Relativity (9 page)

I finally meet his eyes and instantly have no doubt that he is telling the truth. “How many girls have you been with?” I hate myself instantly for asking.

“You are number two hundred and twenty-six,” he announces with a straight face.

“Oh my God,” I shriek, rolling off of him.

He laughs and scoops me back up, kissing my neck. “I’m kidding, silly girl. I haven’t kept count, but you are definitely the first girl I’ve slept with today.”

“I’m just one of your conquests, aren’t I?” I joke, but deep down I wonder if I’m right. I’m practically marrying us off in my head and he is probably just waiting for me to leave because the next stupid, naïve girl is on her way over.

“I’m not going to lie. I’ve wanted you since you were fourteen years old. And yes, I know that makes me sound like a perv because I was eighteen, but I couldn’t help it.”

My cheeks blush at his embarrassing admission.

“How many guys have you been with?” he blurts out, cradling my head in his strong hands still sneaking an occasional kiss to my neck.

“You’re the third,” I admit. I briefly considered upping my number for some reason but realized he might think I was slutty.

“I wish I had been your first,” he says, looking sad.

“I guess you’ll have to settle with being my best,” I tease, running my hands over his cheeks and into his hair. I try to push away the thought that I could spend the rest of my life staring into his warm brown eyes. Today is the last day that we can ever be together like this. No matter how much I want him.

“I’m going to make you waffles,” he announces unexpectedly. He bounds from the bed and trots naked to his kitchen area.

“Should I help?” I ask, sitting up, wrapped in the sheets.

“You just lay there and look beautiful,” he says, already mixing something in a stainless steel bowl.

I watch him plug in his waffle maker and once it heats to the correct temperature, he pours the batter in expertly then shuts the lid. He busies himself getting plates, utensils, butter and syrup ready. He looks like he has done this several times before and I wonder how many other girls he has made waffles for. Then I wonder why it matters to me so much about the other girls.

A loud crack of lightning strikes outside and I startle. I force myself to stay in this moment, not worrying about Knox’s past or future girls, to just enjoy our time together so that I have this day to savor when I go back to my real life.

“For you, Madame,” Knox says in a fake French accent. He climbs back into bed holding a plate filled with three fluffy waffles drenched in melted butter and golden syrup. Before I can even thank him, he is holding out a forkful of waffle for me to try. I slide the bite into my mouth, wondering how every single action with Knox ends up turning me on.

“Delicious,” I mumble through my partially chewed bite. He takes a turn taking a bite then has my next bite ready for me. We continue like this until all that is left on the plate is a thin layer of syrup.

He dips a fingertip in the syrup then rubs it on my nipple. I sigh with pleasure at his touch. He sucks on my nipple while moving his hand down between my legs. He glides two fingers inside me as he flicks my nipple with his tongue. It only takes seconds before I’m near orgasm.

“Oh my God, Knox,” I shout, tightening around his fingers as I come for him.

“You’re so fucking beautiful when you come,” he says, sliding his fingers out of me. I’m still panting but I reach for him, knowing I should reciprocate.

“That was a freebie,” he whispers in my ear. He pulls the covers over us and wraps me in his arms. I can safely say that this is the best moment of my life.

A huge storm kicks up outside and I wonder for a second if we should make sure there are no tornado warnings. Then I realize that I wouldn’t even care if something happened right now. Rain pelts angrily on the windows. It makes me remember when I was little and Mom used to tell me every time it rained, the angels were crying. I shake off the thought of my mom looking down on me from heaven and being so disappointed that she is crying.

“What’s your favorite color?” Knox asks and I’m happy for the distraction.

“Orange, what about you?”

“That’s
my
favorite color,” he says incredulously. “Nobody ever says orange.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not, I swear,” he says, doing what I’m pretty sure is in incorrect version of the hand gesture for Scout’s honor. “Let’s do another one. Favorite food?” He holds up three fingers and slowly starts putting them down one at a time gesturing that we should say our answers at exactly the same time.

“Chinese,” I say as his last finger goes down.

“Sweet and sour chicken,” he says at the exact same time. I clamp my hand over my mouth in disbelief because sweet and sour chicken is the only entrée I ever order when I eat Chinese. Knox laughs, clearly enjoying our similarities.

“Okay, favorite movie in three, two, one….
Stepbrothers
,” I yell over Knox’s exact same answer. Then I remember how many times Knox, Natalie, and I watched that movie together while we ate carry-out from Double Happy. Realization must shine in my eyes.

“I told you, I’ve been crazy about you forever. I could tell you more about yourself than you could,” he says sweetly, tucking my hair behind my ears. It is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me and I know that I should run from his bed as fast as my feet will take me but I stay right where I’m at and lean into his lips. Every time Knox has kissed me, it has weakened my knees with desire. This kiss is no less passionate but the feelings are so much deeper that tears instantly start rolling down my cheeks.

He wipes them gently away and holds me tight against him.

“I’ve never felt so safe in my entire life,” I confess, knowing I’m crossing into dangerous territory.

Knox looks straight into my eyes and says, “If I could take away all of your pain, I would. I would do anything for you, Ripley.”

I bury myself in his chest and listen to the storm crash all around us, never wanting this moment to end.

******

When I wake up, I’m immediately aware of two things: the storm has stopped, leaving behind a dreary gray sky, and Knox is not in bed with me. I sit up and look around the loft, knowing he couldn’t have gone far. The clock on the kitchen wall reads three p.m. I hate that I wasted precious hours of our last day together.

I hear the shower running and pad quietly into the bathroom. I push the door open gently, unbeknownst to Knox, and watch him rinse the shampoo out of his hair. His head is tilted back and the suds run down his powerful body. I am immediately overcome with emotion and feel like I will never be able to function normally again. I walk toward the shower, slide the glass shower door back, and step inside.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Knox says, moving to share the water with me.

“I don’t want this day to end,” I blurt out, barely holding back tears. He touches my face and pulls me to him.

“It doesn’t have to. We can be together. It might cause some problems in the beginning but eventually everyone will be okay with it.”

“Natalie would hate me. I can’t risk that. She’s been my best friend my whole life.”

“How am I supposed to work around you every day when I know I can’t have you? I’ll go crazy,” he admits, kissing my neck.

“You’ll have plenty of other girls. You won’t go lonely for long,” I say, hating every word that comes out of my mouth.

“I don’t want anyone else. And I sure as hell don’t want to see you with anyone else,” he grumbles. He pulls his hands off my body and turns his back to me.

“Knox, I just can’t do this,” I plead, already feeling the weight of loneliness settling over me. I almost cave and tell him that he is the only thing that matters in my life right now and I’ll do whatever it takes to be with him, but then Mom’s face flashes in my mind and I know what I have to do.

I turn Knox back toward me and take his face in my hands. “Tomorrow, when you see me, you’re going to act like I’m nothing more to you than your little sister’s friend. We had a good time together but I’m not willing to screw Natalie over to be with you. She would never forgive me and I love her too much for that.” Tears fill my eyes as I suddenly realize how much Knox has always meant to me. I missed him so much when he left but lied to myself and told myself it was just because I thought of him like a brother.

“Do you know why I got out of the Navy?” he asks, surprising me.

I shake my head no, still trying to hold back my tears.

“Because I had to know if I had a chance with you. I thought leaving Jasper would get you out of my mind but distance only made it worse. I didn’t come home for four years, thinking maybe I’d get over you. Then I realized that I would always regret it if I didn’t at least try to see if you felt the same,” he says sadly.

“I’m sorry, Knox,” I say, burying my face in his chest. He squeezes me tight against him as the warm water cascades over us.

“Look at me, Ripley,” he says, urging my chin up with his thick fingers. “I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’ll ignore you, or treat you like my sister’s friend, or whatever, but there is something that you need to always remember,” he pauses, leaving me in suspense. I can’t help wonder if he is going to tell me off or something. I wouldn’t blame him for being mad at my back and forth bullshit.

He clears his throat and looks away for a minute, making me realize how emotional he is getting. He slowly settles his warm brown gaze back onto my anxious blue one. “You’re the only girl I’ll ever want for the rest of my life, Ripley Edgecombe, and I fucking love you,” he says, bringing his face toward mine to kiss me.

A gasp escapes my lips just before he kisses them. I’m trying to focus on kissing him but my mind is stuck trying to process that he just told me that he loves me. I’ve known I was in love with him since the minute I walked into his loft with him that first night but I kept trying to blame my grief. It took me all this time to realize that I had been waiting for him to come home to me and now I have to give him up. But we still have these last few moments. His eyes plead with me to reciprocate his words, but I just can’t.

“Make love to me, Knox,” I beg.

He kisses me so delicately that the tears I’ve been holding back stream down my cheeks. He shuts off the water, pulls back the shower curtain and steps out, and then reaches for me. He guides me down onto a fluffy bath rug. His soaking wet body covers mine and I’m thankful for the water droplets to cover my tears.

The first two times we were together were urgent, like our passion was on a stopwatch, but this is different. As Knox slides himself inside me and our bodies become one, we move together slowly and wordlessly, knowing that we need to savor our last time together.

He never takes his eyes off mine and I wonder how I will make it through the rest of my life never feeling this way again.

I force myself to stay in the moment by rocking under him, matching his rhythm. He runs his hands through my wet hair and tenderly kisses my lips. He feels so good inside me that I know I won’t be able to hold back my orgasm much longer.

“I want to come with you,” he whispers.

Those sultry words are all it takes to feel myself tightening around him. “Knox, I…I…,” I trail off, wanting to tell him that I love him but too scared to say the words out loud.

“It’s okay, baby,” he coos, thrusting gently, hitting just the right spot.

“Knox,” I shout, as my orgasm reaches my core and reverberates through my whole body.

“I love you so much, Ripley,” he groans, thrusting one final time as he comes inside me. He collapses on top of me, panting. Instead of feeling crushed by his weight, it feels safe. I know that if I allow myself to stay here with him any longer I will never have the strength to leave.

Wordlessly, I roll from under him, stand up, and pad out of the bathroom. The whole time I’m getting dressed, I want him to stop me. To make me stay. But he never does.

I grab my keys and walk slowly to his front door, never taking my eyes off the light coming from under the bathroom door.

I want him to beg me not to walk out of his life but he isn’t going to do that because I made him promise not to. I close the door and walk down the stairs feeling more lost and alone than ever, realizing that for the second time in less than a week I’m losing someone I love.

WTF? You stood Tate up?

I smack my forehead with my palm after reading Natalie’s text. I can’t believe that I just completely bailed on Tate. I got so anxious driving into the school lot that I forgot why I was there in the first place. Then, after the intense afternoon with Knox, another guy was the last thing on my mind. Now I feel like a total shit.

Couldn’t handle being there
, I text back. It isn’t a lie. I really couldn’t handle all those eyes on me, feeling pity for me being motherless now.

K. it’ll just make him want you more.

I’m good. See u tmrw

I can’t even process dating another guy, knowing I’ll never feel what I feel for Knox. I can’t even remember why I thought I liked Tate in the first place. I mean, he’s a nice guy but it seems pointless.

Dad pushes open my cracked door and sticks his head in. “I picked up Double Happy on the way home,” he says, looking worn out.

“Great, Dad,” I say, bounding off my bed and following him downstairs. The last thing I feel like doing is gorging myself on Chinese food but I know Dad will be relieved to see me eat a good dinner.

“How was your day?” I ask, as I unpack the brown paper sack full of goodies from our favorite Chinese restaurant.

Dad grabs some paper plates out of the cabinet and forks out of the drawer and sets them next to the food. “It was fine,” he says, distracted.

I notice that he has set out an extra plate and fork and I take advantage of him being distracted by quickly putting them back, knowing he would be crushed to realize what he did. I wonder how long it will take for him to remember that we aren’t a trio anymore.