Reconcilable Differences: A 'Having It All' Novel (40 page)

“Mommy, Maddie. She always comes to wish you a Merry
Christmas around lunchtime.”

“Oh, yeah.” Maddie seemed unmoved by this news.

He stood awkwardly a moment, hands on his hips, taking in
the scene of intimate domestic ease and Christmas chaos, obviously still
uncomfortable with the impression this would have on his wife. “Maybe we ought
to get dressed,” he suggested, raking his hands through his disheveled hair.

Just then the doorbell rang again and they all jumped
this time. Simon looked at Kate again and sighed, closing his eyes for a moment
and heading for the front hall again.

He paused briefly, before opening the door. It
was
Rachel this time. She strode
into the front hall like a fashion model, her long leather coat hanging open to
reveal a slim black velvet pantsuit and tall high heeled boots. Her long mane
glowed chestnut, draped around her hirsute collar, a wild and shaggy horse in a
snowy Siberian landscape. She ignored his
déshabillé
,
a starlet’s smile pasted on her shimmering face. She was stunning, Kate
thought, and obviously on her way somewhere, judging by her attire.

“Simon.”

“Rachel.”

Rachel didn’t notice Kate curled up on the sofa in
Simon’s robe as she barged past him into the living room, setting her bags
down, slipping out of her coat and tossing it on a chair near the door.
Okay this is weird.
Kate caught
Simon’s eye over Rachel’s shoulder, and he pulled a face.

He gestured towards Kate. “Er… Rachel I’d like…” but she
was oblivious.

“Madison, sweetheart, Mommy’s here!” Rachel called out.

Simon stood in the doorway observing her performance. He
rubbed the back of his neck and folded his arms over his chest, tucking his
chin in and watching with raised, twisted brows.

Kate held her breath and hunkered down silently, half
hidden by the visual clutter of piled boxed gifts and shreds of gift-wrap,
hoping beyond hope that Rachel’s ignorance would extend through her entire
visit. As if.

Maddie was cool and a trifle befuddled as she glanced
over at Kate, trying to put the pieces of her new world together. Now this was
definitely getting freaky.

“Hello, Mommy.” She held her doll upside down by one leg
and rummaged amongst the clothing options that spilled out of the suitcase and
over the floor.

“What have you got there, Maddie? A new doll from Santa?”
Rachel asked.

“No, Mommy. It’s from Kate,” Maddie replied
matter-of-factly.

“Who?”

Maddie pointed at the sofa where Kate sat. Her stomach
dropped like a stone.
Oh shit
.
“Her.”

Rachel whirled around, her brows knit, “Who?” her eyes
widening as she took in Kate’s attire. Kate felt her face stretch into a tight
smile, and tucked the robe around her knees.

Simon stepped in. “Rachel, this is Kate O’Day.” Simon
made the awkward introductions. Rachel said nothing, her face frozen in
surprise.

“How do you do?” Kate tried for a warm friendly voice,
though it quavered a little. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“I’ll bet,” Rachel replied sarcastically, standing up.
“Simon. Do you really think this is appropriate?” she said caustically, turning
to him and ignoring Kate. Kate felt the muscles of her chest and neck and face
draw up and tighten into a mask.

Kate saw Simon stiffen. “I do,” he replied calmly.
“Maddie knows Kate well. We’ve known each other for many years,” he said,
smiling wryly at Kate.

“Really?” drawled Rachel. She seemed to gather her
thoughts, her lips pursed. Turning to Madison, she said, “Maddie, why don’t you
get dressed quickly and Mommy will take you out for a little walk to the park.
Put your snowsuit on.”

“I don’ wanna go now. I want to play with my presents for
awhile,” whined Maddie, looking up at Rachel with solemn eyes. “Can we go
later? Pleeease.”

“Hmph,” Rachel said, her lips pressing into a thin line.
“I can’t stay that long. I have to catch a plane. I brought you a Christmas
present, Maddie. Do you want to open it now?”

Maddie looked up. “Okay.” Rachel stooped down to pull a
beautifully wrapped parcel from her bag, handing it to her. Maddie pulled at
the ribbons, but they were knotted, frustrating her. Rachel, flustered, reached
out to help her. Together they wrestled the wrapping off, but not before Rachel
snagged a nail and shook her hand, swearing under her breath. Maddie pulled the
box open. It was upside down, and the contents slid out in an avalanche of
tissue paper. Maddie lifted up a black velvet jumper and looked briefly at it,
then put it aside and rummaged amongst the tissue paper searching for something
else. She found a pretty blouse with embroidered collar and cuffs. Her face
fell when she realized there was nothing more.

“It’s clothes again,” she said finally.

“Yes, Maddie. Mommy brought you a special outfit from New
York. Isn’t it pretty?” Rachel’s voice was falsely bright, hiding her
discomfort and disappointment.

“Yes, Mommy.”

“What do you say, Maddie?” Simon prompted quietly.

“Thank you, Mommy.” Madison stood up, put her arms up.
Rachel suddenly embraced her tightly and kissed her cheek, leaving a bright red
crescent of lipstick.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” she said and stood up, smoothing
out her jacket with well manicured hands, nails painted dark red for the
holidays. “Well. If we can’t go to the park, I guess I’d better be going,
then.” Maddie blinked up at her mother. Rachel looked at her and forced a wide
smile on her features, then turned to pick up her coat and headed for the front
hall. “Nice to meet you, Kate,” she said with a distracted air.

Kate said nothing in reply, merely lifting her eyebrows
skeptically.

Simon frowned thoughtfully.

“Bye-bye, Mommy.” Madison stared after Rachel for a few
moments and then turned her attention back to her new doll, struggling to pull
on the doll’s dress. It wasn’t going well and she looked discouraged. Suddenly
she stood up and ran to Kate, hurtling onto the sofa and curling up next to
Kate.

“Help me dress her, Kate, it’s stuck,” she insisted,
shoving the dress into Kate’s hand. Kate took the doll from Maddie, keeping her
eyes cast down, terrified that this trusting gesture would throw Rachel into a
fit of maternal jealousy. Nothing happened.

Simon followed Rachel slowly and paused at the doorway to
look back at Kate and Maddie, his brows pulled together. He sighed. Kate
watched him turn and exchange a long, significant look with Rachel, his Adam’s
apple sliding up and down his lean neck. Kate was embarrassed for them all, and
wished she wasn’t there to witness the painful scene, and yet her eyes were
drawn like magnets to the couple standing stiffly in the hall, her ears
straining for every soft-spoken word.

Rachel pressed her glossy red lips together and shook her
head slightly. “I should be happy for you, I suppose, but… ”

“But?”

“I don’t know. It makes me sad somehow.”

“I understand.”

“I know I’ve been a dreadful mother. But I don’t want to
lose Madison.”

He paused. “That’s up to you.”

Rachel chewed her full lower lip thoughtfully. She
nodded, as if to herself. “I’ve got to get to the airport.”

“Just a minute, then, I have something for you.” He turned
and went down the hall, and the few minutes he was gone felt like a thousand
hours to Kate, who looked at Rachel, who was not looking at her. He returned
and handed a manila envelope to Rachel without a word.

“What’s this?”

“Your Christmas present.”

She slit the envelope open with a long, sharp fingernail
and pulled out a sheaf of papers, scanning them. Her face opened, “I never
thought… I’m… shocked.”

What?

“It’s what you want, isn’t it?”
Ah. The divorce papers. He’d finally
relented.

“Yes, but… ”

Simon shrugged. “Call us when you’re settled in Toronto.”

After a long moment, she slipped on an expression of cool
indifference along with her leather coat and turned to the door that Simon held
open.

“Merry Christmas, Rachel,” said Simon quietly.

“Merry Christmas, everyone,” said Rachel with brittle
brightness and strolled away. He stood watching her go, and Kate said nothing,
waiting.

Kate studied Simon’s face as he turned toward her. “Was
that what I think it was?” she asked him as he returned to the living room.

Simon stood looking pensive for a long moment. He nodded
thoughtfully, then blinked and returned her gaze, smiling weakly.

She frowned, concerned. “Are you okay?”

He threw back his head and laughed suddenly, grabbed
Maddie, swinging her around above his head and fell onto the sofa beside Kate,
tickling and wrestling with Maddie, who giggled and squealed like a piglet
yanked from the teat. “I’m better than okay,” he said. “I feel wonderful.”
Leaning over, he kissed Kate enthusiastically then smothered Maddie with kisses
too. “Are we still going skating today?”

“Da–ad.” whined Madison.

“Ma–ad,” Simon mimicked. “We agreed we’d do it this
afternoon. Remember? Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Maddie sighed and stood up.

He reiterated his question to Kate with his eyes. She
smiled and nodded. “I’ll have to stop at my place to get skates and change my
clothes.”

“What are we waiting for?”

His
scuffed and cut up hockey skates
were the same vintage as Kate’s, a pair of figure skates that hadn’t been seen
in stores for twenty years. It made her want to laugh and cry at the same time.
They really were two birds of a feather and her chest squeezed at the thought
of all the years they’d missed… but what was the use of thinking like that?
They had the future.

Stumbling around the ice together with Madison between
them on her tiny pink skates they found their balance as a unit. Soon they were
laughing and forgetting the encounter with Rachel. They exchanged jokes and
greetings with the others who were enjoying themselves, too, and Kate felt a
joyful sense of celebration and optimism bubbling up from deep within.

Simon frolicked on his skates, circling Kate and Maddie,
gliding backward holding Maddie’s hands and whirling her around. His face was
stretched tight in a smile of pure joy, and his eyes sparkled like sunlight in
the sky. Seeing him so joyful and relaxed filled her with perfect pleasure. She
recalled Bertie’s words from the night before, that he had been lighter lately,
and she was glad. He deserved every bit of it.

Kate was a competent but not a brilliant skater stumbling
and wobbling about from laughing so hard. “I’m more of a hindrance than a help
for Maddie. I’ll take a little break; you go.” She released Maddie’s hand and
coasted off to the side, stumping to the bench where they’d left their boots
and falling back in relief. She smiled and waved to them as they set off again.

She watched them circle around the oval rink, Simon
guiding Maddie, steadying her.

Maddie was tiring too, so he picked her up, wrapping her
legs around his torso, and took her for a few breakneck laps around the rink to
her squealing delight. “Faster, Daddy, faster!” she urged as they passed Kate
again and again.

While Kate watched Simon and Maddie skate away yet again,
they stopped across the rink, and he held her as he spoke to her, their faces
close together.

“Kate. Merry Christmas!” came a shouted cheer.

Looking up, she saw Eli and D'arcy approaching side by
side, each holding steaming Starbucks cups. D'arcy was bundled in her black faux
fur, her head and neck swathed in fuzzy white angora, her increased girth
visible under her bulky cover. Eli still wore the battered brown leather jacket
he wore back in the fall, though he’d made the concession of adding a navy blue
knit stevedore’s toque and gloves.

They had barely exchanged greetings when Simon and Maddie
glided up beside her.

“Hey, Simon!” Eli greeted him cheerily. “Merry
Christmas,” D’arcey said. Grins and hugs were exchanged all around. There was a
general babel of chatter for a few minutes as everyone spoke at once,
exchanging news and greetings.

“And how are you, gorgeous girl?” said Eli, chucking Madison
under the chin. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small candy
cane, which he held out. “I have something for you that’s bigger than this, but
you have to help me get it from the car.” He addressed Kate. “We were planning
to drop it off at your loft anyway. This is awesome. Do you mind?”

“Can I, Daddy?” Madison squirmed down from his arms and
took the candy cane from Eli.

“Sure.” He shrugged, looking at Kate and D'arcy with
their heads together. “The women won’t even notice you’re gone,” he added.

“Oh, no. I need Darc’ too,” Eli’s brow creased. He tugged
at her arm. “C’mon, cheri, let’s get the stuff.” D'arcy turned an indulgent
smile toward him and nodded. Simon quickly changed Maddie into her boots and
the trio were off down the plaza hand in hand, leaving Simon and Kate, for the
moment, alone.

~*~

The
dome of overcast sky formed an
ethereal bluish light, and though it was only mid-afternoon, the overhead
lights flickered on, amber and disorienting, like the glow of gaslight in a Van
Gogh painting. The idyllic moment smote Kate.
Is
this really happening to me?
A quintessentially Christmas
dreamscape: children and couples gliding around the rink, smiling parents
looking on from the sidelines, dozens of snow-capped evergreen trees stepping
up the terraces bordering the plaza, sparkling with tiny red and green lights.
Faint tinny music played, broadcast over speakers suspended from the domed roof
over the ice. It was Johann Strauss’ “Blue Danube Waltz”. She looked up and
caught Simon’s eye and they laughed.

“I’m having an out-of-body experience,” said Simon,
grinning. “I feel compelled to fulfill my role here.” He pulled her gently but
insistently onto the ice to skate together while Maddie was occupied. Simon
took her hand and wrapped one arm around her, propelling her forward, leading
her in a synchronized dance around the edge of the rink in time to the waltz.
Kate imagined that they were like the tiny characters in a wind-up Christmas
ornament, circling the frozen pond. All those years of hockey had made him a
confident skater and he wove them among the other skaters with ease. She closed
her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to trust his lead and glide
effortlessly across the ice.

“We’re like pawns in a very big game, Kate. I feel like
there is something inevitable about the two of us.” Simon stopped speaking,
waiting, perhaps, for her to indicate her understanding of his metaphysical
musing. She glanced up and he searched her eyes.

“I think I know what you mean,” she answered. “It’s as
though no matter how much we try to mess things up, there’s something bigger, a
force, a plan. All we have to do is open ourselves to it’s… it’s fit. It’s
goodness.”

Simon took both her hands in his and skated backwards,
facing her, gazing intently into her eyes. “Yes. That’s it exactly. There’s a
word I like…
Syzygy
.”
At her puzzled expression, he explained, “It means union. Alignment.” He
squeezed her hands. “Kate. My Kate.” Her heart thudded at his tender words. She
felt as though she were in a dream, an unreal world where fantasy and reality
blurred. Simon bent toward her and kissed her slowly but ardently, his blue
eyes smoldering. They gradually coasted to a halt.

They drifted to the center of the rink, and spun in a
slow-motion arc. He gripped her hands, his mouth quirked into that beguiling,
self-conscious half-smile. She regarded him as though suspended in time, long
moments of confusion and speculation and wonder swirling around them.

“I adore you Kate. I love all of you. I love your
strength and idealism. I love your hot temper and your passion. I even love
your fears and insecurities. Without your weaknesses, your unique history and
idiosyncrasies, you wouldn’t be you, and it’s you I’ve come to need. You are my
heart’s reflection. You complete me Kate.”

Tears welled in her eyes as she gazed up at him, waiting
for the fear, the doubt, the uncertainty to overtake her. But it wasn’t there.
There was nothing but joy and anticipation at what their future might hold.
Nothing but her whole heart filled with love for him. Her chin quivered and hot
tears spilled over, coursing down her cold-reddened cheeks.

“Pinch me. Am I dreaming?”

“Forget your dreams. It’s time to stop dreaming and start
living,” Simon replied, his face tilted up.

“What does that mean?”

“What do you want it to mean?”

Kate knew what happy endings her dreams harbored. But a
crust of skepticism still clung to her old wounds. She whispered, “I’m afraid.”

Simon sobered, moving closer, pulling their joined hands
up between them, their faces so close she could feel his warm breath on her icy
cheeks. Tipping his forehead to touch hers, peering intently into her eyes, he
nodded. “Okay. Let’s be afraid together. One step at a time. How about Boxing
Day? Can we be together tomorrow?”

She didn’t hesitate. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”

“How about the next day? Do you think we can spend the twenty-seventh
together? Just you and me, and Maddie.” His eyes twinkled with humor.

She smiled back, teasing. “Yes. I think so.”

“And all the rest of our tomorrows?” He stretched and
pulled something out of his front pocket. “That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”
She looked down, confused, as he held up a fine antique gold ring, its
emerald-cut diamond enveloped in tiny, filigreed claws and curlicues of white
gold that glinted in the lamplight. It was stunning, a promise held aloft in
Simon’s long fingers.

“Simon?” She peered at him, questioning. “Are you… is
this?”

His smile was enigmatic, but his eyes burned with
feeling. “That would be rash, don’t you think? Forgive me for rushing ahead. I
just need to claim you for my own. Let’s call it a promise for now. Can we do
that?”

She felt her heart squeeze, stealing her breath and her
voice. She pushed out the words, “I hope so. I…I would like that.”

“Well, good! That’s certainly what I was hoping, since
I’ve made a bit of a scene here.” He laughed softly, making a show of glancing
around.

She mimicked him and saw that skaters and bystanders
stared at them. Simon’s smile was so broad it threatened to crack his face. He
bent his tall frame to kiss her firmly on the lips, then slipped off her mitten
and slid the ring onto her finger. “This was my grandmother’s. It’s old and
precious, like our love.”

Kate gazed down at the antique ring on her finger. “It’s
beautiful, Simon.”

“I found you once, but the time wasn’t right. This time
I’ll never let you go.”

“Is this some kind of cosmic love story? A fairy tale?”
she asked in disbelief.

His smile softened. “If you like. Yes. I suppose it is.
Am I your Prince?”

She nodded slowly, smiling. “You bet.”

“What does that make you? Cinderella?”

She shook her head. “No. Must be Sleeping Beauty.” She
paused to let the feeling of joy overtake her. “I’m awake now.”

Just then, Maddie galloped toward them, “Daddy, Daddy,”
she squealed, slipping on the ice. Simon caught and steadied her, lifting her
up into an embrace. Before he could reply, Eli and D'arcy caught up, carrying a
shopping bag and large, flat rectangular package.

“Hey you two,” teased Eli.

D'arcy beamed. “I’ve never seen such big grins. It looks
like you both got what you wanted for Christmas.”

“Me too,” offered Maddie, wrapping her arms around
Simon’s neck.

Kate was overwhelmed by everything that was happening.
Her chest swelled and her throat tightened, until she could no longer contain
her joy. She quickly brought a mittened hand to her trembling mouth to suppress
a sudden sob.

“Whoa,” laughed Simon, wrapping an arm tightly about her
shoulders and squeezing. “You’re not reneging on me now, are you?”

Kate gazed up into his clear sky-blue eyes and saw the
naked love and trust revealed there. “Not on your life,” she managed to sniffle
and felt her face stretch into a smile of pure joy.

“All right then,” said Eli, grinning. “I have just the
thing. It’s sort of a Christmas present, but mainly, it’s a little something to
express our thanks.” He handed the large flat square parcel to Simon, who set
it down on his skate and turned to face Kate, eyebrows raised.

“Not so little,” said Simon.

“Thank you both so much,” added D'arcy. “You saved us
from ourselves.” She reached for Kate with leather-gloved hands and embraced
her with a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Open it,” urged Eli.

“What, right here? Now?” asked Kate. She had a pretty
good idea what the parcel contained and was thrilled and honored to have one of
his paintings, but still was curious as to Eli’s selection. She hesitated, then
grabbed the edge of the brown paper and tore it away. She drew in a breath,
awestruck, as the image on the large canvas emerged. “Oh, Eli! It’s the Magdalene.”
Kate felt tears well up and overflow. Tears of joy. Tears of fulfillment. Tears
of acceptance.