Relativity (7 page)

******

“I have the best news ever,” Natalie exclaims, bouncing up and down on my bed. I glance over at the clock on my bedside table and realize I’ve been sleeping for four hours so even though I would have preferred a less excitable wakeup call, I guess it is time to get up for a few hours before I go back to bed tonight.

“Let me guess, the McRib is back,” I tease, knowing how little it takes to get Nat excited.

“Funny one, Edgecombe, but wrong answer. What is the one thing we’ve been begging my parents to do for at least two years?” she asks, clapping her hands together.

“Put in a pool?”

“Good answer, but no. Come on, think Rip.”

Quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve seen Nat’s mom for two years, with the exception of Mom’s funeral, because every time I stop by the pizza place she is out shopping while Natalie and her dad and the other employees are rushing around working their tails off.

“They’re finally buying you a new car?” I guess half-heartedly.

She throws her head into her hands, clearly disgusted with me. A millisecond later, she pops back up, her brown eyes bright with excitement. I never realized that her eyes are identical to Knox’s. I hate myself for thinking about him, especially when I’m with Nat. “They want you to come work with me at Mozzarella,” she shouts, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me for effect.

If there was anything I ever coveted of Natalie’s, it was her job. She gets to spend every summer chatting with people from school while making great money. She gets the lowdown on breakups, makeups, and cheaters before almost everyone else because of what she sees and overhears while serving hot, delicious slices of cheesy goodness. Natalie has been begging them for years to let me come work for them but I know her mom never wanted me there for whatever reason. I want to be happy about it, but it just reminds me how people are going to start treating me differently because Mom died.

“Wow,” I finally force out, knowing that Natalie is waiting for my response. “That would be awesome, but I’m just not sure I can handle dealing with all the pity looks.”

“It will be good for you. I promise.” She leans back against my pillows and I know that she is already daydreaming about us perfectly spinning pizza crusts into the air and living happily ever after. I hate that I’m going to have to crush her like this.

“Natalie, I just can’t.”

“What the hell, Rip? We’ve wanted this forever. It’s our last summer together. Once August comes, we’ll only see each other on the holidays,” she reminds me. I don’t bother telling her that I’ll probably be looking into community college now because I know she won’t understand and I don’t have the energy for another battle.

“We’ll still be together all the time.” The words sound weak, even to me.

“I feel like I’m losing you, too,” Natalie says, breaking my heart.

“You’ll never lose me,” I promise, clasping her hands.

“I know you’re going through all this stuff and I know I don’t even begin to understand but I feel like there is something else going on with us. Did I do something? Because if I did, I want to fix it. Just tell me what I did,” she pleads.

I’ve done things I felt bad about before. Like being too lazy to take my shopping cart back to the corral then peeling away when I see a strong wind drive it straight into the side of a brand new car, or not braking every time a stupid squirrel runs out in front of me, but watching Natalie plead with me when I know the weirdness she is sensing is my guilt over sleeping with her brother is the worst. I thought I could just bury the night I had with Knox deep in my mind but it keeps popping up and forcing me to relive it every time I close my eyes. Worse than that, I almost crave him. Even if us being together wouldn’t kill my best friend, Knox changes women like he changes his socks. I guarantee he hasn’t given me one thought since that night.

“You haven’t done anything, Natalie. I’m just really mixed up about stuff. You’ve been so amazing and I hope you know how much I love you.”

“I know you think that my parents are just offering you this job out of guilt but they’ve been talking about hiring you for several months. I just didn’t want to get your hopes up before I knew it was a sure thing.”

A soft knock on the door interrupts us and Dad peeks his head in.

“Sorry to bother you girls but I was just wondering if these go together?” he asks, holding out a navy blue button-down shirt and a plum colored tie.

“Only if you want people to think you’re color blind,” Nat jokes. “Do you have any red ties?”

“I think I do. Thanks, Natalie.” He backs out of the room and closes the door.

“He’s really doing it.” I say, shocked. “He’s really going back to work.”

“He has to, Rip. He’s got a mortgage and a car payment and all that other responsible shit that adults have to worry about. It doesn’t mean he loves her any less if he goes on living his life. Just like it wouldn’t mean that you loved her any less if you started living yours.”

I know she’s right. Ten days ago, I would have been jumping up and down at the prospect of working every night with Natalie at a fun place, but I’ve let Mom’s death change everything. She wouldn’t be happy about that. Besides, I need to make my own money because I don’t want to burden Dad.

“When do I start?” I ask, bracing myself for Nat’s explosion of happiness.

“Oh my God, are you freaking serious?”

“You’re going to have to be patient with me. I’ve watched you waitress for two years but actually doing it myself is an entirely different thing.”

“You’ll be fine,” she squeals. “Besides, Knox is going to be kind of rusty himself so it will be a good time for you to start.”

I feel the blood start to drain out of my face at the mention of her brother’s name. “Knox is going to be working there?”

“Just for the summer until he figures out which college he’s going to. I have to admit that he was instrumental in finally swaying Mom and Dad to hire you,” she admits.

My palms start to sweat and I’m glad I’m sitting down. “Knox wants me to work there?”

“He said it would be fun, the three of us together again. I’m sure it won’t last for long though, as soon as he starts whoring around again, he won’t have time for us,” she jokes.

How could I have been so stupid to agree to this without ever considering that Knox might work there? It would have been hard enough trying to hide this secret from Natalie all summer without Knox around but now I’m supposed to work closely with him every day and not let it slip out.

As I try to falsely match Natalie’s enthusiasm, I realize that I’m not really worried about the secret coming out. I’m worried that I’ll let it happen again.

******

After Natalie leaves, I realize that it has been a few days since I showered and I’m quite ripe. I strip down and step into the shower. As soon as the hot water rushes down my body I wonder how I could have forgotten how good this feels.

A million thoughts are buzzing around my mind as I lather up my hair and body. Most of them are about Knox. How in the world am I going to work so closely with him after the night we had together? I can barely stop myself from thinking about his strong hands running down my body right now.

I squeeze the remaining body wash into my hands and mentally remind myself to tell Mom I need more. Then I remember.

Mom is gone forever. She won’t be making any runs to Target to get me more body wash. All the tiny things she did every day that I barely noticed are now going to be continuous reminders that she is gone. I want to cry but I know that I can’t spend the rest of my life crying. I turn off the water and step out of the shower, feeling better as I resolve to quit sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I have to figure out some of the stuff that needs to be done around here to make Dad’s life easier. Mom did so much for us, I only wish I would have noticed it when she was alive.

I slip into a comfortable T-shirt and yoga pants and throw my wet hair into a ponytail. I head downstairs and grab a pad of paper and a pen from next to the phone to start a grocery list. I scribble down body wash as the first item then start going through the refrigerator and cabinets trying to figure out what we need. It doesn’t take me long before I realize I have no idea what I’m doing.

The doorbell rings and I cringe, not in the mood to deal with any weepy-eyed neighbors even though they mean well, I just can’t hear someone tell me for the millionth time that they are sorry. I consider ignoring it when Dad yells down from upstairs.

“Ripley, can you answer that? I’m getting ready to take a shower. I ordered us a pizza.”

My heart seizes in my chest knowing that we only order pizza from Mozzarella. I realize I’m being stupid. What are the odds that Knox would be delivering our pizza when he probably hasn’t even started yet? I make my way slowly to the door, wishing our solid oak front door was glass. I flip on the outside light and ease open the door to find Knox standing uncomfortably on our porch holding a pizza.

“Hey,” he says, his eyes cutting behind me, searching for Dad.

“Hi,” I stammer back, hearing the shower turn on upstairs. Knox must hear it too because his demeanor instantly changes.

“Ripley, we have to talk,” he says, handing me the pizza. I set it down on the table inside our front door and reach for the money Dad set there. I go to hand it to him but he refuses. I crumple it into my palm, step onto the front porch, then pull the door almost closed behind me.

“About what?” I ask, trying not to imagine his lips on my neck.

“About our night together,” he whispers through gritted teeth as he glances around making sure no one can hear.

As I stand there, physically holding back from throwing myself into his arms, I make a hard decision. I cannot betray Natalie again. I have to be the kind of person that would make my mother proud.

“Knox, it was one night. I had fun, but let’s not make this a thing. I was confused and lonely.”

I swear that I can almost see the wind get knocked out of him. He just stares at me as he tries to regroup. Could our night together really have meant something to him too?

“Ripley, I want to be with you. I’ve always wanted to be with you. Please don’t tell me that you didn’t feel the same that night. That wasn’t a one night stand,” he pleads, reaching for me. I will myself to jerk back although I really just want to fall straight into his arms. Hearing him say these things is like a dream come true, but it’s a dream I can’t allow myself to have.

“Knox, we can’t be together ever again,” I force out. “We’re going to be working together and Natalie can’t suspect anything. She would hate us both.”

He drops his head and I can’t help but wonder if this is all an act. I’ve never seen Knox get wrapped up in anyone, why would he have feelings for me? It doesn’t matter, I have to be strong and do the right thing.

He looks up, his intense brown eyes searching my unsure blue ones. “Is this really what you want?” He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he slowly comes closer to me. He reaches up and puts his right palm on the back of my neck, gently pulling my face toward his. He slowly brings his lips down on mine, never breaking eye contact until our lips meet. His tongue plunges into my mouth turning the embers between my legs into a full blown fire. My tongue dives into his mouth as my hands run all over his chest and back. Memories of our night together spin around us as he clutches me tighter. It is the best kiss of my entire life and I never want it to end.

I’m literally panting when Knox pulls out of our embrace. So much for doing the right thing. His eyes are smiling, knowing that everything I said was complete shit.

“I know you want to be with me,” he says confidently.

I hate myself for what I am going to do but if that kiss showed me anything it’s that I have no control of myself around Knox. I can’t be the person I need to be to make Mom proud.

“Knox, I didn’t say that I didn’t
want
to be with you, I said that I
couldn’t
be with you. A kiss isn’t going to change that.”

I wait for him to try and change my mind but he just backs away from me, gets in his car, and drives out of my life.

******

“So, Mozzarella, huh?” Dad says, grabbing a slice out of the pizza box. He grabs another slice laying it on top of his other one and carries his paper plate over to his recliner. He sinks down in his recliner and flips on the television for background noise.

“How did you know?” I ask, tearing myself off a slice. You would think after the whole interaction with Knox that I wouldn’t be hungry but I don’t think there is a time that I would ever turn down pizza from Mozzarella.

“Natalie’s mom called to make sure it would be okay. I thought it was really nice of her. They really care about you, Ripley.”

I can’t help but wonder if Knox cares about me, or if I was just a challenge, since I didn’t chase him like his usual conquests. I guess it doesn’t really matter.

“It’ll be good to make some money,” I reply, wiping grease off my chin with the back of my hand. It suddenly occurs to me that both Dad and I have been avoiding sitting down at the kitchen table since Mom died. All of our meals have been eaten either standing up or in front of the television. I guess neither of us can bear the thought of her empty chair.

“You don’t need to worry about money, sweetheart. We’re doing fine,” Dad reassures me, flipping through the channels even though I know once he settles on something his mind won’t allow him to concentrate on it.

“I’m not going to college in the fall,” I blurt out, figuring it will be easier to just get it out there, kind of like ripping a bandage off fast.

Dad drops the slice he was holding back onto his plate, he swings around to face me, his eyes bugged out unattractively. “Not this again. I just read an article that says you aren’t supposed to make any big changes after a loved one’s death for at least a year.”

“Right. Going away would be a change. I can still go to community college. I don’t want to leave you,” I admit.