Remember Me (19 page)

At that moment I knew I had to walk away. I couldn’t stand it, the pain and shock of my whole life being turned to shit so quickly. For obvious reasons I didn’t go back inside to say my goodbyes. I didn’t ask my cousin about what happened, or if he’d come back to help with her recovery. In those seconds all I wanted to do was get as far away from the hospital as I could.

My arrival home didn’t come with a rush of relief. I found it difficult to get out of my car and head inside. I knew the twins were in there, reminding me of what I may never have again. With each step she was making forward, Ashley was pulling further away from the life we used to want together.

There was a
lso a chance that her short-term memory wouldn’t return. She might never remember being with me, braking up with Ford, or even the two beautiful children that she’d given birth to. I wasn’t sure what part of that hurt me the worst.

After that day I kind of lost all sense of security about my future. It wasn’t that I was giving up, but more like I didn’t know how to move forward. So instead of living each day to the fullest, I went into this kind of lifestyle that was more about monotony than making memories with the twins.

I’d go to work in the morning and then come home and bust my ass on the house. I spent less time with twins, even though we were in the same house. Every night I’d have bad dreams and being around them seemed to trigger them more. I was separating myself from anything that would give me both joy and pain. I just wanted to be numb.

Finally, after three more weeks
my sister couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing me heading into self destruction, she told my mother, who in turn told my father. After a long day at work, where it seemed like nothing went right, I came home to a family intervention and I wasn’t prepared for the people that had been invited to my house.

Ash’s parents were sitting at the kitchen across from mine.
My brother Parker stood on the opposite side of the counter. I didn’t even have time to ask what he was doing home, but I was soon going to find out. I sat my lunch box down on the counter and got a drink before acknowledging them.

To say that I was already annoyed was an understatement.

“So what’s this about?”

My dad spoke first. “Shayne, we need to talk. Why don’t you come over here and sit with us?”

“I’m fine right here, if it’s all the same.”

“Son, we’re concerned about you and about the twins. I’ve been talkin’ with Mr. Tilly and he seems to think that it would be better for all of us if they went to live with him at his house.”

“We’ve got plenty of room,” he added. “And I’ve hired a nurse that will be there for Ashley for as long as she needs it, offering her therapy at home. My wife and I have discussed this and we feel this is the best thing for everyone involved. None of us expect you to hold out hope of Ashley moving in here. We all know that ain’t going to happen anymore.”

Did this dude really think he was going
to come into my home, that I’d spent every cent I owned on trying to make it perfect, and take my last piece of her away from me? I clenched my jaw and tried to keep my composure, not wanting to give them any more reason to want to take the twins. I knew I’d been distant from them, but that didn’t mean I wanted to lose them. It was the opposite. Realizing that I couldn’t look at them and face the fact that I may be the only parent they ever knew, it broke my heart. Imagining not having them made me want to drive my truck into oncoming traffic. “I appreciate that you feel that way, and I can see how you feel that your house is better suited for the twins, but I assure you that my kids are well cared for. They get plenty of love and I’ll provide them with all they’ll ever needed. Like I’ve told both of you before, I won’t give up my kids. There’s nothin’ that any of you can do to change it.”

Just then, at that very moment when I felt empowered, my brother
stepped forward, sending an alarming chill through my whole body. I didn’t even know he was home from school, until earlier when he’d showed up. “Actually, there is.”

Just hearing his voice let me know that my own brother had plotted against me. “Shayne, they know the truth.
I know you’re mad, but I had to tell them. I can’t live with myself knowin’ that you’re givin’ up your life.”

I suppose that if I would have thought about my actions, the end result could have been avoided, but hauling off and hitting my brother seemed logical in that very moment. As my brother fell to the ground, my father stood up and whistled loudly. “Enough!” He walked right up to me, putting his face up to mine. “We’ve given you the chance to come clean, son. Your mom and I won’t let you do this.”

I pointed to my piece of shit brother. “He signed off on his rights long before they were born. They’re my kids. Do you hear me? There’s nothin’ that can change that.”

“Son, my daughter may have falsified the birth certificate, but y
ou don’t have a chance in getting custody if we took this to court. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I’ll let you decide.”

I looked around the room desperately searching for an ally. “Please, you can’t do this. Please don’t take them away from me. I’m their f
ather. I’m the only father they’re ever goin’ to have.”

“You can visit them whenever you want, but they are coming home with us tonight, even if I need to call the sheriff and have them assist us.” His threats meant nothing to me.

I went after the man, heaving my anger towards the one person that seemed to be controlling my future. He was taking away everything, including my hope. I punched him in the jaw before he could put his hands up to block me. He didn’t fall to the ground, or come back after me. While my dad grabbed me from behind the man took measures to keep me from laying another hand on him. He held up his hand while dialing the police. In just a few seconds they were on their way to assist.

I stopped fighting my father and let my arms rest. The damage was done. I’d lost my will. I’d lost everything.

Thirty minutes later I watched the people in my house pack up all of the twins belongings. I watched them putting them into their car seats and loading them into their SUV. Then I watched them driving away with my only reason for living.

As if that wasn’t enough, I went off on my sister, ordering her to get the hell out of my house. She begged and pleaded, swearing that she didn’t know about our brother, but the damage was done. I hated everyone and anyone that had been a part of it. My once clear focus on my future was gone and replaced with emptiness. In that moment, I had nothing and I couldn’t even think of one reason to keep going.

Chapter 25

Shayne

They say time heals every wound, or for better terms that’s what I’ve always heard. How much time did I need to give myself before that happened?

From the moment I watched that vehicle pull away with my kids in it, I felt like my life was over.

No matter how I tried to rationalize I couldn’t think of one good thing I had without them. To be frank, I was lonely, afraid and defeated. Ashley’s dad was going to do whatever it took to keep me out of her life. I didn’t even understand why. I’d done nothing but respect her and give her the life that she deserved.

It all went back to when we were first living together as friends. Everyone was aware that I was seeing other women, and that was enough for him to want his daughter as far away from me as she could get.

I made it to the weekend before I couldn’t stand it anymore. I needed to get away from everything and try to clear my head. It wasn’t like I had someone I could call and talk to. Nobody could understand what it was like for me.

Driving to the beach and pulling up at my friend Boner’s house was probably a mistake. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, and honestly I knew that
whatever he had planned for his evening was going to be a distraction from the hell I’d been living in.

The look is shock let me know I was the last person that he expected to see walking through his door.
“What the shit? Long time no see, dude.”

I smiled knowing that I was about to drink myself to a
stupor and forget about the rest of my life for at least the next twenty-four hours. Then coming out of the kitchen were two women, and right away I recognized their voices. Standing before me was Megan and her sister Rachel, the one I’d hooked up with when I was out on a drunken binge over Lacey. I didn’t know whether to walk back out and pretend I’d never thought that this visit was a good idea, or to sit down and let them ridicule me, reminding me of how much of a pussy-piece-of-shit I was.

Megan smiled. “Wow, I never thought I’d see you here again. What’s up stranger?”

Rachel continued following her sister quietly, as if she knew there would be hell to pay if she acknowledged me.

“I’m just out clearin’ my head. How have you been?”

They sat down across from me and I leaned against the opposite couch. “I’ve been good. I’ve been dating someone and working a lot. Rachel’s here visiting. She got a job in Pennsylvania with our aunt.” She turned to look at her sister before continuing. “How are the twins?”

Megan was a nice girl, who’d been a good
friend when I needed one. After I’d told her that I was in love with Ashley, she stopped calling me. To be honest I was too caught up in my relationship to even care. Between the twins and discovering what it was like to love someone, I’d forgotten all about my little virgin friend. “They’re gettin’ real big.” I thought about them being taken from me, and a knot formed in my throat.

“So where’s your girlfriend? Please don’t tell me you guys broke up?”

I looked down at the shag area rug. It had seen better days, and I remembered people puking on it several times in the past. “It’s not like that. We didn’t break up. Ash was - She’s in the hospital.”

“What happened? Is she okay? Shouldn’t you be there with her?” Megan asked.

I couldn’t look up at her, as having to explain where my girlfriend was crushed me. “She suffered from an aneurism in her brain a while ago. I visit when I can, but it’s gettin’ harder. She doesn’t even know who I am right now. He’ll, she doesn’t even know she’s a mother.”

Megan put her hands over her face and even Rachel looked shocked. “Shayne, I’m so sorry. Will she ever recover?”

I shrugged. “They don’t know. She had a stroke at first and they’ve kept her in a coma to help her heal. Even now she’s not the person she was before.”

I don’t know whether they all felt sorry for me, or they just didn’t know what to say, but the room remained quiet. It was so quiet that I started to feel uncomfortable.

Boner stood up and patted me on the shoulder. “How ‘bout a beer?”

When he came back in the room, handing me a
eight-ounce can, I cracked it open and took a swig. “Thanks, dude.”

“No problem. Me casa e su casa, or however the hell they say that shit.”

Rachel still said nothing and I watched as her sister whispered something in her ear and then they both turned to look at me. It was sort of weird and I could only imagine that she was warning her to keep her distance. The thing was, I wasn’t there to hook up with anyone. I’d come to get away from my life for the night, not to make it any worse.

Luckily, as we continued to drink, the mood in the house seemed to change. Boner started talking about some of our adventures in the past, and soon both of the girls were laughing and carrying on with us.

We played one round of truth or dare, until neither of them would take off their shirts. In my defense it was Boner that suggested it. I knew better than to go there with Megan, and especially her sister. Besides, other women no longer interested me. I knew what I wanted and she wasn’t in any condition to realize that I felt like a part of me was dying without her.

I found myself being annoyed by the way they were all acting, almost like that kind of behavior was somehow beneath me. By two in the morning I was feeling
the effects of the alcohol and decided that I needed to take a walk on the beach to clear my head. I wanted to feel the cool misty air on my skin and the breeze coming off of the water. I needed to plop down into the smooth sand and listen to the waves crashing in front of me.

Those sounds were so soothing to me, bringing me back to a time when my life was so carefree.

The wind was brisk, but it didn’t stop me from proceeding with my plan. I plopped down on the soft ground and ran my hands through the sand beneath me. The waves calmed me and I remembered how many times I’d rushed into them to save someone’s life.

Being a lifeguard made me feel important. Every teen
growing up where I did wanted to spend their summers at the beach. While others worked on the boardwalk, in candy shops, or surf shanties, I went through all of the training to have the coolest job out there. Every day I’d get numbers from random chicks. They didn’t care if we had girlfriends, or even if some of us were married. The fantasy of being with a tan lifeguard made all of their morals disappear. I supposed for a time it was fascinating. I got off on the idea of knowing that I could have anyone I wanted. Looking back though, I never had what I really longed for. Even Lacey couldn’t give me what I needed.