Remember Me (3 page)

Ash was in a bunch of pain. She couldn’t get comfortable sitting in the chair. Once the elevator doors opened, and a nurse spotted us, she rushed over to attend to our situation.

Even though we’d called the Obstetrician
during the ride over, they weren’t expecting us. It took a bit for them to take us to a birthing room. Her doctor arrived right after Ashley had changed into a gown and climbed onto the hospital bed. They did an exam and let us know that it was already time to push.

I’d never seen someone give birth, and wasn’t prepared for the amount of blood and other bodily fluids involved in the actual event. There were a few times where I could feel the bile rushing to my
mouth, but I swallowed it back, knowing that I had to be strong for Ash. She cried, screamed, and dug into my hand as she held it. With each push came more excitement for me, but less for her. The pain had become too much, and since she’d progressed so quickly, there was no time for painkillers.

I watched my poor girlfriend push until her face turned purple. A little head became apparent, only to go back inside of her.
With each push the baby came out further, finally enough for the doctor to grab the shoulder and arm to help her out.

Sheer
panic struck me when I watched them handling her, sticking things inside of her mouth and sucking the bodily fluids out.

Then I heard the cries of the newborn. In that very moment I knew how real this all was for us. Ashley’s eyes were focused on the baby, until we heard the sounds of her breathing on her own. Then she had to get back to pushing the next baby out.

It was all so chaotic. On one hand, I wanted to go over and be with the baby. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that I loved her already. On the other, I knew I couldn’t leave Ash. She was only half of the way done.

Baby number two came out faster. He slipped right out and a burst of screams from his fully developed lungs filled the room.

I don’t know how many times I kissed my girlfriend’s hands, cheek and forehead during the whole episode. I was so proud of her and wanted her to know it. A little girl with a pink hat was placed into her mother’s arms. That’s when I felt the sting coming from my eyes. It was beautiful to see her wrapped in Ashley’s welcome arms. What was even more rewarding was when I turned to see a nurse handing me a little boy wrapped tightly in a receiving blanket. From the moment I felt him in my arms, I knew he was mine, and that I’d do anything to protect him and his sister. It only took one glance to fall in love with them and one moment to know for sure that this was exactly where I was supposed to be. While the doctor finished up with Ash, we celebrated by holding the twins and looking at them as if we’d never seen anything more beautiful. I didn’t know about their mother, but I for sure, thought they were the most perfect infants I’d ever seen.

“You did it, baby. You did it all by yourself.” I was more than proud of her.

She shook her head, but never took her eyes off of the twins. “No. We did it, Shayne.” For a brief moment her attention went to me. “Thank you so much.”

I leaned in to kiss her, but whispered something in her ear to reassure her of any doubts that she might be carrying. “I want to be listed as their father on that birth certific
ate, Ash. Please let me be their dad.”

It was life changing, and possibly something that I’d never be prepared for, but it was my choice. From their first breath, I wanted them to be mine and I was going to make sure that nobody could ever take them away from me.

Chapter 4

Ashley

I would have liked to say that I was given a huge shower and the twins were already being spoiled by a ton of family members. It would have been wonderful to feel the support of everyone coming together for the twins.

That’s not exactly how things went for us.

Of course both sets of our parents came
to the hospital, bringing gifts and excitement. After months of discussing names, I decided to name my son after Shayne’s grandfather, Elias. He was Greek, and although I didn’t know much about him, I knew that Elias meant, my God is the Lord, so what better name for my son to have? Shayne and I had both been brought up in a Christian background, so it was only fitting that we picked names that reflected that.

M
y daughter was also easy to pick. Rebekah had been the wife of Isaac. Shayne and I agreed that we loved the name.

Looking at my twins never got old, but seeing other’s fall in love with them was even more fulf
illing. In the days after I’d given birth, I was showered with attention and support. Shayne’s parents were with us everyday. Peyton stopped by with her boyfriend Jamey, but Parker never made an appearance. It was probably better that way, considering that he wanted nothing to do with me or the children. Shayne didn’t seem broken up over it either. As far as he was concerned, a permanent wedge had been formed between he and his brother. The more Shayne loved the twins, the more animosity he had for his brother who never wanted them.

The rest of Shayne’s family never showed up to wish us well while we were in the hospital. It wasn’t like I expected Ford or his parents to come
by; it was just that for some reason, I felt like the children offered us all a new beginning. I thought things would finally change.

When the newness wore off and we were finally discharged from the hospital, Shayne stayed home with me for the first week. It was hard, having to take care of two helpless little miracles, and I was so lucky to have him by my side doing everything he could to alleviate some of the stress.

Everyone, including his family, underestimated Shayne when it came to me and the twins. It was as if they were all waiting for him to walk away.

To be honest I thought the same.

Each night that went without sleep I swore he’d change his mind. Yet, through them all, he seemed even more vested in our relationship. He’d even given the twins little nicknames. Eli and Beka were his blood, his niece and nephew, but to him they were his own children. Seeing a man falling in love with your children was the most adoring act that I’d ever experienced. If I hadn’t already fallen in love with him, I was definitely head over heels now.

During those first few days home
, we spent most of our time learning how to be parents. It wasn’t as easy as changing a couple diapers and feeding them a few bottles. Being a mom was a twenty-four hour commitment. For the most part, I enjoyed the experience. Don’t get me wrong. Sleep deprivation hit me hard and I felt like my body was twenty extra pounds of loose skin. My once sexy figure had been replaced with one that proved, without a doubt, that I’d birthed twins. That didn’t even cover the way my vagina felt. After an episiotomy, I was left with pain whenever I tried to walk. Even though we were a couple, it was a little embarrassing telling Shayne about my crotch problems.

Still when we were alone, with two sleeping babies in our arms, nothing seemed more perfect. It felt right being with him and even after that first week I knew I’d made the right decision by naming him as their father.

Exactly seven days after we’d come home, Shayne went back to work. For the first forty minutes I felt like I was going to lose it. Beka had a diaper rash and I was starting to worry if my breast milk was giving her a reaction. Eli had been cranky since the night before and he wasn’t content unless I was holding him.

When the doorbell rang, I considered not answering it. I mean, I had my hands full and wasn’t dressed appropriately
for any deliveryman to see me. Except it kept ringing. With Eli in my arms, I walked around to the front door and peek out of the tiny peephole. I couldn’t believe who I saw waiting there on the other side.

Not really sure what to say, I opened the door and was standing face to face with Lacey, Shayne’s ex.
His sister, Peyton, was right beside her.

In Lacey’s
hand was a large bag with wrapped gifts.

“Shayne isn’t here,” I blurted out
, wondering why Peyton thought it was okay to bring someone by that hated my guts.

She
shook the bag. “That’s okay. We’re not really here for him. We came to see the twins.”

Remembering that I was wearing only a t-shirt, I backed myself away from the door, embarrassed to
turn around. “I wasn’t expectin’ anyone.”

At the same time, Beka started to cry from her bassinet. Lacey tried to look past me
, while Peyton was already barging in.

I couldn’t be rude, because at that moment I had to tend to my daughter. “Just come in. I’ve got to get her.”

There was no time to consider the reasoning for their visit, or if what I was wearing was inappropriate for even another female to see. Before I could pick up Beka I had to lay down Eli. He immediately started screaming and I didn’t know what I was going to do. Lacey came up behind me and dropped the bag. She reached down and picked up my son without saying a single word to me. I looked over to witness her rocking him in her arms and shooing him to settle down. Peyton sat down next to me and reached for Beka. “Here, I’ll take her.”

“Today’s my first day without Shayne. I’m a bit overwhelmed
,” I admitted while pulling the shirt down to cover more of my thighs.

Lacey
kept looking at Eli. “He’s so handsome.”

I glanced
at my daughter, trying to think of something to say to Lacey, without coming off the wrong way. Her closest friend was with my ex, Ford, and I was certain that she felt the same way that Sky did about me. “So, if you don’t mind me askin’, why are you here?”

“It’s my fault,” Peyton interrupted. “I spent the night over at Joey’s with Jamey last night and Lacey asked if she could come with me when I said I wanted to see you today. Shayne said it would be fine.”

“If this is too weird, I can go.” Lacey seemed like she could tell that coming may have been a mistake.

I could sense that
she felt as uncomfortable as I did. “I just – we need to all get past this. The men we love need to get over all of this animosity. There are two little children that never have to see these grown men acting like idiots.”

I
turned my attention to grabbing a diaper for Beka. “As you can see, I’m a little too preoccupied to worry about what the men are thinkin’ or doin’. As long as Shayne comes home to us, I don’t really care about Ford or Joey.” I grabbed Beka from Peyton and started to remove her wet diaper. “Look, I’m not tryin’ to be rude. I know Sky’s your best friend. I get that I’m the last person you’d want Shayne to be with, but we’re together now and we’re happy. We just want to be together without all the judgment.”

Peyton interrupted again. “Ash, Lacey is tr
yin’ to mend fences. She’s not like you think.”

I couldn’t look at Lacey, who was still rocking my son in her arms.
It bothered me, picturing her with Shayne and him doing everything he could to get her back. I knew it was in the past, but I felt threatened and afraid that at any minute I could lose him. It was immature. I needed to get a grip.

The problem was that I had too much at stake. With two little ones, I had to think of them first. Keeping their daddy with us was
the key to that plan.

“Look, I appreciate the effort. You’re obviously a very nice person. Maybe if I would have known you were comin’ ahead of time, I wouldn’t feel so reluctant about this visit.”

Lacey looked over at me and smiled, which was not what I expected after being so frank with her. “Look, I care about Shayne. He’s my friend and I want him to be happy. It’s understandable that it’s going to take some time for us to get to know each other. I’m not asking to be your best friend, but I just wanted to put it out there that I have no issues with you. Obviously, you’ve changed and so has he. I just didn’t feel right talking to him as a friend without you being okay with it.”

Then I felt the blow, as if she’d kicked me in the stomach. I hadn’t known that they talked to each other, and I think Peyton realized my shock. Her eyes enlarged and she turned when I caught her gaze.

I clenched my jaw and bit down hard to prevent spatting out something I would regret later. The longer we sat there in silence, the more awkward things became. “I appreciate you tellin’ me that. I guess, in time, maybe we can all find common ground. I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now, ya know?”

“Yeah, I can see how overwhelmed you are. We were just stopping by anyway. Peyton needs to start filling out applications, before her dad kicks her out.”
Lacey smiled and placed my son down in his crib. I noticed that he had fallen asleep and was completely grateful for that. “We won’t stay. I just felt like letting you know how I felt.”

I smiled, in my defense to the best of ability. There were limits to how much faking I could do. In that very moment I felt threatened. Shayne had a huge soft spot for Lacey and I didn’t see it ever going away. Him talking to her behind my back hurt me. I felt like he was
hiding it because he still wanted a chance. She was still beautiful, while I had stretch marks and baggage. His family loved her and hated me. Why wouldn’t he want her back?

I walked them to the door and sent them on their way without losing
it. By the time that it clicked shut I fell to the floor crying. My emotions were crazy and I couldn’t control them. No matter how I tried to spin Shayne and Lacey, my mind continued to take it to places that I didn’t want to discover.