Relative Happiness (29 page)

“What was his father like?”

Lexie blushed. “I knew him for seven days. We made love twenty-four hours after we met.”

“Good Grief. You guys talk about me!”

“Oh, Gabby, he was gorgeous,” she gushed. “He was so big and he made me feel beautiful. It was magic. I never knew it could be like that. Never.”

“Well, for heaven's sake, why aren't you with him?”

Lexie looked into her wine glass. “I don't know where he is. God, I don't know anything about him. We didn't talk about it.” She took a sip of her wine. “It seems hard to believe, but it's like we didn't want to know anything else. We had no time to talk.”

“Sounds like your bodies did the talking instead.”

“That's true.”

It was good to be with Gabby. All the pain Lexie agonized over disappeared. The things she wanted to get off her chest seemed to vanish. It really didn't matter anymore. Lexie just wanted her sister back. She needed to be loved by her and she needed to love her again. The loss of their father made everything different. Their family was smaller. They had to huddle down and stay safe. It felt right to be together.

They drank two bottles of wine and were on their third. It was midnight and they decided Gabby should stay the night. Then that thing happened that always happens when you've laughed your guts out and yelled about things you remember when you were a kid. You get worn out, tired, then the real stuff comes to the surface.

Lexie poured the last of the third bottle. Thank God Josh slept through the night. She'd pay for this tomorrow.

Gabby took another big sip of wine. “I can't believe Daddy's dead. I pretend he's away, because he's always away from me. Pardon me, I'm always away from him. Same difference I guess.” Her head nodded and she drank some more.

“Why did you stay away so long?”

“How could I come back and face you?”

“For God's sake, what did you think I'd do?” Lexie shouted. “Kill you the minute your big toe hit the tarmac?”

Gabby looked at her wine. “I wouldn't blame you.”

“Oh, shut up. Blood's thicker than water. I'd have forgiven you long before this.”

Gabby stayed quiet. Lexie thought she was sleepy. She wondered if they should go to bed.

Then Gabby said, “I didn't know, Lexie.”

“You didn't know what?” Lexie downed her drink.

“That you loved him.”

She put her wineglass on the floor. “I didn't know either. Until he left.”

“I also didn't know something else.”

Lexie gave her a goofy grin like Josh's. “What?”

“He loved you.”

There was silence.

“Don't do this to me Gabby.”

She looked at Lexie in earnest. “I'm not doing anything.”

“You better explain it to me then, because I'd like to know how someone can love you when they make love to your sister in your own house, leave town without a word and are never heard from again. How's that love, may I ask?”

Gabby warned her. “I won't tell you anything if you talk, if you fight me while I try to get it out. It's too difficult. It's really difficult, all right?”

“Okay.”

Gabby looked into the embers of the fire.

“The night I met Adrian I didn't see anyone else that evening. My body was pulled in his direction wherever he happened to be. I've never felt anything like it. You have to believe me, Lexie. I've been with many men. I'm not sure why I never stay with them too long. Perhaps because I've never felt that.”

She put her hand through her hair to get it off her face. “Adrian looked at me and I was sure he felt the same way. I didn't want Richard to come near me. I called Adrian the next day when you were at work. He said he would meet me. That was it. He touched me and it was as if I'd never been touched before.”

She gave a big sigh. “You finding us
was
an accident. We didn't want to hurt you, ever. When I saw the look on your face, I didn't know what to think. But I knew I didn't want to be around you. I panicked and asked Adrian to leave with me. He didn't want to at first. He said he needed to talk to you.”

She looked at Lexie. “I convinced him to go. Finally he said yes, because we didn't know what else to do.”

She sounded weary. “It was everything I wanted. It was everything I dreamed of. But then, little by little, he got quiet. Except on the subject of you. He said how beautiful you were and how you felt like home. He felt such guilt over you.”

She looked at the fireplace. “I didn't know how to fight that. He wanted me and then he didn't. He was with me, but he wasn't. He'd wander for hours alone. I asked him what was wrong and he said ‘nothing.' One night he started to cry. He couldn't explain why. He couldn't get it out. He'd have nightmares.”

Gabby rested her forehead against her cold glass. “I tried to help him, but he wouldn't let me. Finally he said he had to go away and figure out why he hurts the people he loves, why he always leaves. He meant you. The only man I've ever loved loves you.”

Lexie sat across from her and said nothing.

Gabby looked so sad. “I'm sorry, Lexie. For everything.”

“It doesn't matter anymore.”

“Yes, it does. I thought he was your roommate. Nothing more. I wouldn't have hurt you like that if I'd known. I want you to believe me.”

“I do. I just don't believe the rest of it.”

“What?”

“I don't believe he loved me.”

“He did. I know he did. You didn't see his face when he talked about you.”

“Listen,” Lexie said, “a man you say loves me left you a long time ago. Where's he been? He didn't come here. He's never tried to get in touch with me. Does that sound like a man who loves me?”

Gabby didn't say anything at first. Then she agreed. “It doesn't make sense, does it? I can't explain it, but I know what I know. He had something inside that ate him alive. I was helpless to do anything. He wouldn't let me in.”

Lexie nodded. “I told Beth I thought he was in trouble. Dad talked about it the night before he died. He said Adrian was lost, that something was wrong.”

“This is great, isn't it?” Gabby said. “We both love a man who's disappeared, and we don't know why.”

It was the wine that made Lexie talk. “He hasn't completely disappeared.”

Gabby gave her a look. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I saw him in May.”

She was shocked. “My God. Where?”

“In Montreal.”

“Why were you in Montreal?”

“It doesn't matter. The fact is I saw him.”

“Did he see you?”

“At first he didn't, but then I think he recognized me.” Lexie told her what happened.

Gabby was incredulous. “Why wouldn't he call out to you? I don't understand.”

Lexie suddenly knew she wouldn't say anything about the little girl. The only explanation she had come to was that Adrian had a family, and she didn't want Gabby to know. What was the point? She'd been hurt enough.

Gabby was still trying to figure it out. “You should've tried to talk to him. Why did you run?”

“I didn't know what to do. I pushed Josh into the car so fast, I didn't know I was in until we started to move.” She was tired and didn't want to talk about it anymore. “Let's go to bed, Gabby. I've had it.” She nudged her head towards the staircase.

“You're right, it's been a long night.” Gabby got up and followed Lexie upstairs. They looked in on Josh for a minute. Lexie rubbed her hand on his head.

She lent Gabby a nightgown. They washed their faces and brushed their teeth. It felt like they were little girls again. They lay side by side in bed and Lexie reached for her hand.

“Gab?”

“Yeah?”

“Don't ever stay away again.”

Gabby left for England two days later. She and her mother had a hard goodbye. Mom held on as long as she could, and Gabby promised she'd come home more often, maybe in the summer. As they got ready to go to the airport, Beth's van roared up the driveway. She jumped out and into Gabby's arms.

“I'm a hag. Forgive me, I shouldn't have said such garbage.”

“Only if you forgive me about Willie.” Gabby had tears in her eyes. “It was a cowardly thing to do.”

“So we're both hags. We're even.”

Lexie and Gabby sat in the chairs at the airport and waited for the flight to be called. They held each other's hands. When the intercom announced her flight, Gabby put her arms around Lexie and wouldn't let her go.

“I missed you so much when I left,” she said softly. “You're my big sister. You were always the one who made me feel better when anything happened to me and I ruined it. I cut off the one I needed the most.”

She let Lexie go to take a tissue out of her pocket. “I'm so glad we've made up. I couldn't bear to live my life if I thought you hated me. I've lost Dad. I can't lose you. You are so like him Lexie. I feel safe when you're near. I wish I could make it up to you. I'll always love you.”

She hugged her again. Lexie hugged her back. “I love you too, Gabby.”

They let go. Gabby walked away and put her carry-all on the security counter. She turned around before she disappeared.

“Adrian loves you too.”

Chapter Fifteen

Life continued with a new routine, one without Dad. It was a change they adjusted to reluctantly. Beth's tribe missed their Grampy, and even Josh looked for him in his study.

Lexie was in Lester's one weekend, letting Josh pick out a video at the back of the store. Even at a year and a half, he recognized the purple bonehead when he saw him. While Lexie waited, a local character walked in. She recognized him from around the area, but she stayed away from him. He had a mouth on him and loved to hear himself talk, a joker who knew everything. He had a big booming voice and thought this made him important.

“Lester, me son,” he said grandly, “How's life treatin' ya bye?”

“Good, Mick, good,” Lester said. Not too many people liked Mick, but Lester wasn't about to lose business over it.

Lexie stayed where she was and hoped he'd leave, so he wouldn't talk to her. Mick asked for his Export A's and a bunch of scratch and win tickets. He stood at the counter and chewed on his cud. He took a dime out of his pocket. As he scratched, he gossiped. “I hear them fellas over the road there had a chimney fire last night.”

“Yeah, I heard that,” Lester said.

“Too much coal, I wager. Some fellas ain't too bright.”

“Well now, Mick, it was pretty gosh darn windy last night. Could have been any one of us.”

He kept scratching like a chicken. “Did I nearly burn my place down? No, by Christ, I'm too damn smart.”

Lexie had to leave. She came up the aisle but stopped when she heard her father's name.

“I hear they're looking for a new doc in town, ever since that Ivy one died.”

Lester gave her an anxious look.

“Well, he better get here soon. I hear that piece of his is pretty anxious for some more bedside manner.” He gave a great snort, and shook his head over his tremendous wit.

Before Lester had a chance to say anything, Lexie marched up the aisle and planted herself in front of this piece of dirt.

“Who do you think you are, you pig? Don't ever let me hear you say anything like that again.”

She grabbed Josh and started for the door. The pig suddenly realized he was being addressed.

“Suck my you know what.”

Before Lexie knew what happened, Lester jumped over the counter, grabbed Mick by the neck, and pushed him out the door.

“Don't you come near this store again, or I'll call the Mounties.” He stood in the doorway. Mick cursed at him but left. Lester was stronger then he looked.

He turned around and gave both Lexie and Josh a big hug.

She sniffed into his old checkered flannel shirt. “Thanks Lester.”

“There, there, girlie. Don't take no never mind about what that big goof says. He'll get his one day.”

“I hope so.”

Susie licked Chinese food off her fingers. “Did you know that worms grow back the other half if you chop them in two?”

The fact she ate chow mein as she said it turned Lexie's stomach.

“God Susan, give it a rest. I paid a fortune for this. I'd like to eat it.”

“Sorry.” She continued to shovel it in.

“Who told you that, anyway? Wait, don't tell me. Ernie. Am I right?”

“Of course. Ernie knows everything about animals, reptiles and creepy crawlies. He loves them all.”