Authors: T Styles
Tags: #Fiction, #Literary, #Urban, #African American, #General
MAD
WILDCOLORS
The bus sounded like it would break from the inside as it maneuvered down the street. No matter how slow he drove it creaked and moaned. My book bag sat in the available seat next to me to prevent anybody strange from sitting too close. Bus rides always made me uncomfortable because I hated people and hated the way their judgmental eyes moved over me. Was I a boy or girl I’d hear them say, and I’d just pull my hat down lower. It was none of their fucking business. This was the main reason I preferred jumping out of cabs, I loved my privacy, but tonight I needed my energy to beg my girl back.
Five minutes into the ride toward Glitter’s house, a drunk wearing a dirty black coat with his toes hanging out of his brown shoes got on the bus.
“Can I sit here?” He said to me. The nigga wobbled and could barely stand up.
I ignored him.
“Scuse me. Can I sit down please?” His spit plopped on my lip and I wiped it off. Now I’m mad.
“We can’t move the bus until everyone is seated!” The bus driver yelled looking at me through the big rear view mirror.
“I’m saying, can you please move your book bag, boy?!” A ghetto bitch asked that sat across from me. “I’m tryin’ to see my boo! I’m just saying!”
I moved by book bag and he sat next to me. The bus started rolling again. The drunk smelled of alcohol and I thought about drinking the new bottle of Henny I had in my book bag. But ever since Glitter broke up with me, who I hadn’t spoken to in two days, I ain’t fuck with it.
“Where you going?” He asked trying to spark conversation.
I turned my head the other way and ignored him again.
“What…you don’t talk or something?” I could see his spit crystals falling on my jeans and I wanted to scream. He was so close to me now, I could smell everything nasty about his body.
I still wouldn’t speak. Instead I focused on the bus driver’s dark ashy hands on the large black steering wheel hoping he’d speak to somebody else.
“Well fuck it then!” He yelled, before he burped what smelled like vomit.
Getting nothing from me, he turned around to speak to someone else and she straight out told his ass, “Get the fuck out of my face, drunk! I ain’t got time for that shit! I’m going to work!”
I laughed to myself. He was mostly quiet after that. Then I tried to call my girl again but Glitter meant what she said and didn’t except my calls. Why? I mean, we beefed before but she always took me back so what made this time different?
When my phone rang I saw a strange number and quickly answered.
“Hello? Glitter?”
“No!” she giggled. “It’s me, Rocket.”
“Rocket?” I knew who she was but how did she get my number?
“Yes. You forgot me already?”
Silence.
“I knew you were drunk when you called me the other day.” She laughed again. “So how you doing?”
I leaned up and looked out the large bus windows to be sure I didn’t miss my stop. I wasn’t close so I leaned back in my seat and said, “Nothing. On the bus.”
“So were you serious?”
“Serious about what?”
“What you said to me. When you called.”
It was official. I entered the drunk zone and called a girl I hadn’t seen in months and now I was about to look stupid. And then it wasn’t just any girl. It was a girl I liked a lot at school a few months back in Texas. A girl who always smelled pretty but looked prettier. A girl who’s hair was so shiny black and long it didn’t look real, except I’d seen her scalp when she ran her hands through it. And a girl who witnessed the day I found out I wasn’t a boy, because I got my period and bled all over myself in class.
I was not about to embarrass myself again so I said, “Yeah. I’m dead ass.”
“Okay. Well here’s the number. You got a pen?”
“Uh…yeah…go ‘head.” I said grabbing a pen in my bag to write the number on the back of my bus transfer. She read off the number and I wrote every digit.
“Okay, they sell rooms for cheap in Texas like I was telling you and they don’t care how old you are. These people got like ten houses and they keep them for runaways, who are abused and stuff like that. Not saying you are but you may need the help. They’re real nice.” She paused. “My cousin Sammy is sixteen and he got one already. The room is so big and pretty, Madjesty. You’ll love ‘em!” She sounded so excited. “I’m sure of it. You just gotta find your way back here. When you’re ready.”
“Thank you.” I couldn’t believe I told this girl I wanted to move during one of my drunken escapades. “I appreciate it.” I folded the number and put it in my bag.
“No problem.”
“Hey, Rocket. Do you still mess with, Baisley? The football player?”
“Yeah…kinda, but I still think about you. That’s why I was happy when you called.”
Since I didn’t have anything to lose I said, “Even with knowing that I’m a…that people are saying that I’m…that…”
“Yes…even with you being a girl.”
She gave me all that and my only response was, “Cool.” I sounded so fucking stupid but I wasn’t expecting this call. I wasn’t prepared.
“I gotta go, Madjesty. But look…try being more forceful with your girlfriend. Girls like that sometimes.”
“Huh?”
“You said your girl playing you soft. Try being more forceful, she’ll respect that more than anything you do that’s nice. At least I do.” She paused. “Well…I gotta run. Hit me if or when you move back to Texas. Maybe we can hook up and catch a movie or something.”
When she hung up I thought about her. A lot. And I thought about our conversation. She sounded so cool and I was angry I couldn’t remember speaking to her the other day on the phone. What else did we talk about? I knew I had her number, I kept it with me everywhere I went. But I also thought I would never call her because the way I left school was a way I wanted to forget.
My heart thumped in my chest when I saw the bus approaching the building Glitter lived in. Pulling the cord to ring the bell, I got off with plans to win her back. I borrowed twenty dollars earlier from Wokie to take her to her favorite restaurant,
Fridays
if things went good between us. I wanted things to go good.
Before going in, I looked at the small red brick building in a southeast DC project. It looked kinda out of the ordinary because although all of the other buildings were run down and flooded with trash, her building had colorful flowers in front of it and the grass was the color of a green crayon. I didn’t see her mother’s car out front and I was happy about that because for whatever reason, she didn’t like me. But I did see her exboyfriend’s brother car. His name was Nook. I spotted it anywhere because it was an older model Ford with rims. Nook went to school with us and Mad Max was real cool with him. I was cordial but I never really liked him because I always felt like his brother had an ulterior motive, to tell her ex-boyfriend what we were doing together, and to take her away from me. But I never let them know my real feelings because everybody went on about how cool Nook was. Now, here his car was, sitting in her parking lot.
I stole one last look at it before going inside of her building. I could smell food being cooked and that the hallway was recently cleaned with Pine Sol. Looking up at her door which was on the second floor, I saw Nook running out of her apartment with his head down. His keys jingled in his hand and he bumped into me knocking me back a step. He was definitely in a hurry.
“My bad, man” he said passing me, before rushing out of the door. I looked at him as he disappeared. He didn’t know who I was. Didn’t even look at my face. I walked up to her door.
Standing in front of her door I took two breaths before I finally knocked. Some kid my age opened the door and he seemed irritated. Not irritated like I was bothering him, but irritated that he couldn’t finish something.
“Yeah?” He asked eating a hot dog. Mustard from it dripped on his plain brown t-shirt and silver chain. “What you want?”
“Glitter here?”
“She on her way back.” He opened the door wide. “Come in.” I walked into her apartment and looked around. It was my first time inside. The door closed behind me and I locked it. The apartment was neat in a boring kind of way and didn’t have much life. As pretty as Glitter was, I’d think it would be a bit spicier and sexier. But this wasn’t her place it was her mother’s so I guess it made sense. The large screen TV on the floor seemed too loud and it smelled like someone had recently boiled a lot of eggs. When I looked at the table in the dining room I saw a yellow bowl of eggs and figured somebody was about to make egg salad or something.
“Sit down.” He said.
I sat on the cloth brown sofa, and he sat next to me and grabbed a game remote. He looked neat enough and had an average face. But his eyes looked older than he probably was and he kept examining me. He picked up the other game remote and said, “You play, man?” “Naw.”
“Damn! Why you don’t play?”
“Where’s Glitter?” I said looking him over. I didn’t see a resemblance. Was this her brother? “I came to see her.”
“She not here.” He sat the extra remote down and played some fight game by himself. Why was the TV so loud? I wished he’d turn it down some. “So you really don’t want to play? Most dudes that come here for Glitter wanna play.”
“A lot of dudes come here for her?”
He laughed. “A rack of niggas. My sister has a lot of fans.”
“So…so that dude that came out of here is a fan?” Please God don’t let her be fucking Nook too.
“You wanna play with me? I’ll let you beat if you play with me.”
Before I could answer her mother walked into the house. She had gotten fatter than she did the last time I saw her although not real big. Shades covered her eyes and I was surprised that she didn’t even look in our direction. It’s like she knew where he would be sitting so she preoccupied herself with the purse in her left hand and her plastic bag in the right.
“Good, you boiled my eggs!” She put her purse on the table next to the door and I could see a money envelope filled with cash inside. She walked the bag into the kitchen. “I sure thought I would have to beat your ass for not listening to me. Did Nook bring my weed?”
“Ma!” He said. “We got company.”
I was surprised that this was her brother. I didn’t know she had a brother. But I knew she had a mother. And I knew she ain’t like me.
She walked out of the kitchen and shot an evil glare in my direction. “What are you doing in my house, girl?”
“Girl?” he said. “This a girl?” Suddenly the game wasn’t so important because he stared at me as if I was from another planet.
“Go to your room, Jerrod.” She turned the TV off.
Thank you! I was about to go deaf.
“But I was playing…”
“Go to your room!” He didn’t move. “Now!”
Jerrod threw the remote on the table and stomped to the back of the apartment. Then he slammed the door so hard, the remote hit the floor.
“When I finish with her I’ma come in there and bust you in the mouth. I’m sick of your shit!” She yelled to the back. “Ain’t been back but two days from that group home and already you acting crazy!” She continued looking at me.
I wondered was she talking to me and if I was supposed to respond. Now I was alone with an adult. I hated adults because every one I’d ever met, always did me wrong.
When she finished yelling at him, she dug in her purse, pulled out a cigarette and stood in front of me. When she lit the cigarette she inhaled then blew grey smoke into my face. I coughed.
“What are you doing in my house?” She took her shades off and sat them down on the table in front of me. Her fingers seemed to cross over the cigarette like a pair of legs. “I heard about what ya’ll did to my nephew at that party. Had him in the hospital for two days.”
“It wasn’t me.” I said clearing my throat before standing up. “But I’ll leave.”
She moved for the kitchen and brought out a knife.
“Sit the fuck down!” She said pointing the blade in my direction. I did. “Now I said, what are you doing in my house?” She smashed the cigarette into the ash trey on the floor. There were about ten half smoked cigarettes in the ashtray. I’ve seen it before with Ramsey, she must’ve been trying to quit.
“I came to see Glitter. But I can leave. It’s not a problem.”
“What are you, some fucking dyke or something?” She looked at my shoes and then my eyes, which were the only things she could see because my cap was so low on my head. “Well are you?”
“No.” I whispered. “I’m not like that.”
“Then what are you?”
“I’m…I’m…like a…”
“Are you a girl or not?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re a dyke.”
“It’s a long story.” I looked at the knife and the way she held it. She’d pulled knives on people before I was sure of it.
“You like to kiss girls and shit don’t you?”
“I don’t like to kiss them…I just like your daughter.”
She sat on the sofa next to me. Then she looked at me in a way that threw me off. In a way that Glitter looked at me when things were good between us. In a way that let me know she wanted to fuck. Biting down on her bottom lip she put her hand on my knee and rubbed it softly.
“Mam, I’m gonna leave now, okay?”
“Take your hat off in my house.”
“But I’m gonna leave…can you tell…”
“TAKE…OFF…YOUR…HAT.” Her words were slow but serious.
I took my hat off and placed it on the knee she wasn’t molesting.
“Now…” she paused, “How do you kiss my daughter?”
“I don’t understand what you mean?”
“How do you kiss her?”
“On the lips.” I pointed at mine. Not sure why I pointed I just did. “Or wherever she wants me to.”
“Wherever she wants you to, huh?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Show me.”
“Show you what?”
She sat the knife down in her lap and it made me a little more relieved. Then she massaged my knee harder. “I said show me how you kiss my daughter.”
This was so weird that I didn’t know what to do. Like…was she actually asking me to kiss her? She must have some camera in here and was going to use it against me. I couldn’t risk losing Glitter plus I didn’t want to kiss her. Although her eyes were like my girl’s her actions reminded me of my mother.
“I don’t think its right…”
“If you wanna date my daughter than you’ll kiss me.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I like you. I just need to know you’re good for her. That’s why I be so mad at you sometimes, because I’m not sure where you’re coming from. What your intentions are. So kiss me. Like you kiss her. And I promise everything will be cool.”
Thinking she would leave us alone, so we could really be together, I moved in for a kiss. I could smell cigarettes on her breath but there was nothing I could do. I’d already moved in and our lips connected. When her lips touched mine she pushed her tongue into my mouth like a snake and grabbed the back of my head. The tip of the knife touched my knee and I was afraid it would accidently stab me. But she was breathing so hard and so heavy, I was afraid to stop her too. The kiss lasted for a minute, maybe longer. It was so long my neck started hurting and felt stiff. Her body trembled like she was getting something out of it. Like this was really what she needed. And then she started panting heavily. Like real heavy. Like she’d just finish cumming. I think she did. I think she did cum.
When she was done, she opened her eyes, smiled and backed away from me. I awkwardly smiled back but then she frowned. The next thing I knew she slapped me. So hard that when she removed her hand I saw my mother. Not my real mother…but a flash of her.
“You dirty, dyke bitch! Kissing me and shit!” She yelled backing away from me. “Why would you do that?”