Random Acts of Senseless Violence (31 page)

Then one of them ran up and shook the man's shoulder saying sergeant sergeant this is apartment nineteen. What the fuck do you mean this is apartment sixteen. No sir it's not the number slipped. ‘It's apartment nineteen and we're the Harts who do you want?' I shouted. They still held us tight but they took the guns down. Jesus Fucking Christ the sergeant said uprighting and looking around the apartment. Jesus Fucking Christ listen up stop stop it stop he yelled to the others Jesus fucking Christ let them go. When they released me and Iz ran to my bedroom and wrapped sheets around us so they couldn't fisheye us anymore. ‘Why did you want to arrest us?' I asked going over to where Mama was still lying and holding her. Iz started to come toward us but one of the blueboys grabbed her arm. She tried to hold onto her sheet but it was slipping. Not so fast the one who did the grabbing said. This ain't your sister who is she? he asked me. ‘She's my friend let her go' I said. Damn close friends this young another one said and several of them laughed and I wanted to ex every one of them then. ‘What is it with you people what are you doing to us?' Mama shouted up asking the sergeant. Look there's been a mistake ma'am you got to excuse us he told her. ‘Some mistake you nearly shot us up you fat fucks' I said and a cop aimed at me. Another one grabbed his arm though not enough to make him shoot accidentally which was good. ‘What mistake?' Mama asked. Wrong apartment the sergeant said look it happens. ‘You could have killed us' Mama said. Lady you want a safe neighborhood it's the only way to go said the sergeant come on boys.

What about her? one asked pointing at Iz who looked ready to go post office herself right then. Probable perp take in for preventative said another. ‘No one here has done anything she's my daughter's friend leave her alone' Mama said. All right that wraps it the sergeant said. What about apartment sixteen? another asked. Jesus Fucking Christ we've done enough here they'll get the picture the sergeant said turning. ‘What about our apartment?' Mama asked as
they started walking out crunching things they hadn't broke underfoot. Just like Mister Mossbacher they acted like she wasn't there. ‘I want your badge numbers' she said but none of them stopped. They left not shutting the door behind them of course. The doorknob was broken off and the door was caved in and barely hung on the hinges. In the hall they'd spraypainted
BEWARE BEWARE THE MOTTO OF A BOY SCOUT IS BE PREPARED.

Almost everything was trashed. Mama sat on the floor and starting crying without sounding and it feared me Anne she shook and wouldn't stop. We floored with her and held her until she settled. Then we took her into her room and after pulled in a chest from the living room shoving it against the door so no one else could get in. We rebedded her mattress and sheeted it fresh while Mama sat in her chair where I'd dreamed the rat crawled. ‘Do you want us to sleep with you Mama?' I asked and she nodded eye-balling us direct I guess for the first time since we were assaulted. ‘Oh God my angels what did they do to you?' she asked. ‘Nothing overmuch why what's wrong?' I asked. ‘Where are your pajamas sweetie you're naked as babies' she said. ‘It was so hot we weren't wearing any' I said helping her lie down.

Then we crawled in too me next to Mama Iz next to me. We were played out certain and all three of us were shaky scared and I couldn't sleep. I lay there thinking God God it's death in life what did we do why did it happen and finally I went coma not dreaming or anything. Come morningside the first thing Mama asked was did I want to go live with Chrissie but however bad it is here that would be worse I know. The second thing she did was medicate and then back to bed she went. I dressed and found the super Gus. He said he'd come fix the door but hasn't been up yet. He said if we're raided again we'd have to go and I told him we were faultless but he just stonefaced me like I wasn't worth hearing.

Iz and I spend so little solo time and we finally did this
happened. I fixed us breakfast that is cold cereal and we talked some. She was AO but nervestrung still and I bet she doesn't home it here any more even though last night happenstanced and nada else. She had to go and I stayed with Mama. While I've been writing she's been screaming whenever she wakes like the cops are still in the room with her. Anne the future's unknowable but I wish I knew it even if it was hateful. It's stopping time now so that's all till later. Bye bye.

JUNE
15

Mama was in recovery yesterday so we started cleaning the apartment proper finishing today. Actually I did the cleaning while she worked on manuscripts. She phoned some publishers who owe her and they word nice claiming the checks are processing there's always delays. One check she's waited on nine weeks now because the managing editor lost it on his desk and they had to redo it.

The blueboys trashed us total nearly. We can't tube anymore and Daddy's old computer got bashed too. After flooring our clothes they stomped muddy boots over them so the dry cleaner calls but there's no money for it. It's unmattered all the dry cleaners close by have bankrupted. All the stores are closing Anne no one can afford to buy they offerings and they won't lower their prices enough to match the new money. Excelsior's open still.

This afternoon I spied out the window longtime minding Iz and nobody else. I started fresh maddening cause I spec she's charged to see me like me her but she won't like she wants because of Jude. She hasn't called today. It puzzles and racks I sametime get misty and drippy when I brainfix on Iz Anne I don't know what's doable these days. It's my fault and it's not my fault I think she wants to bide with me more but maybe I dream maybe she suits Jude better maybe I'm real and they're not and that's all. But I hearten when I eye her Anne I fly off this evil world.

Last night it overheated in here way much and my hair matted and clung bugging me so till I wanted to yank it out. I didn't though I scissored it off down short it's goofed but cooler now and I got tired being a babydoll. Mama went openmouthed when she lay look and said ‘My darling angel you don't look like you anymore' and I said ‘You mean I don't look kiddy now.' ‘Sweetie you know your head if that's how you want your hair that makes me happy' she said but she hardly looked at me when she said it. I hope Iz likes it I spec she won't but I do.

JUNE
17

We got lettered from Brearley today telling the new tuition costs for September and asking us to go ahead and money them. Tuition's down from forty thousand a year to six hundred but it's the same after all. ‘Angel the one thing your father and I always wanted was to make sure you and little Boob went to good schools because it's so important' Mama said. ‘Known' I said. She was bedded again and playing with her hair twirling it around her fingers while she worded. ‘But sweetie I don't see how we can now we don't have the money to pay them it's all we can do to pay the expenses.' ‘Is that doable?' I asked wondering how behind we were getting. ‘Barely just' she said which means no. ‘Are they checking you like they ought?' I asked. ‘Sometimes sweetie but it's never enough and never on time' she said. ‘What about Daddy's royalties?' ‘They've downsized my darling and only come in twice a year besides the next aren't due until December and who knows where we'll be by then?' Mama said. ‘So I won't go back to Brearley' I said glad at first because I tired of them so but then I thought deeper and it evidenced clear Anne I'll have to go to public school. Iz and Jude say the teachers at theirs are all deadhead and nobody works and somebody's shot up every day. Plus there'll be constant dealings with other Weezies and nasty gangstaboys forever
wanting to hop and pop. I'm not going to public school Anne whatever happens.

‘Angel I don't see any way around it I just don't' Mama said. ‘That's all right' I said. ‘It's not sweetie it's not all right oh angel I hate to say it but won't you reconsider going to stay with Chrissie for a while just a while?' ‘No never nada' I said. ‘She's horrible yes but could be worse' Mama said. ‘What would you do if I went out there? You wouldn't go.' ‘No I wouldn't but I don't have school to worry about' Mama said. ‘Sweetie at this rate I think we're heading for the street I don't want you there.' ‘I'd rather be there than with Chrissie she won't even let Boob talk to us' I said. ‘Oh angel the last time I called Chrissie said little Boob was out or couldn't come to the phone I don't know what she told me but it was something' Mama said starting to cry. ‘She's tonguing false Mama it's plainfaced' I said and I know she knew but she didn't say, she boohooed loud and lay down pillowing her face. There's only so much that's handleable Anne and I limited just then so I ran into my room unable to bear and closed the door quiet behind me wishing something was doable knowing nothing was.

So it's bye bye to Brearley Anne. I can't public school it though I just can't. I'd get exed too quick there and it's living I want.

JUNE
19

Another ratty dream Anne. How it went was I was sitting with Iz in my room reading magazines like Boob and me did. Suddenly a big rat crawled over the bed. Iz looked bored but I hated the rat and taking my magazine which turned into a boot I smashed it. It lay bloodless like a little mouse after I calmed it. Iz picked it up by the tail and swung it and then she put it back on the bed tucking it in. I prepped to heave so I pulled it out and windowtossed it but it wouldn't go through. ‘Don't' Iz said and then I woke.

I wish these dreams decoded. I think I have them even when I don't remember. I told Mama about this one to see what she thought but she just shook her head with preoccupations. She was supposed to ready a manuscript yesterday but she didn't and the publisher called often as a bill collector. I eyed today's bills when the mail showed and saw a cutoff notice for the phone. Unless it's paid we won't get any calls. That's how Iz and me contact sole fifty percent of the time lately so something needs doing now.

JUNE
20

Iz and me went boosting today solo and lucked though it was close. We didn't do any buttrubbing like Jude though because Iz fears doing that and I don't want boy germs so I won't. What we did was subway downtown ankling train-long til we pegged our chicken. Iz can pick them but she was fearing I could tell. He looked middle age and wasn't little but wasn't big. We parked next to him and waited till he moved. At Houston Street he started out and we trailed close. The station was near empty and once we certified it safe we acted. I moved on him one side bumping him hard saying ‘Sorry' while Iz did the lifting. She quick worked him but he knew something upped and as she started off he armed her holding on. Iz shouted and I circled back. He looked like he prepped to hit her and I wasn't having that I lunged and jumped him and brought him down hard. His head cracked on the concrete and he was out but moving. We raced to the turnstile looking back eyeing him sitting up and once we saw he was viable we went on. Once we streeted we sped north back to Christopher.

I shook sure but not like the times before when we'd gone boosting I spec cause this time it was needed money and not just frosting. Iz though was strung wired and pissed. ‘No more a that no more' she kept saying. ‘Two's not enough three's needed and only like we do it.' ‘It essentialled how we did' I said opening the wallet. It had a hundred new
dollars Anne that's a fortune now. ‘You hear his head I know it fractured he coulda been exed Lo and then what then what?' Iz said almost yelling. ‘Shush Iz we're moneyed now come on' I said because if we'd had a dry run the phone'd go and there'd be nothing home eating but rice and beans and I can't stomach it overmuch. ‘That's bad craziness Lo. Next time you go you better do a solo yoke if we don't go boosting with Jude' Iz said. ‘Jude Jude Jude if Jude'd been with us she'd have third wheeled the take' I said. ‘If she'd been with us sure that's right' Iz said. ‘It's needed money Iz and needed now if her schedule don't suit there's nada to do but move' I said. Iz was all adrenalized so I spec that's why she raged so but when it came time to divvy she took her split just the same.

We uptowned and homed separate. She settled by the time we got back and when we byebyed we kissed like usual but not deep since we were streeted and the layabouts could see.

Fifty dollars covers the phone bill and more. When I gave it to Mama she happied full and didn't ask who dropped it.

JUNE
22

Last night Iz phoned and we talked deep. I fretted she still maddened and Anne I thought true. ‘Boosting's one thing yoking's another specially yoking for blood. If blood's called for they got to know why they bleeding otherwise it's a gone deed' she said. ‘If he hadn't grabbed you I wouldn'ta jumped him' I said. ‘You should have seen your face glow when you lit him. It feared me' Iz said. ‘That's untruthed' I said. ‘It's so' Iz said and the way she said it certified she told true. ‘But Iz if we're not moneyed we won't pass the weeks and Mama's on the slope sinking. What's optioned other-how?' I asked. ‘There always something better. Yoking like that's what gangstaboys do and you got to line the limit somewhere' Iz said. ‘Your Mama fulltime works and you get state aid anyway there's no comparing' I said. ‘They cut
the state aid and the federal aid Lo we suffering like all do. There's still other ways to money shit' said Iz.

‘Like Jude does?' I asked knowing what she uses to get her funding. ‘Jude does what Jude wants to do and she's picky choosy besides it's not like she streetwhores' Iz said and I heard her steaming. ‘That's not my way and not yours either I know that and you know it too' I said. ‘Yeah but yoking for blood's not mine either' Iz said. ‘He'da had you and he'da hurt you less I acted quick' I said almost yelling. She lipstilled a second and I feared she prepped to click but she didn't. ‘Iz you there?' I asked. ‘Here' she said. ‘I know you intended right girl but we actioned wrong from the getgo. We ran down trouble's path. That street leads direct to DCon turf, you hear?' ‘Heard' I said and softened not wanting her mad at me. ‘Forgive me Iz.' ‘Forgiven' she said. We sweettalked some until we had to get off or try to come through the phone. It rages me though still Anne I know what happened troubled her but there's no other way to bank right now. If I knew how she'd feel I'd have tried solo though because I don't want to rack her even if it costs me. I love her overmuch Anne I do and I almost did it in not even knowing or expecting. Everthing that hangs you come endtime is something you don't expect I think that's all.