Rainbow High (16 page)

Kyle felt like an electron, bouncing from one overheard conversation to another, propel ed toward Jason’s locker. Unfortunately, once he got near, he could only glimpse the top of Jason’s curly brown hair. The rest of him was mobbed by chattering girls.

“When are you going shopping with us?” A girl with braces laughed, while another mentioned two boy bands, asking, “Which do you think is cuter?”

This wasn’t exactly what Kyle had expected, even though most of his own female friends had become closer after
he
came out.

Al during morning classes, every time Kyle heard a girl gossip about Jason, he longed to whisper back, “I’m his boyfriend. Yep, out of al the guys in the world, he chose me.”

But he knew Jason wasn’t ready to let the whole world know about them. He understood that Jason needed to come out at his own pace.

Nevertheless it was kil ing him to sit by invisible. Maybe at lunch they’d have a chance to talk.

But even in the cafeteria crowds of girls surrounded Jason.

“Don’t they have anything better to do?” Kyle grumbled to Nelson.

Nelson gave a mischievous grin. “A little jealous, are we?”

“No!” Kyle said, stabbing his spoon into his chocolate pudding.

He watched as two of the school’s biggest, loudest homophobes approached Jason’s table.
Uh-oh.
Kyle dropped his spoon. Was there going to be a fight?

He stared in disbelief as the guys actual y shook Jason’s hand, wedging themselves into the packed harem of a table.

“Am I seeing things?” Kyle asked.

“Hmm . . .” Nelson scratched his chin. “I’ve got it! Where are the chicks?”

“With Jason.”

“So . . . where are the guys who want the chicks heading?”

“But those guys hate gays!”

“Jason’s stil a jock.” Nelson shrugged. “Being a jock trumps being gay.”

“What about me?” Kyle protested. “I’m a jock.”

“Nah, swimming’s different. Besides—nothing personal, but you just don’t have that whole spit-and-scratch-your-nuts charisma.” Kyle watched as Jason laughed with the homophobes. He handed Nelson his pudding spoon. “Just gouge my eyes out, please?” The GSA meeting that afternoon total y focused on Jason and how wonderful his announcement would be for the group.

As Ms. MacTraugh guided the discussion, Kyle sat silent, chomping on his lip.

He hadn’t yet told her about Jason and him being boyfriends. When the meeting ended and she asked him to stay, he wondered if she suspected.

“How are you doing?” she asked. “You look a little troubled. How are things with the swim team going?”

“Fine. I just shower when I get home. It’s no big deal. I’m okay.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Just okay?”

Kyle averted his gaze, unwil ing to confide about Jason. “Yeah. I got my acceptance letters—you know—to col ege.”

“That’s great news! Congratulations. Where to?”

“Wel ,” Kyle said, “to Tech ...”

“That’s a good school.” Ms. MacTraugh smiled, then her brow scrunched up. “And any word from Princeton?” By her tone, Kyle could tel she was prepared to console him.

“Um,” he mumbled, “I got accepted.”

“Kyle!” Ms. MacTraugh beamed. “That’s fantastic! Why didn’t you come and tel me?” She grabbed his hand, shaking it vigorously. “How exciting! Your parents must be so proud.
You
should feel so proud!”

“I do.” He smiled uneasily. “Except, um . . . I have a boyfriend now.”

“Oh?” Ms. MacTraugh’s expression transformed from glee to surprise. “I see. ...” Kyle glanced down, blushing. His legs were swinging nervously off the side of the desk. “The problem is . . . he’s going to Tech.”

“That
is
a problem,” Ms. MacTraugh nodded.
Finally,
an adult understood him.

“The thing is . . .” Kyle sat up. “I real y, real y like him. Mom says I can see him at breaks, but I don’t want to see him only at breaks. I want to be with him. Did you ever feel that way? Like you’d burst if you couldn’t be with someone?”

“Oh, yes.” She nodded and added softly, “It sounds as though you like him a lot.”

“Yeah!” Kyle nearly shouted.

“And what’s he say about your going to Princeton?” Ms. MacTraugh asked.

“He thinks I’d be crazy not to go. But what if he forgets about me?” The words surprised Kyle, even as he spoke them. He’d never voiced his fear aloud. “What if he meets someone else?”

“Wel ,” Ms. MacTraugh said, “that might happen even if you both went to the same col ege. If you love someone, you have to trust them.”

“I trust him,” Kyle said quickly.

But as he walked home, he kept thinking about what Ms. MacTraugh had said.
Did
he trust Jason?

Al during dinner Kyle watched the clock, calculating what time the late bus would’ve gotten Jason home from practice. Not only had Jason not looked for him the entire day at school, but he hadn’t phoned when he got home either.

As Kyle shoveled down sweet potatoes, his dad asked, “How are classes going?”

“Fine,” Kyle said, not wanting to talk. In order to pre-empt another question, he added, “And no I haven’t decided about col ege yet. I’l let you know when I do.”

His dad gave an exasperated glance at Kyle’s mom, who merely sighed.

After dinner Kyle grabbed the cordless to take to his room.

“Oh, Kyle?” his mom said. “I need to make a cal before you use it.”

“But Jason might phone.”

“Don’t worry.” His mom smiled. “I’l let you know if he does.”

Kyle tramped up the stairs. In his room he dropped a stack of books onto his desk and turned on the computer. It was just as wel if Jason
didn’t
cal . He had a load of homework to do anyway.

But instead of sitting at the desk, Kyle rol ed his chair in front of the aquarium. He sprinkled some flakes onto the bubbling surface and watched his fish crowd around the food. The image of Jason surrounded by girls popped into his mind.

Jason’s popularity had never bothered Kyle before. That was one of the things Kyle liked about him. But he’d never expected Jason to become the god of freshman girls.

Jason’s whole bisexuality thing worried Kyle. He could understand it intel ectual y, but in practical terms, it simply wasn’t part of his experience.

In the aquarium, one of the fish hung apart from the group, not eating. Kyle hoped he wasn’t sick.

His dad tapped on the doorway. “Mom’s off the phone. She said to tel you Jason didn’t cal .”

“Thanks,” Kyle grumbled, stil watching his fish.

“By the way,” his dad asked, “how’s he doing?”

“Jason? Fine.”

Kyle should’ve left it at that. But for some reason he swiveled his chair around. “He came out to the team. Within about sixty seconds the whole school found out.”

“Oh?” Kyle’s dad tossed the cordless onto the bed. “What’s been the reaction?”

“Al the girls seem to love him for it.”

His dad scrunched up his face, like he didn’t understand.

Kyle considered explaining it, but decided his dad probably
still
wouldn’t get it.

“It’s a big step for him,” Kyle continued. “A big risk, too, since he might lose his scholarship.” His dad adjusted his glasses. “So he might not go to Tech?”

“Yeah,” Kyle said.

His dad stared blankly at him. “Kyle, you’re too smart
not
to go to Princeton. Especial y when you don’t even know if Jason wil end up going to Tech.”

“Dad, I don’t want to talk about it.” He turned back toward his aquarium and stared at his fish.

“Don’t pass this up,” his dad insisted. He walked up behind him and laid his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “You have such a tremendous opportunity,” he said softly. “Don’t toss it aside.”

“Are you through?” Kyle asked. “I need to study.”

His dad’s hand lifted. Kyle heard him sigh. Then he watched his dad’s reflection in the aquarium glass as he left the room.

Just when Kyle final y cracked open his books, the phone rang. Kyle jumped for the receiver. His heart thumped wildly, but—

Better to let it ring a second time. He didn’t want Jason to think he was sitting around waiting for him to cal .

The instant the phone stopped ringing, Kyle pushed the “answer” button. “Hel o!”

“Wha’s up?” Jason said.

“Oh, hi,” Kyle said nonchalantly, trying to slow his breath down. “How’d it go today? You were like a rock star with the babes al over you.”

“I know.” Jason laughed. “Where were they when I was straight?”

Uh-oh. Was Jason reconsidering?

“I had a good talk with Debra, too,” Jason continued. “This whole thing has been awesome. I just wish I hadn’t waited so long. I never thought I’d be able to stand in front of a group of people and tel them. I was sure I’d never be able to show my face in school again.” Kyle had never heard Jason talk so excitedly about himself—not even about basketbal .

“Can you believe,” Jason continued, “I’ve gotten notes shoved through the slats of my locker from people tel ing me I’ve given
them
courage?”

Kyle swiveled back and forth in his chair, listening. He felt buoyed by Jason’s exuberance and yet, at the same time, increasingly agitated.

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Sure.”

“Are you stil attracted to girls?”

After a moment Jason answered, “I guess so. Why?”

Kyle braced his foot against the bed, so that his chair stopped swiveling. “Do you think you might ever, you know? ...” Kyle wasn’t sure how to finish. And did he real y want to hear the answer?

“Might what?” Jason asked, his voice serious.

“You know.” Kyle swiveled in his chair. Did Jason real y not know what Kyle wanted to ask? “That you might ever want to be with a girl again?”

“Kyle . . .” Jason heaved a long, loud sigh. “I think I’ve got enough to deal with right now. Why are you even asking that?”

“I’m sorry,” Kyle said, even though the lack of reassurance only served to unsettle him further.

“That’s okay,” Jason told him, and geared back into exuberant mode. “I’m stil worried what Muel er wil say, though. Al day long I kept expecting him to cal me down to his office. But you know what? I don’t care. I feel like a lot of good is going to come from this. You know? I feel like, whatever happens, I’ve made a difference. Did I tel you I talked to Debra? Oh, yeah, I told you already. Here I am babbling. Tel me, what about you?”

“Um . . .” Kyle thought about his day. “I talked to MacTraugh. You know, about everything going on. Then I got into an argument with my dad tonight. He won’t let up about Princeton. He says I’m too smart not to go there.”

“That’s what I told you!” Jason said.

That wasn’t what Kyle wanted to hear. He’d hoped Jason would sympathize with him, not with his dad. For the first time ever in their relationship, Kyle wanted to get off the phone with Jason. “I better get back to my homework,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jason agreed. “I need to get to bed soon too.”

After hanging up, Kyle stared at the phone, trying to understand what he was feeling. Something was changing. Jason was changing. They were both changing.

He thought about what Nelson had asked—about needing someone and feeling needed. As Jason came out would he stil need Kyle?

Kyle slunk down in his chair, feeling the hol ow ache in his stomach. He had no desire to study. Al he wanted was to crawl into bed.

He turned to shut off the aquarium light. But what he saw made him want to cry. That lone fish was floating on the surface, bel y up. “Oh, great.”

Jason hung up the phone, a little baffled. Why was Kyle acting so weird, asking him if he was stil attracted to girls? Why was
everyone
acting so goofy?

First his teammates kidded him in the showers because he wasn’t interested in them. Then al those curious girls fussed and fawned over him in the hal s.

Then there was Debra, whom he’d cal ed the night he’d come out. He’d expected her to be angry again, but instead her voice rose with concern.

“You okay? Can I come over?” She arrived within minutes. “How did the team take it? Did anyone say anything? What about Dwayne?”

“I’m not scared of Dwayne,” Jason assured her. “I can take care of myself. Besides, everyone was fine.” He related the entire story and she calmed down. Then he told her about Andre and Odel kidding him. Somehow, that led her to ask, “How’s it going with you and Kyle?”

Jason shifted uneasily. Was he ready to talk to her about that?

Debra’s brow knitted up. “Jason, I’m afraid something’s going to happen to you.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. AIDS!”

From whom? Virgin Kyle, who’d confessed to never even having made out with anyone else in his life? Not likely.

“Kyle does
not
have AIDS,” Jason said firmly.

“You don’t know that,” Debra insisted.

“Yes, I do. Trust me. Kyle does not have AIDS.”

Debra gave him a hard look, her blue eyes glistening. “I swear, Jason. If anything happens to you ...” Her concern made Jason wish he
could
talk to her about Kyle—about how it felt when Kyle wrapped his arms around him, giving him a strength he could never admit he felt himself lacking; or about the night he cried with Kyle, wiping each other’s tears, and how he felt a closeness he’d always yearned for with another guy; or about how they laughed over stupid guy stuff, like each other’s stinky sneakers.

Maybe one day he’d be able to tel Debra al that. But for now the best he could manage was, “I like him a lot.” With those words, a wave of sadness overcame him. “I don’t know what’s going to happen though, if I go to Tech and he goes to Princeton.” Debra sat up in surprise. “Kyle got accepted to Princeton?”

“Yeah. But he hasn’t decided if he’s going.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” she asked.

It embarrassed Jason to admit it was because of him. “Because he’s being dopey.” Debra gave Jason a knowing look.

He averted his gaze, blushing. “What about you?” he asked, trying to change the subject. “Are you dating anyone?”