he was being told that he had to return. Could he still refuse?

If he refused, did that mean he would no longer be permitted in the community?

I shook my head and concentrated on the milking of our impatient cows. They sensed my frustration, or perhaps they were upset we were late in milking. I wasn't paying attention. I was worrying over the idea of Nathan losing his friend. I was worried once again about Nathan becoming Bishop. I was worried I would be denied, based on all the words thrown around the night before.

Did Ezekiel tell Benjamin he had to come back for Nathan's sake? Because no one would allow their future Bishop to marry an Outsider?

My head hurt from all the questions and lack of sleep.

I couldn't think, couldn't concentrate. I sat beside one cow long after she had been milked and struggled to understand why I was sitting there. My mind had shut down.

My body wasn't much better.

Carrying two large pails of milk, I tripped and spilled most of one over into the grass. I watched it disappear into the soil, struggling not to cry at the loss. We'd be short milk now for all the food we needed to make. How would I possibly be able to juggle milking and gardens and stitching and being the Bishop's wife?

Fannie gave me a tired knowing smile when I walked in. Either she had seen me trip or she just knew. But she remained quiet and focused instead on kneading the bread for supper after the Sermon. We worked in silence, filling and emptying the oven until just before services. When the other wives showed up to help out, Fannie sent me upstairs to change.

After a quick sponge bath and change into clean clothes I stepped out into the hallway just as Emma emerged from Hannah's old room. She pulled me close and hugged me, her breath labored.

"It's okay, Emma," I soothed, feeling her pull away at my words.

She touched my cheek and smiled.

"I am not worried about today, Katherine. I am sad for this morning. He does not see you," she said.

I frowned, confused. She let out an exasperated breath and rolled her eyes.

"I mean the Bishop," she explained and my frown deepened. I hadn't thought much on him ignoring me this morning. Only his accusations and what they meant for my future.

"That doesn't matter, Emma," I said shaking my head and forcing a smile. "Today is your day. Yours and John's."

We hugged again and walked downstairs together, Emma growing more nervous as people began to arrive. Emma took my hand and sat me down by the aisle, so that when called, she could make an easy exit. I looked around for Nathan, finding him with John as they stood near the door adjoining the other room.

Ezekiel was led in and seated a few rows in front of us. He smiled and nodded in our direction before leaning over his Bible, pushing his glasses up to his forehead to read. The room filled quickly, and at the Bishop’s entrance, people found their seats and quieted down.

I watched the Bishop as we sang the opening hymns for baptism. His face was unreadable once more, which was disconcerting coming from him. It was easy to interpret his outward contempt for me, but today he was a mask of neutrality. I had to wonder if that was due solely to the conversation we had left that morning.

Had Ezekiel convinced Benjamin his place was here?

The Bishop walked out with Emma and John, her hand tightening on mine for a brief second before she slipped out. As we settled, I looked around for Benjamin, hoping he would be here. I couldn't find him, which made my heart sink at the idea that he was running away once more.

Nathan stood tall and sure as he started the next song. His face was solemn and focused as he led the congregation. I wondered if he felt the same as me. In a couple of weeks, we would be doing this also if everything went well. To that end, he would accept a duty he neither wanted nor could afford to take should he be chosen.

With his Outsider bride to cause extra stress.

The song ended and we sang another, his eyes catching mine briefly during the verse. I thought I saw a ghost of a smile before he looked away to concentrate on the singing. I was sure he was trying to provide me with strength. He knew me so well, I was sure he knew I was battling my fears as I sat at the end of the bench, alone in a room full of people.

The congregation finished the song just as the Bishop re-entered. I slid to the side as Emma returned, her hand gripping mine tighter than ever, her smile near bursting. I knew that those who were to be baptized met one last time with the Bishop, to offer those joining one last chance to step away. Judging from Emma's death grip and nervous excitement that coursed through her body, I was sure she had all but shouted her agreement to this way of life. I glanced at John, and caught him looking our way, a smile on his face that seemed to light up his side of the room.

I felt a calm wash over me at their enthusiasm. As the Bishop spoke the introductory words to the baptismal Sermon, I thought on how this would change everything for the person making the leap.

No going back.

No retreating.

No breaking the rules.

That person was casting off any thoughts of a different life and choosing this one.

An Amish life.

There was no way to separate from it except to be excommunicated once one was baptized into the Amish way. By taking the vow to live the Amish life, Nathan and I would agree to live by their rules, and to support one another and our way of life. I could feel the build up of excitement coursing through me just as Emma must.

This was the moment she had waited for.

The Bishop paused in his Sermon, as if to gather his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, he looked straight ahead, his voice detached as he spoke.

"Today we see members of our youth take the final step, by accepting in their hearts and in their souls the Way. With each new member, our community grows stronger. With each baptism, a duty fulfilled. Today's baptism is no different. For we bring into our community the means to continue on, to strengthen and to remain true to the Way. As God demands."

He paused and took another breath, this time more resigned as he opened up his arms, eyes closed.

"Today we shall celebrate the baptism of three of our youth, who shall now come forward and present themselves to their community and to God."

I blinked and turned to Emma, whose grip had tightened until it was almost painful at the Bishop's words. She held her smile for a moment before pulling it into that quiet mask that was expected and stood to move forward. John was standing and moving to the front of the room where the deacons were preparing the pails of water.

But I was lost in the Bishop’s words.

He had said
three
.

I turned when I heard soft murmurings behind me.

And there, walking down the narrow aisle, was Benjamin.

I held my breath as he walked toward the front, his head held high and his back straight. As he neared, his gaze flickered over to Nathan, and I watched as his eyes turned from something of solemn duty to determination. Glancing down at me, he offered me a soft smile before passing to kneel beside John. He bent his head in preparation for what would change his life forever.

And possibly the community as well.

Benjamin had come home.

CHAPTER 11

I watched Benjamin walk out of the house, surrounded by men and women I didn't know, but who looked ecstatic to see him back. Only a few people looked alarmed by the Bishop's son returning, and interestingly enough, those were the same individuals who spoke ill of me when they thought they were being discreet. I felt Emma beside me, her hand coming up to grab at mine, her smile brilliant as she pulled me outside. We were barely off the porch when she leaned in and let her words flow.

"I could not tell you, Katherine! But oh, how I wanted to! When we walked back to make our pledge, he was there! His father was so brusque with him, but he stood tall and determined as he spoke his pledge, and I am just so happy for him, Katherine!" she exclaimed and continued to pull us out toward the sunlit benches.

I followed along in a daze, my body tired and my mind whirling too quickly for me to think on one thing for any amount of time. Benjamin was back, there were celebrations to be had for the baptisms this day, and what that meant for my own future with Nathan. Emma sat me down on one of the shadier benches and moved to step away.

"Where are you going?" I asked, confused. She smiled and leaned in to hug me.

"You worked hard last night. Relax for a moment. I will bring us plates," she replied and bounded off toward the group of women laying out food for midday meal.

I sighed and let my eyes close, feeling the sun peek through the leaves and cast shadows across my eyelids as I sat there. There was a sense of peace that lay over the land. A warm gentle breeze blew to amplify the smell of food and crisp dry grass. The sound of children running around and playing filled my ears, along with the conversations filtering around.