Red Sun (25 page)

             
There was only one thing I ever even considered committing my life to, so I didn’t have to give Elan’s question any thought.  “A reporter.”

             
“Like on TV?”

             
“Yup.”

             
“Is that it?”  He asked.

             
I peered at him from over my shoulder.  “What do you mean ‘
Is that it’?”

             
“I just thought you were gonna say something like a fashion designer or something.”

             
“Nope.  I love to write, so I figured that would suit me while I’m stuck writing articles until I get my big break and you see my face all over the TV.”

             
He laughed.  “Well, where are you planning to go to school?”

             
“Haven’t given that much thought yet.”

             
“What’re you waiting for?”

             
I shrugged, wondering to myself if he was comparing me to his unmotivated ex he’d spoken of in the past.  “I’m in the valley of decision,” I lied.  Truthfully I had no idea where to even start, all I knew was the field I wanted to go into.

             
“Hmm……,” he replied, and then there was silence.

             
“Well, I mean, there’s a school back home where I’m probably gonna start, but…..I haven’t really thought it all the way through.”

             
“What about some of the schools around here?  Is that something you’d consider?  I’m sure one of them has a good journalism program.”  Did it mean that much to him to have me around long-term?

             
“I’d consider it,” I replied.  “If I had a reason to stay,” I added.  He smiled at that.

             
I stretched my hands over my head and yawned, leaning my head back on his shoulder.  It wasn’t until then that I realized how tired I was. 

             
“Long day?”

             
I nodded and sighed.  “You could say that.  Ruthann’s got this wedding to do and I’m helping.  We were running all over that place taking orders from the girl’s family.  They’re nuts.”

             
Elan laughed a little.  “Isn’t that usually how it is when you’re planning a wedding?”

             
“No, these people are certifiable.  Trust me.  I feel so bad for the bride.  Both times I saw her she was upset.”

             
“Hmm…” he replied.  “Maybe she shouldn’t be getting married then.”  His tone was very matter of fact.

             
“That’s what
she
said.”

             
He laughed at my unexpected response.  “She said that?”

             
I nodded.  “Yup.  Twice.”

             
Elan shrugged.  “Sounds like she should go with her gut then.  Maybe he’s not the right guy.  Maybe it’s not the right time.  Maybe she’s not done playing the field.  Could be anything.”

             
“I don’t know.  I can’t tell if she’s reluctant because of her family or if it’s because she isn’t ready.  Could be both I guess.”  I stared at the flickering flame of the candle that sat closest to me while I thought.  “I feel so bad for her.”

             
“Why?  She isn’t married to the guy yet.  Breaking up is easy when there’s no paperwork.”

             
“No paperwork,” I repeated to myself.

             
“Nope.  There’s no red tape, no money tied up, makes things simple.  They don’t have kids do they?”

             
I shook my head.  “Not that I know of.”

             
“Then it’s simple.  Just like I said.”

             
I looked at him over my shoulder.  “So it’s just that easy to you?  You’d cut someone off ‘
just like that’?” 
I used his own phrase against him.

             
“Hold on…this isn’t about me, or us, or anything like that.  We’re talking about this random girl and her random fiancé and their random love life.  Not us.  Don’t get all emotional on me.”

             
“Us?”  I asked coyly, hiding my smile.  “You’ve been using that phrase a lot lately.  You know that?”

             
“And every time I do, you shut me down.  You know
that
?”

             
I laughed a little and relaxed in his arms again.  Elan kissed my cheek and then rested his chin on the top of my head.  He drew in a deep breath and then let it out slowly while he thought to himself.  “Would that be so bad though?  You and me being together?”

             
I lay there still, thinking that over.  Of course it wouldn’t be bad, but I wasn’t totally sure that it would be a good thing either.  “Did you forget that I’m leaving in December?  What about that?”

             
He shrugged.  “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.  Don’t over think this; I’m just wondering what you think of the idea.  Who cares about all the other stuff?  Details are overrated.”

             
“How can you say that?  How can the fact that in a few months we’ll be separated by a couple hundred miles not matter?  I don’t know about you, but I don’t have money, or transportation to be traveling here all the time.  Don’t you think that would be setting ourselves up for failure?”

             
He sighed.  “Look, if you feel like I do, I’m not about to let a few miles stop me from getting to you.  If I have to drive up every weekend, I’ll do it.  As long as I know that at the end of that long drive you’ll be there waiting for me, I’ll do it without complaining.”  He paused and took another breath before leaning in and pressing his lips to my ear.  “So, all I need to know is that you want this as bad as I do.”  He kissed the side of my neck slowly, making the hairs on my arms stand up.  Instinctively, I closed my eyes and leaned into him more.  This wasn’t fair.  I was likely to say yes to anything at the moment and I believe he knew that.

             
“Well?”  He asked, only backing away long enough to breathe that one word into my skin, his voice sounding deeper and raspier than usual.  I opened my mouth, but didn’t speak right away; I suppose I temporarily lost the ability to do so.  His arms pulled me even closer while he waited for my answer. 

             
“I give,” I panted, running my hand over the top of his head. 

             
I could feel him smiling when he placed the last kiss.  “Is that a yes?”  He asked.

             
My eyes rolled back in my head when he touched his lips to my neck again.  “It’s a yes.”

             
As soon as I spoke the words, he turned me around so that he could reach my mouth.  I couldn’t even think straight.  This was the last thing I’d wanted or expected to find in Conway.  After the whole thing with Vince, I’m very guarded with my heart and I was dumfounded that I’d let this happen to me.  While I was happy to be with Elan, I was sad already about having to leave him behind, no matter how firmly he believed that it would work out.  I had serious doubts.  I was afraid to get too attached to him, but part of me knew that it was already too late to pull back – that ship had sailed.  I was in this deep – too deep to get away at this point.  While he kissed me, a tear ran down my cheek and I was grateful that he hadn’t noticed.  He would’ve thought I was crazy.  This was a time to be happy, but here I was crying.  Don’t get me wrong; I
was
happy, but as strange as it may sound, that happiness is what spawned the sadness.  Take it from someone who has loved a person before and had to deal with the pain of losing them; this was not going to be easy.  I can’t fault
him
for thinking that it would be, but I should’ve known better.

             
The tear had dried by the time he pulled away and looked at my face, but the sadness was something that I couldn’t hide as easily.  “What’s wrong?”  He asked softly, running his hand down the side of my face.

             
I looked at him and struggled to keep from speaking, but I lost control and blurted, “Just don’t say that you’re gonna be there and then don’t show.  I can’t afford to be let down again.”  I wasn’t even sure where the words came from because my mind was completely blank – they must’ve come from my heart. 

             
His expression was one of concern.  Elan not knowing about my mother and Shalon left a huge part of my story missing, but I wasn’t ready to tell him everything from cover to cover yet.  Those were things that I’d have to let out one chapter at a time, slowly and when I was ready.  Maybe he attributed the feelings to what I’d dealt with from Vince, which was indeed part of the saga as well, but if I had to gage it, Vince only made up about ten percent of the hurt. 

             
I looked away when his gaze became too overwhelming.  “Solei, I’m a man of my word.  I’ll keep my promise.”  His words were sincere. 

             
I lifted my eyes to meet his and felt comforted.  As rare as it is for me to take someone’s word at face value, I believed that he had every intention to do what he said he would.  So…..I threw caution to the wind and kissed him.  I pulled my hair tie off my wrist and bundled my braids up without separating my lips from his.  When I placed my hands on the back of his head, he gripped my back tighter and pulled me to him.  Our breathing was synchronized, slow and steady.  I found myself feeling at ease.  My inhibitions were just starting to fade when I heard Elan whisper my name in between kisses.  At first I thought he was just caught up in the moment and felt like saying it.  But the second time I realized that he wanted my attention. 

             
“Solei,” he whispered again. 

             
“Mmm hmm,” was the only response I could give without having to let him go.  He continued to kiss me for a little while longer before exhaling the words, “I need to tell you something.”

             
Ignoring the gravity in his tone, I replied, “Mmm hmm,” just like the last time.

             
Another few seconds passed and then he let the words come out as easily as if he were telling me that the sky was blue or the grass was green.  “I’m in love with you.”

             
“What?”  I asked, believing that I’d misheard him.

             
He smiled a little with his lips barely touching mine and without opening his eyes.  We exchanged one last kiss before my heart started beating faster than it should’ve and I had to pull away to look him in his eyes.  “Wait.  What did you just say?”

             
“I said that I’m in love with you.”  There was a pause while he let me digest his words.  When I didn’t respond, only stared, he explained himself.  “I know we’ve only known each other a few months.  I know that we’ve only officially been an “
us
” for a couple minutes…..but I don’t care.  And I thought you should know.”

             
“I…..I…..”

             
He smiled again.  “You don’t have to say it until you mean it.  I’m just no good at keeping my feelings in.”  He laughed.  “But I guess you already knew that.”

             
Even though he’d made it clear that he wasn’t putting any pressure on me to say it back, I still felt weird about knowing how he felt.  The thought of possibly feeling that way about him had crossed my mind too, but I was nowhere near having those feelings sorted out enough to discuss them.  I needed to think.

             
“Can I use your bathroom?”  I asked quickly.

             
He knew what I was doing.  He rolled his eyes playfully and loosened his grip on me so that I could leave.  I had to suppress the urge to sprint.  When I closed the bathroom door behind me, I rested against it and breathed deep.  “He’s in love with me,” I whispered to myself as I sank down to the floor, feeling very confused and very overwhelmed.  It wasn’t like we hadn’t had plenty of time to get to know each other or anything, so I shouldn’t be feeling like this was moving too fast.  Ninety plus days is long enough to figure out how you feel about someone.  Like the saying goes, it doesn’t take a day to recognize sunshine.  But still, loving someone is a very big deal. 

             
I looked toward the ceiling while I thought, catching a glimpse of the mirror as my eyes drifted up.  There in plain sight, for all to see, Elan had taped up the pictures of us from the day before at the fair.  He was serious about this.  He was beyond trying to spare his brother’s feelings because he wanted for Jolon to become comfortable with this so that it wouldn’t always be awkward.  It made sense.  If we were going to make it, he’d have to let go of the pain it caused his brother to see us together. 

             
I sighed.  Maybe I’m over thinking this.  With that, I forced myself to stand again and turned off the bathroom light while opening the door.  The hallway was pitch black.  There was no glow from the candles anymore to lead me back to the living room where I believed Elan was waiting for me.  I didn’t move because I wasn’t sure what was going on.