Reckless Secrets (24 page)

Jason winced and nodded sympathetically. "Logan's impulsive, Ellie. I worry about him. He has to learn to restrain his urges and think before he acts."

"Maybe I'll be good for him. Sometimes I think too much," I said.

Jason stared at me. "Never try to change another person. It never works." He sounded resigned, almost sad. "Love them for who they are or leave them. If you can't live with the person they are, walk away."

I wondered if he was talking specifics. "What? I thought you didn't know how to parent teenagers," I whispered to him. "And now you've suddenly become the fount of fatherly wisdom?"

He smiled. "Be careful, Ellie."

I knew he was trying not to interfere too much, but his wariness was obvious.

I ran from coffee to chem lab. Bhat handed back the graded carbons for our most recent lab.

Dex looked through his eagerly and grinned. "One hundred percent—A, A, A!" He slugged me playfully in the arm. "What did you get?"

I rolled my eyes. "We're partners and we worked on these together. If I don't have the same scores as you do, I'm going to launch a formal complaint." When I opened looked at my lab report, red ink spilled over the page. Tons and tons of notes in the margins. I froze. A big red one hundred percent was at the top of the page.

Dex peered over my shoulder. "What the—"
 

The words swam before my eyes. The writing was definitely Byron's, not Bhat's. Love notes. There were love notes written all over my notebook, personal, longing love notes.

"Oh, shit," Dex said.
 

"Exactly."

"You could lodge a complaint with the dean. Claim sexual harassment," Dex said.

The report shook in my hands. I stuffed it in my backpack. "I can't. I have to think. This can't go on."

I skipped my afternoon chem help session with Byron. I just couldn't face him. Instead, I went back to my room and forced myself to read the notes he'd written throughout my lab report.

I love you, Ellie. You're out of my league, but our chemistry is undeniable.
 

What would a hot girl like you want with a nerd like me? You're a student and I'm your professor. If not for our chemistry, it would be impossible.
 

I can't stop thinking about you. About your smile. And the cute way you wrinkle your nose when you're thinking and trying to solve a problem. We could be like a covalent bond—sharing electrons.

I was not going to share electrons, whatever that meant, or anything other than cookies with Byron.
Ever.

Will you go out with me? Say you will. I'll treat you nice. I have plenty of money. Call me.
He listed his number.

There was more. Lots more.
You look so hot in your red sweater, the one with the dots. Wear it next time you come to my office so I'll know you saw my notes.

Ew. I'd probably never be able to wear that sweater again. I felt guilty and horrible and icked out all at the same time. Why couldn't Byron be like a normal guy and see I was just being friendly? That the cookies were all I was going to give him in exchange for chem help. And that wasn't even strictly required.

Logan texted me, wanting to meet at the SUB coffeehouse lounge to study. I texted him back that I'd meet him there.

With finals and final projects looming, the lounge was packed. Everyone was bundled in sweatshirts. It took me a minute to spot Logan sitting by the windows. He was looking for me. I knew the minute he spotted me. His face lit up and he waved. He waited for me at the table with a hot mocha.

"You're a lifesaver," I said as I slid into the chair across from him and set my backpack down beside me. "It's icy out there. Does the wind ever stop blowing?"

He grinned. "In the winter? Dream on."

I wrapped my hands around my coffee and took a sip. "I am dreaming—of a white Christmas and finals and this semester being over, over, over!"

"Speaking of Christmas," he said.

I waited for him to continue, but his eyes just sparkled. "What about Christmas? Are you just dangling that out there to tease me?"

He grinned. "I might have a surprise up my sleeve."

"You are teasing me."
 

His grin deepened.

"You aren't going to tell me?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise then, would it?"

"You brought it up." I was still wondering and plotting what to get him. Really, it seemed like he had everything.

He laughed.

"Okay, subject change, then. What are you studying tonight?"

"A bunch of engineering crap." He held up a green engineering grid pad full of messy-looking equations.

"Nice," I said.

"You?"

"A bunch of management info crap." I winked at him. "I have a paper to write."

"Is Jason helping you with it?"
 

The question came out of nowhere. "What? No. Why do you ask?"

"You and he seem to be hanging pretty tight lately." His tone was a little too casual.

I shrugged. "You know Jason. He's a born mentor. He can't help himself when it comes to helicoptering around his students."
 

The way Logan studied me made me uncomfortable. "You've been having coffee with him regularly at The College Grind."

My heart skipped a beat, in the bad way. I thought about denying it, but what was the use. "Yes," I said. "How did you know? Have you been spying on me?"

He shrugged. "Word gets around." He paused. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What's to tell? Look, it's no big deal. I have a free period and need a coffee to get me through the day so I started going to The College Grind. Jason takes his break at the same time. We ran into each other a few times and started joking about how it was becoming a habit and then it just did."

Logan's eyes narrowed. "What do you two talk about?"

I stared back at Logan and tried to make a joke. "Jealous? I never promised you coffee fidelity."

"I'm serious, El."

I took a deep breath. "Don't go all possessive stalker on me, Logan. We just talk."

"About us?" His gaze was steady. "After you asked me not to?"

"Of course not!" I tried to act indignant, but I wasn't sure I succeeded.
 

Logan frowned. "I'm just wondering what's going on. Jason's been preoccupied lately. Stressed. Distant. And yet you two are suddenly all buddy buddy." He kept staring at me. "Is something going on between you? Tell me the truth."

"If I tell you the truth will you drop it?" I said.

He nodded.

I hedged, making sure I told the truth, but only part of it. "He gives me advice about college stuff. I think he feels sorry for me because my mom is a crappy parent and I don't have anyone to turn to."

Logan held my gaze. "He's like that." He didn't sound completely convinced.

"How was your day?" I asked him, changing the subject.

"I had to talk to the police again to go over my statement." His voice was flat.

I wanted to tell him how brave he was. That he really was a hero. But at the same time Harlan's fears ran through my mind—could Logan handle the stress? Part of me wanted to ask Logan to call it off and forget about testifying, like his dad wanted. Part of me knew I couldn't. Testifying was the right thing to do. Logan would see me asking him not to as a betrayal.
 

I reached across the table and squeezed Logan's hand. "You're the bravest guy I know. Serious. I'll always be here for you. If you need to talk, or whatever."
 

He smiled back, but it was forced, like he was under a huge strain. "Thanks, El. But I don't want to think about it, let alone talk about it."

I nodded. "Study?"

He nodded. "Now we study."

I leaned over and unzipped my backpack. As I pulled my laptop out, my chem lab report fluttered out and landed at Logan's feet. I reached for it, nearly clunking heads with Logan. But I wasn't fast enough.
 

As Logan leaned down and picked it up, his eyes scanned the pages. "What the hell is all this red ink?" He frowned. "Are you still having trouble in chem?" He scanned the report and looked up at me. "What the fuck, El?"

Chapter Fifteen

Logan's voice and face were hard. "When were you going to tell me about this?"

I froze. "I—"

"You weren't, were you?" He slapped the report onto the table in front of him. "
We could share electrons
.
You look so hot in your red sweater. I love you.
" His voice rose with each word. "How long has this been going on? Is this why Byron wanted to meet with you?"

The girls at the table next to us turned and stared. A public lovers' fight was an event, college drama at its finest.

I'd never seen Logan angry at me like this. His cold look frightened me, like he was pulling away from me and I didn't know if I could reel him back.

"You told me having Byron as your prof was fine. Not a problem." His voice became suddenly low and controlled, and that was even more ominous.

"It is fine. It's…look, I have a plan. Everything's under control."

"You've been flirting with him." Again, the low voice. "Are you still baking him shit?"

"Well, not shit, but cookies." I nodded and tried to smile. "Yes."

Logan swore beneath his breath. "Baking for a guy is flirting with him, El, and you damn well know it. You're leading him on. It's looking for trouble. He could…" Logan took a breath to compose himself. "He's a
chem
prof, El."

I knew Logan's fears. I knew where he was coming from. He'd experienced the worst. But Byron wouldn't. "Logan, please. Byron is nothing like—"

"Dressing provocatively. Wearing your hot red sweater to private study sessions." His gaze was piercing and angry like I'd betrayed him.

"Hot red sweater?" I was astounded by the accusation. "No one but Byron would consider that sweater hot. It's so prim it belongs in a nunnery. I've been really careful not to give Byron the wrong idea—"

"You've been doing a damn shitty job of it."

I ignored Logan's comment. "The sessions aren't private. Dex sees to that. I'm never alone with Byron."

"Dex? What do you mean he's taken care of it?" Logan's eyes were hard.

I briefly explained Dex's protection system to him. "So someone always just 'coincidentally' shows up within minutes of me." I thought that would placate Logan, soothe him. "So, see, really, I'm not taking any chances. It's just until the semester's over and I have my grade and—"

"And then what? You let him down gently?"

I swallowed hard.
 

"You need to lodge a complaint with the university. Get that bastard out of the classroom." He raised his voice almost to a yell.
 

I could feel the silence settle around us. We were drawing attention and making people uncomfortable.

"No, that's extreme. I can't. This is Byron. He's harmless—"

Logan's gaze bored into me. "You went to Dex with this—why didn't you come to me, El? Shit, I'm your boyfriend. You're supposed to trust
me
." His voice had risen to a full yell now.

The buzz from the students studying around us totally died. In a few seconds, they'd start taking bets on whether we were going to break up or not. My heart pounded. My mouth went dry. I had to make Logan see I was only trying to protect and spare him. I was looking out for him. "You have so much going on. You're under too much stress. I didn't want to bother you—"

"And Dex doesn't? He has nothing going on at all. He has broad shoulders that can handle anything and is so smart he has all the answers. And I'm such a fucking weakling I can't protect my girlfriend?" He grabbed his laptop and notebooks and slammed them into his backpack.

I swore I heard every tooth of the zipper click in as he zipped his backpack shut, grabbed his coat, and slung his backpack over one shoulder.