Random Acts of Senseless Violence (34 page)

It's certified that nobody got through the riot glass clear and sure enough I didn't Anne. While I sat there a cop ran up wearing his mirrorglass riot helmet and holding his club. I did nada but that was unmattered as he went by me he swung hitting me upside my head and running on. I didn't coma but I pitched and minuteslong I lay sidewalked feeling drippy warm and I wondered if I was prepping to cool permanent. I was careless if I did or not.

Soon but not too soon I felt my brain replace itself proper and I groaned up blinking and touching where I got whapped fearing what I'd find. I settled quick once I saw I bled some but not much if it had been a granny visit I wouldn't have thought twice. The cop sideswiped me and didn't skull so I lucked plain though tonight my head racks me like I want to tear it off but I can't drop pen I can't you have to know. I can't feel a split though maybe I'm healed already it's untellable. Once I finally raised I giddied and spun thinking I was going to kiss street again but no. I ached so bodywide it surprised but I could live. The copters buzzed off. Broadway was beset by roamers and blueboys and Army stompers so I hauled down the street to Columbus and then uptowned far from the mob stopping sometimes to lean against buildings. Explosions distanced and I wondered what got blown up why. Dozens crawled off my direction holding their sides and heads but I didn't see Iz and I didn't see Jude.

But I did see somebody I willed to see. Going up Amsterdam that's when I saw him Anne. Mister Mossbacher gawked along unmindful scratching his beard and it plainfaced simple he hadn't been rioted on. Once my eyes fixed him I wanted to lunge but I couldn't I pained too
much and I lacked arming anyhow. Daddy told us he homed near the store but I didn't know where and now I keened to find out. He went along and I trailed him to an old corner building and that's where he drew his keys and unlocked. Right then I had him radared and it happied me he missed the riot cause if anybody headbashes Mister Mossbacher I mean it to be me. I'm set now Anne I'm priming and prepped. Mister Mossbacher brought us down he fucked over Daddy he fucked over us all and everybody besides. There's no excusing anymore Anne it just waits for the doing. When I eyeclose I see his place and see where I be waiting for him one time real soon now.

It racks me to think on him so here I stop.

To pick up where I dropped Anne so once I recovered I homed straightaway. I had enough of Broadway so I took West End instead back to Morningside Heights. Others ideaed likewise and footed the same route you could tell them by the blood. The whole West Side updown sounded livewired with gunshots and sirens and shouts and all the effects you get up here but now they played down the length. Each cross street I eyed right seeing what scored and every block looked bad till I topped 96th. Once West End merged up with Broadway there was no scaping but it was all peace up there by then. Burned out cars blocked some lanes and a bus was crashed into the front of Sloan's at 110th but otherwise it all seemed normal. The subway had closed tight and Army boys guarded the exits there and at Columbia and at the elevated where we are. Rioters scared most stores shut it looked they'd curtained their windows with plywood like the hurricane was coming. Broadway filled with cruisers as usually but they didn't windowshop cause there was nada seeable, everybody just wandered blankfaced like they all got hit.

Before reaching it I started fearing that our building be gone but it lasted tall no worse than before. The city must have shut the bridges cause no cars traveled only Army and police on the roam staring everbody updown cruel. Most
showed worse than me so nobody closed in which pleased. Finally I homed insiding and checking round to certify all safed. It was like nothing downwent inside Anne it was plain still. I bedded myself hourslong wishing I could sleepaway wishing Mama wasn't hospitalled wishing we never left 86th. No calls from Iz or Jude so there's no saying how they did or if they viable still. That aches me but I can't dwell on bad till I be sure it's bad. They hang tough usual so that's how I keep them minded safe but somewhere else. It's nothing I can think on now I'm not set yet to be total alone.

When night came I rose refreshed and eyed my pillow where I headlaid. It spotted red but not over so, I was unbloodied finally. It stung when the water rinsed it in the shower. After I dried I started penning cause you had to know what happened today it's what they'll never tell and memories don't flypaper everything.

JULY
6

Mama called from the hospital today saying ‘Angel they tell me I can get out the day after tomorrow I'm on the mend and now they're keeping me here for observation they say but I think they just want to run the bill up.' ‘Is it all Guild payable?' I asked. ‘In theory sweetie but about cleans us out so we'll both have to stay healthy from now on' she said blurring her words and I wondered how heavy they doped her before she called.

Later Iz called. It heartened to hear her and I overjoyed listening. ‘They nailed us too' she told explaining what downwent once we split. They broke out of the crowd only a block south of where I landed. Second they curbsided cops circled round hammering. ‘You'd think young girls be safe from such but once blueboys go wilding there's no hiding away' said Iz. They whopped Iz and Jude headlong breaking one of Iz's ribs and concussioning Jude. Just like with me after they toyed they sallied on uptown slinging
their beat leaving Iz and Jude sidewalked and bleeding long with everbody else.

‘Jude squeak out saying go phone this number then she told it to me' Iz said. ‘I slump off bent over barely breathing finally found a working booth and punched in. Corporation woman answered and I do like Jude said, told her where we were and what happened. She say sit tight.' ‘What did she do?' I asked. ‘They sent a car up for us and then we hospitalled' Iz said. ‘That's true?' ‘Why wouldn't it be?' Iz asked. ‘Whose car?' I asked. ‘One a Jude's friend's company cars' Iz said. ‘Good thing too cause we was in bad shape.' Iz didn't word it direct but rethinking it I spec that limo I saw must have had them in it and it racked me Anne that I lay there painfull and they cruise past not even wondering. ‘I looked for you' I said. ‘Yeah well if you'd have stuck with us you'da got driv too what they do to you?' Iz asked. ‘Nada' I said not wanting to admit. ‘Weren't you fretting what happened to me?' I asked. ‘Sure but you were somewhere else so what was doable?' Iz asked. ‘We were both aching Lo we couldn't go looking.' ‘Guess not and you had Jude to watch over too' I said. ‘Don't be jealousing me Lo it's unreasoned' Iz said and I gave ear to her maddening but I raged too the more I thought on it. ‘Just I coulda been exed total and what'd you do or care?' I asked. ‘I'd cared plenty but if that happened it was unchangeable Lo and Jude needed me then' she said. ‘Jude could get that car too.' Well Anne that racked me total when she said that and I bit my lip bleeding it trying to keep her from knowing it did. ‘You'd driven over me too if I'd been in front of you' I said. ‘What's meant what are you talking about?' Iz asked but she'd know if she thought but she deadheaded on this one. I clicked off and when she rerang I didn't answer just let it go.

Once Mama homes it'll be nursemaid time for me again so I better do what needs to be done tomorrow I think. He needs the fear put in him Anne and I need to let it out.

* * *

JULY
7

Tonight I prepped dressing black in a shirt of Mama's and black jeans and sneakers packing Daddy's softball bat. Mister Mossbacher always stored late ever night Daddy once told hanging there till eight. On riot day he must have closed early or else homed it for lunch and it lucked so that I saw him or at least that's how I thought when I outset for him. My brain fixed on Mister Mossbacher all the way downtown I footed it cause the West Side subway's still out. By the time I reached his building it was eight coming on sunset time and I readied for it to darken deep dark.

While I waited I hid the bat alongside the stoop between trash cans then stairsat watching cars swoop past. His street wasn't much for walkers and that pleased cause I didn't keen interference. The light outside his building burned out and that heartened cause the darker the better when it all downcomes. Sitting there I photoed his puss in my head the way he cursed Daddy and Mama and lied on Daddy's paycheck and his billing five dollars and I steamed set to boil. There was no excusing what he did none nada none. Every time I heard the clipclop I eyed round but it never was him even after nine. I didn't leave though.

Bells rang ten right before he showed. I was standing curbside stretching my legs when he clumped along muttering to himself. Mister Mossbacher been out on a jog and he wore shorts and I saw his skinny ugly hairy legs. When he almost stooped himself I slid up my bat seeing he paid me no mind. He upstaired and I trailed direct keeping the bat behind me. At the door he circled round like he suspected a yoking but seeing me just smiled. Evening he said not recognizing me but I didn't spec he would. ‘Evening' I said eyeing the street. Nobody showed and no cars neither. You new in the building? he asked unlocking the door. It was an old place sans doorman and I saw through the glass nobody was halled either. ‘Yes' I said as he opened up. When he go in I stuck close and when the door shut behind I took up the bat. Which field you play on in the
park? he started to ask but he was just finishing when I swung down on his head.

Jesus no he said eyeing me like he was at a surprise birthday party. My first connect didn't raise much blood but the second hit softness and he spurted. Why who are you he said but I aced him again wanting to deafen myself. He dropped floorways and once he downed I worked his sides and legs listening to the crack crack whack. Up to then I reasoned full Anne but when I started giving double ear I went general post office updowning him again and again and again. There's no denying I was mindlost till I watched him lift his arm saying why and I batted it hard. When I eyed him full color again it sickened but there was no end to swinging till my arms tired and he was all broke up.

If anybody buildingwide heard they didn't show. Mo-mentslong I stared knowing sure I'd gone over now. Before I went down I told and retold myself I'd hurt but not ex but I lied fullface once it started there was no stopping till it was done. It all seemed in dreamtime Anne nada moved and I froze there holding the bat. The hall was all yellowy light and smelled like cabbage. It weirded me sudden that Mister Mossbacher owned a store but housed in a building like ours. What got me most was that my hands looked like somebody else's it's true when that's said. The walls were all spattery and red and I specked I was too but I was careless it unmattered. Then I circled fast to go footsliding in the blood. Rebalancing I kept from tumbling and walked out like I was going to the store. Nobody showed outside and I briskfooted round the corner and up the avenue wiping my face till my hands were red too. Ten blocks distant I spotted an uncovered manhole so I dropped the bat down hearing a splash. Then I homed full tilt blanking my mind all the while getting there by midnight.

Clock shows three thirty Anne it's when my pen looses freest once my night mind's loose but it's lost the leash now and there's no rehanding it. Mama's let out tomorrow at eleven so sleep essentials but I'm all wide eye. There's no
denying Anne I can say I mindlost but I didn't not really. Now that he's done I'm glad but still I thought I'd hearten more than this, the feeling rushed then faded out blue and now I feel low low down. It's like nada's changed but certain it has, it's so much worse. What worsens most is that if I was reweaponed and Mister Mossbacher still walked I'd do it again Anne I know I would. And if I did one why wouldn't I do another and who would I do?

JULY
8

They sprung Mama this morning and I went to meet. She looked better though tired but she smiled with full teeth all set to go. ‘My angel I'm so proud of you' she said. ‘Why?' I asked. ‘Because you helped so much getting your poor sick mother to the hospital oh my darling' she said hugging me. I still felt sticky with blood like I feel with granny sometime but now an allover feel that doesn't wash.

‘How'd they do you?' I asked helping her out and into a cab so we could home it.

‘I'm so much better now my darling' Mama said but I didn't like how she eyeshut while she worded. ‘How?' I asked. ‘Sweetie they checked with my doctor about my prescriptions and then made sure I was properly dosed, they think I must have gotten my train off the track or something' Mama said. I thought about her extra pillbottles still mattressed in my bed. ‘What's meant?' ‘I have to be more careful' Mama said. ‘They gave me shots and told me I'd be feeling much better shortly and sure enough I did.' ‘What kind of shots?' I asked. ‘Medication sweetie good medication that helps me get through the day' she said.

Now this is the root of it Anne. This certifies on one hand I be nursing from here out till she hospitals again or counts out before I can get her there. On the other hand it's chanceless she can keep us moneyed, even before she went in publishers stopped calling. If we're not going to wind up street housing then I'll have to do whatever funding
essentials to keep the bank open. I'm no burger pusher and I've got to school somewhere I guess so what's left it's either going to be yoking or taking up Jude's line if we overmuch keen on living which I still am. It's unreasoned Anne it's unfair but there's naught to do it's mapped out now. I blank when I try thinking on it but I have to now I have to. Mama stiffened on the way over so I had to unbend her gentle getting her out of the cab. She groaned and moaned but I finally loosened her up and helped her doorways. Her hair got grayer while she was in. Maybe she just needs dying I spec she does. ‘Oh God my angel what a drag it is getting old' Mama said.