Random Acts of Senseless Violence (25 page)

We couldn't stop and sit down when we got there not because there wasn't any place to sit because we could have sat on the curb but the Army wasn't letting anybody loiter. So we walked down Broadway catching our breath. It was getting dark and I was glad we weren't in the Pit anymore, I can't imagine what it must be like at night. ‘What's planned then?' Iz asked Jude. ‘Inwoodin' Jude said. ‘How can you get up there?' I asked just as a subway went by on the elevated tracks. Jude laughed and said ‘Greenasses wonder nothin's controlled enough and look. Motherfuckers let the trains roll on.' ‘You know where Weez hanging?' ‘Spec so.' ‘Is it dangerous there?' I asked. ‘Safer'n where we were' Jude said. ‘Need help?' Iz asked. Jude shook her head. ‘Gotta solo this' she said. ‘Understood' Iz said.

At 125th Jude went upstairs to the station. We waved bye without saying anything. ‘She'll be safe?' I asked. ‘Nobody ever safe' Iz said. ‘Are you feeling all right?' I asked. ‘Oh yeah Lo thanks for assisting.' ‘It's nothing' I said. ‘Shit you shut up' she said and we hugged. I wanted to go home but I didn't want to let go of her Anne I was so glad we were both safe. ‘You want to bedaway at my house next weekend? We'll have to sleep with my sister' I said. ‘She wet the bed?' Iz asked. ‘Of course not' I said. Boob hasn't done that since she was five. ‘Sound good to me' Iz said.

We walked to Tiemann Place arm in arm talking about what we'd seen in the Pit. ‘I never been there before either' she admitted. ‘Never?' ‘Round the edges like where they have the open air market but never down in the deep part.
I probably scared as you was. Were' Iz said. ‘Let's never go back' I said. ‘I still gotta getta new chain' she said and we laughed.

Iz said she'd call when and if Jude found Weezie. She hasn't called yet but I'm not surprised. Anyway that's the latest Anne. Night night.

MAY
11

Today I suddenly felt bad about hitting that guy like I did when he jumped out and put a hold on Iz. Anne what's the matter with me why didn't I think of it before now? Sure he could have hurt her and when I think about it I know I'd do it again if I had to but why did it take so long to rack me like this? It wasn't like he wasn't human or anything. I could have killed him and it took me till today to care. I still remember the sound his head made when I hit it.

That's all I just had to write it down to look at how I felt.

MAY
12

There's too much evil craziness now Anne. The chickens are roosting homeways. Tonight Boob and Mama and me were sitting in the kitchen watching TV when we heard a funny noise back in our bedroom. It didn't sound like anything scary and so Boob got up to see what it was. We've been glad that Boob's not staying in our room all the time lately like she was doing and we're so glad tonight you can't believe it.

Boob went to look and then came running back screaming ‘Look look look.' Mama and me got up and followed her back down the hall to our room. There were feathers fluttering in the air like we'd had a pillow fight. Boob hid behind Mama and said ‘Look' pointing to her pillow. There was a hole in it. I walked over and turned the pillow over and we saw a bigger hole on the other side and another hole in the wall behind our bed. There was a hole in our window
and the glass was cracked. Somebody shot our bedroom Anne. ‘My God my God' Mama said holding Boob almost squeezing her to death. If Boob had been lying on the bed like she's been doing she'd have been shot right in the head.

I started to look out the window to see where they might have tried shooting from. Across the way are the Grant houses with the elevated tracks in between. Either they shot from the Grant houses or they snuck onto the tracks when the train wasn't coming through. ‘Angel get down they might shoot again' Mama shouted at me and I ducked suddenly thinking. I couldn't believe I was so deadhead as to do that. I crawled out of the room on the floor and back into the hall. Mama was still holding Boob and we went into the living room where the windows face Tiemann Place. She tried to call Daddy at work but not only wouldn't Mister Mossbacher let Daddy come to the phone even when she told him what had happened but then he screamed at her not to ever call his employees at work for any reason.

Mama told us to sleep in their room tonight. I didn't want to sleep with everybody so I'm sleeping in the living room which is where I am now. That was the only shot Anne. I tried to call Iz and tell her but no one was home. Jude must not have found Weez yet. I know it must have been Weez who shot our bedroom Anne it had to have been. She still wants to kill me and now that she has Jude's rifle she can. I have to do something Anne and I don't know what.

MAY
13

Mama said Daddy blew today when she told him what Mister Mossbacher said when she tried calling him. ‘Angel I told him he has to quit that horrible job whatever happens he just can't keep working for that maniac like that' Mama said. ‘What'd he say?' I asked. ‘He said that's what he intends to do' Mama said. ‘But if he quits how
will we live?' ‘I don't know my darling but we will little Boob or you could have been killed and he wouldn't even let Michael come to the phone it just isn't right it just isn't' Mama said. She said Daddy was going to give his two weeks notice to Mister Mossbacher today. We'll see what happens.

Chrissie called. She and stupid Alan have moved to the hills where they're guarded by guns and electrified security fences which probably also go Warning Warning all the time until you want to scream. Mama for some reason told Chrissie what happened the other night really letting herself in for it. She said Chrissie told her that if we're murdered in our beds Mama has no one to blame but herself since she insists on keeping us here surrounded by what Chrissie calls those people. Iz is those people and I love Iz she's my best friend. I would never leave New York Anne I could tell Mama was upset when she got off but she wouldn't say anything except for what I just told you. When I tried to cheer her up she hid her face in her hands and said ‘Oh angel I know you're worrying but just go away please I can't deal with it.' I stopped trying to cheer her up.

Boob hid behind me the whole time we stood at the bus stop this morning waiting for the bus. She thinks we'll be shot any minute. I haven't told her I think it might be someone I know who shot at us. Boob blames me enough already I think that's all. Once we got on the bus Boob started crying and didn't stop until we transferred at 86th Street.

Where is Iz? Nobody answers the phone at their house. I know it's silly of me Anne but what if Weez went over and shot her and her mother. Maybe Weez is picking off everybody she's mad at. I wish Jude had a telephone. It's only Wednesday and I probably won't see them until the weekend though I'm scared deathless I might see Weez before then.

* * *

MAY
14

Too tired to write but I wanted to let you know Daddy did give notice to Mister Mossbacher. But he told Daddy that he couldn't quit. He said Daddy had to give a month's notice not two weeks so Daddy said then I quit in a month. Mama said Daddy told her that Mister Mossbacher grabbed him by the shirt and screamed at him in the store for five minutes in front of everybody and all the customers Anne and told him he was going to have to work six days every week until he quit. He also said that if Daddy quit before then he'd have to pay Mister Mossbacher the overtime salary he'd have to give other people who had to fill in for him. Daddy can't do that of course so he has to stay another whole month working till one in the morning and hearing Mister Mossbacher scream constant. That's so unfair Anne but there's nothing Daddy can do. If there's anyone I hate as much as I hate Weez it's Mister Mossbacher.

P.S.
Iz finally called me
!!! Not only is she not dead but she's going to stay over tomorrow night. No sign of Weez. Would write more but too tired Anne.

Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz Iz!

MAY
16

Weekend's here so Iz showed at six last night. Mama fixed us spaghetti carbonara. Boob kept eyeing Iz's dreads like they were alive and she expected them to bite her. ‘Isabel dear do you specialize in school yet?' Mama asked. ‘What's meant Ms Hart?' Iz asked. ‘Is there some favorite subject of yours that you study exclusively?' ‘I like English but we study what they give us' Iz said. ‘What are you studying in English now?' ‘Stephen King. Teacher likes him' Iz said. ‘My' Mama said and then asked ‘Do you?' ‘No ma'am I just use the Cliff notes when it's time to test' Iz said. ‘Who do you like dear?' Mama asked. ‘Alice Walker's all right' Iz said. I haven't read her yet but I'll have to sometime.

‘Do they shoot people at your school?' Boob asked. ‘Sometimes' Iz said. ‘Did you ever shoot anybody?' Boob asked. ‘Oh my silly angel what sort of question is that to ask our guest?' Mama said. ‘I been shot at but they missed' Iz said. ‘Me too' said Boob. She'd been all right until then but after she said that she got nervous again. Mama and Boob like Iz a lot which makes me happy.

Last night I told Iz what happened. She doesn't think Weez shot our bedroom, she thinks it was just random. ‘My Uncle Steve he walking through the park one day get hit in the chest with a rifle bullet' she said. ‘Some deadhead be doing his target practice and catch him. Uncle Steve live, doctor called him luckiest man in New York. Mama say some luck going walking through the park and get plugged in the chest.' That frets me even more Anne that somebody we'd never ordinarily know could shoot us and we wouldn't even see them. If Weez shot us at least it would be for a reason.

After we ate we went outside to meet Jude who'd finally found where Weez went to hide. ‘This week I call her house twice, both times her mama badmouth me bout it bein my fault Weez asshauled streetways' Jude said. ‘She gone weeklong now. I run down Mico last night, worked him some. He spill once I did my convincin.' ‘She still in Inwood?' Iz asked. ‘Weez move downtown. Boy she used to bump with, he quartered in Loisaida now. They shack-in.' ‘She still armed?' Iz asked. ‘Till I catch her she is. Mico gettin me their address tonight, I get it tomorrow. Time to go visitin once that's got' Jude said. ‘Tomorrow night?' Iz asked. Jude nodded. ‘You need associates?' Iz asked. Jude nodded. ‘No good catfootin solo downtown. Meet me here seven thirty. We skylark' she said. ‘Mico say how Weez is?' ‘She a DCon now' Jude said.

The three of us stood there not looking at each other. Maybe it's unreasoned but I felt bonecold and I think they did too. A subway train ran overhead and we dodged the bolts falling loose from the tracks. They rained iron on the
cars parked under. ‘You gonna be up my way later?' Jude asked. Iz shook her head. ‘Mama not curfewin you again is she?' ‘No' Iz said. ‘Iz homing with me tonight' I said. Jude stared at Iz hard not like she was really mad but surprised. ‘I didn't say?' Iz asked Jude. ‘Don't recall' Jude said looking at Iz. ‘Jude don't personalize you clicked off before I could tell' Iz said. ‘Understood. I see you tomorrow night. AO?' Jude asked. We nodded and she turned around and walked up Broadway.

‘Why's Jude so nervestrung?' I asked Iz as we went back to our apartment. ‘Weez mostly' Iz said. ‘Like I say they lifetime close. Weez bound to flip one day and now she has, Jude not taking it well. Jude, she too optimistic about people she know deep.' ‘What's meant?' I asked. ‘She always think they gonna do as she say constant that's all' Iz said. ‘Will it be dangerous tomorrow night?' I asked. ‘Stick round me when we cruise. Be all right.' ‘Jude is upset with me over Weez isn't she?' I asked. ‘Jude she overall upset right now. Once they done confronting we go on from there' Iz said.

Since Boob is still sleeping with Mama and Daddy Iz and I got to bed alone. Mama went into her room at ten thirty. Boob was already tucked and Daddy didn't home it until one thanks to deadhead Mister Mossbacher. We opened the sofa bed and put fresh sheets and pillows on the mattress which is lumpy but better than Jude's. It wasn't as hot as it's been but we took off our clothes anyway. Mama left the hall light on so Daddy wouldn't have to radar when he homed in so it was dark in the living room but light enough we could see each other's faces when we talked and kissed. Anne it was so nice just lying in bed with Iz holding and petting each other like kittens. If I closed my eyes it was like I was touching myself but I wasn't I was touching Iz which is a weird feeling but good. Maybe I am queer Anne but if I am it's not awful that's all.

We were still awake when Daddy came home. When the door opened we stopped giggling and playing and got real
still pulling away from each other. We lay there like we were exed not moving until he came out of the bathroom and went into their bedroom. He snuffed the hall light and then it was dark dark except every once in a while helicopter lights came through the windows. We rolled back together but just talked in whispers because if we'd started goofing again Daddy might hear us and come back out.

‘Why didn't you tell Jude you bedding here tonight?' I asked. ‘Jude upsets easy I thought it might rack her overmuch' Iz said. ‘Why?' I asked. ‘Hear Lo Jude and me we been girls together since I come here and now you and me together sometimes too as well as hanging' she said. ‘She's not jealous is she?' ‘Don't think so but I don't do Jude's thinking.' ‘Will she hate me more if she's jealous?' I asked. ‘She don't hate you but she love me' Iz said. ‘I love you too Iz' I said not surprised I said it but mindlost over what she'd say. She held me tighter and rubbed her face against mine. Her dreads were scratchy but nice.

‘You're lovable' I said. ‘You too' she said. ‘Jude won't upset?' ‘Weez be aching Jude now nada else. Don't fret' Iz said and then asked ‘How you know you love me?' ‘I just do that's all' I said. ‘You mean like you love Cheryl?' Iz asked. ‘Different I think' I said. Anne I really do I love Iz like I loved Katherine or Lori but more so. It's almost like I love Boob but different. I don't know how much she still loves me now that she's scared of me because I'm queer but she's my sister constant whatever. ‘You think or you know?' Iz asked. ‘How do people know they love each other really?' I asked. ‘If they bed together and nobody die, that's love' Iz said.