Reggie & Me (20 page)

I asked the girls if they wanted to join me to take Reggie out before we met up for pizza. They said they’d rather spend time getting ready! There was a little part of me that liked the idea of going to get ready with them, but when I saw Reggie waiting for me I knew I’d made the right decision! He was very excited to see me and we had a great time in the park. I would still like them to meet Reggie. They have all been a complete lifeline throughout this year for me and none of them really know how important they have been to me. Between Reggie and the girls, they have saved me this year. I am so grateful and don’t know what I would have done without them.

I’d burned off more than enough energy chasing Reggie to make sure I could enjoy my pizza! Having some time with him was like a little celebration, but every day is a celebration to Reggie! I need to be more like him and see everything as an adventure! I got ready in a couple of minutes; jeans and my favourite T-shirt. I wasn’t sure why the girls needed hours to get ready and even though I’d walked home, got changed, taken Reggie out, got ready to go out and walked into town…I was still there before them! Apparently they had some sort of hair drama! I didn’t really understand!

Sitting there, having pizza, I realised how lucky I am.

Not just because of the pizza. I have got everything I wanted. I am ‘normal’ again. I was just like any other kid who had
finished their exams. We talked about all sorts of stuff, laughed a lot and got funny looks from other people when Callie got a little bit over excited by the ice cream machine. I suppose ‘normal’ is still a bit of a rubbish word as I don’t want to just be ‘normal’; I want more than that! Today was amazing though as it proved to me that things really do get better.

I need to make sure that they keep getting better! It’s time to add some goals, especially as I have completed two today! They’re both going on the success list! The big goal is now going to be about becoming a psychologist.

I’ve done everything I can to make sure goal number two happens!

The successes I have had today:

The things I am grateful for today:

It’s the first day of the summer holidays and now all I can think about is starting sixth form! When we were doing the applications I just applied for anything as I couldn’t really see the point. Now, I can see that there was always a part of me that knew where I wanted to be in a few years’ time. As long as I don’t fail completely I will be able to go to sixth form and that will be the next step to me becoming a psychologist. Mum has called the college and asked if I can swap Geography for Psychology which thankfully they said I could! Geography? What was I thinking?! I was really pleased she called though as not only do I now get to do the right A levels but she is taking my goal seriously. She was excited for me and has no doubt I can do it!

I’m nervous about getting the results but deep down I know that I have done my best and whatever happens, I’m going to sixth form. Out of everything that I have achieved this year, the exams are only one tiny part of the story.

I survived school for a start! This morning, I started getting a similar feeling to last year…Nerves about starting somewhere new again! It is scary but it’s normal to feel a bit nervous. Katie is going to be at the same sixth form which is brilliant so I already have a friend. Maya and Callie are going to an art college, which sounds like hell on earth to me but they are very excited! I am sure that we’ll all still meet up though. Nina is going to this sixth form too! Six months ago that would have probably meant I was going to change my plans and go somewhere else. Now, I couldn’t care less and am almost pleased that she’s going to be there, so I know that she can see me succeed! I don’t mean that in a bitchy way but the best form of revenge is doing really, really well! It will also be a chance for Amie to see that life gets better and that matters more to me than anything! Since spending more and more time with Reggie, Amie has decided she wants to be a vet!
She laughed saying that in a few years’ time we’d both be doctors and authors which sounds pretty cool. That does sound really cool! So, I’m actually excited about sixth form. I don’t have any fear of people ‘finding out’ about my story either. I was worried that people would only see me as a victim if they knew. That hasn’t happened at all. Nobody is treating me any differently because I’m not behaving differently! When I moved to this school I felt like a victim and acted like a victim. That’s how I let people treat me and I became more and more of a victim. It hasn’t been easy…for most of the year it’s been the complete opposite of easy. But I am not a victim anymore! I don’t feel like a victim or act like a victim and I’m definitely not treated like one.

I am getting closer to my third belt in Taekwondo and having the whole summer to work on it means that I might be able to go for my grading before September. I’m getting closer and closer to that black belt! I’ll have the black belt before I’m a psychologist! Training hard means that I’m looking and feeling great again. I have got rid of all my big clothes and won’t ever be letting myself get that unhappy again. No more turning to the biscuit tin to cheer me up!

Now I can concentrate on the goals over the summer and also enjoy myself!

The success I have had today:

The thing I am most grateful for today is knowing that what Mum wrote at the front of this journal is true. What doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

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