Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend (14 page)

Reason 18
:
You make me nervous, but not nervous

“Andy Grammer.”

“Hmm…” I flip through the
choices on the iPod. “Fine by M
e?”

Hayles takes a sip of her Pepsi
and mashes the earbud farther in her ear. “That’s two for you.” It’s technically three, but she didn’t count when I guessed Snow Patrol, because I said Snow Police, but she knew what I was talkin’ about. “Gosh, do you have everything on here?”

Passing the iPod to her, I say, “You won’t find your precious Katy Perry.”

“Okay, then explain to me how the heck you knew every word on our date.”

Shoulda kept my mouth shut. “Uh, a friend used to listen to a lot of that shit.” Whoops. “I mean crap.”

She raises her eyebrow. “Was this friend a girl?”

“Why do you assume that?”

“‘Cause you’ve got that look on your face like you don’t want to tell me ‘cause you think I’ll get jealous or something.” She nudges my shoulder. “Plus, what guy listens to Katy Perry with his bro buddies?”

I chuckle. “Good point.”

We sit and listen to “Fine by M
e” which is still more popish than I’d like. Quynn was the one who put it on my playlist, and I kept it on there ‘cause of the words and junk. For some reason I thought it meant somethin’. Now as I’m listenin’ with Hayles, it
does
mean somethin’.

It’s rainin’ again today, and I’m waitin’ with her in the doorway for her m
om to show up. I offered a ride—
I’m not bein’ a jackass today, but she kept shrugging me off. Darn stubborn girl.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” Duh, I just did.

She nods, sticking a piece of gum in her mouth and offering me the package.

Damn it, I’m shakin’. Didn’t know it till I slid the gum out
,
and I couldn’t get the wrapper off.

“You busy this weekend?”

How can this girl get me so nervous and not nervous at the same time? Her forehead crinkling like she’s confused I want to spend time with her. Her big eyes blinking so fast like she’s not sure I’m real. Then her chest flushing—because I can’t help myself by lookin’ at her all the time—like the simple thing of me askin’ her if she has plans, that I care about what she’s up to, gets her flustered.

S
he’s got me hooked, but does she even know?

No. She doesn’t. She thinks she’s a cow who doesn’t deserve to be thought about the way I’m thinkin’ about her. If that makes sense.

‘Course it doesn’t. She’s made me insane.

“Nothing. Why?”

“Because you never answered me on Friday.”

“About…?”

“About goin’ out with me again. So I thought I’d give it a shot.” Man, I’m not doin’ this right. I sound like a major dick. That it won’t matter if she says yes or no because I couldn’t give a
crap
.

But I g
ive a whole lot more than a crap
.

“Will you make my day and say you’ll go out with me again on Friday?” Gag-worthy line, but screw it. I’ll lay on the cheese if it’ll make her clue in.

She rolls her eyes and nudges me with her elbow, then shocks the crap out of me by resting her head on my shoulder.

“I really wish I could, Brody, but Friday’s not good for me.”

Boo.

“Oh, okay.”

Her body pulses
,
and I think it’s ‘cause she’s cold her somethin’, then I realize she’s laughin’.

“I’m not saying ‘no’. Can we just go out Saturday instead?”

I seriously almost fist pump the air. Instead
I try to play the cool guy card
and end up mumbling some incoherency about how she’s awesome and stuff. Ugh.

Some big gold SUV pulls up and judgmental mom looks at me and Hayles like we’ve been puked on or somethin’. Hayles jumps off my shoulder and drops her books as she fumbles to get them in her bag.

I crouch down and help her. When she stands and shoulders her backpack
,
I go in for a hug, but she ends up doin’ this handshake thing that’s completely awkward.

“Um, call you later.”

“Sure.” Better make sure my phone isn’t on silent. “See ya.”

Can’t help but watch her walk away. She plops in the front seat
,
and I hear Crack Cruella’s voice tell her to be more graceful or some
crap
like that. Hayles hides her face with her hair and doesn’t give me a second glance as they
drive off. I can hear her mom
lecturing the whole way out of the parking lot.

Sometimes I wish it was okay to punch a grown woman.

I’m like a
damn girl
takin’ out the phone every five minutes like somehow the action will magically make it ring. I’m also stupid enough to try to send out mind waves in the direction of her house saying, ‘Call Brody. Call Brody.’ Telepathic my ass.

Then it hits me and I whack
myself in the forehead. She had that appointment with Yazzie or somethin’. The health specialist. No wonder she was a tiny bit off today. Not lettin’
me take her home, playin’ games
but not smilin’ her Hayley smile, and not even a flinch when I swore.

Is there anything I can say? Do?
Dude
, I’m not even supposed to know about it.

“You all right there?”

Dad leans against the door frame, Mom punchin’ him in the gut. He pretends like it really hurts when it probably didn’t even make a dent. She rolls her eyes, stalks over to the window and flings it open.

Huh. Thought I sprayed enough cologne to cover up the smell.

Mom's mumbling under her breath as she crosses the room. Her hands shove all my clothes I got piled on the bed before she sits next to me.
“D
on’t know how he can live in this filth.”

“I’m fine,” I finally answer Dad. “You guys need somethin’?” They rare
ly come to my room
. You know, the smell and all. Now they’re both here and it makes it feel like I’m in trouble.

“We j
ust wanted to give you a heads
up about our plans this week
.”

“And to make sure you’ll be okay without us.”

This week
? Crap, is it Spring Break already?

Mom pats the spot next to her on the bed and I plop down, ready for the ‘itinerary’ since they’ll force me to listen to it sooner or later.

“So, our plane leaves tomorrow afternoon. We were going to take a cab, but do you think you could drop us off?”

“Can we take the Dodge?”

Dad chuckles and air fist bumps me. “Yeah. You can borrow it while we’re gone too, but only if you’re picking up some hot ladies.”

“Mark!”

“He knows I’m kidding.”

We both laugh
,
and Mom mumbles something again, but I don’t catch it.

“
Anyway
… we trust you, honey. Even with everything that happened with your brother, we know you’ll be okay… not throw any wild parties or anything.”

She makes it sound like I’m a saint. I smile and sling my arm around her shoulders.

“I may have game night here, but that’s it. Just a few friends, a few beers, and some condoms for the orgy.”

Dad busts a gut while Mom threatens to shove a tomato in my face.

“I told you, the boy will be fine.”

“Really, Mom. It’s not like you guys have never left town before.”

The corner of her mouth twitches
,
and Dad’s there in a second, sitting on the other side of her and grabbin’ her hand. I pull my arm off her shoulders, lettin’ him be the one to do the comfortin’ crap. She’s Mom, and I’d do it, but she has him. And I’m glad she has him. He gives me a head nod ‘cause he knows I get that.

“I just… if Gabe shows up…”

Ah, the douche brother is the problem.

“I’ll control myself.” I put my hand over my h
eart and the other out like I’m givin’ a bike signal
. “No more busted noses or sore knuckles.”

Instead of laughin’, like I expect her to, like she normally would have, her eyes get shiny before she buries her face in her hands. I give Dad a look that says, ‘What the hell?’ He’s rubbin’ her back, shushing her and shruggin’ at me.

“I just wish our family was… why can’t we…?”

Dad smirks. “All just get along?”

Her laugh comes out like a rush of air
,
and she nods. “I know it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, Mom.” ‘Cause it’s not. Our family shouldn’t be so messed up. I wish I had that buddy-buddy thing with Gabe like I used to. I even wish Mark was my real dad… okay, he’s my ‘real’ dad, but not my biological dad. And I wish Mom didn’t have to deal with it all.

“I miss having Quynn around.” She smiles and sort of nudges me. “Things were pretty good when she was, huh?”

Ah hell. This is the moment she chooses to tell me her obvious preference with the girls i
n my life? I get it. Mom and Quynn
are like family. And things
were
awesome
when Quynn
was around. But she’s not Hayley. I can’t help but think if Mom knew Hayley, she wouldn’t be shoving Quynn in my face every chance she could.

“I guess.” That’s all that comes out.

“Okay, enough of the heavy.” Dad squeezes Mom’s shoulders. “Let’s talk about the fun stuff.”

They give me a play by play on their plans this week, Dad winking at Mom every time they say they’ll be ‘sleeping’. Yuck. Basically, all I hear is they’ll have a bunch of fun together, romance and all that other junk, and they’ll be home on Sunday night. Oh, and I’m not allowed to have an orgy.

Dually noted.

My phone rings right as Dad is givin’ Mom another wink
,
and I leap up to get it.

I thought only girls get all… what do they call it? Fluttery?
Dude
, I dunno, but crazy crap jumps up and down in my stomach when I see Hayles’ name on the screen.

“You guys done makin’ those gross faces? Can I…?” I hold up the phone and they both take the hint, Dad pinchin’ Mom’s butt on the way out.

Yes, it’s gross ‘cause it’s my parents, but seein’ them together, that’s what love should be like, right?

That’
s sappy. I’m goin’ soft.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Silence. Nothing. Maybe I didn’t get to it in time.

No wait. There’s a hitched breathing or somethin’.

“Hayles?”

Nothing again. Startin’ to freak me out. I’m already headed for the car keys.

“Can… can we go to the library?” she whispers.

“Yes.” Car keys are now in my hand. Mom and Dad have already made it to their room. I’ll text them or somethin’. They probably want to be alone.

“I’m… I’m not at home.”

“Where are you?”

She gives me an address
,
and I run to the kitchen to write it down.

“I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you.”

“Hayles?”

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

Silence again. Long enough that I’m in the car and pullin’ out of the driveway before she answers.

“Could you hurry?”

Reason 19
:
Pictures of bleedin’ people don’t want to make you puke

Even flyin’ down the road at a speed I didn’t know the Corsica was capable of, I don’t get there as fast I want to. I leave the car runnin’ against the curb when I pull up, jump out and sprint to Hayles, who’s sitting drenched in the rain at some decrepit building I’ve never been to or seen, just outside of town.

She doesn’t say anythin’, and I don’t either. Just tuck her into my arms and pull her inside the car.

More silence as I climb in next to her, t
urn up the heat and get her
out of wherever it is we are.

I’m scared as hell to ask her what’s up. She’s not turnin’ on the radio, or putting her feet on the dash, or even cryin’. She’s being too quiet for Hayley, and nothin’ is coming to my mind about how to break the silence.

After a few minutes, I’m ready to slap on the stereo just to get rid of the tension in the air, but she finally says somethin’.

“Thanks.”

I glance at her before turning back to the road. She isn’t lookin’ at me. “Uh huh.”

“You don’t have to stay with me at the library if you don’t want to.”

I look at her again. She’s lookin’ at me too.

“You still want to go to the library?” I attempt a smile. “Or do you wanna try some video games at my place?”

She laughs, but not a real one. “And risk another power outage?”

I shrug. “Sure.”

Her lips press together and she looks back out the window. “Thanks, but I really just… I need to go to the library.”

I sigh, turning
onto the road that’ll take me
there. “Oka
y, but I’m not leavin’ you alone
.”

“Really, Brody, I can take the bus—”

“I’m not leavin’ you.”

I know I probably soun
d like a dick, but I’m not goin’
to just drop her off after… whatever it is that happened. She’s blushin’ and smilin’—a real one—still not looking at me, but I’ll take whatever I can.

There’s more silence during the
rest of the drive, th
e walk into the library, and then more when we go back
to the ‘dead to the world’ section. Then she breaks it by tellin’ me to save the couch and she’ll be right back.

I throw myself in the seat and kick
my legs up to take over the whole thing
so no one will sit next to me. N
ot like they would. Hayles comes back with a big fat book tucked against her chest.

She shoves my feet off the couch and si
ts cross-legged right next to me
, lettin’ me put my arm around her shoulders. She opens the book
,
and my eyes bug out of my skull.

“Uh…”

She giggles. “Yeah, this is what happens to the boys in the Amazon's Satere Mawé tribe when they become a man.”

I choke back the bile risin’ in my throat, tryin’ to be the macho man, but uh, yeah, not sure if I can handle Bullet Ant Gloves. The poor kid’s hands are so swollen and red, they could be balloon animals. How Hayles is lookin’ at this with a big grin on her face, I have no idea, but it makes me feel like a major pussy. I flip the page from the nasty lookin’ fingers.

Oh
man
. The acrophobic in me also can’t handle the kids hangin’ from their ankles by vines off of very large cliffs.

“This is called land jumping.” Hayles smiles as she smoothes the page. “It says if their head doesn’t touch the ground, it’ll be a bad harvest.”

“You mean, they have to bang in their skull?”

“Not if they’re
really
careful.” She winks and flips the page.

I take a deep breath and throw my head back against the cushion. “Okay, so why is that kid shoving an arro
w into his tongue?” And why
are you showin’ me this stuff?

Her butt slides closer to mine as she settles the book in my lap. All right, I don’t understand
what’s goin’ through her head—h
ate this picture gazing at me, but I can’t help but feel like maybe this is what she needs to fix what’s botherin’ her. To look at gross pictures and talk about crazy shit.

“Matausa tribe. They think if they get rid of the female blood in them, their mother’s blood, then they’ll attract more women and become braver.”

“Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense.”

She laughs and shrugs against me. “You’re looking green. Maybe I should put it away?”

“No.” I get it. This is what she needs. “Keep goin’. It’s fine.”

She gives me another once over, in which I try to look comfortable, then she turns the page again.

“Holy crap! That kid is naked!”

“Shh!” She’s laughin’ at me while pressing a finger to my lips.

“They have this stuff in the library?” I say under her hand.

“Yes. It’s educational. And it’s just a butt. I’m sure you’ve seen worse.”

“No.”

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Cow jumping. They
have
to do it naked.”

“How do you know all this stuff?”

Her hands graze over the page before she closes the book, leavin’ it in my lap. “I read it a lot.”

I start r
unning my hand up and down
her arm. Her skin pops
with goose bumps, and I try to hide the smile formin’ on my lips. “Why? You into bizarre stuff like this?”

She doesn’t look at me and
keeps her eyes locked on the book in my lap. “I guess life just doesn’t seem so bad sometimes when you see what these people have to do to please their parents.”

Bingo. That’s what it is
. Her damn mom. I thought it might
have somethin’ to do with the weird building and the frantic phone call.

I squeeze her shoulders
,
and her head falls onto my chest.

“Brody?”

“Yeah?”

“C-can I… can I hold your hand?”

I chuckle, don’t mean to, but it comes out anyway. I grab her hand with my free o
ne, the book clatterin’
to the floor.

“You don’t ever have to ask, Hayles.”